A spin off story of Spiders and Magic: Rise of Spider-Mane by Maximus Reborn
During her time at Canterlot High School as a new student, Twilight Sparkle learned a lot about friendship, but some students still were scared of her, because during the Friendship Games, she was transformed into Midnight Sparkle, and open portals to Equestria, even after Sunset Shimmer became Daylight Shimmer and saved Twilight from her corrupted magic hungry mind, she stills holds Midnight inside her. And she fears if she can be unleashed upon the world. She became inspired by her friend Peter Parker AKA Spider-Man and became a coping mechanism superheroine called Spider-Girl.
Chapters (6)
When is the next chapter?
11100978
somewhere in January
Awesome story so far. Can I just offer some constructive criticism?
First off, your grammar is extremely lacking. While reading, I noticed you've been using words in places that don't grammatically make sense. I don't know if you're just new to this or if English is not your first language, but there is definitely room for improvement regardless of the scenario. My advice would be to have someone proofread your story, make sure that the words flow. What sounds good in your head, may not look good on paper.
Second, the story is too fast. Everything is happening all at once, and I feel that you gloss over or don't address moments in the story that really should be expanded upon. (An example of my point is in Orgins Part 1, where Twilight asks AJ for info about Spider-Man. All the story says is that AJ told Twilight something, without explaining to the reader what it is she told her.) Again, my advice is to have someone proofread it. Seek out advice from a reader's perspective, and try to read the story from their eyes. Does the story make sense? Does the story flow? Do I care about what happens to the characters? What details in the story should I expand upon?
Finally, lose the pictures. Believe it or not, having these pictures all over the place takes away from the story, by hogging up the reader's attention. Perhaps you should try to limit yourself to one or two pictures per chapter, and spread them out such that the reader's have a chance to breathe and picture the event in their heads. Imagination is Everything.
I don't wish to be mean, nor do I want to offend you. I just really like the concept of the story, and want to see it grow to its full potential. You have the image, now you just need to get it on paper in a way that will make readers want to keep reading. I hope you put some thought into these tips, because the previous chapters need some major editing. For now, this story's going to the Tracking list, and I am eagerly waiting for more.
11109476
i'm sorry
11110271
You have nothing to apologize for. I simply wanted to help.
11110350
okay.
When is the next chapter?
11131573
I forgot. Sorry
are you still working on it?
11137569
yes. I've just been busy with other stuff
11137569
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/206290/earth-672-the-spiders-and-magic-universe-spider-man-mlpfim/thread/488958/i-know-your-waiting-too-long
I'm looking forward to more
11374630
are you sure? Casue there is bad writing here.