• Member Since 9th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 6th, 2015

Ractrin


Gamer, Author, Musician, Christian, and Brony

T
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Ten years have passed since Rainbow Dash performed her second Sonic Rain-boom. She was approched by Dr. Atmosphere shortly after her feat to work in the Upper Rainbow Factory. The secret Upper Rainbow Factory, off limits to normal Pegasi, was where the rainbows were made for Equestria. Gleefully she agreed, until she saw what horrors laid inside. Unwilling, or incapable, she couldn't bring herself to take down the horrible sights that were flaunted before her. After years of having death and destruction ground into her mind, Rainbow Dash's psyche has begun to crumble. The only thing left keeping her sanity in tack is her #1 fan, Scootaloo. With years of helping the young filly practice for her Flight exam, Rainbow has done everything to make sure she will pass the exam and not wind up in the wrong place. Unfortunitly something goes wrong and Rainbow Dash is forced into making a decision she'll regret. Hopefully the outsider brought to Equestria by Princess Celestia will help her keep her sanity.

A Crossover between Aurora Dawn's Rainbow Factory and my D.C.R. story.

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 39 )

i havent read it yet but i will read it later. looks like a pretty good story though

Total garbage. Why anyone likes this stuff is beyond me, this stuff makes me think of nothing but natzi death camps and how evil that was.

I love this story and.

FIRST:flutterrage:

' "Are you that Human that everypony's been talkin' 'bout?" she asked as they walked.' how did they know he was human?

1253788 whats so bad about it? original idea (in my opinion), good amount of detail, good length of chapters, no one is too out of character, the only mistake that i spotted was the one above.

Right now I'm picturing Dash as a nazi in charge of a jewish death camp

If you havn't read Aurora Dawn's Rainbow Factory...most of the MLP side of this story won't make much since. I'd recommend reading that first, though I am grateful that you read mine first. As for my side of the story, I try to explain anything that pertains to that story that is involving this one. Also, the mistake noticed by Vorago Everto, is something I'm in the works of correcting. I assure you, there are many more. I'm just content enough with it to post it here. Also, Vorago saying the characters weren't out of line, makes me feel much better, it's really hard for me to emulate their characteristics. There's 5 chapters in total, I was "testing the waters" as it were :raritywink: before I posted all of them. (there'll be more than 5, I've just only written that much at the time of this post.)

Psst Rainbow87dash, you weren't first :P

A human space cop vs the rainbow factory? KEEP IT UP!!!

I...I have a lack of words.........:unsuresweetie:

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have divergence.:rainbowdetermined2:

Oh YEAH! Throw them ponies in the meat grinder! :rainbowdetermined2:

Great story keep up the good work!:yay: Although in my opinion the ponies accept the fact that Raptor eats meat too easily. :derpyderp1: but basically great story!

Section 6 will hopefully be explaining a few holes the previous sections have left open....hopefully....

Personally, reading a giant block of writing like that hurts my eyes
Spacing could help, a lot

1502068

I'm still not understanding people's problem with no spacing...words are words, regardless of how they are placed. I'm a self taught author so I don't know the importance of such things. However, because it has been complained about so much, I have been attempting to get my spacing better. I'll be working on it in future chapters and then re-spacing my already posted ones for future readers.:twilightblush:

Lets hope things go a little better with the outside intervention.

Is the text in the cover image of your own creation? Or was that from the original fic. I can't seem to remember.

Oh my...that's all I got right now...

This fails because it follows the same logic as the original Rainbow Factory: every pegasus in the world is either an idiot, a psychopath, or plain retarded. And Celestia never asked ONCE IN A THOUSAND YEARS where all the failures went? And she let them... you know what? Never mind.

So it seems Princess Cadence is going for Raptor, may I suggest an actual army? I do not think Raptor can fight them on his own and an Army of Advanced Aliens would be able to keep the Crystal Empire safe.

3861471

I actually was thinking of that myself just a few days ago. i am actually considering Raptor bringing more than just himself, but him and his people are way OP, but...i may have a balancing technique worked out already. everyone will just havta wait and see when i write the sequels.

“You told me there’d not be a ceremony.” Raptor whispered to the cyan pegasus as they walked.
“And you said you‘d wear something nice.” she responded in kind.

Is that a Halo 2 reference in there I see :trixieshiftright:

Whoa Rainbow a little mental I see:rainbowderp:

:ajbemused:
wtf did I just read?
I shed a manly tear a couple of times....
the only thing that upset me was Orion's death, but what else should I expect when reading a grimdark?
and maybe the acceptance of rainbow afterward... oh well, f**king ponies man.
Anyways, great story.

Edit,
and I though I was dark and twisted...

Comment posted by Godiswithus3 deleted Nov 26th, 2015

Jesus man work on some of your grammar I just read these chapters in one go so first off what the fuck does prolly mean? That doesn't sound like a word to me and the same goes to havta if your going to write a story GET THE FUCKING GRAMMAR RIGHT. And another thing you have raptor do or say one thing and then he doesn't do it again like for example when he killed the first two guards and that SINGLE guard was backing him up? Why the fuck didn't he just hit all of the guards in the wing there bam three guards incapacitated right there. AND THERE ARE SWORDS IN EQUESTRIA you said so your self in this chapter with velocitys cutie mark if swords show up on a cutie mark then swords have been made. And another thing I doubt velocity is an idiot if raptor dies celestia will then immediately know that the Pegasus are doing something. And one final thing WHY THE FUCKING SHIT IS JUST KNOW CELSETIA IS CUROUIS WHERE THE FALIURES GO?!?! WHY DOSENT SHE DEMAND AT THE START THAT BLACK TAKES HER STRAIGHT TO FAILURE TOWN OR WHEREVER! IF SHES SO GOD DAM CUROIUS AT IT WHY DOSENT SHE GO LOOK HER SELF?!?! IF ANYTHING SHE HAS THE BEST QAULIFACTIONS WITH HER BEING A PRINCESS!! AND THEY WONT BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT HER LOOKING AT THE FACTORY BECAUSE SHE ONE OF THE MAIN RULERS OF EQUESTRIA
1561644 Now don't take this a pointless bashing when I ignore the flaws it's a rather good story BUT that doesn't excuse the flaws please work on them

3859089 YES THANK YOU BESIDES ONE I POSTED I CANT FIND ANY NEGATIVE COMMENTS ON THIS

From what I have read this story doesn't deserve any of its likes or fans its poorly written the epilogue were Celestia and Luna went to war we have no idea how it happend this story fucking sucks so much ass author I'd suggest a rewrite once again THIS STORY SUCKS

1253788

1. Its just a story

2. It's spelt Nazi

3. Death Camps are called concentration camps

I love this piece so far! You've got talent!

btw Merry Christmas!

i would expect of he had that thing he called “spirit energy” that he would be able to heal himself a little bit

3919879
i was thinking that instead of just Raptor of course, this time his entire battle cruiser would come into play and help out with the “war” they are having

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