• Published 14th Oct 2012
  • 12,065 Views, 511 Comments

Deadpool Vs. Equestria - Live Light

The Merc With A Mouth finds himself in Equestria. This'll take some getting used to.

  • ...

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Issue #5: Royal Canterlot Business: Part 2

Deadpool looked around as he was carried back to the throne room. He then had a look at the guards who were dragging him... they looked like Barney the Dinosaur and his 42-times removed cousin, Arbyen, who was coloured pink and barfed rainbows.

[Definitely Pool-O-Vision.]

{Are you sure? I can see this happening to us...}

Deadpool was dragged to the center of the throne room, and was now sitting. He shuffled 180 degrees to see Princess Celestia behind him, glaring daggers.

"Oh, hai." Deadpool said.

"What exactly was going on through your mind when you brutalised that unicorn?" Celestia demanded.

"About four things... Firstly, Oh, wow, I'm attacking an apparent criminal. Secondly, I seem to be protecting Pinkie Pie, despite only knowing her for about an hour. Thirdly, TASTE THE RAINBOW... despite me not having a rainbow cannon. Four, Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein. Finally, I'm hungry, I need to eat something."

"Hospitalizing a criminal does not make it right. And that was five things, not four."

"Firstly, yes it does, we heroes and vigilantes and anti-heroes and mercenaries, of which I am the latter two, do it all the time. It's literally the only effective way to do it. Except... the heroes just do the punchy-punch-punch, the other people thrust into the main character role do the punchy-slash-shoot-stab-maim-violate-badass-matrix-I'mcomingElizabeth-Ohlookaturtle-ARGH-punch-punch... So... Fun!"

"How is it in any way fun for them?" Celestia asked.

"Why would punishment be fun for them? They're breaking the law, aren't they?"

"I recall you saying you were a mercenary-"

"AM a mercenary." Deadpool insisted.

"Well, that just makes it worse. If you're a mercenary, does that mean one could hire you as their own soldier?"

"Not only that. I do assassinations."

"Which we do not tolerate, due to the unnecessary violence."

"Ya can't spell assassin without sin. And twice the ass."

{Wow. Where have we heard THAT one before?}

[Hey, wait a minute, isn't ass a profanity? Deadpool got away with swearing!]

{He didn't actually.}

[Er. Yes. He did.]

"You use donkeys in assassinations where you come from?" Celestia confusedly asked.


That's my line.

[Continue the story. Now.]

Gonnae no dae that.


Just... gonnae no. Anyway.

"...Err... ... ...what do you call a behind in here?" Deadpool asked.


"...Forget it. It probably doesn't use the letters required anyway."

"...The point is..." Celestia began, "We're deeming you too dangerous to stay outside of confinement."

"No you're not." Deadpool weirdly said back.

"We are, actually."

"No you're not."

"What makes you think that?"

"The Author can just make this all go away."

No, Deadpool. I can't.

"Why not?"

Because if I do that, we stray too far from the story.

"But you're making it up on the spot!"

I am. But if I made them willingly let you go, then people will get confused.

"Are you just making this conversation go on longer than you have to just so you can use more words than you equillibrally need to, despite the fact that it may cause people to randomly go out of character and most definitely say things that are so complicated they wouldn't willingly do that in such an ecumenical matter that they would be forced to keep saying stuff help me I can't breathe..."

{Dude. Shut up. I know your 22nd chapter of your other story is still an average one, despite the amount of thinking you're doing, but this is going on long enough.}


*Knock* *Knock*

"We're in the middle of an important meeting, come back later." Celestia said.

"I can't come back later." Came Pinkie Pie's voice. "Me and Fluttershy have a proposition!"

[Did you say that just so you could make Flutters importa-]

Stop talking to me. Anyway, Celestia's eyes dimmed as she gave in.

"Come in." She reluctantly said.

Deadpool shuffled 180 degr-

[Everyday he's shuffling?]

Shush. He turned around 180 degrees while sitting down, to put it in a non-exploitable sense, as the doors opened. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy walked in. Deadpool narrowed one eye as he examined the situation.

"U-um... hello, Princess Celestia..." Fluttershy began. "I um... thought of an idea... to... well... make our guest less dangerous..."

"Before I hear this, I would like to ask, Fluttershy... how did you get here so fast?" Celestia asked.

"I ran and brought her over here as soon as you dragged Wade rather roughly!" Pinkie intervened.

"That was a few minutes ago, Pinkie. How did you accomplish this under a small amount of time?" Celestia inquired with a raised eyebrow.

"I have an emergency method of getting places fast. Never doubt the party pony."

{Makes sense in a way.}

[No it doesn't.]

"...Very well..." Celestia said. "What is your proposition, Fluttershy?"

"Um... well, we could always... allow him to stay in Ponyville... and... see if he can learn from us and... be a bit kinder?"

{Are you serious? Is she serious?}


"I'd refuse if I could." Deadpool said.

[Why can't you refuse?]

"The cuteness." He muttered.

"I'm not sure about this decision, my little ponies." Celestia said.


Shush you.

"Don't you worry, Princess!" Pinkie said. "We're be able to take care of ourselves if he gives us any trouble!"

Celestia furrowed her brow. "Very well. Be careful around him, please."

"We will!" Pinkie said, appearing next to Deadpool, and dragging him away from the castle, with Fluttershy following.


When the three got outside, Pinkie yelled, "TAXI!"

A chariot coloured yellow, with black and a white checker tiling on it appeared, being pulled by two healthy looking stallions. The three entered the chariot, and the chariot began the course to Ponyville.

*5 minutes later*

Deadpool looked around. He was sitting between Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy.

[Always surrounded by the ladies, apparently.]

Hey, shut up.

{Who the hell are you?}

I'm Deadpool. Well, his thought box anyway. I need a way to talk to you idiots without getting the attention of the girls.

{Very well.}

[Ask her out.]

Which one?

[Who do ya THINK!?]

{Could be anyone.}


No. Absolutely not. You are not going to do this to Fluttershy.

{Why not?}

She's sensitive.

[Anything else?]

She's technically taken. By my OC in my other story.

{...Is this your other story?}

...Well, no... but if I make Deadpool and Fluttershy a couple when I already have Live Light and Fluttershy as a couple, I'll probably keep doing it and end up obsessed.

{You kind of already are... you're overprotective on Fluttershy on other fics. We've seen your comments.}

I... shutup.

"No." Deadpool said out loud.

"Huh?" Pinkie said.

"I'm saying what I'm thinking, that's all one can do, I guess. So... what will we do when I get back?"

"U-um... well... first..." Fluttershy began, "I thought you could live with Pinkie for... maybe a few days... then with our other friends... except for Rainbow Dash... she lives in the clouds..."

"Why?" Deadpool asked.

"Well... she's a pegasus..."

"So are you. So why aren-"


"...I forget. Anywa- I just realized..."

"What?" Pinkie asked.

"Didn't you say you had an emergency escape-route-thingy?"


"So... why aren't we using it?"

"It's broken!"

"...Oh. Since when?"


"...Wait... then... how did Fluttershy get here so fast?"

"Well, remember when I left you for a few seconds while we waited for the chariot that would take us to Canterlot to arrive?"


"That's because the Author skipped 5 minutes ahead."

"Author?" Fluttershy asked.

"Ooohhhh, right." Deadpool said, the two possibly insane characters avoiding Fluttershy's query for the sake of her sanity.

"Well, I asked Fluttershy to help should things go a bit south, and Twilight agreed to teleport Fluttershy there! So, if anypony was asking, she would say she was here to go to a flower shop!"

"Um... You know I don't like crowds... I could have just said I was there to pick you up... Which I did..." Fluttershy said.

"Okie-dokey-lokie! So, anyway, yeah. Here we are, in a chariot!"

"...Yeah." Deadpool said. "Fun."

"Yep!" Pinkie said.

[Ask her-]

{If she's mad at you for being a murderous, raving lunatic.}

You had that coming, Yellow Box.

"Hey, Pinkie." Deadpool began. "You're not mad at my attempt to defend you... are ya?"

"Nope! Sometimes it takes a psycho to beat a psycho!" Pinkie happily said.

"Oh. Cool. Well, I feel much better now."

"Cool! So anyway, yeah. Here we are, in a chariot!"

De ja vu, much?

[Just go with it.]

"...Yeah." Deadpool said. "Fun."

To be continued in the next Issue!

{So then, Author, how is your chapter word length going?}

That would be an ecumenical matter to be discussing, Father.

{I'm not your father.}

That would be an ecumenical matter to discuss in detail. Suffice to un-ecumenically say, Father, I am ecumenically pretending you are ecumenically an ecumenical priest of ecumenical proportions.

{You've been watching too much Father Ted.}


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