I don't play lyres, but I've got hands.
This is purely slice of life. Cover drawn by me. 
Friendships come and go, and for me, what once was a great time faded into nothingness. These days I sit around at home, doing nothing but living off the inheritance that my parents left for me. Sometimes, I turn to My Little Pony, reminiscing about the golden years of youth, when friendships and innocence flourished with glee.
I wish for a bit of magic. Something that can truly brighten up my life for years to come.
Page generated in 0.156 seconds
Total duration
764 users online
439,732 hits today, 1,753,072 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Awww
Hey it was alright to me
But yeah g5 is not as good as g4
But its neat
Ask and you shall receive your blessing from the harmonic field
Really wish you could have done without the amnesia angle. I get that they were panicking, but amnesia is overused and a bit lame.
Inevitably, Hazel is going to encounter Applejack, and then the amnesia angle is going to blow up in her face.
11925172
G4 is that wonderous blessing that comes only once in while, similar to ATLA.
love this! please continue
11925670
That's the plan :)
new chapter hopefully tomorrow
Thanks for the chapter.
I already love this 🥲
Ooooooh, another Human becomes an Alicorn story? I'm immediately interested.
TFTC. Watched.
She could say that she wasn't a unicorn. Heck, just say Hazel was an earth Pony.
Well, that was a pityfest if I've ever saw one.
I dunno, I dislike the amount of worship protag shows to the characters they might be meeting soon. Didn't sound fun to look up to their future interactions.
Funny, middle aged deadbeat with depression who wishes for change but doesn't wish to change anything themselves.
Oh, man, in this day and age, really wished for something a bit more clever that this. This, is just as cliche as it goes. Worse still, Twilight is not acting in character. She is an easily excitable suspicious curious overthinker, and this Twilight just accepts everything as it goes.
Tbh, halfway through the chapter I lost focus and started making up dialogue myself.
Really should have come up with something more believable.
Well, at least writing style is not bad.
Keep up the story telling my dude!!
TFTC. Message to Celestia next now that Spike is here?
Mine is the Crystal Empire.
11926306
I agree, I'm hoping this story gets a lot more fun and lighthearted but this first chapter doesn't inspire confidence. The prose is overly dramatic for what is just a depressed adult. Yeah, depression sucks and makes everything else feel awful, but at the same time "bones crumbling" and "the golden years of youth over" is excessive for a 32 year old.
It could work if the protagonist grows and their thinking changes, shifting the prose from this overly dramatic stuff to something more optimistic. I'd like to believe that's where the author is going with this, but the grammatical errors and other structural issues don't scream "intentional artistic choice" to me.
There's a lot of other descriptions that don't feel natural but aren't excessively dark or broody. And reading ahead to the next chapter, some of the dialogue feels clunky. I think the problem with the descriptions is coming from the author wanting to spice things up but overdoing it. And the problem with some of the dialogue seems to be half writing something slightly out of character and half the actions not supporting the characters' words.
That said, if All Lyres For Lyra reads this, I don't want you to be discouraged or take it personally. I just want to see stories be the best that they can be. You should keep writing and trying to improve. Feel free to message me if you want editorial help.
> MC thinks they are the protagonist
This could go either great or terribly! Only time can tell!
Thanks for the chapter.
11926950
Thanks for the feedback, I'm not really a writer myself. I'm only just writing for the fun of it since I have a lot of spare time for the time being.
That said, I definitely agree with all your points, especially with the wonky dialogue, which I should fix sometime.
I like that Hazel doesn't have a cutie mark, yet. And I love the art you did for your cover. This is a good start of s story, and am eager to see where you go with it,.
Holy moly
11926950
Though today, this general sentiment is more common among those of us in our 30s. It's a bit too real for me, but I'm not going to douse the artist for expressing their feelings. And yes, sometimes these things can improve and grow with the writer.
Reason #2 for the name change isn't really valid, since Riley is a unisex name (and one that's favored for girls over boys at that).
Heheheh
...I FEEEL A SOON- nah im not gonna be that way
Harmony may be powerful but I can also control myself
...well i guess you could say that the NARRATIVE said she must be blank!
...or should i say he since he is a male in his mind
Eh Things to think about
So .. what's the plan when Applejack, the pony who literally cannot be lied to comes in asking questions? Or when Luna looks at their dreams? Lying in the first place was a dumb choice.
Not bad, first chapter is a little maudlin, second chapter feels a little cliche. The lying about the name is a little… not weird but feels kind of at odds with the character, especially if he knows as much about Twilight as he claims particularly if this Twilight knows about the Mirror. Because the lie will come out, Applejack will know somethings up and Celestia will just have so much more experience dealing with lies. Still, we shall see where it goes.
Está buenísima la historia 😃
11928371
Indeed
Perhaps thats part of the story!
kinda odd he gave no correction about him being referred to as her unless I missed something he is a male alicorn right .. also was it fanon that male alicorns are unlikely to ever occur or something like that?
Edit: never mind just noted the mare in the summery somehow skipped it likely due to the MC being male as human I think
11925379
At least he's lying.
But WHYYY? The only thing you need to leave out is MLP.
It was the opposite for me. I just can't stand TYT's animation style. And this is coming from someone who enjoyed Pony Life.
Why did you put one quotation mark when someone is talking? It’s supposed to be two?
11940979
In british english (and variants like australian/NZ english), single quotation marks are used for dialogue. American english uses double quotation marks for dialogue. You can (hopefully) tell by the spelling and grammar I'm writing in british english
Hope that explains it
TFTC. Crashing arc coming soon.
11941299
Okay…
oh god no.
Damn
Completely neutral about their gender
Well true im pretty some would be like "oh cool"