After Mrs. Cake gets mad at her for using her magic to make a cake, Starlight sees a money making opportunity and opens a bakery.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 16th Jan, 2023
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
TheKing2001
Only by studying the past can we win the present.
TheKing2001
Joined 16th Jan, 2023 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Twinkletail · 1.7k words · 292 3 · 3.2k views
- TheKing2001 · 1.1k words · 20 1 · 497 views
- Samey90 · 4.9k words · 95 5 · 2.8k views
- Fandom Trash Snivy · 16k words · 16 2 · 868 views
- Kris Overstreet · 480k words · 2,458 49 · 31k views
- SockPuppet · 2k words · 152 8 · 2k views
- Impossible Numbers · 1.3k words · 13 1 · 344 views
- TheKing2001 · 11k words · 14 4 · 487 views
Featured In15
- Dare to Derp!414 stories ·535 members
Derpy tales743 stories ·1,208 members
- Berry Punch: Tipsy Turvey127 stories ·174 members
- Berry Punch, You Loveable Drunk93 stories ·81 members
Background Ponies970 stories ·358 members
Flitter and Cloudchaser Fans264 stories ·502 members
Who Doesn't Like Carrots?75 stories ·150 members
Dinky & Derpy Fics169 stories ·240 members
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.052 seconds
Total duration
673 users online
1,018,042 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
11535829
Thank you
I like the plot of the story, however the scenes felt a little too fast. In four paragraphs, Ms. Cake scolded Starlight for trying to "run her out of business," and in the fifth paragraph, Starlight suddenly looks for a building to put up shop? I couldn't really grasp with what was going on in such a short time in a story. Maybe if the story dove in deeper on how and why Starlight got the idea, then not only would the story slow down so the reader could get more information and understand, but it would make the scenes well-paced instead of it being jumpy.
Another issue that I found is the lack of apostrophes in some sentences, like Starlights and Pinkies instead of Starlight's and Pinkie's.
But aside the criticism, the plot has me interested and I am curious about where it's gonna go, so it has my attention.
11535866
Okay I'll fix those in the next chapter. And I'll also come up with a backstory for where she got the idea
11535878
Kk I will wait
This is a pretty good story, maybe Derpy could make a jingle for the bakery
11535866
My sentiments exactly.
Concept has a lot of potential, interested to see where you take it.
11536120
I'm not really good at coming up with songs. If you were interested in making one, I'd credit you