7 teenage boys named Puffer Stone, Keen Feather, Sakinlik Alp, Kilictal Alp, Hance Lazuli, Valent Electro and Flame Abyss are friends with The Rainbooms.
together they go on adventures, spend time together, having a romantic relationship. and even together they may will save Canterlot from any danger.
on the other side, a mysterious man were chasing The Rainbooms to steal their Geodes, who knows what will even happen.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Kilic is that friend that is so done with life.
Are they developing powers, too?
Things are heating up.
Why aren’t they using their powers?
Could’ve done that earlier.
Martial abilities?
11387383
fixed, sorry for it
11387364
not yet, but there will be an explanation why Kilic can felt it
Wait a minute. How much are the brothers hiding? Also, how did twilight get that much information?
11389663
Twilight found out about it in the book from school's library
Change to getting into a fight, or simply fighting. Perhaps a better word would be argument.
change to does.
How could Rainbow have an angry face on anyone other than herself? Oh, you mean she is looking at Fluttershy angrily. That was a weird way to put it.
Then why are you insistent on stepping on it? If it's just a stupid beetle just let it slide for god's sake and practice what you preach.
Why did Rainbow do that? What's the character motivation here? There doesn't seem to be any. Speaking of which, why did she want to and get angry over not wanting to step on a beetle? You can't just have the characters do things out of the blue without a proper set up and understandable motivations. Well, you can but it's lazy writing. All I can assume is Rainbow is a dick who enjoys being a dick just to be a dick.
Ok, so there is an answer, though it still just came out of the blue and didn't really have a proper set up. Maybe had Rarity annoy Rainbow enough with conversation to make her decide to get even. There were a lot of things you could do.
Change to does.
Change to her.
Yeah I think I am done with the story. It's too short and poorly written to enjoy. The characters even the ones supposed to be smart don't bat an eye at Pinkie being unconscious during the day and at school when she is supposed to be awake and had to have their faces rubbed into the problem in order to get it. It's like everyone's iq dropped 99% out of no where.
11389723
People tend to not practice what they preach all the time. It seems to be a trend.
11389688
They have a book like that?
11389727
I can kind of understand what you mean.
11389863
Since magic didn't exist or work until Sunny stole the element of magic I doubt it and just feels like an ass pull to justify bad writing.
11389862
A shame too. If you can't keep your word, what kind of person are you?
11389868
The story would be tolerable if it wasn't so stupid and forced with how it's written. It's like smart characters like Sunset have to be told basic things twice before common sense kicks in and they get basic things.
11389892
Maybe it’s because the story is still a little new.
11389894
That makes no sense. If a story is poorly written, age or it being around longer won't fix or change that at all.
Error. It should be suggested.
Ok, so this story is fine, I suppose. But the grammar errors and lack of periods in like 90% of the paragraphs is my main issue with this story. Most of the paragraphs here have zero periods. Which feels very odd, since adding periods at the end of a sentence is the most basic thing a writer can do, so I am confused as to how you could mess that up.
And in the first few chapters, the excessive amount of question marks like
can be very annoying at times if it happens too often. Its better to help express their emotions by adding adverbs like excitedly, or wildly, or furiously, than to try to add more question marks than normal.
Overall, as I said before, this story is fine, but I feel that it needs to be heavily edited, otherwise it will look like no effort was put into it. Even though you may have tried your best, presentation and good grammar is the key to a good story, and most of the time it will get good ratings.
But hey, that's just my advice.
She seems pretty confident for someone who is being hunted.
Why did they come?
Why did she bring her football?
What I don’t understand is that why didn’t they prepare in case something went wrong. Also, where did the backup come from?
11390614
that's the plan B Keen prepared
11390631
Oh ok
So many unanswered questions.