Times are changing for the ponies. Three years after their magic was restored and harmony established between the three races, they meet in Maretime Bay to finalize their reunification as the Equestrian Kingdom under Princess Sunny Starscout. Ponies gather in the seaside city with aims of celebrating a new era of peace among the ponies.
Yet there remains a lone voice unenthused with the transition.
Queen Haven rides into Maretime Bay with a chip on her shoulder and a crown on her head, the latter of which she will not leave the city wearing. Her subjects called for the agreement to be signed and for her to step down as Queen. She knows she wasn't a perfect ruler, but why does she have to give up everything? Why does everypony else get the happy ending while she gets swept into the ashcan of history? To make matters worse, she's stuck with an overeager unicorn who wants to be her friend.
But upon her arrival, these questions fall to the wayside as an attack is commenced. Crazed creatures attack every pony they see, rounding them up for their mysterious master.
What they didn't expect is that Queen Haven isn't just a queen on her last legs. She's a mare with skills honed through a turbulent time of history. And both the invaders and the unicorn are about to learn that just because Haven may be more prone to parties and paparazzi doesn't mean she's harmless...
Written for the Generation 5 Bingo Contest.
Based on this prompt (not really a spoiler, as the prompt is rather vague).
???
To me it felt more like Haven was just really, really annoyed. I got the impression that this was some soldier coming to the surface, but it didn't seem like savant sociopath.
Haven would probably have a phone, right? It'd be kind of foolish for her not to have one. Three years into interracial relations, is probably enough time for phones and carriers to have spread into Maretime Bay.
Yay, happy ending!
I feel like the story definitely got better as it went along. Haven's character, the descriptions, and Izzy all kind of smoothed out through the fic. Although, that could've just been me filtering details as I became more accustomed to the style.
I appreciated the use of the word "imbibe." 10/10. It is used appropriately, and with enough repetition that I'll probably remember it, but not so much that I felt like I was hit over the head with a stick with it.
I remember there was one not quite correct use of the word "adjoining." Adjoining is when something is next to/connected to another something. Like, "the adjoining room" would be the room connected or right next to the room you're in. The "adjoining building" would be the building your building. If you were on a street with a lot of buildings, and you were next to a building, you would not describe the building you were next to as "adjoining." Why? First of all, it is unclear if the building is adjoining to you or the street. If it's you, then you must be part of the building. If it's the street, then which building of the various buildings adjoining to the street are you talking about? You would also (probably) not describe the building as adjoining to a character or group of characters. I think at least.
I remember there was one other word used incorrectly, but It's not coming to mind.
For a moment at the villain reveal, I was thinking it would be Chrysallis because of the green potion, but then it was a very long facial haired, bathrobed creature? It was probably a cat? But if it's a cat, couldn't it just be described as a cat? Oh! It is a cat, and it's that one cat from Pencils' Anon's Pie Adventure! (Even if you can't say 'cat,' you can still use feline, generally.)
I kind of laughed a little when Haven was like, "I was smarter than the most smart scientists, I could memorize five years of information in a heartbeat! Lift tanks! CRIPPLE MMA FIGHTERS!"
Uh, it wasn't that extreme, and it was more about the immense amount of competition required to achieve such things. But still I don't think you need to set the bar that high. I feel like this fic only dips into shonen power levels (like genin-chunin levels [remember Zabuza?]) a little bit, but Haven in her backstory is like a series antagonist (Orochimaru, maybe even Pain).
I feel like until the middle of the fic, Haven had a weird disconnect between her princess and queen sides. Like, Someone who knows the labors and pains of weightlifiting, calculus, living on the leading edge of pony-capacity and child birth (twice!) should not be upset about having to walk to a hotel. Like, maybe annoyed/frustrated at the fact that she has come to the point where she feels unwillingness to walk, but not genuine "ewww, walking."
One thing about the characters.
I feel like Haven's character in here is good, it's creative and adds an unexpected depth to her. I can't really read this in Haven's voice, but meh, close enough. I like her new voice. The whole "Queen" thing feels not quite right? Like, I can understand her being frustrated about her kingdom being taken away, but there's never really anything to establish weather or not she actually cared about the kingdom itself, or governing it.
I think Izzy is too similar to Pinkie Pie. Also she has a thing for Queen Haven.
I don't know how I feel about Blitzwing. I guess I kind of liked his relationship to Queen Haven.
Catrina was a fun villian. I like how she kind of dealt with Queen Haven.
Concluding thoughts?
I'm glad I read this fic. It was entertaining. Interesting mix of random elements (bingo prompt was used well). I appreciated this version of Haven. Story gets better as it goes.
P.S.
The long description is super long.
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That was a sentence that accidentally got deleted during the file transfer when I uploaded it. The sentence is now fixed.
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!