Rarity stops by her girlfriend, Applejack's farm and the two have the most romantic time of their lives.
Inspired by the song by Easton Corbin.
Birthday present to Magpiepony.
Chapters (2)
CAPTAIN YOSHI HD
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I'm trying to be nice but if someone says nice one more time, what I say to them won't be nice.
"She took a deep breath, taking in the nice outside air. It felt good for her to unwind after a busy morning of making dresses."
Do you think this sounds better?
Another thing. The way the dialogue is written is slightly wrong. I made this same mistake when I first started writing here too so I won't be a dick about it.
It should say: "Howdy, Rarity," she greeted.
You did good putting the commas there but they are in the wrong place. Replace all the periods with commas and you'll be golden.
Stories like this are why I am tempted to leave Fimfiction and never come back, and I probably will do just that. I want to write and read, but being surrounded by this type of fiction is just too demoralizing. I can't believe how selfish so many writers can be.