Nick of Time

An entry to the thousand words contest II 'drama' category.

After a terrible accident, the Cloudsdale Bureau of Affairs is crumbling, and after a rescue attempt gone wrong, Spitfire becomes trapped. Unable to stop thinking, Spitfire runs through her last thoughts.

Rated teen for near-death. Tangential in topic to Not My Rescuer.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

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Winter_Solstice

Winter_Solstice #1 · Jul 31st, 2023 · 1 · ·

Not a fan of Spitfire, I'm guessing.

Throughout the entire story, and reading her detached, almost clinical analysis of her situation, I found myself thinking: "WHY are you reminiscing?! The place is ON FIRE!! GET! OUT!" You really triggered my anxiety with this one, and I'd like to keep my own head version of the ending, as I'm sure you intended.

HapHazred

HapHazred #2 · Jul 31st, 2023 · 1 · ·

11653682 What? No, I think she's great. I kind of ran with my headcanon that she sort of puts on different hats to deal with different situations and I kinda like the darker, toxic edge she gives the 'Bolts whilst still always seemingly either trying to be better or willing to learn at the end. Makes me wonder what goes on in her head more than I should. Probably why a lot of my later stories, from Versus Jet, Not my Rescuer, and now this kind of hyperfixate on that sort of contradiction.

Glad you enjoyed it though! Sorry I triggered your anxiety, but sacrifices must be made when writing mlp fanfic.

Cerulean Blue

Cerulean Blue #3 · Jul 31st, 2023 · 1 · ·

I like the darker, grittier versions of MLP that the show couldn't and shouldn't have shown. Nice story :)

HapHazred

HapHazred #4 · Jul 31st, 2023 · · ·

11653853 Cheers! Glad you enjoyed it.

I have a love-hate relationship with stories that try to be MLP, but darker, as a lot of the times it just sort of ends up feeling cartoonish but in the opposite direction. I hope I strike a nice balance.

Cerulean Blue

Cerulean Blue #5 · Aug 1st, 2023 · · ·

11653905

This was a nice balance - enough grit that it's not the land of cheerful bright ponies any more, not pain and suffering for the sake of pain and suffering.

Gavier

Gavier #6 · Aug 12th, 2023 · · ·

interesting read, I love this kind of headcanons that change the character a lot by changing very little

new55

new55 #7 · Sep 10th, 2023 · · ·

That was a good story.

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #8 · Sep 18th, 2023 · 1 · ·

Blackened cloudstone fell around her hooves. Cracked structural altocumulus threatened to give way.

do love this pegasus architecture worldbuilding

Spitfire couldn’t make out the face of the pony she was stood over, nor did she frankly care to check. Mare or stallion, young or old, pretty or gross, it wasn’t about who they were to her, only that they were a who. Unfortunately for them, it wasn’t Spitfire’s destiny to arrive in the nick of time and save the day. She was only able to react, and always too late.

oof…

She had been too late to realise that Wonderbolts were arrogant, self-centred jerks like Wind Rider whose influence would have led her down a spiral of self-sabotage. Too late to realise that she had been treating her own ‘Bolts like disposable minions just because that’s how it had always worked. Too dim-witted to see them turned from something that provided true value to all of Equestria to a circlejerk of athletic prowess. At their best they were a Cloudsdale propaganda tool. At their worst, a toxic cesspool that ruined good pegasi.
Each time, Spitfire had been too blind. It had always been another who arrived to save her from herself.

hurtful, yet merited

The beam bent under the weight of an entire structure bearing down on it. Despite the imminence of Spitfire’s demise, she reckoned that it was a positive that she was uniquely resilient to fire and burning, otherwise this would probably hurt a lot more than it did. Or perhaps the beam had crushed her spine and she just couldn’t feel much of anything anymore. A question for the coroner, perhaps.

oof, that is grim. but a great take on what Spitfire’s cutie mark-powered passive superpower is

That was her problem, Spitfire thought. She was a pony constantly at war with herself. One minute advancing the reputation of the Wonderbolts at any cost, the next sacrificing it to pursue advanced first-aid and rescue training (none of which endeared her to the Cloudsdale Bureaucracy, but in a minor quirk of irony, that too was currently burning down along with Spitfire’s own reputation there). One day ruthlessly throwing Soaring away to pursue new talent, the next taking steps to make sure her team could trust each other with their lives. She was a Frankenstein’s monster of a pony, part hero and part treacherous bitch. Constantly self-improving, but ultimately self-defeating.

love this take on just how self-contradictory the portrayal of the Wonderbolts has been throughout the years of canon. it all coming down to Spitfire being a Frankenstein’s monster of a pony makes more sense than anything else

Only heroes got to save the day in the nick of time.

oof…

From the corner of her eye, through the crumbling walls and columns, Spitfire saw a flash of light, and a rainbow arc crossing the sky.

so this is what it feels like to be a side character in a world of protagonists. poor Spitfire! i love the depth you’ve given her with this one. cheers to you for writing!

HapHazred

HapHazred #9 · Sep 18th, 2023 · 1 · ·

11698028 To be fair I personally feel Spits is being very hard on herself. It's not really super fair for her to have her behaviour rewarded to the point of being made captain, then torn down. And to her credit, in almost every episode with her I can recall, she always tries to improve at the end.

One of life's perpetual students, but instead of seeing how much her effort is worth all she feels is like a Frankenstein creation.

If you enjoyed this you really ought to check out Rescuer. Similar focus but also with horse kissing.

FanOfMostEverything

FanOfMostEverything #10 · Sep 18th, 2023 · 1 · ·

Sometimes your life flashes before your eyes in your last moments. Sometimes it’s just the regrets.

Fascinating and heartrending internal monologue. Poor Spitfire really was buffeted by the needs of the narrative over the course of the show, and she rarely came out of that turbulence looking out. She certainly has a lot of ruminate on here. My only complaint is that she identifies her nature without really doing anything about it. Grim resignation is certainly one way to approach the end of a life, but it still feels like the overview was leading up to something bigger. I suppose that will come after Dash rescues both of them.

Again, great exploration of the character’s mind at a critical moment. Thank you for the entry.

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