Staring back at me was a wolf. A large wolf, its hide crafted from aged, mossy wood. Glowing green eyes watched me, their glow illuminating claws the size of kitchen knives. It creaked as it moves closer, the claws leaving grooves in the dirt as it walked.
I frantically looked around, searching for an exit as the creature slowly advanced. All I saw were trees. There was no structure under which I could take refuge. No traps I could try and lure it into. I know I couldn’t outrun it, even if my legs were all good, and there was no hope of-
There! There was what looked like a rabbit hole off to my left. I have no idea if I could fit in there, but I wasn’t just giving up without a fight.
I stared back up at the timberwolf. Its hot breath hit me, replacing the subtle scent of rotting wood with the overpowering smell of smoke. Goosebumps broke out over my skin and I gave in involuntary spasm as I saw the large teeth and powerful-looking jaws that I’m sure it could use to snap my head clean off my neck.
As it closed in I moved backwards, pushing myself away and ending up landing on my back.
If I was gonna make a run for it, I could definitely use a distraction.
Not daring to break eye contact, I quickly felt the area behind me for something to use as a weapon. My desperation turned to full blown terror as I couldn’t find one. The timberwolf drew closer until I could almost reach out and touch it.
I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and turned my head to the side as my shoulders hit the dirt.
I was going to die.
I didn’t know if this was all real, or a hallucination, but dammit, the terror was there. My breath came in short, shallow gasps and I felt a sour sweat break out on my back. I would never forget this moment if I made it out alive, forearm pulsing in pain, ears flattened to my skull, body trembling. I’d remember the slight breeze and remember the rock that was pushing against the lower part of my right side.
Wait, a rock!?
My plan was stupid, was definitely going to fail, and I probably made my death promised to be ten times more painful as I picked up that rock, and without a second thought, swung it directly into the timberwolf’s eye.
There was a howl of pain and I was up. All four of my hooves hit the deck and just by some crazy fucking miracle, I was able to ignore the pain of my foreleg just enough to sprint with it. It must have been some kind of natural instinct, because my legs hit the ground at just the right time to pull me into a full fledged sprint.
And then I was at the rabbit hole, or the den of some other kind of creature. And I was digging, and I was screaming and trembling, feeling tears streaming down my face, and I could hear the timberwolf behind me running after me, obviously having recovered.
I’m not ready to die!
I forced myself in deeper into the hole, my tail disappearing just a moment before the timberwolf was on me. And then he was furiously tearing at the dirt above me, and I was wanting to curl up and cry as I realized that this was it. I could feel the dirt getting caught in my nose and mouth and the whining of the timberwolf, sounding like a dog trying to force his way to a meal. As soon as I saw sunlight filtering through the now opened den, I knew I wasn’t going to make it. I held my breath, closed my eyes, and looked away.
And then I felt teeth digging into my shoulder.
I felt myself ripped away off the ground for a moment, then there I was, slammed against the earth, and I made the stupid mistake to open my eyes, that’s when I saw the monster rear back, about to go for my throat.
For just a moment, time seemed move in slow motion. I saw the timberwolf’s rear legs contract, its shoulders roll back, and its front paws tuck in ever so slightly into its body. It’s mouth opened more, revealing the impossibly sharp stakes it used for fangs. I saw its eyes narrow as it went in for the killing bite.
I was then interrupted as my horn suddenly burned, and I burst into bright pink flames, sending a wave of flame around me in a circle, and catching the beast on fire. It yelped and threw itself backwards, howling like a wounded animal as the flames spread across its body. And I was screaming too, rolling around, trying to get the dirt to snuff out the flames.
I heard the sound of wood catch fire behind me as I caught sight of my already blackened limbs. My forearm was exploding in pain and I was going light-headed, no doubt due to the flames sucking out all the oxygen from the surrounding area, and the world started going white.
I would have loved a moment to cry, a moment to think of all the people and things I was going to miss, but all I experienced was the feeling of nothingness as the world faded to white.
I let out a whimper as a bright light shone down on me.
“Mmnf… what?” I managed.
I felt odd. My body was all floaty, but at the same time I felt exhausted, like I just ran a marathon. Every muscle in my body was sore and my mouth was dry.
I could feel what felt like a sheet over me, and smell the familiar antiseptic-esque smell of vodka. That probably meant I fell asleep while soaked in it again.
“Are you alright?” asked a female whose voice I didn’t recognize. “Are you feeling any pain?”
“No ma’am.” I replied hoarsely. “Where am I? Am I dead?”
I cracked open my eyes and took a moment to accept what I was seeing was actually true.
I was definitely in a hospital room, but the only other person in the room looked… off, somehow. She was pink, freckled, and her hair was purple and white. She was also a little on the bigger side.
There was something else about her… Something I just couldn’t place.
“You’re in the Ponyville General Hospital, darling,” the female responded. “And no, you’re still very much among the living.”
I let out a mighty yawn and stretched out my arms. It took me a moment to register that my left foreleg and hoof had a cast on it.
Wait, I wasn’t supposed to have hooves.
My eyes snapped wide open.
I sat up suddenly, pausing as I got suddenly lightheaded. I looked all over myself.
Everything came racing back at that moment. Waking up as a pony, the train, the forest, the timberwolf, the fire-
The fire!
“Woah woah there little miss. Take it easy.” The nurse--the pony nurse put a hoof on my shoulder. “You just woke up, the anesthetic will take some time to wear off.”
I stared down at my good forehoof. The mental image of a charred black foreleg flashed before me, but my forearm now looked fine. Still an eggshell white, but not burnt at all.
“How badly was I burnt?” I demanded, ready to hear all about my horribly disfigured face.
“Oh, not at all.” The nurse smiled. “Good thing, too. The fire got snuffed out quickly enough, but you were right in the middle of the area. Good thing you're so unique, isn’t it?”
A pang of terror welled up at those words. She knew I wasn’t normal. I wasn't ready to explain what had happened! I didn't even know what was going on!
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied, fighting to keep my voice neutral. “I’m just a regular pony.”
“Oh darling,” the nurse soothed. “I know you’re not a pony. Don’t worry, it’s not like we’re gonna judge you for the circumstances of your birth.”
“Heh, right, I forgot, I’m a dragon.” I chuckled weakly, avoiding eye contact.
Shit, I’m a terrible liar.
“Well… partially, yes.” The nurse’s eyebrows knit together.
I blinked back at her, starting to think we were maybe talking about different things.
“What I was told is that the scales and fire abilities of your race were due to dragon DNA. There was some testing done, but we haven’t really made contact with other Kirin until recently.”
Scales? Fire abilities? Kirin?! The only thing I know about Kirin was that they were a sports drink and a beer in Japan.
Okay, so slow down, think about what you’re gonna say before-
“Can I see a mirror?” I blurted out.
Well okay, or do that.
The nurse rummaged around in some of the drawers for a few moments, before grabbing the handle of a hand mirror in her mouth and carrying it over to me.
My vision was brought first to my horn. It didn't look like a normal horn, it honestly looked more like a… well, it looked like a special toy you might find on an adult website.
Looking down, I had a normal-ish looking cartoon pony face, but my muzzle had-
Holy fuck I had a beard!
I brought up my good foreleg to my chin instinctively, feeling nothing there. Upon a closer look, I didn't have a beard, but my - I guess "mane" is the right word here- blonde mane traveled down the sides of my head and met up on my chest.
Well, I was still green-eyed, that was also the same.
I turned around a couple of times, observing my whole body as the nurse watched.
So my tail was different, I had extreme floof, and a sex toy attached to my forehead. And that wasn't even the last freaky thing.
I had scales.
From the top of my muzzle up, and on my back forming almost a… a carapace. I guess it’s a good thing the nurse told me I was part dragon, because I’d really hate to be half pony and half fish.
Actually, speaking of her…
“Uhm, ma’am?” I spoke in my annoyingly high voice. “I don’t think I caught your name.”
"Oh!" the nurse said with a start. "Terribly sorry, dear. I'm Nurse Sweetheart. What is your name?"
Okay, think of a convincing pony name. My real name would not fit- wait, shit! What if Kirin names are different?
I gotta come up with something, how about…
"Sunny Meadows"
Yeah, shit, sounds good to me.
"I'm Sunny Meadows." I said slowly.
“Well it’s very nice to meet you,” Sweetheart smiled. “But can you tell me what you were doing in the Everfree Forest in the first place?”
Okay, so if I want to make a convincing cover story, I need all the facts.
“First off…” I trailed off. “Can you tell me how I got here?”
Sweetheart cleared her throat. “Well, according to the couple that found you, Golden Harvest and Written Script, their daughter was playing not too far from the Everfree Forest when they saw the magical fire plume burst into the sky. Written Script recognized it as fire from a Nirik transformation, and decided to go see if anypony was in danger. Then they saw you passed out in the middle of a blaze, and he pulled you out as the weather team put out the fire.”
Well that revealed several things to me. One, this “Written Script” character was either the bravest or stupidest person I had ever heard of, I had caused a fire with a “Nirik transformation”, probably burnt down a good portion of a forest, and killed or destroyed the homes of a lot of innocent woodland creatures. Nice going, me.
Now, Nirik transformation. Nirik was obviously Kirin backwards, so creativity points for that, I guess. The nurse seemed to be implying that it caused the fire, and I know when the fire started, my forelegs were black, and now they weren’t. They were completely untouched. So did this “transformation” turn me black? And now that I was a “Kirin” again I was back to normal colors?
Man, I was weird.
Having a chapter of dialogue ain't always a bad thing. It can get across lore, a person's background, previous occurrences (like Nurse Sweetheart saying what happened when the couple found her), and plenty of other stuff. I personally prefer dialogue (or internal thoughts) to using narration in some cases because you can add emotion and a character's perspective to the events instead of just narrating, "This happened and that happened."
In other words, no complaints here about having a dialogue-heavy chapter next time. Good job this time, too!
okay I'll be the first to admit I wonder who found her
10849438
Since she was obviously in Everfree Forest, I bet it was Big Mac. A perfect silent, gentlepony trope.
10849437
It also establishes the newcomer in new environment and in this particular case that must be important for a story. Kirins are almost cryptid from pony point of view, also there was an accident. And is she actually a filly or just high-pitched doe?
Weird is good
10846584 Basically, Venture Brothers did a satire of The Fantastic Four, where 3 of the 4 powers had some nasty side effects (except for the one who'd be Mr. Fantastic, and he was an A-hole).
The guy who Johnny Storm's power of fire was portrayed as uncontrollable, bursting into flames the instant it hit oxygen, and agonizingly painful.
Dark humor.
Yay Kirin!
Oh no, NIRIK...
Stick figure pones are best pones.
10849536
Oooooh! That would hurt!
OTOH, the author doesn't necessarily need to make it hurt--but just induce uncontrollable panic. Now that would be hilarious.
Twilight Sparkle: "Hmm... from the patterns of the burn trail throughout the forest, it looked like somepony was trying to inscribe a magic glyph of some sort--and did a real FUBAR job of it... I have NO fucking clue as to what they were trying to write."
OC: "OHGOD!OHGOD!OHFUCKINGGOD!! Thank God I've FINALLY stopped burning!!! But my arm REALLY FUCKING HURTS NOW! "
Dialog is good, it's the infodump in the form of narration that's generally bad form. It goes back to that common rule; show, don't tell.
10849551 OC burns down the entire Everfree while screaming in panic and on fire. All the monsters perish.
Aj looks at the devastation and the dawning realization that monster attacks are no a thing of the past, "Well why didn't we think ah that?"
Fluttershy sobs uncontrollably as all her animal friends in the forest got roasted, while Spike acquires a taste for BBQ.
Zecora just stands there, looking at the smoldering remains of her tree home. Princess Purple Smart lands next to her, "First time?"
So she finds ponies, and decides to completely clam up and hide everything that says she shouldn't be there? Disappointing. I find that in stories like these that often leads to them dragging their feet and never trying to fix the problem while constantly bemoaning how terrible it is.
I wonder what triggers transformations. It has to be more specific than just fear, right?
sunny meadow as a name for oc...? eh I hope she changes it just doesn't seem to fit her personality... or comfort to take it serious that name feel like the drug and pain fault for her naming sense at the moment
so the ponies know more Kirin since the nurse said recently that be something... does this mean there moose n skittle bugs around?
10849820
Eh.. and I think it's OC name. Actually I know a kirin named Sunny but she's quite... reserved person, not sure if she would write a story. Jinzou, do I know her?
Ah, we find ourselves safely in Ponyville, most excellent.
I legit cracked up.
Ah, the traditional Everfree welcome. Well, one of them. It was either this or a manticore.
And the equally traditional waking up in the hospital. It'll definitely be interesting how Sunny proceeds from here. I have to wonder if this sort of thing has happened before in this Equestria.
10849438
10849483
It was Written Script.
10849505
Actual smol
10849536
Pfft, that's funny.
10849543
W H A T T H E H A Y
10849589
With this comment you have murderered me. I am deceased now.
10849648
She clams up while trying to figure things out. She's completely out of her element and is still reeling from the shock.
She will come clean.
10849776
The way I have it pictured it's an adrenal reaction. Fear and anger. Depending on the severity of the emotion, the more adrenaline, it gets worse.
Which is why when arguing a Nirik transformation is just a sudden burst of flame.
But when you think you're about to be killed, it's a plume of flame.
10849820
Not in this story, but it does take place after Sounds of Silence, yes.
10849874
You do not.
10849888
10850064
I wouln't say in this Equestria, no. Or maybe it does and we won't find out.
10850224
Why does written script apear everywere
10850300
I've never seen him in a story before.
Then again I don't read as much as I used to anymore either.
10850224
That's good to hear. To do otherwise woukd just establish a sympathetic protagonist in a bad situation, only to remove the sympathy.
10850064
Honestly, I haven't seen a manticore greeting in years. It seems Timberwolves are the new norm.
I'm almost tempted to write a manticore just for nostalgia.10849589
Fucking-A Awesome!!!
10850300
I've read hundreds of stories and this is the first time I've seen his name.
10854134
really? i see him all over the place
No mention of her eye color?
10854136
What stories do you read?
10854142
a good bit of displaced, some slice of life, the occasinal derpy story and what ever catches my eye
10854140
No idea what you're talking about. Definitely didn't edit that chapter so it says eye color a few lines later.
No idea.
10854585
Your right, my apologies.
10854164
Almost the same as me.
10860684
My answer, they eat hay. All the time. Thats a grass stalk. I don't recall them visually eating lawn grass but its functionally the same thing. But its been a while and i need to watch the series again. But if they can eat hay they can eat other grasses.
10861366
That's a fair answer. Thanks.
Hey, lookit me. Finally putting aside some time to read.
Sunny Meadows... adorable.
Nurse Sweetheart sounds like her name matches. No surprise there.
Pony racism got brought up indirectly with Sweetheart saying she wasn't going to judge based on circumstances of birth. Wonder if that'll be a thing in the future.
Now we get to see Sunny either try to get home, or stay in Utopia and make a life for herself.
Looking forward to the story she comes up with.
Onward
She has an interesting interest in toys. 😇
Kirin Transformation! First time I've seen THAT on this site!
11263966
Well canon Kirin at least.
10849776
Jeez this is old. Anyways, if we look at it from a biological pov, theres little point to a physical transformation like that just for arguing with everyone, family friends and strangers alike. It's more likely it's a response to lots of adrenaline or stress to give them more power in battles for territory or for survival in the wild as it's probably a mix between the instincts of the prey pony species and the predatory dragons they originate from. Dragons are an extremely combative species whilst we've seen a mana surge from Twilight when she was trying to figure out the Pinkie Sense, changing her form and letting magic flow from all her body rather than just her horn. Taking the existence of Changelings and Crystal ponies into account and their strength coming from emotions and it may be a mana surge that spikes their emotions up rapidly and consumes the greatly increased emotions as a secondary fuel to give them more magic in an emergency. If I recall correctly Twilight was quite tired after her surge, though admittedly that may have just been from the migrane that trying to put labels on Pinkie caused.