Unforgiving

Twilight gets alerted to a friendship problem in Canterlot. She isn't all that surprised when she finds out who it is. Unfortunately for her, Tempest isn't in the mood for reconciliation with a certain two ponies.

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Pete100

Pete100 #1 · Apr 30th, 2023 · 2 · · Chapter I ·

I pressed my hooves on the table, staring at it with a frown. Me and Twinkleshine's cutie marks were spinning in a circle above a part of Canterlot. Lyra, Lemon Hearts, Minuette and Twinkleshine were having our weekly meet up for tea when the table started to glow. They were staring in wonder at the table too.

I find it interesting that not just the elements get called.

"Excuse me but I didn't get to chose where cutie marks were placed when we were created by Has and Bro," Lyra defended herself. I rolled my eyes.

Damn. Her and pinkie would get along fine.

"No ma'am. I am having a problem finding where my TARDIS went!' He grabbed my cheeks with his hooves and squeezed. "I simply MUST get back and defeat the Cybermen!" He released me and ran off in a direction where a smoking blue box flew through the sky.

Which doctor is this?

"We get her former friends to apologize and make up with her. It was awful how they treated her. I would never do that to any of you all," Minuette pointed out, looking all of us in the eyes.

That’s a bad idea.

TheKing2001

TheKing2001 #2 · Apr 30th, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter I ·

11571235
I'm not entirely sure which doctor it is. I haven't watched much of Dr Who. I've seen a little and know the premise of the show but that's about it

Boltstrike58

Boltstrike58 #3 · Apr 30th, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter I ·

"Excuse me but I didn't get to chose where cutie marks were placed when we were created by Has and Bro," Lyra defended herself. I rolled my eyes.

Starswirl the Beardless

Starswirl the Beardless #4 · May 4th, 2023 · · 2 · Chapter I ·

This was an okay start to a story. You have a decent premise, but I think the execution was a bit lacking. Aside from some mechanical issues (grammar, spelling, etc), you also have some pacing issues. It feels much too quick, which isn't helped by the utilitarian dialogue that feels very unnatural in some places. If you want my advice, I'd say you should try to slow down and add more detail in your future chapters.

TheDerpyLover

TheDerpyLover #5 · May 4th, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter I ·

11574961
The execution is fine. It's a short story. It's not meant to be overly long. I see no grammer or pacing errors

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TheKing2001

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