• Member Since 29th May, 2024
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

All Lyres for Lyra


I don't play lyres, but I have hands.

E

This is purely slice of life. Cover drawn by me. :ajsmug:


Friendships come and go, and for me, what once was a great time faded into nothingness. These days I sit around at home, doing nothing but living off the inheritance that my parents left for me. Sometimes, I turn to My Little Pony, reminiscing about the golden years of youth, when friendships and innocence flourished with glee.

I wish for a bit of magic. Something that can truly brighten up my life for years to come.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 27 )

 I've watched parts of Gen 5, but I didn't really enjoy it as much as I had hoped. The movie was pretty good, though, like many others, I did doubt Sunny's transformation into a pseudo-alicorn initially, but it grew on me the second time. Tell your Tale was fun to watch, but lacked sustenance. Make Your Mark was... Let's not talk about that.

Awww
Hey it was alright to me
But yeah g5 is not as good as g4
But its neat

I wish for a bit of magic. Something that can truly brighten up my day for years to come.

Ask and you shall receive your blessing from the harmonic field

Really wish you could have done without the amnesia angle. I get that they were panicking, but amnesia is overused and a bit lame.

Inevitably, Hazel is going to encounter Applejack, and then the amnesia angle is going to blow up in her face.

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G4 is that wonderous blessing that comes only once in while, similar to ATLA.

love this! please continue

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That's the plan :)
new chapter hopefully tomorrow

Thanks for the chapter.

I already love this 🥲

Ooooooh, another Human becomes an Alicorn story? I'm immediately interested.

TFTC. Watched.

'Well, you just started learning magic, right? Or relearning magic, though I've never known of any unicorn who has forgotten how to use magic."

She could say that she wasn't a unicorn. Heck, just say Hazel was an earth Pony.

Well, that was a pityfest if I've ever saw one.
I dunno, I dislike the amount of worship protag shows to the characters they might be meeting soon. Didn't sound fun to look up to their future interactions.
Funny, middle aged deadbeat with depression who wishes for change but doesn't wish to change anything themselves.

Oh, man, in this day and age, really wished for something a bit more clever that this. This, is just as cliche as it goes. Worse still, Twilight is not acting in character. She is an easily excitable suspicious curious overthinker, and this Twilight just accepts everything as it goes.
Tbh, halfway through the chapter I lost focus and started making up dialogue myself.
Really should have come up with something more believable.
Well, at least writing style is not bad.

Keep up the story telling my dude!!

TFTC. Message to Celestia next now that Spike is here?

What could I ever do?

"I can try teaching you how to at least levitate things. Every unicorn should be able to do it."

but I gotta do what you have to to do to keep secrets secret.

It's still my favorite location in the show.

Mine is the Crystal Empire.

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I agree, I'm hoping this story gets a lot more fun and lighthearted but this first chapter doesn't inspire confidence. The prose is overly dramatic for what is just a depressed adult. Yeah, depression sucks and makes everything else feel awful, but at the same time "bones crumbling" and "the golden years of youth over" is excessive for a 32 year old.

It could work if the protagonist grows and their thinking changes, shifting the prose from this overly dramatic stuff to something more optimistic. I'd like to believe that's where the author is going with this, but the grammatical errors and other structural issues don't scream "intentional artistic choice" to me.

There's a lot of other descriptions that don't feel natural but aren't excessively dark or broody. And reading ahead to the next chapter, some of the dialogue feels clunky. I think the problem with the descriptions is coming from the author wanting to spice things up but overdoing it. And the problem with some of the dialogue seems to be half writing something slightly out of character and half the actions not supporting the characters' words.

That said, if All Lyres For Lyra reads this, I don't want you to be discouraged or take it personally. I just want to see stories be the best that they can be. You should keep writing and trying to improve. Feel free to message me if you want editorial help.

> MC thinks they are the protagonist

This could go either great or terribly! Only time can tell!

Thanks for the chapter.

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Thanks for the feedback, I'm not really a writer myself. I'm only just writing for the fun of it since I have a lot of spare time for the time being.

That said, I definitely agree with all your points, especially with the wonky dialogue, which I should fix sometime.

I like that Hazel doesn't have a cutie mark, yet. And I love the art you did for your cover. This is a good start of s story, and am eager to see where you go with it,.

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Though today, this general sentiment is more common among those of us in our 30s. It's a bit too real for me, but I'm not going to douse the artist for expressing their feelings. And yes, sometimes these things can improve and grow with the writer.

Reason #2 for the name change isn't really valid, since Riley is a unisex name (and one that's favored for girls over boys at that).

I took a big gulp of water, the glass held up with nothing but magic. A cold, refreshing gulp it definitely was, washing out my thoughts and keeping me in the moment, and not to forget, rinsing out some of the residual sweetness from the cupcakes that was still lurking in my mouth. No wonder Discord wanted that small glass of water...

Heheheh
...I FEEEL A SOON- nah im not gonna be that way
Harmony may be powerful but I can also control myself

In reality, I just forgot about the cutie mark when I was initially drawing the cover...

...well i guess you could say that the NARRATIVE said she must be blank!
...or should i say he since he is a male in his mind
Eh Things to think about

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