Why is this big ass mosquito in my house?
Anon was awoken from his sleep to a crashing sound coming from downstairs. Not knowing what was going on he decided to go investigate but as he walked out of his room, and turned to walk down the stairs he stopped in his tracks. There was a pony at the bottom of the stairs at least that's what he thought, but when he got a better look it was that damm bug queen She was smiling at him with a grin, Anon knew she had something planned.
"Hello human."
"What the fuck do you want bug queen," Anon said in an annoyed tone.
Queen Chrysalis would just scoff, "How rude You know my name it is not bug Queen it is Chrysalis and you should address me as such."
"Yeah, whatever you overgrown cockroach." As Chrysalis heard this her temper would rise but she would decide to cut to the chase.
"Well human I have come up with a new plan to take over the ponies and you are a part of that plan so I have come to coerce you into joining me or I could always just mind control you" Chrysalis stated a smile coming across her face.
"Ok here is the thing fly I don't feel like doing any of that so I will ask you this in the kindest way possible. Get the fuck, out of my house bitch."
"How dare you talk to me in such a way! I guess I'll just have to" but she would be cut off by Anon.
"No here is what is going to happen you will leave my house and my property or I will be forced to run your fade"
confused Chrysalis would just reply with a "What?"
"What I mean is if you do not leave my house in the next 60 seconds I will come down these stairs and beat on you so hard that you will wake up in the hospital with the ponies you hate so much showing you pity," Anon said in a threating tone raising his hands up
But Chrysalis would just chuckle at this "You think you can take me on human don't make me laugh your vague threats don't scare me. and you have no magic I would wipe-" but she would not be able to finish the sentence as Anon quickly rushed down the stair's anon punching her. The queen would stumble back surprised that he decided to hit her, and not to mention the hit he just threw was pretty hard she actually felt the pain of it.
"My my human you might not have magic but that hit did hurt quite a bit"
"Yeah so you know I am not playing around, I told you once I will tell you again. Leave my house"
"No no no I don't think so now I have to get revenge on you for disrespecting me like that." As Chrysalis said this she would charge at Anon. Anon would quickly dodge, and Chrysalis would come to a halt turning around she was met with a couple of punches. She would push the human away regaining her bearings, And as Anon was pushed back he would regain his stance taunting the queen.
"Come on you big ass mosquito! Come get this 2 piece combo, no sauce included" Anon would charge at her and start throwing more hands but the queen would start dodging every one of them and as she kept moving out of the way of his attacks she would conjure up a magical sword slicing down at anon but he would quickly react to this by moving out the way.
"You crazy bitch you trying to kill me!"
"Honestly no I still need you, but if this keeps going on I just might!" Chrysalis would keep swinging her magical sword but one of her swings would be off and Anon took that mistake as an opportunity he quickly threw a jab and immediately ran to his kitchen to look for a weapon the bug queen following behind him. As he got to the kitchen he took the nearest thing he could find, and as the queen turned the corner ready to strike she was hit in the chest with a metal pipe.
"Yeah that's right want some more you 4 legged spider" As Anon said this we would go for another swing, and another, and another but he would lose grip of the pipe as he hit her another time. Seeing that he was distracted by just losing his weapon Chrysalis quickly spun around, and as Anon took notice of this it was already too late he knew he was in for a world of hurt because he would be bucked in the ribcage sending him flying into a wall. He knew for sure that she had broken some ribs but his pure adrenalin pumping through his veins made it feel like it was nothing, he got up he looked at the bug queen face to face and he knew he had to end this fast.
Charging at her they would be locked in a hold but Anon would get the better of her and punch her repeatedly after a couple more punches he would put all his strength into 3 final attacks. He spun around roundhoused and kicked her in the face, she was in a daze the bug queen now started to stumble. He then gut-punched the air from her lungs disappearing in an instant, and before she could even drop to the ground Anon finished her off with an uppercut to the jaw knocking her out.
Anon's heart was racing and his adrenalin was starting to go away, with the little strength he had left pulled the bug queen to the front door.
Twilight Sparkle was walking down a path to a house Anon's house as a matter of fact. he had forgotten something at her house and she decided to go give it to him she hoped he would not be sleeping at this time but that was the least of her worries because as she got closer to the house going up the steps to the front door, the door would slam open and a black figure would fly past her hitting the ground behind her.
She quickly looked back and was shocked at what she saw. "Chrysalis!" she shouted be no response from the queen of the changelings not to mention she had looked like she had just got beaten up. Twilight quickly spun around and saw Anon at the front door he also looked like he had been beaten up, so she quickly put two and two together.
"Oh my Celestia, Anon are you okay!?" Twilight asked in a concerned voice.
He would look down at Twilight saying "I guess but you should be focusing on Bug Queen over there I demolished her. And to think that Celestia lost to her, heh."
Twilight looked back only to see that Chrysalis was now gone. "Where did she go?"
"Who knows Twi all that matters is that she should not mess with the human Anon," He said confidently. "But uh... Twi can you take me to the hospital she did a pretty good number on me. The adrenalin is gone now and I am in a world of hurt, I am also pretty sure some of my ribcage bones are broken." He said with hurt in his voice.
"Oh shoot! Alright Anon, I will teleport us to a hospital" She then took Anon in her magic and teleported them both away
Luna was sitting by her sister's side for another day of day court when a scroll appeared falling on her for some reason instead of Celestia. Lina had presumed it was from Celestia's ever-faithful student Twilight Sparkle, Celestia had asked for the scroll but Luna insisted she read it first and she was glad she did because she started to burst out in laughter.
"What is so funny Luna" Celestia questioned
"You need to read this it's too funny" As she said this Celestia garbed the scroll with her magic and she would roll her eyes at what she read.
Luna would then tell her sister. "How are you going to let the human call you out like that, You lost to Chrysalis while using your magic but the human anon beat her with hoof-to-hoof combat, and the fact that he said you had a skill issue was icing on the cake." As Luna finished she would continue to laugh hysterically, and Celestia would just toss the scroll away.
Aint no way this story about anon throwing hands got featured. đź’€
but thank you for it 8/30/2023
(Just ran my stuff through Grammarly my shit had mad Error's 
so I fixed it, we good now. 8/30/2023) :)
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Why not
The concept is Funny but I feel like the execution of it could be better
11680132
thanks for the feedback I am still kind of new to writing fanfic but rn just doing these fics for fun
Decent smack talk from Anon, but I'm disappointed by the absence of 'Horsefly'.
The pipe was gold.
A this point I knew this was gonna be good.
And I was right and now I have a new threat to my catalog.
I need more stories of humans proving to everypony that their fists are rated E for everyone.
11680371
glad you liked it :)
11680132
the execution made it even funnier
Bugbitch dun FA, FO
YES!!! I need more of this. Villains just getting their fade ran. No elements. No rainbow lasers. No magic of friendship. Just nothing but hands.
Please make a sequel to this with many chapters!
11680472
idk I might in the future but as of right now I think its best as a solo story
Stilted lines imo
Gud Shit tho-
MASSIVE skill issue
I love how much of this is written in the future tense, like it's a prophecy
Good story but PLEASE get yourself an editor.
11681039
Where would I find one?
11681040
Ask around this site.
11681040
Grammerly can help out a lot on cutting down on misspelling and grammar mistakes.
11681318
yeah I just used it and updated the story like 30 mins or an hour ago.
It's really funny, but it needs work. You forgot a lot of periods
In fairness, Anon has a point. If he could beat up bug butt in fisticuffs, then there's no excuse to Celestia losing to Chrysalis in a magic battle.
Celestia confirmed to be weakest princess.
11681641
Not weakest, necessarily. Just worst.
Now we need Celestia and Anon duking it out !
11681641
Wasn’t she boosted by love of something like that when she beat her?
11681940
I need anon and sunset shimmer duking it out. Human on Human violence.
A good story, just need to fix some grammar
Get Rekt Scrub
Holy Shit that Thumbnail is Fucking Glorious
11682755
Not really its just a basic photo shop lol. All i did was crop out bug queens face and put it over the intruders face and then i just changed the color of the hands from grey to green. Hell you can still see some grey in the green hands.
11682999
still though your choice to photoshop THAT meme specifically using THAT expression was godsent
and also random thought I had at the creation of that photoshop "Holy shit I'm gonna cum."
I agree Ckelestia has a Skill Issue
11683014
well thanks :)
11680371
Imagine that being the entire plot of a story. Just an entire compilation of multiple characters catching hands.
11685881
Love it.
Ha.
Bro, this shit is actually hilarious in an unironic way. It feels like it was written while blackout drunk in the best possible way, and the lack of proper grammar adds so much to it instead of detracting from it. This is comedy gold, 100%. Easy Golden Story.
This is good, always be good at hand to hand combat
can i see a sequel where Celestia challenges him and get beat badly to prove his point? if not that is ok
So the burning question: was this actually written while sober?
11843352
Quiet a few people asked this in the comments, but I am not old enough to drink yet. (Sorry to burst some of yalls bubbles), but i did write this off of a single hour of sleep so that could have been factor. You could say.
11843470
Whew. One hour of sleep will do that to ya. That actually makes a lot of sense.
What does it mean to “runs the 1s” with someone?
11879585
Its just slang. Running the ones can mean mutiple things in different contexts