"So…" I began. "We got some time to kill. Why don't you tell me about yourself?"
"Well, I'm not particularly interesting." Sunny replied. "I'm just another Kirin."
Great start.
"What's your family like? Where did you come from?" I pressed.
"Smoky is my family." Sunny replied simply. "I come from a little village very far away."
Normally kids don't ever shut up, but it seems I lucked out and got the most asocial kid in the world.
Well, it seems there's some shit going on with Sunny's parents judging by her simple reply and what the social worker said so… I'll come back to that.
"Is your village big? Are you the only Kirin village?" I stubbornly pressed.
Sunny hummed quietly. "I think we're the only Kirin village, but I'm not sure. And we're a lot smaller than this place. This city is huge."
I chortled. "This isn't a city. This is a decent sized town, sure, but I wouldn't call it big."
Finally Sunny showed some emotion with another tone of curiosity. "This isn't big? Then my village must be very small. It takes less than seven minutes to walk from one side to the other."
"That does sound small. I don't suppose your village has an inn or church or some big landmark, does it?"
Sunny was quiet for a moment. "I don't know what those words mean. The only big buildings we have are the herbalist's, the shaman's, and the school."
"Huh." I replied. "That sounds more of a Hamlet than a villa-, wait. You don't even have a hospital? Even a doctor's office?"
"Uh… no? Why would Mr. Doctor even have a place in my village? I thought he lived in this town."
I couldn't figure out how the hell to respond to that.
"Mr. Doctor?" I parroted.
"Yeah, Mr. Doctor Horse. That one pony we saw earlier."
Oh. Oh.
"Doctor is his job, not his name." I clarified. "He- wait, you've never seen a doctor before? A pediatrician? A dentist?! What happens if you get sick?"
"Um, I don't know what all those words mean either, but if I got sick we'd go see the herbalist Ms. Blaze. She's a really nice cow. She has really pretty red hair, and always makes a bowl of chips of tree sap for calves to suck on after she helps us. She disappeared for two cycles after the stream of silence thing, though."
Well there was a lot of information there to unpack.
"The closest thing to a doctor for you is a cow and not a Kirin?" I asked stupidly, my brain pulling a hard blank.
Sunny was quiet for a second.
"A cow is a Kirin. It's like how Miss Golden is a pony mare, Mr. Script is a pony stallion, and Noi is a pony foal. If they were Kirin they'd be a cow, a bull, and a calf."
So despite looking more like ponies, they use the same terms as cows? That makes no sense.
"Yeah, we use the same terms as giraffes instead of ponies. I remember I learned why in school once but I don't remember."
The more I talked to this kid, the more my head hurt.
"What about you? What were you like before you were my newest imaginary friend?"
I opened my mouth to explain how traditionally a separate identity wasn't an imaginary friend, but a completely different individual caused by the fragmentation of the psyche, but… fuck it. Nah, I was Sunny's imaginary friend. This was easier and more acceptable than the idea of a separate identity via fractured psyche, or god forbid, her "new sister".
But shit, how do I even start describing my life to a little kid? Especially one in a land like Equestria?
“Well…” I began. “I’m what’s called an officer in a defense force we call the “Army”.”
“Ooh! Defense force? Do you fight aliens from outer space and stuff?” Sunny asked excitedly.
“No, no aliens. I don’t really fight anything. I basically have a normal administrative job and sometimes arrange training. I don’t really do anything cool.”
“Admini- what?”
“Paperwork and boring meetings.”
"Aw, that's not very cool." Sunny pouted. "Is the training cool?"
"Absolutely not." I answered with a shake of my head, picking up the glass of orange juice with both hooves and carefully sipping. "A lot of doing really basic stuff over and over that my soldiers already knew how to do. We're supposed to be 'testing our capabilities'."
"So then what do you defend?"
"Our home and people in case another country attacks, basically. It's a dull job."
"Why would they do that? That's really mean." Sunny responded, alarmed.
"Humans are cruel creatures by nature." I sighed. "Not like ponies here."
Sunny was quiet for a few moments.
"But you still want to go back, don't you?"
"Yeah." I whispered. "This isn't the right place for me. It's too nice for me."
Just then the door creaked open, and Noi's curious face peeked through.
"Hey SunnyJenny, why do you have two names? Is that a kirin thing? Do you all have two names? Mom just said there's two of you, but I can't see another one. Are you invisible?"
Ah, the one child that I wasn't lucky enough to have to be quiet.
Doing my best to suppress an eye roll, I spoke. "Two minds in the same body. One name each. Think of a ghost possessing a body, but it can't escape."
I could practically hear the gears grinding in Noi's head, her expression blank.
"Are you a para- paris- uh… parasprite?"
I opened my mouth to respond, but was caught off by Noi as she spoke again, pushing her way into the room and standing right in front of me, cocking her head to the side and studying me as if I were some new species of bug.
"No, that's not right." Noi concluded. "Parasite. Not parasprite. I meant parasite."
I felt the fur on the back of my neck bristle.
"You think I'm a parasite?" I couldn't help but drip a little venom in my words.
"Yeah! We learned about them in school last year!" Noi exclaimed, straightening her head and shifting to have a lower gravity, looking like a dog inviting somebody to play. "Like a tapeworm! Or a pinworm!"
Jesus Christ this kid was gonna wear on me quickly.
"No. I am not a tapeworm, or any sort of parasite at all. I don't have a physical presence."
I took a moment to close my eyes, sigh, and rub my muzzle.
She's just a little kid. You know she isn't trying to offend, just to understand.
"Don't worry!" Noi stood tall, pointing at herself proudly. "You're my favorite tapeworm! I'll tell all the doctors not to deworm you! And if they do, I'll kick their butts!"
"My hero." I retorted sarcastically. Okay, maybe the kid was a little cute.
"Mom says after Miss Cheerilee gives you a test you might join me in school! Wouldn't that be cool? I can introduce you to all my friends! There's Piña, she's great at impressions. And Dinky, she's really good with magic for her age! She can almost levitate her entire pencil bag! And then there's-"
Ugh. I had just finished my Bachelors not too long ago and now I had to go back to school. Even worse, I knew nothing about ponies, so I was probably gonna be placed in a grade lower than Noi's, who was clearly a couple years younger than Sunny. If they stick me in second grade or something, I'm going full Nirik and burning the school down. Ain't no way I'm doing ten more years of school.
"-And he's a really good flier! His brother is even a Wonderbolt! That's all of them, though. I'm sure they'll all love you!"
"I'm sure we'll all be fast friends." I yawned pointedly. "But as your mother may have told you, I'm sick and need to rest. Sleep this hangover off."
"Oh." Noi responded slowly, her enthusiasm lost. "Okay. Good night! I'll come get you when Miss Cheerilee gets here!"
"Will that really help with this headache and stuff?" Sunny inquired.
"Yeah." I responded to both Noi and Sunny. I pushed myself to my hooves, took a last drink of juice, and climbed into bed.
I forced my eyes open. My head was pounding and my stomach was sending the constant message of "be ready to throw up at any point".
I rolled to my left side and blearily started at my nightstand. Luckily, drunk me wasn't completely irresponsible, and left the pain pills out, right next to half a beer.
Reaching out with my right hand, I grabbed the pill bottle, popped it open, and chased four tablets with another swig of the beer. Then, it was on to more important things.
I rolled over again to find myself face to face with a gorgeous woman. Her shoulder-length fiery red hair spilled all over the pillow and her face, and her smooth, tan skin, framed by her perfect face was only marred by the fact that she was drooling all over her pillow.
I stretched out my neck and gently bit the tip of her nose, pulling back and side to side gently. She responded with a grunt, and I pulled again.
"What do you want, you ass?" She grunted, finally opening those emerald green eyes I could spend a year staring into.
"Happy 29th, weirdo." I grinned.
"Oh." She smiled back, seductively putting her arms behind my neck and drawing me in close so we were nose-to-nose. "I'm ready for my twenty nine birthday spankings, Jen."
"Eugh." I turned around, grabbed the beer bottle, and turned back. "Since we don't have any paper bags to cover that ugly mug, Maria, I'm gonna have to settle for beer goggles." I put the beer down in front of my eyes and squinted through it. "There, much prettier."
"Pretty sure it doesn’t work that way." Maria chuckled, grabbing the bottle and putting it on her own nightstand.
"Well, I'm agreeing with twenty nine…" I inched further toward my girlfriend, feeling my way down her back and giving her ass a light slap. "But I was thinking something a little more than spankings."
Maria covered her mouth and threw her eyebrows up in mock surprise. "Pre-marital fun? Oh, whatever will I say in confession?"
I softly bit her lower lip and drew her into a kiss. My tongue battled hers for dominance. I lost. I always lost in battles of dominance. Sometimes even not on purpose.
"Just tell them I'm a ten year old boy." I teased. "They're down with that sort of sick shit."
"Ugh, you're such a damn brat in the mornings." Maria rolled her eyes, but couldn't hide a bit of a smile.
"Ooh, maybe I deserve those spankings instead.~" I cooed.
"Tempting." Maria bit her lower lip on the way that always drove me crazy.
"Sunny. Sunny. Jenny. Sunny. Sunny. Jenny." Every word was punctuated with a poke in the ribcage.
I raised my head blearily and got to work, blinking the sleep out of my eyes. "Maria?"
"Noi." The voice announced. "Miss Cheerilee is here. She's in the kitchen. Hurry up."
I grunted and waved her away. I shoved my face back in the pillow, considering just going back to sleep. But no, I had to convince my family I was an adult. Had to convince them that I could handle a little more leniency than Noi or Sunny. Maybe a little more responsibility.
Ugh.
I forced myself up with a groan of exasperation. I climbed down the ladder. I was doing it faster than the first time, and noticed it was easier walking around as a quadruped. So, hooray for that I guess. The hangover wasn't much better, but there was some improvement.
"You up, Sunny?" I called out.
"Against my will." Sunny replied in a low tone.
"Yeah, same kiddo. Let's ace this stupid test and go back to bed."
Sunny merely replied with a grunt.
I padded my way into the kitchen, rubbing at my eyes and trying to wake my mind up faster. Sitting there, plain as day, was Cheerilee, chatting away with Golden. She looked the same as I remembered.
"Well hello there, Sunny!" Cheerilee greeted me in her usual cheery tone. "Or is it Jenny? Mrs. Harvest here was just telling me about your situation."
Just that sentence filled me with dread. I dunno why Cheerilee knowing would be a bad thing, but I didn't like the idea of that sort of thing being discussed behind my back.
"Jenny." I replied listlessly. I noticed a couple papers and a pencil on the island in front of one of the chairs. That was a problem. I didn't know how to write with my mouth and didn't think that grip would be able to write effectively. I gulped.
"Well it's a pleasure to meet you, Jenny!" Cheerilee chirped. "My name is Miss Cheerilee and I'm just here to see your brilliance for myself."
"Pleasure is all mine." I replied dryly. "And uh… I was hoping the test could be verbal? Not written?"
The smile disappeared from Cheerilee's face as she arched an eyebrow. "Well I certainly could accommodate. Do Kirin not write Ponish?"
Their language is called Ponish? That's dumb.
"No. We don't."
"Oh!" The smile reappeared. "I'd love to get a sample of your own writing, then! Not too many unique scripts I've been able to see."
"Sunny?" I called out loud.
"I'm okay with that." Sunny responded as Cheerilee arched an eyebrow again.
"Yeah, we can do that." I said.
"Wonderful! Shall we begin, or do you need some time to get ready?"
"Nah, let's get it over with." I yawned. "How's this split up?"
"Well," Cheerilee began. "We'll start off with math. Then usually comes the reading and writing comprehension check. We'll see what we can work out for that. Finally, history."
"Sounds good!" A little pep made its way into my voice. Time to blow the pants off this test. Math was always my best topic in school.
"Before we begin, do you know about multiplication and division?" Cheerilee asked.
"I'm very familiar." I responded quickly, doing a little internal fist pump. Seemed Equestria has the same math rules.
"Very well. Let's begin very simply." Cheerilee smiled and nodded. "One plus one."
"Two."
"One plus two?"
"Three."
"Two plus two?"
"Four."
So far so good. Easy shit.
"Three plus three?"
"Six."
I could see Cheerilee's muzzle twitch slightly downward at that, as if holding back a frown.
"Four plus four."
"Eight." I responded a little less surely.
"Four minus two?"
"Two."
At that, Cheerilee's face relaxed a bit. A small smile returned to her face.
"Three times two."
"Six." I responded monotonously.
The smile disappeared.
"Could you please count to ten for me?" Cheerilee asked, all the joy sapped out of her voice.
This was weird, why was she acting like this?
"One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten." I listed off.
"Interesting…" Cheerilee rubbed her chin. "Let's put a pin in the math section and move onto history, shall we?"
The hair on my withers stood straight up. That test was way too easy and she was reacting strangely. Did I do something wrong?
"Approximately when did Gusty the Great defeat Tirek?"
Shit.
"Sunny, what do you think?" I asked out loud.
"I have no idea who those are." Sunny replied.
"No idea." I told Cheeriee. She responded with a frown.
"How long was Nightmare banished for and when?"
"A thousand years, and I don't know."
Cheerilee paused for a few moments, staring at me.
"When was the first Kirin tribe discovered?"
"Two cycles ago!" Sunny piped up instantly.
"Cycle?" I responded.
"Yeah!" Came her enthusiastic remark.
Fuck it, I'll ask her later.
"Two cycles ago." I answered Cheerilee.
Cheerilee arched an eyebrow. "Cycle is a rather archaic term. We say 'year' here. We no longer measure from winter to winter. But ah… very well. Please let me and Miss Harvest calculate your scores and see… how you'll approach schooling from now on. Why don't you go see if you can find Noi or Mister Script?"
I had a horrible feeling in my chest as I walked back towards the room I shared with Noi. That was far too short. God, were they gonna put me in some Special Ed program? Or send me to first grade? It's not my fault that Sunny didn't grow up around ponies!
"Hey!" Noi chirped as she saw me enter the room. She started bouncing on her bed. "How did you do? Did you ace it?"
I sighed. "Pretty sure I bombed it."
Noi froze in midair and landed back on the bed on her haunches. She cocked her head to the side. "Bombed?"
I rubbed the side of my muzzle. "Failed."
"Oh." Noi's ears drooped and her gaze fell to the floor. "So you won't go to school with me?"
"I have no idea, kid." I responded, unable to keep the disappointment out of my voice as well. For a few moments we sat in silence, before there was a swift knock on the door.
"Come in." Noi called out halfheartedly.
The door swung open and the smiling face of Script popped in.
"Greetings, lawful offspring." Script slid in, sitting next to Noi and smiling at her. He turned to me and nodded. "Foster offspring."
"Greetings, lawful progenitor." Noi giggled.
"Uh..." I hesitated. "Why are you talking like that?"
Noi answered. "Sometimes Dad decides to play a game with us, where he'll do some funky stuff with Ponish, and we have to figure out what the gimmick is."
"Indeed." Script nodded again. "Fitting postface."
Noi rubbed her chin in contemplation. "I'm going with... only two syllable words."
Script let out a quick laugh. "Smart one, you. What about you, Sunny? Want to give it a try?"
I chewed my lip for a moment. "Sure. Hit me. Give me something hard."
Script smirked.
"And the phoenix, always flitting, she is sitting, still is sitting. On the pallid bust of crown, just above my chamber door. And her eyes have all the seeming of a monster that is dreaming, and the lamp-light o’er her streaming throws her shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor shall now be lifted, forevermore.” Script recited, stressing almost every other syllable.
I stared at him blankly.
“No idea. Did you just come up with that?”
Script nodded. “The trick was I spoke it in trochaic meter, and as I dropped the final syllable, the last line is a catalectic line.”
I continued to stare at him blankely.
“You said give you something hard.” Script shrugged.
I turned to face Noi, who was giggling into her hoof.
“This is normal here. Dad is not so good with other ponies, but he’s really good at writing and reading! He’s super smart!”
Script smiled again, ruffling Noi’s mane. “My dad senses were ringing, I felt the presence of sad fillies. Such things will not be tolerated in my household.”
Alright, this guy wasn’t that bad. A bit weird, but altogether alright.
“But that’s not the only reason I’m here.” Script’s smile dropped and his face became deadly serious. “I ran into Golden and Miss Cheerilee speaking outside, Sunny. Or uh, Jenny? Can’t tell which of you is fronting right now. And, well… how do you feel about homeschooling?"
Oh bugger, they're not using base ten.
That's gonna suck so bad to figure out.
Also, Script just keeps getting more awesome.
11090060
Oof. That's not good.
11091057
I have no idea what you're referencing, but it sounds funny.
11091063
Haha, that's great. I wish I were that clever.
11091297
11091495
Food is good.
11091510
11094329
Nope. They're not. Jenny will despair when she figures it out. And yes, Script is dope.
11094353
All this expertise in accountancy and she can't use any of it!
On the plus side, I think Cheerilee recognized the issue, and who knows, might be very interested in talking shop, from an academic point of view. What, just because she's "only" a schoolmarm, don't mean she can't enjoy obscure learning.
11094353
about bases - at least Cheerilee seems to have figured it out. Kinda odd that Sunny didn't say anything.
Also kind of odd that Jenny didn't suggest skipping to algebra. Though Sunny does need to learn arithmetic, that internal conversation didn't happen.
Just saying but the description is very very very vauge on what the story is about.
expecting a non native equastrian to know pony history was a stretch goal but I'm sure it not hard to learn the basics but relearning math n reading not gonna be fun...
Ok I snorted at that last line...how bad did they do???
Considering how humanity got their base-10 counting, What is the basis of pony math if not base-4? I can only imagine that in counting it's either 1,2,3,4,10 or 1,2,3,4,5,10. Not sure how either would work out or which would make more sense, but judging by Cheerilee's reaction they don't have 6 through 9 in their number system.
On a somewhat related note, it would actually make an odd sort of sense if pony arithmetic did follow a 1,2,3,4,5,10 counting structure, even if I can't work out how it would come to be at a glance. After all, such a system would mean there were 10 Elements of Harmony, and 10 has always been a psychologically satisfying number.
Base... five?
Oh no. Different base. That's not good.
11094329
Yeah, that's going to be horrible for Jenny.
11094416
If she likes math then she might sing a math themed song about base 8 or whatever the ponies use.
It may or may not have been a good idea to ask what base to count in.
Well, it could be suggested that we count in base 10 because that's how our sets of digits go—ten fingers, ten toes (yes, you could say it should be base 5 because we'd count by limb, but hear me out). So then ponies could count by base 4 since all they have are their whole limbs with no digits, but Kirin could potentially count by eight since they have cloven hooves...
11094546
Damn, just spoil my entire surprise for Sunny too, why don't you?
. 3*2 =12. Alice math. Or rather, base 4. But then those numbers would be pronounced differently... Mmm.. 10 - quad? 23 tweqwy three? And it seems it should be system without zero to have 4 as single digit.
Roman-style additive system? I, II, III, X. X + X = XX. II * III = XII.
PS. Nice spoof of Nevermore.
11094561
I've considered the different names but was not creative enough.
11094559
Umm... oops?
11094563
Nah, I'm messing with you. Good guess. Though Kirin actually count in base nine. Cloven hooves and a tail to count on.
11094562
With additive system there would less need for that, but would be rather a problem hiw to name XX. Thing is, number names in latin and their notation didn't correlate, but there are math systems where it was so. Four plus four equals four four l
11094566
Rising tail would be inapropriate. Most traditional systems are related to gestures but not necessary digit-wise. Technically, sumers were counting in base 63. Our modern "arabic" system is purely artifical, created to simplify calculus.
11094576
That I did not know. Interesting.
She did that bad?
11094576
That's not true at all. "Arabic" numerals originated in India, and the way they were originally written gave each number a corresponding number of angles: zero was how it's written today, with 0 angles, one had 1 angle, and so on, with eight having 8 straight lines, and not being rounded like today.
Arabic numerals were introduced to Europe in like 1200-1300, and had been around for hundreds of years by the time calculus was invented.
11094353
I spotted the difference in base because I've read another HIE that used different math bases as one of a dozen or so ways to make the main character as much of a fish out of water as possible. The ponies in the story used two different bases: one base for verbal maths and one for written maths "because Discord"
oh, that's "the raven"!
homeschooling intresting
In which Cheerilee discovers that Kiren are based.
11094968
Forever more.
Ponies have base 3.14159 math.
It means they have to circle back to every topic later.
Just wait till she finds herself on the wrong side of the imperial/metric system, too.
One way for ponies to count to ten using their body parts would be raising and lowering each hoof and raising and lowering one’s head. Ten actions.
One problem with the HiE setup where the protagonist speaks the language but does not read it is how it works, if they just use a different alphabet, that’s one thing. But imagine where the words for and four are written as dil and noc. That’s how the words sound to pony ears, but not to the protagonist.
A similar situation would arrive with the protagonist saying nine, ten, eleven, twelve when the ponies hear 21, 22, 23, and 30 in their base four counting system.
Lel, you finally think you'll be good at something and math is now base five XD
11094957
I know that and more. The numerals were adopted before Arabs by Persians. But I was referring to European civilization as a heir to Roman Empire. Even after introduction of Algebra and those numerals to European scholars, Roman numerals use was common in more mundane tasks. As numeration method and accounting they were widespread until 18 century and still had some use at end of 19. In some ways Roman Sistema is simpler for uneducated to understand and is gesture-bases with great potential to show large values by only two hands (up to 4000 and something if I recall right)
Albeit you're mistaken about 0 and logic of their use. The angle rule is likely just a mnemonic to remember more modern variant. arqam hindiyyah didn't had 0, as well as corners. 0 and decimal markers were feature of later systems, with Brahmi system using dot instead of 0-looking character. Arabic-Hindu system was a product of intentional design by literate people, in culture were written language existed as its own culture. Etrusskian numerals and what they became were product of practical use. It's probably why their system and math never had any trace of 0… while mesopotamians and Greek had it already. Hindu-arabian culture came up with 0 and digital notation around 5th century of our era - eight hundred years after mesopotamians.
11095430
Yeah, if assuming that HIE character is affected by buggy "translation matrix" which can detect origin of word but cannot do unit conversion. But there might be also situation where it doesn't translate that way. Pratchett's trolls had base4 system. But everyone thought they can't count to 4 because their system had literal translation "many" for 4 and "lots" for 16. Their oral systems is also positional like Roman, so 20 would be "lots many". In English, Russian , German and related languages similarly 10-19 values are designated by unique names, as well as 100,1000. Russian used to have unique names for 10000 and 100000, now archaic…
What would you say if you are being told that invading army is "one and half abyss" strong?
11095471
Well, Earth Pone might be base 5.
Pegasussing could be any number of featherings.
And Unicrons could just do whatever the hell they liked with flashing lights.
The real question is, what have they gone to since The Sisters took over. And has Twilight done a Mathmatical Reform since.
11096396
Well! I bow to the master. I didn’t know half of those things before, so TIL.
The moment I realized that I might not be smart enough for this fic.
11099233
Worry not. It's simple and will be approached in the next chapter!
11100279
I'm gonna keep reading, of course, because I am enjoying the fic, but I help teach English for a reason. Math, Mathematics, and Maths are scary.
11100281
Honestly same. I'm awful with math.
First error of every human when it comes to this type of tests: assuming things like base and matching measures.
At least Cheerilee seems to have caught on.
Parasite implies only one side benefits from the relationship. We'll see...
Script’s definitely winning me over. Quoth the phoenix, “Burn some more.”
And yeah, a different number base will be disconcerting for both ends. Jenny rattling off alien moon numbers should help support her claims of not being from around here. Truly, she is best tapeworm.
11094452
I was thinking of Tom Lehrer as well. There is also a PMV too
I've never been able to decide if ponies should use base 4 (hooves), base 8 (hooves with a friend), or base 7 (one alicorn).
11125523
Well every pony has four legs, and not all have the wings and horn of an alicorn. Besides, why base it off you and somebody else? I get it's the land of friendship, but you will do math alone sometimes.
11125523
base 4 is ridiculously unusable. at least make it base 8
the Eqestiran language is Equish.
Ponish would the the equivilant of Polish.
I completely forgot "Ponish" is what they call the language the ponies in the show speak.
"Do. You. Speak. Ponish?!" Lol