The Season 10 comics gave me some great ideas for a potential Season 11. Here is my basic premise below. As always, I am open to feedback. I don't want this to be just my project -- I want to share it with collaborators!
The Knights of Order have lost their connection to their Elements of Patriotism. Their murderous hate has led them to hate their fellow Cunabulans -- and the people overthrow them. The Knights seek refuge in Equestria -- but there's only one place where they're welcome ... and it starts with a "T"!
Back at the School of Friendship, Starlight Glimmer starts a new program: Camp Harmony. The students are divided into six camps, each specializing in one Element.
Meanwhile, Equestria's newest allies send their own special students to the School of Friendship. Each of these, known as the "Younger 6", is mentored by a member of the Student 6. As Equestria's newest allies get to know one another, the Younger 6 must pave the way to secure peaceful relations ... especially between Caninians and Abyssinians.
Twilight and Spike take a pilgrimage to Tartarus, hoping they can finally teach friendship to the Knights of Order. While she's away, Shining Armor seeks to fill in for her. Armor realizes he and his Royal Guard have been helpless in the face of great villains. It makes him want to cry. Perhaps Armor and his Guard were never properly trained ... in the ways of friendship?
Back in Cunabula, a new dictator has arisen: Naponeon Blownaparte. Exploiting fear and hate toward outsiders, she seeks to conquer the world. Naponeon cannot wield the Elements of Patriotism. But she has six young and naive children who can -- whom she calls the "New Knights".
The Friendship Wars are the most dangerous conflict Equestria has ever faced. Never has the magic of friendship been exploited as a weapon against itself. This time, can the Knights of Order actually save the day?
Might Spike the dragon have an Element of his own? And is it possible for a stallion to become an alicorn?
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I will keep your words in mind. Still, I need to make this clear:
Twilight and her friends can't possibly trust the Knights' intentions. What if the Knights had returned only because they thought the coast was clear? They would not be above pulling a fast one, if they thought they could. The idea is to beat down the Knights as much as possible -- before the Knights can throw a single punch.
Moreover, Twilight and friends almost losing their own Elements -- and everything they love -- has left a deep scar on them. Not to mention -- to be building this world of friendship, and now it's like the gods trying to strike them down for making things too good ... . Twilight and Cadance are capable of being fierce; this much, we do know. Yes, what they do in that scene is uncharacteristically brutal. Their fear and anger is legitimate, but the heat of battle also releases a darker side to them.
(I myself ask, how far is too far?)
When I really think about it, it's not too hard to imagine ... if the Mane 6 and the Knights of Order had had their situations switched, one might have easily turned out like the other. This is a theme Twilight comes face to face with, in her own attempts to reform them in Tartarus. In fact, she starts having nightmares about alternate histories -- one where it was impossible to reform Discord, one where it was impossible to avoid war with the yaks, and one where the disappearance of the Student 6 led to a massive world war.
Twilight didn't think much about the Knights' twisted advice at first. But now it's sinking in ... what could have happened? Did she really spread her friendship too thin? Had she really taken one chance too many?
Twilight also starts to have questions about the way Tartarus is managed in the first place. Note: In my work, Cerberus has a companion named Cerbera. Cerbera is the friendlier one, but just as ferocious when it's necessary. Cerbera is the one who feeds the prisoners and gives them water. Still, the sensory deprivation starts to drive Twilight mad -- especially when she gets locked in by mistake!
Thankfully, she has Spike to help comfort her -- even proving himself capable of entering creatures' dreams now that he seems to have unlocked his own Element.
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To Chapter #1, I added the following dialog:
"Girls," Fluttershy told Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie, "I'm really worried about Twilight. And Shining Armor and Cadance. It's not like them to act this ruthless."
"You know what, sugarcube?" said Applejack. "These alicorns ... and unicorn ... are making me nervous, too."
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Also, I have made this amendment (after Cadance says, "Show them no mercy!"):
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To make Shining Armor's thoughts clearer and more understandable, I rewrote this dialog:
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Why the heck does Applejack say it like that?!
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If I am a little ignorant of the way Applejack would say things, then feel free to correct me. I am trying to make logical extrapolations of each character.
P.S. I read your DeviantArt Page.
And I have to say, I think the rating is supposed to be a bit higher ( Like Rated Teen ). Because, the mere mentioning of killing, attempted massacre/genocide, too much serious stuff with racism/xenophobia and prejudice for a E rating.
A WORLD War against Friendship of all things, mental torture from a psychotic doctor that is obsessed with "order", and a army of child soldiers????!!!!
Isn't all of that a bit dark and way mature for a E rating right now?!
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I honestly thought it wasn't too far from the comics' own standards. But maybe I'm wrong.
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I just don't like on how she is phrase it. I may not be that "good" at explaining it thoroughly on what is really the main problem here, like the other commenters making great in depth criticisms.
But I try my best to explain what is the issue, so that you can know what I'm saying. Basically, when Applejack literally said These alicorns, and unicorn. It sounds like "you people" to the different skin colors ( Or in this case, a Earth pony insulting Unicrons and Alicorns. )
That is both derogatory, biased, and totally OOC for Applejack to say! Especially being this much further in the MLP Timeline. Because that's what a season 1 Applejack ( Without the character development from later seasons ) would say to Zecora for example.
And the worst part, is that she literally say it to her own best friend, her brother, and sister-in-law???!!! I know that her and the rest of the mane five are scared due to Twilight's, Shining Armor's, and Cadence's rather "uncharacteristic" attack. But that doesn't excuse her to unintentionally insult their own types of race ( Unicorn and Alicorn respectfully ).
( Plus, it kinda disrespect her own cowgirl character, and make her sound like a stereotypical redneck would say. )
You now see what I'm going with this?
Plus, why is Flurry Heart even involved in this?! Isn't she too young to be this angry, violent, and get into fights??!! That's sound like bad parenting!
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Maybe it's just me. I know that the MLP Comics themselves can be frickin dark for a kids comic. Even the show itself has mentions of war and showings of it happening, racism/xenophobic stuff, slavery, personal drama, even a alternate timeline being a wasteland, etc..
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It's long been my impression that the comics were made mainly for the adult bronies. It smells of fan service from beginning to end. I imagine many parents blindly give these comics to children, having no idea what's inside. I admit, the "Season 10" finale frightened me, a full-grown man.
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I have now revised that passage accordingly:
I had no idea that someone could take Applejack's mention of "alicorns and unicorn" as a racial slur. That was not at all the intent. But then ... I guess it would be a lot like a white saying "that black guy".
As for Flurry Heart, I just wanted to see her be a hero for once. Cadance's family was visiting, so the whole family was kind of caught off guard. In her state of mind, it just felt that it was best for the whole family if they fought together. Flurry Heart, I think, would have participated whether anyone wanted it or not.
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I have now done a major rewrite of Chapter #1. I hope you enjoy the new version far better!
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I saw your edits, and I think they show a different impression than I first got. Which is good, by the way. Makes it much more clear how the ponies going on as they did, guns blazing, ignoring how the Knights announced they were coming to negotiate wasn't a good approach. Because the logic of "you can't trust them" applies to every single villain out there—that's Starswirl's "once a villain, always a villain" idea. There's no real difference between the Knights and, say, Starlight Glimmer, or Discord, or Sunset Shimmer, or Trixie, at least in that regard. Heck, Discord was a bigger threat by himself and actually betrayed them once, but they still forgave him.
Quick tip, I hadn't gotten any notification that you'd posted a reply. That happens when you don't put it in the same chapter as the post you're responding to, the other person never finds out unless they come back to look!
There is still issues in here, like this for example:
This is so hypocritical, and makes no sense.
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Here is what I have now:
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I feel much better now that I did the rewrite. One of the key themes is that Shining Armor must learn from the girls and the children -- if he is to properly learn the magic of friendship. Keeping Twilight and Cadance (mostly) free of excessive violence prevents this from being a broken Aesop.
On their end, Twilight and Cadance still must battle their own fears and insecurities. However, the main challenge is being thrown into situations where they have to make hard decisions they've never had to make before. The main challenge is not any desire for revenge. Rather, it's how much they can realistically rely on gentleness and friendship. They work out most of this struggle through their dreams, along with counseling by their new friends.
Shining Armor, on the other hand, has more serious anger problems -- more serious feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, with hints of toxic masculinity. The Royal Guard has been mostly an all-boys' club, and most female members have the same machismo. The Guard needs to think less with their weapons -- and more with their hearts. Balancing the sexes is not just a matter of quotas -- but rather changing the culture. The Guard must become much more welcoming to boys and girls who are more like Fluttershy or Thorax.
With help from their friends (including Spike, the Student 6, and the "Younger 6"), Twilight and Cadance manage to remind themselves -- their crowns mean nothing without their friends to back them up. The goodwill of their subjects is their lifeblood. They must remind themselves, it is just as dangerous to be too cynical as it is to be too trusting. Fear leads to hate, and then hate gains a life of its own. And that's when people really do surround themselves with bad company. That's when people start making enemies where they had none before ... as the Knights of Order did.
Managed to read this fully.
Wonder what will happen next?
Pretty nice.
What will happen next?
Finally, a story that happens post season 10. It's not that bad compared to the Grogar twist.
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I agree with OP Omni here, making them Death Eaters is very strange to do.
Glad to see another chapter.
So I'm probably too late but according to Gameloft, Smolder and Gallus' elements are switched.
Sounds a bit like Shining is becoming the next Sunny, in an alternate universe.
I wasn’t aware of that bit. Still, Hasbro itself doesn’t always care to stick with certain details when they wish to change their minds. I hope my direction doesn’t bother you too much, especially since I feel it works better. (The next chapter will handle Gallus.)
Never really thought about that. Except in this case, it’s not necessarily interracial conflict — but rather a general failure to love their neighbors as themselves.
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I kinda meant this
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It doesn't. In fact, most people thought Gallus was the element of magic since he glows purple and Ocellus was Generosity because she glowed white.
This was really good to see.
What a nice way to rectify that slight error. Cause at that point, it's impossible to edit it. Anyway, I feel Gallus too, I don't mind any gift that was given to me, but I wish they put more thought if I might like it.
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Thinking through this story was a learning experience for me, too. If someone went to a lot of trouble to get me a present, I shouldn’t spoil the moment for them. Much later, I might talk about the things I like in a present. But then I never know — the fact that it shows the other person’s love for me might make me love the present as a token of their friendship, beyond its material value to me.
Curious on what will happen next.
A rough first day, but the young 6 did their best.
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A lot of the twists and turns were surprises for me, too. They arose as a natural part of letting the story unfold.
In making some parts of the story as I go along — and letting the story write itself — I think I end up with some of the most interesting stories of how messy life can be ... and how that’s sometimes a good thing. I’ve been learning alongside the characters — and sometimes feeling surprised alongside them.
I definitely feel for the separation anxiety bit there.
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So far, I love how Winger's character is turning out. He has a heart to please -- but is capable of lashing back at others who persistently fail to respect him. Conversely, when he perceives that others really are trying to help him, he doesn't want to disappoint them. He doesn't want to lose their affection and validation. Ironically, in causing a scene that disturbs his roommates, he gets the support he needs to start overcoming his separation anxiety.
When Winger feels he's being forcibly denied someone he loves, he can start to feel angry and betrayed. To make him feel loved, you have to speak his language. You have to think psychologically, and sometimes stop using logic. (This is true with all people to some extent.) Some things that many adults call bad behavior, Gabby perceives as someone just trying to get the respect they deserve.
In fostering a mutual relationship, Gallus is learning not to let childrearing degenerate into a battle of wills -- but to become a rewarding journey of friendship. Starting a battle of wills with Winger would make him feel betrayed, and damage his natural desire for validation. As for Whirlwind ... it seems that she will have to learn love by seeing how scary it is to have no one's support. Discipline that is appropriate for an ugly, obnoxious child can damage the innocence of one who naturally wants love and acceptance from authorities.
Winger's longing for others' love helps bring five of the six students together. Now that I think about it, I wish to use this as a symbol of how the "Elements of Friendship" relate to the other five sets. Whirlwind's reform, then, would be a symbol of reforming the Knights of Order.
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Yeah
A new chapter so soon? Cool
Is that why he(and his EQ counterpart) was stuck as a dog instead of human in Equestria Girls?
Wonder if that EQ bit will get addressed too?
I didn’t plan to make any direct references to Equestria Girls, since that seems to go too much against the grain. However, Spike might mention that he was once a dog to Yapper the Diamond Dog — but then saying he’d rather be a dragon. (At that point, Yapper might wish he could become a dragon.)
Safe to say, in earlier seasons, the series treated him halfway between a pet and a person. Conversely, dog Spike makes for a toy that’s easier to sell.
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What was so bad about it?
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The Season 10 comics were fairly good. However, the very first story arc of the comics ... let's just let this satire speak for itself:
1. https://www.deviantart.com/lytlethelemur/art/Return-of-Queen-Chrysalis-Part-1-912949666
2. https://www.deviantart.com/lytlethelemur/art/Return-of-Queen-Chrysalis-part-02-912950301
Safe to say, I'm glad Season 6 took a completely different direction with the changelings.
Some people are kind of bothered by Twilight being scared of ladybugs even though prior episodes showed she was fine. Also, whether or not its coccinellidaephobia or trypophobia, she was completely comfortable before. But that aside, I somewhat am on board with the idea that the more evil you are, the more savage you become. I'm pretty sure prior to the water horses, there are kelpies seen in the comics prior to the season 10 ones. I was expecting any of the sentient prisoners to show signs of sentience and not savagery. Heck, even a chimera could speak once. Maybe all creatures regardless of who and what could.
Regarding the Knights, I do still think they're a lost cause since they are convinced doing the right thing. And ironically, as shown in the g5 comics, even Discord believed that magic itself did more harm than good. So he seeks to destroy it.
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When you convince yourself that good is evil and evil is good, there is no cure -- unless you decide you no longer want to justify breaking the Golden Rule. If you don't mind some spoilers, here are some of my plans for later:
Twilight herself starts to feel a lot like you. When Danu insults her one too many times, she finally explodes on the group (becoming a big fiery alicorn in the process). She finally tells each of Knights how they failed their own Elements -- and failed their own people as a result. Twilight tells the Knights -- trying to destroy Equestria was just pure hate and national security was just a lame excuse. She tells them that because of their cruelty and stupidity, they have caused the very alliance that they feared. And now that she knows that Cunabula exists, she declares that she and her allies will discover where it is. They'd better hope to Celestia that she is better than them -- or else they can blame only themselves if their land gets burned down.
At that point, Danu says "I don't care anymore" -- which shocks his five siblings. This helps wake them up to how terrible an influence their former king has been for them. They now clearly see that Danu's sense of loyalty has degenerated to the point where he thinks everyone's a traitor except for him.
A little later, Twilight reflects on her angry words. She hates to admit it to herself -- but she now believes she could have easily become like Danu -- if the events in "Party Pooped" or "School Daze" had ended much more tragically. As it is, she is haunted with thoughts about trying to destroy Cunabula just so she can humiliate the Knights. But that's not what she really wants to do. What she wants is to find six creatures who properly represent the Elements of Patriotism -- and install them as the new rulers. (Of course, Naponeon has already beaten Twilight to that task -- but she doesn't know this yet.)
In reality, the Knights of Order are not monsters entirely different from us. That is probably the most disturbing aspect about them -- how easy it is for us to pervert the concepts of good and evil to serve our cruel and selfish interests. I'm going to guess they are the most hated villains in the MLP franchise -- mainly for how close they hit to home.
As I might have mentioned before, Spike is discovering that he represents the Element of Empathy. Spike reflects on Danu's claim that he is not at the whims of feelings. From there, Spike realizes something: The Knights of Order had been taught that most feelings were something to hate and fear. But in doing so, they did not actually break themselves free from the whims of feelings. Rather, they made themselves feel dead inside -- leading them to obey their worst desires.
Danu and his siblings were not always so cruel and bitter. They used to have a lot of love for one another. But their terrible training led them to drift away from one another, and when Danu became king, he started treating his siblings like his servants. Danu has to see -- if he doesn't have his siblings to love and keep him company, then he really has lost everything. His siblings long for the time when he used to be affectionate with them.
Twilight did not quite appreciate this, but Spike was already developing a friendship with Ceridwen and Mannah. The love they notice between him and Twilight reminds them of what their former Elements are supposed to stand for -- equity and acceptance. The whole time they've been in Tartarus, these two have been relatively open minded.
It's the other four who have insisted on being angry and rebellious. But they, too, become terrified when it really hits them that they may have left their country at Twilight's mercy. Danu said "I don't care anymore", but he didn't completely mean it; he said it partially because he wanted to deny Twilight the satisfaction of defeating him.
Behind Twilight's back, Spike continues his friendship with Ceridwen and Mannah. These two really miss their people, and they wish they had connected far better with their people as mother and father figures. To make a long story short, the Knights of Order finally realize that feelings of affection are not something to fear -- to feel such affection with your own people is what makes a country worth loving. And a healthy love for one's own people leads to the desire to have even more to call one's own. As the six siblings start to feel affectionate for one another once again, they can't help but love Spike's company. They can't help but admire his desire to be one of them.
At that point, the Cutie Map calls the Knights of Order -- and reveals the location of Cunabula! The Knights now have limited access to their Elements again -- but they won't be able to use these Elements on any reliable basis unless they resolve the friendship problem with their own country.
How would the Cutie Map ever find Cunabula? you might wonder. As it turns out, the Tree of Friendship has an encounter with the Tree of Patriotism. The Tree of Patriotism (whose spirit manifests as the image of Danu's ancestor) has had a habit of being fairly forgiving of atrocious foreign policy -- as long as domestic policy remains good. He was horrified by what the Knights tried to do to innocent ponies, but this wasn't in itself enough to make them fall out of favor with him. More and more, however, he's been realizing that those who are cruel to foreigners tend to be cruel to their own people.
For so long, the Tree of Patriotism has thought that one has to love a single country to the exclusion of all others. In meeting the Tree of Friendship, he starts to gain a whole new concept of what patriotism should be about (which American patriotism looks like at its very best -- welcoming those who seek a better world). The Tree of Friendship, in turn, appreciates the Tree of Patriotism's advice about being cautious around strangers -- and the fact that peace and order have to come first, for friendship to have fertile ground to grow. (Note: The Tree of Patriotism can influence who receives his Elements -- but the Elements ultimately have a mind of their own. The same applies to all the Trees of Harmony.)
I admit, finding a plausible reformation arc for the Knights of Order was a big challenge. Danu was the most challenging of them all. Many times, it takes going back in time to a more innocent time and place -- to see that you have lost something valuable to your well-being along the way. Once the Knights finally realize what went wrong with their lives, they finally recognize that they don't like what they've become.
(By the way, I actually have read the first two issues of the G5 comics. Just the same, please don't mention any more spoilers. Honestly, I am dismayed that Discord would find his way into G5. I wish Sunny and friends would have discovered a giant old dragon who turned out to be Spike. As it is, it seems the staff deliberately fails to acknowledge Spike's importance in the history of Equestria. I don't understand.)
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Discord stole the spotlight as he always does replacing Spike with himself. Thankfully Argyle and Sunny knows the real facts.
Don't think I've seen him overreact before in my life. Things gotten out of hand before but never does he overreact. That's a minor thing for me.
I do believe Ceridwen is Danu's daughter apparently but that works. Their ancestors apparently look identical. We'll get to that in a moment.
They are sure a mysterious race. They are like the chimera, except more sentient and varying in body parts. It's spectaculated that Grogar created monsters like the bugbear, manticore, Cerberus and many more. If that were the case, these guys must have gained sentience and broke off to form the land of Cunabula. Also, until you mentioned 'griffon with butterfly wings', I headcanon the people look exactly like the six Knights here with different palettes at best. Like 1000 Danus, 100 Taranises, 1000 Mannahs and so on. I like your idea better. Also, the parents and children are also identical at the very least. Almost like they give birth to clones, maybe had the same names too. He's probably like Danu II or something but they call him Danu.
He did want to level Canterlot even if it meant his allies will get buried too. Just to win. He'll be good friends with Chrysalis, beings of rage.
Not quite.
She chose a different way. But is very selective still.
She's kind of right, it's how g5 came to be. I still think the civilians are the real villains in the entirety of the world they live in. Every doom, armageddon and disaster has been brought upon themselves by themselves
Preach.
Roll safe moment here.
They never did.
Twilight may or may not have taken it to heart and consideration.
That didn't end well for a certain filly.
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In consideration of your feedback, I made these minor adjustments to the dialog:
Ooh I only recently discovered this fic, and I finished it all in 2 days!
I hope you continue this story - it's so promising and has SO MUCH potential.
Honestly, it's massively disappointing when a story one likes gets discontinued or abandoned. Hope you can see this fic through to the end.
P.S.: When does the next chapter drop??
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I admit, it has been hard for me to make the time and find the inspiration and energy needed to make more chapters. There are various things I want to do in a single day but not enough time to do all of them. And struggles with anxiety and depression, and maybe some undiagnosed ADHD, take a big toll on my ability to concentrate. I need to choose three things each week and make sure I get to them within that week. Also, I need to stop worrying about whether what I write is good enough, as long as it feels okay. I'm sorry for the long delay.
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I struggle with that too. I'm in the process of finishing my next chapter but I feel like it's a script for a show than a story. But hey, characters can talk and we talk a lot. I'm hoping to finish that by the end of the year latest.