Shenanigans
The Cutie Mark Crusaders' clubhouse was bustling with activity, the three young fillies within having just completed a very successful Nightmare Night out.
"W-whoa! What a haul! Going out as a team really makes a difference."
The orange pegasus, Scootaloo, stared down at the mountain of sweets in the center of the group. A stream of drool was flowing down her chin, which promptly came back after she wiped it away with a foreleg.
"Ya think anypony else got as much as we did?" The yellow earth pony, Apple Bloom, asked her fellow crusaders as she poured the contents of her own Nightmare Night sack onto the center pile.
"I don't think so," Sweetie Belle, the snow white unicorn shook her head as she added her own hoard to their stockpile. "Maaaaybe Pinkie Pie?" the filly considered as she evaluated their accumulated collection of various treats. "She usually gets enough to feed a small village for a week."
"She doesn't count," Scootaloo reached for a candy, but was immediately shooed away by Sweetie Belle, a soft smack from her hoof the orange filly's reprimand. "ACK! REALLY SWEETIE!?" The pegasus rubbed her stinging hoof, a frown on her face as she glared at the unicorn. "She makes her own sweets... and she buys some of them, too."
"That's true." Apple Bloom agreed with a nod of her head.
"Anyway, that's not important right now," Scootaloo pointed down at the pile. "How're we gonna split this up evenly?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Hello, Twilight. How are you doing tonight?"
"I'm fine. Thanks for asking. How about you?"
"Can't complain. It's a really nice night out."
"Luna did a good job for her special night."
"Yep. So I've just got a quick question for you. What's your favorite candy?"
"My favorite candy? Wellll, I don't really eat many candies to begin with. That much sugar is bad for anypony, but I guess if I had to choose one it'd be... Milky Way Midnight?"
"You don't sound very confident."
"Well, dark chocolate is a little bitter, but it's abundant in caffeine and that helps me a lot on late nights when I'm up studying for an exam. Plus, it's lower in sugar than milk chocolate. That's good too!"
"So... mostly logical reasons and very little to do with the way it tastes..."
"YEAH RIGHT, YA EGGHEAD! WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOUR FAVORITE CANDY IS! TELL THE TRUTH!"
"Rainbow, can you keep it down? I'll be with you in a-"
"Wha...? Is that Rainbow Da-"
"NERDS!!! HAHAHHAHA!!!"
"R... RAINBOOOOW DASHHHH!!!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"How 'bout we just separate it into three equal piles?" Apple Bloom suggested.
"Sounds good to me!" Scootaloo used her forelegs to greedily pull more than half the pile to herself.
"Now hold on just one cotton pickin' minute, Scootaloo!" Apple Bloom was already on her hooves, a righteous fury on her face. "That ain't fair! That's way too much!"
"That's way more than an equal pile, Scootaloo." Sweetie Belle frowned in disappointed disapproval.
"Fine, fine." Scootaloo pushed the part she'd taken back into the main pile. "Well, then how do you guys wanna do it then?"
The three fillies sat in silence for several minutes, each contemplating a possible solution to their problem.
"What if we just each pick a candy one at a time until we have our own pile?" Sweetie Belle broke the silence, making a mostly reasonable suggestion... mostly. The others were quiet for a second before Apple Bloom made an astute observation.
"Sweetie... that ain't the worst idea, but..." She began pointing at the candies with her hoof.
"There are like... thousands of candies here." Scootaloo finished for her friend. "It'll take us hours to do it like that."
"Do you guys have a better idea?" Sweetie Belle sighed as she reached into the pile to choose her first treat.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Okay, Dash. Since you were soooo excited to voice your opinion, what's-"
"You wanna know what my favorite candy is, right? That's easy! Skittles, of course."
"Why am I not even a little bit surprised?"
"What did you think it would be? The maker was smart enough to design them around me, after all. And that slogan! What a visionary! They're the best, bar none."
"Ugh. Of course they are."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Why are you only getting Skittles?" Sweetie Belle asked the pegasus who'd taken her fifteenth small packet of multicolored candies.
"Why wouldn't I? They're the best! Bar none." Scootaloo was already eating from one of the packets with gusto.
"They're alright," Apple Bloom grabbed another Caramel Apple Pop from the pile. "Just cause they remind ya of Rainbow Dash don't make 'em the best, Scoots," she chuckled.
"You're one to talk, Apple Bloom," Scootaloo stared at the earth pony with a doubtful expression. "That's a loooot of Caramel APPLE Pops you've got there."
"That's cause apples really are the best," Apple Bloom patted her growing pile of pops adoringly.
"Nuh uh."
"Yuh huh."
"Nuh uh!"
"Yuh huh!"
"NUH UH!"
"YUH HUH!"
...
"SWEETIE BELLE!?" the pair shouted in unison as they angrily turned toward their unicorn friend. "WHICH IS THE BEST!?"
The unicorn was bug-eyed, leaning backwards so as to avoid the pair of headbutts she would have most certainly received had she not moved to dodge them.
"I uh..." she lifted a Kiss with a hoof. "I like these."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Can't believe I had to come all the way out here just t-"
"PLEASE GO AWAY!!! NO SOLICITORS ON NIGHTMARE NIGHT!!!"
"I just wanna know what your favorite candy is, Fluttershy."
"Oh, uhm, my favorite candy? Well, I've never really thought about it before... I suppose I'd pick... Peeps."
"You actually like eating those marshmallow abominations!?"
"What!? No! I would never eat them, they're far too adorable. They remind me of the cute little chicks I take care of from time to time."
...
"Et tu, Fluttershy?"
"Oh... did you mean which I like to eat? I'm sorry..."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"They're romantic," Sweetie Belle smiled as she added the treat to her pile.
"Ugh! Really!?" Scootaloo sat back down with a huff.
"Yeah, that's a really lame reason to like a candy, Sweetie Belle," Applejack also took a seat.
"They taste really good too!" The two fillies looked at their friend in disbelief. "And... AND there's almost a kabillion flavors like caramel, strawberry, and cherry!" They continued to stare at their raving friend. "WHATEVER! I LIKE THEM!" she popped one of the candies into her mouth and chewed it enthusiastically. "AND SO DOES MY SISTER SO-BLEGH!" she stuck her chocolate covered tongue out at the other two ponies in defiance.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Good evening, miss Rarity."
"And a good evening to you as well, darling."
"Might I ask such an elegant mare a simple question this fine Nightmare Night?"
"Such a flatterer... ask away."
"Do you perchance, have a favorite candy?"
"Oh darling, that's quite an easy question to answer. I simply adore Kisses. Sweetie Belle and I have spent many a late night together sharing secrets and enjoying a bowl of them together. And honestly, who wouldn't want to receive a kiss?"
"A fair point, as well as a fine choice. And your preferred flavors, if you don't mind?"
"Hmm... our favorite flavors? Sweetie Belle raves about the ones that contain almond. Not I, far too crunchy if you ask me."
"And what about yours?"
"Mine? While I do enjoy the white chocolate, I would have to say I lean a bit more towards cherry cordial. The texture and sweetness are exactly where I want them to be and-"
"Ya gonna stay here chattin' all night, Rare?"
"OH! Forgive me, darling. I am doing a bit of rambling. My apologies."
"Think nothing of it."
"I will leave you to your work. Have a splendid rest of your Nightmare Night. Ta-ta!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The trio was sitting around their hoard, each picking a candy from the pile, one at a time without saying a word to one another. As Apple Bloom shuffled the pile around in search of another pop, Scootaloo made a comment.
"I'm pretty sure you got em all, Apple Bloom." The orange filly pointed a hoof at the collection of almost a hundred Apple Pops next to the earth pony.
"I think ya might be right, Scoots," Apple Bloom blushed as she ended her search and selected a jawbreaker, adding it to her pile.
"Those hurt my teeth," Sweetie Belle giggled as she went to pick out another Kiss. "I don't have the patience to keep them in my mouth and always end up trying to bite them before I should."
"Big Mac really likes 'em." Apple Bloom shrugged. "I've seen him eat a single one allll day while working on the farm."
"They do last a long time," Scootaloo was having the same issue as Apple Bloom, all of the bags of Skittles resting next to the pegasus. "Darn."
"Why not just get the M&M's?" Sweetie Belle suggested with a lifted hoof when she noticed her friend's dilemma. "They're the same as Skittles, aren't they?"
The looks of horror that came to the faces of the young pegasus and earth pony as they slowly turned toward their compatriot were truly filled with fright.
"Are... are ya real, Sweetie?" Apple Bloom reached a hoof out to try and verify that her unicorn friend was, in fact, not simply a figment of her imagination.
"What!? They're basically the same thing!" Sweetie Belle declared, thoroughly confused by the reaction she was getting.
"Have you ever even eaten a candy, Sweetie Belle?" Scootaloo stuck out a tongue in disgust as she returned her attention to the collection of sweets.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Howdy Applejack!"
"Well, howdy yerself, friend! What can I do fer ya?"
"I just got a quick question, if that's alright with ya?"
"Course it is, shoot!"
"What's yer favorite candy?"
"Well, golly, this might actually surprise ya a little, but y'know them chocolate covered oranges?"
"Nah, there ain't no way that's yer favorite!"
"Sure as shootin'!"
"But... but yer an Apple."
"Lotsa ponies forget I got Oranges as kin. Pears too. I do love apples. I really do, but I like other fruits too."
"That... makes a lotta sense, actually."
"It sure does. 'Sides, there ain't really no good apple candies. I still can't understand how AB likes those apple caramel lollipops. BLEGH!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Guess these'll have to do," Scootaloo reluctantly grabbed a packet of SweetTARTS and added it to her pile.
"OH COME ON! YOU ONLY PICKED THOSE CAUSE THEY'RE JUST LIKE SKITTLES!" Sweetie Belle shouted, beside herself, especially considering that was the reason she'd suggested the M&M's in the first place.
"Yeah... so?" Scootaloo was genuinely confused by her friends irritated outburst. Apple Bloom giggled at the obliviousness of her orange compatriot. "THIS IS TAKING WAY TOO LONG!" The pegasus bellowed in anger.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Where is sh- OH! STARLIGHT! HEY, STAR-"
"Excuse you, what do you want?"
"Huh? Oh! Hey Trixie, I was actually hoping to talk to-"
"To somepony like you, that's the Great and Powerful Trixie."
"Someone like m-?"
"NOW! Trixie already asked you once, what do you want!?"
"I was gonna answer you before, but y-"
"HURRY UP! Trixie doesn't have all night!"
"I just wanted to ask S-"
"Hey you! It's great to see you! I thought you'd be too busy tonight to visit me. What's... Triiiix... you're not giving my friend a hard time, are you?"
"They're your friend, Star? Why didn't you say so? Any friend of Star is a friend of the Great and Powerful Trixie! ...R-right?"
"Sure, Trixie."
"So, what brings you here on this wonderful Nightmare Night? Paying your favorite school counselor a friendly visit?"
"Actually, I just had a quick question, if that's okay with you?"
"Sure, I don't mind! What did you need?"
"I wanted to know what your favorite candy was."
"Trixie's favorite candy is Trix."
What?
"...What do you mean, Trix?"
"Trixie likes Trix. They're delicious."
"Trix... that's a... that's a cereal."
"...Oh yeah... you're right, Star. Hmmm... Let Trixie think."
"Aaaanyway... I guess I'd say Sour Patch Kids."
"Those are... really good, Starlight. I don't know anyone who doesn't like them."
"Yeah... yeah, they are. Thanks."
...
"Well, I'm gonna... I'm gonna go. Got a long trip ahead of me."
"O-okay. Where are you heading this late?"
"Ugh... Canterlot."
"So far!?"
"Got two more ponies I gotta ask. I better get going, I'll see you later, Starlight."
"Y-yeah. Have a safe trip!"
"See ya later, Trixie!"
"W-WAIT! TRIXIE LIKES
POP ROCKS! TRIXIE LIKES POP ROCKS!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The three fillies had been totally overcome by exhaustion. A night filled with traveling all over Ponyville coupled with their long session of candy picking had drained all three fillies of their strength. Sitting together in the small circle, they'd gradually built up their piles of candy, a single piece at a time.
After three long hours of bickering and "serious" consideration, each filly had slowly lowered their own head onto their pile of candy, the makeshift pillows drawing each into a deep slumber.
"Course they're here."
Due to their absence, Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash had gone in search of their sisters, finding the trio sleeping comfortably on the floor of their club house. As the three mares collected their siblings to take them to the comfort of their homes they noticed the candy all over the floor.
"What should we do with all this candy?"
Unfortunately for the CMC, each filly had shifted in their sleep, causing their piles to spread around and become mixed with the original pile, as well as every other pile.
"We can leave it here for them to sort out tomorrow. It's far to late to do anything about now."
Rarity used a telekinesis spell to collect all of the sweets into a single large pile.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Ugh... Can't believe I came all the way here just t- AH! Your Highness! Your Majesty! I finally found the two of you!"
"Greetings f- wait a moment. Did you travel here all the way from Ponyville!?"
"Kind of stupid, huh? I figured you'd be over there, but I guess not."
"We were, but on Luna's special night we tend to move about between towns. Many ponies to see. Much to do. I'm sure you understand."
"I do, Your Highness. The duties of a princess are a truly terrifying thing."
"Too true. Nevertheless, what brings you so far at such a late hour? Obviously a pressing matter, no?"
"Actualllly, no, Your Majesty. I just wanted to know if the two of you had a favorite candy."
"...For such foolishness?"
"Y-you... for such... Fine. It's fine. You're already here, there's no point in dawdling on something that's already done."
"Surely they deserve some sort of correction, Celestia."
"On your special night, SIster? Tonight is supposed to be a time of celebration and joy, not punishment."
"...Very well, Sister. You are correct. Thank Celestia that you shall be getting off "scot free" as they say, young one."
"Thank you, Your Highness. And you as well, Your Majesty."
"Do not let such a thing happen again."
"Of course, Your Majesty."
"Now then, I've got some bad news."
"Bad, Your Highness?"
"I don't really eat candy. I never have. I do enjoy cake pops, though. That's close enough to satisfy your curiosity, right?"
"That's... uh..."
Never thought I'd get such a Trixie-esque answer from Celestia.
"How are you the more relatable princess, Celestia?"
"What is that supposed to mean, Luna?"
"It matters not. I tend to enjoy-"
"It's not my fault you're a little weirdo..."
"Errr maybe it's not the best idea t-"
"Do not fret, young one. It'll take more than Celestia's foalish little taunts t-"
"Moon-butt."
"...Sun-butt."
"Uhm... y-your favorite, Princess Luna?"
"Milky Way Midnight."
"OH! ...Really?"
"Is there a problem? You sound as if that surprises you for some reason. Did you expect something foolish like my sister's answer? Something like Moon Pies?"
"Actually... no. It's just, that's Twilight Sparkle's favorite candy as well."
"Oh it is, is it? Do you hear that, dearest sister? It seems as if your most faithful student and I share the same favorite candy."
"What of it, little sister?"
"I guess I'm a bit more relatable than I initially thought."
"Oh, Luna. You're such a goof sometimes."
"Perhaps. But a relatable one."
"The most relatable. And I wouldn't give you up for the world, Sister."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Can't believe they made me stay in Canterlot. At least the beds are comfy and b- AAHHHHHHHHH!"
"SHHH! SHHHHHH! IT'S JUST ME! IT'S JUST ME!"
"Puh-Pinkie Pie!? Are you trying to give me a heart attack!? How'd you even get all the way over here?"
"Balloon. Anyway, what the hay? Why didn't you ask me what my favorite candy is? I've been waiting for you ALL NIGHT!"
"UGH! Pinkie, I don't have to ask you."
"Wha... That's not very nice! Why not!?"
"Because I already know your answer. EVERYONE already knows your answer."
"Oh reeeeally? Why don't you tell me what it is then, if you're such a smarty smart smartpants?"
"You don't have one. You could never pick a single candy."
"Bzzt! Bzzt! Nope, you're totally wrong! It's actually cotton candy... Oh, but I really do like candy apples too..."
"Those don't cou-"
"OH! But there're Snickers, too! And Butterfingers! Oh! And Warheads! It's too hard! I can't pick just one!"
"Yeah, that's what I-"
"GUMMI BEARS! WHAT ABOUT LUCAS! OR TWIZZLERS! DON'T FORGET LICORICE! OH! OH! AND TAFFY! TOOTSIE ROLLS?"
10 Hours later
"...AND STARBURSTS! AND MIKE AND IKE! AND SNOWCAPS! AND TWIX! AND KIT KAT! AND GOBSTOPPERS! AND THREE MUSKETEERS! AND..."
"Has she been in here all night?"
"Yes, Your Highness."
"...And she hasn't stopped talking once?"
"No, Your Highness... no she hasn't."
"Huh... I see... Well, good luck with that."
"No! NO! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE WITH HER! PLEASE! PLEASE!!! CELESTIA!!!"
"...AND HOT TAMALES! AND AIR HEADS! AND RUNTS! AND DOTS AND RED HOTS AND SWEDISH FISH AND SPREES AND SMARTIES AND..."
"CELESTIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just a silly little fun one for Nightmare Night. Also my first shot at comedy. Hope you enjoyed it.
Also, have some thematic Byun Baekhyun.
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The fact that you wrote an entire story about Halloween Candy without taking the easy path and dunking on Candy Corn shows some real restraint.
11727528
That was the most difficult part of writing this lol.
Staring at the page and thinking:
Don't talk about candy corn! Don't talk about candy corn! Don't talk about candy corn!
11727670
That Smithers part. Love it!
At times i cant tell who is talking to who
11727894
A fair point. It was deliberate. Honestly, it was even more vague in the initial draft. I had each pony that wasn't the CMC remain unnamed and was going to use only dialogue to distinguish between the other characters.
I scrapped that and moved to naming pretty much everyone.
The Starlight, Trixie, main character part is just supposed to be a confusing mess. In fact one of the jokes was taken out because it was simply confusing. This part here...
Originally said...
"Trix... that's a cereal."
The joke being the reader doesn't know if Starlight is saying Trix as in Trixie's nickname or Trix as in the cereal IE Starlight can't believe that Trixie gave such a ridiculous reply or she's just reminding her friend it's a breakfast cereal.
I was going to keep the sisters vague too, but even then I decided to clean it up a bit.
For the Trixie part Starlight refers to Trixie as Trix except to clean up that joke.
For the sisters part Luna talks with a bit more elegance and less edge and Celestia is pretty blunt. Also the main character refers to Celestia as Highness and Luna as Majesty.
Thank you for reading and commenting!
11727904
That can only go so far without sacrificing clarity though
11727917
Oh, I agree. However, clarity is a bit up to the reader sometimes as well. How about this, what might you suggest? Or where exactly did I lose you?
11727927
Story still fun just that really. Just add on whos actually talking. Clarity from a reader shouldnt really be used on unless you are doing some thriller or mystery or calling onto a subtly of dialogue or scene. Not on who is asking someones favorite candy just for the sake of it.
11727978
Well, therein is where I'm struggling. If you mean non dialogue in the parts where it isn't the CMC it kind of kills the theme of those parts being only dialogue. I even went off that a little with thoughts towards the end. I guess what I'm asking is, where are you not understanding who's talking? I assumed it was at the Trixie part because like I said that was the vaguest and the easiest way of "fixing" that would be to add in "said Trixie" "said Starlight".
11727984
That was it. Mainly one the parts without the cmc cause at first it seemed random. Thats my only complaint really
11727986
Alright. Starlight/Trixie part is rewritten as best I could while maintaining the jokes.
Let me guess. Spike likes Rock Candy or Ring Pops.
11728212
i get the rock candy but why ring pops
11728231
It's kind of like jewelry and Spike likes Diamonds
11728298
right ok i see now.
11728212
Good choices. But when I was going to write him in he was gonna say he just prefers gems, lol.
the fuck kind of phrase is 'cotton-picking'? i made a double take there because i thought you made a racist - not calling you one - joke there
11728380
Huh... you learn something every day.
Never looked into it. Southern drawl I heard in cowboy movies and the like before.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cotton-picking
Not a racist so I never knew. Guess I'll change it to be less offensive.
11728382
oh, i didn't mean it like that, i doubt anyone would get offended by it - just hilarious in hindsight - only got confused since i've also never heard that phrase beforeedit: LMAO nevermind, just read what you linked, i am cackling so hard right now - i had no idea that it was exactly what i thought it was - what the fuck did you think it meant?!
11728386
Like I said, heard it millions of times in old cartoons and cowboy movies.
I'm old lol. Heard it a million times. Also I'm a Mexican, I don't really think of things in racist terms that way.
Well AB, she is real, but she’s also an android made of cobalt and silicone, hence why she is being so dense.
11729445
HA! It was a processing malfunction!
fitting image i took of my scootaloo toy the other day
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/160097058261303296/1168606312440008814/IMG_2609.jpg?ex=65526070&is=653feb70&hm=b8215cdda4a5b9b8affb29bd64e852622e24ffa459797853410a176ba543fe7c&
11727528
but candy corn matches with the cmc's colors
11737912
OMG! PERFECT! That made me laugh harder than I should have.
Thanks for checking out my story!
11728380
Have you ever heard of cotton candy? It looks like cotton, except that it's candy and you can eat it. And you pick it off a stick, but it's still candy and not actual cotton. It's usually pink, but sometimes comes in different colors, too.
So what could Applebloom have possibly meant with "cotton-pickin' minute"? Oh, yeah, she was talking about black slaves picking cotton.....
This is a story about sharing candy on Nightmare Night. The context is clear. Just because Applebloom's a farmer doesn't mean that her saying "cotton-pickin' minute" is offensive. And if you really read a rascist reference into this (you do, but I say "if" because it is so surreal and absurd that you really read it like this in, again, a story about sharing candy and when there is a candy that's literally called cotton candy), you should spend a considerable amount of time thinking about various meanings of phrases, context mattering in a functioning society and the importance of creative phrasing in storytelling. And spending less time (or better, none) in those parts of Twitter.
11728382
Please change Applebloom's phrase back to "cotton-pickin' minute". There is no need to be so woke about this. It's very clear what is meant here, in the context of the story. But changing phrases and sentences to appease people who get easily triggered because they have no understanding of context nor ability to apply context to something they read is doing actual harm to the craft of storytelling. It limits the ways how something can be creatively expressed in a story.
"Cotton-pickin' minute" was a much more creative choice than what you have in the story now. And it made, because of its reference to cotton candy, the story significantly funnier than the dull replacement of "gall durn minute" that Applebloom is saying now.
Please don't sacrifice good storytelling in favor of appeasing an absurd ideology that witch-hunts for rascist terminology and bring back Applebloom's original phrase instead.
11765262
That is a compelling argument. Changed.
11765299
Oh, thank you so much! You have no idea how tired I am of the logic-defying mindset that comes with that ideology. I'm so glad you're making a decision for the creative quality of your story here.
11765306
Thank you, for commenting and for making your voice heard.
I try to follow logic as best I can and your comment was very logical.