The Breakdown-
There's no feeling quite like somebody "opening the floodgates" inside your head.
It's like you're on a tiny island in the middle of a giant storm with torrential downpour, and you're the only one that's still dry. I can feel the urge to sob, but I just don't have the same emotional attachment.
I also feel like a giant asshole for not being able to do a damn thing to really comfort her outside of words of sympathy.
With another surge of sadness, I got knocked off fronting and thrown into the mindroom. I watched through our eyes, currently brimming with tears, as we curled up into a ball and shut down.
"Hey." I thought gently. "Shh. It's okay."
"It's not okay!" Sunny sobbed. "I did it! I killed him!"
"I know you didn't mean to do anything. Are you sure you didn't misunderstand what happened?"
I watched the screen as Sunny nodded quietly, rubbing her nose against her lower stomach, leaving a small trail of mucus.
She sniffed and continued sobbing.
"Sunny?" I asked softly. She responded by shaking her head and squeezing her eyes shut.
Okay Jenny, she's going internal. You need to do something.
I remembered I forced myself to front when Noi was in danger. If I could recreate that, I could…
I tried my best to put myself back into the mindspace where I rescued Noi, just…
Just have to…
I had no idea what I was doing. Shit.
My best hope was either to talk it out, or wait till another pony in the house found me.
Considering those two options, the right choice was pretty clear.
God, I hope I don't fuck this up.
"Is that really how you see yourself?" I asked softly. "A monster? A murderer?"
Sunny gave the slightest pause, before nodding.
"I don't." I replied stubbornly. "I've met some awful people. Some monsters. Not once would I ever consider you anything like that. Even without knowing what happened, I trust that you're not to blame."
The sobs stopped.
"You don't know what happened." Sunny insisted with a sniff. "You weren't there."
"Yeah. I wasn't." I admitted. "But even if you never tell me, for our entire lives, I will be convinced that you didn't do anything wrong. The worst would be an accident."
"You haven't known me long enough to say that." Sunny insisted.
"I've known you long enough to say you're my little sister, and I love you."
Sunny didn't respond.
"Please tell me. Let me share your pain."
Sunny let out a quiet sigh.
"You won't hate me?"
"I promise." I smiled at her.
"...Okay…" She whispered.
"So…" I started.
Sunny had spent the last few minutes trying to calm down and think out her story. Probably also trying to think out how to escape telling it too.
With a short sigh, Sunny's story began.
"I told you already that Dad brought over my mathematics teacher for dinner after I yelled at him."
"Right."
"Well… I was already feeling really bad for yelling, and I already didn't like him, so my tummy was all tied up in knots the whole dinner. I could tell the whole thing was tense because Dad made his meatloaf, and that's usually a big treat."
The statement took a few moments to process.
"Wait, Kirin eat meat?" I interrupted.
"Rarely." Sunny answered monotonously "It's a big treat and usually for birthdays and stuff."
"Huh. Sorry I interrupted, please continue."
Sunny let out another short sigh. "The dinner started really well. My teacher, Mr. Silver, was a little more understanding since the whole event was really stressful for everyone, but he was insisting that I needed to stop playing pretend."
"What an asshole." I thought.
"He was." Sunny replied. "Dad agreed. Very rarely did he ever raise his voice. But he did to him."
"Oh boy. Bet that didn't go well."
Sunny was quiet for a few moments. "I really hate it when others argue. It reminds me of mom and dad. Well, my birth dad."
Finally, the pieces clicked.
"You went nirik there, didn't you? For the first time?" I asked.
"..."
"Sunny." I gently pressed.
"Orange could tell I was feeling really bad." Sunny spoke quietly. "Tried defending me. Started shouting, too. I… I couldn't. It was too loud. Too many others arguing. I couldn't think. My mind couldn't take it."
"Something had to spark the transformation." I guessed.
"He was trying to protect me." Sunny whispered. "Orange was just trying to help. All I remember is just… him shouting something…"
The silence was so thick you could cut it with a butter knife.
"All I remember before everyone went full nirik is just him…" Sunny spoke slowly. "He told Dad that the teacher touched me."
A wave of fiery anger exploded in my chest.
"And did he?" I snarled.
The constant flow of guilt coming from Sunny stopped.
"Well, of course."
There was another full moment when I struggled to find the words.
"Not that I was trying to be a bad student!" Sunny tried reassuring me. "I just… had some issues with sleep."
And like that, all the anger disappeared at once.
"Sunny… where did he touch you?"
"Um, usually the shoulder? Sometimes he nudged a hoof or my head if that didn't wake me."
Oh my god. She was referring to sleeping in class. Thank fuck.
"He never touched your…" I stalled. How even would a kid phrase this? "Private areas?"
"What, like Nurse Sweetheart did when you couldn't wipe?" Sunny asked slowly.
"No, inappropriately. Against your will. He might have said so-"
"THAT'S WHAT ORANGE MEANT?!" Sunny burst out with a wave of alarm. "No! Of course not! I didn't like Mr. Silver, but he'd never do something like that!"
Okay, so that went better than expected, to a tiny degree.
"That makes sense why Dad got so mad, then." Sunny's gaze met the floor. "All because Orange lied. He went nirik, my teacher went nirik…"
"And you did too." I guessed. "I remember you telling me the first time you go nirik, it's always explosive."
Sunny sighed. "After the ponies came and Autumn Blaze returned with some skills with her nirik form, kirin have been living like we can control the monsters inside. But we can't."
"So, you went nirik, and what, the house caught on fire?" I pressed. "That can't be it, you told me kirin are almost fireproof."
"I never said they burned to d-death." Sunny whispered. "The house was all thatch and old wood. They suffocated. Trapped under the burning ruins of my house."
Sunny wiped away a tear.
"It's not the first time it happened in the village. It won't be the last. Like I said, Jenny. We're all monsters."
There was silence for a few moments as I searched for something to say.
"No." I decided.
"No… what?"
"No, you aren't a monster because of that. That's the last word that comes to mind. Your condition is something you literally can't help and you've been living with it for your whole life. If I were to call you anything, it'd be a warrior."
"But…" Sunny argued.
"But nothing." I interrupted. "It takes something special to have all the shit you've had thrown at you, and still wake up everyday and do your best. ESPECIALLY for somebody as young as you."
Sunny sniffed and wiped her nose. "Really?"
"Yeah. Really." I tried to add a reassuring tone to my thought. "Nobody could blame you for that. The sad truth is, sometimes horrible things happen to good people. Or, well, good kirin. The measure of somebody's character is what they do after. You could have shut down, refused to adapt. But no, you kept going to the best of your abilities and look at you now. In the middle of a loving home with ponies who really care for you."
"Yeah, how long until this family breaks too?" Sunny whispered. "Or dies? I still can't control the nirik form."
Shit, how do you even respond to that?
"There are specialists here that can help you with anger, and probably fear." I explained. "Resources it sounds like your village didn't have. And trust me, as soon as you start to settle, the fear will start to fade."
"So… I wait and it gets better?" Sunny studied the back of her hoof. "That hasn't worked before."
"You didn't have the same chances before." I smiled. "And you didn't have me. I'll drag you to improvement no matter what it takes."
Sunny sighed. "That's what Smokey said, too."
I paused. "Wait, if both you and Smokey got out of the fire, why don't you think the others did, too? Didn't you leave right after it?"
"Smokey wasn't there. She was at her boyfriend's. I only survived because I was screaming until she finally managed to find me and dig me out. They… stopped making noise before anybody found me."
"You mean you were trapped under the house and awake? How long did it take to rescue you?"
Sunny took a moment to quietly study her tail. "I dunno. It felt like hours but I know that's probably not true. All I remember is a painful heat and my own screaming. Then after she dug me out, Smokey dragged me to the Shaman, I fell asleep while she made my friends disappear, and then we snuck on the train. That's when you woke up."
Jesus, no wonder this kid was terrified of fire. If all that's true… she's way stronger than I thought.
Definitely stronger than me.
"Sunny, I am so insanely proud of you." I finally managed.
That definitely wasn't the reaction she was expecting.
"What?" She squeaked. "Why?! Now you know the whole truth! I don't deserve pride."
"Yeah, I know the whole truth, and I still agree with what I said earlier. Most people don't see that level of trauma in their life, and you're still here, tough as nails. Can't you see how impressive that is?"
A wave of confusion hit me "...No?"
The constant flow of sadness emanating from her stopped.
"You won't have the same perspective as me because you're a lot younger, but trust me. When your older you'll realize how tough you are. Hell, ask Script or Golden and I'd bet they'd say the same."
"No!" Sunny responded quickly. "Don't tell them! They'll send me back home!"
"...Why would they do that?"
"Well I… I broke the rules. That means I deserve punishment. Wouldn't they bring me back?"
"No." I scoffed. "Listen, here, nobody would put a child to death for an accident. That's ridiculous. Ponies have different values than kirin."
Sunny chewed on her lip for a second. "How can you know that? You've only known ponies half a day longer than me, but you know way more than I do about them. You're not even from here, right?"
Oh shit.
How could I even explain that? I mean, I had to tell the truth. I couldn't lie. If not for moral reasons, for the fact that she can read my thoughts.
"Well uh… it all started when my little brother wanted to show me something he'd been getting into-"
"So, one of us isn't real." Sunny replied slowly.
"I dunno. We both have full lives we remember." I shrugged. "So that doesn't make any sense."
"And we're both here, so that means-"
"That the most likely answer is my past knowledge is wrong."
Sunny was quiet for a few moments. "Is that why you've had such weird reactions to some ponies here?"
I chuckled. "Got it in one. You're smart as a whip, kid."
"And…" Sunny continued cautiously. "You really think this… therapist pony can help?"
"I've never been too into the mental side of medicine, but I've heard really good things."
"But I'd need to talk about my past." Sunny's voice got small.
"Well, yes."
"Would you…" I could feel a wave of anxiety wash over me. "Come with me? I want to be able to control my nirik form, but I dunno if I can go alone."
"We literally share the same body." I sassed. "I would have to even if I didn't want to."
"No, like-" Sunny awkwardly played with a lock of fur on her foreleg. "You get help too? Maybe you can stop being so angry and we can be… better."
"I'm not angry, I'm assert-"
The realization of what she was trying to say felt like a slap in the face.
"Are you worried about me triggering the nirik form?"
"I mean I know you did that one time to save me, but… none of my other friends have triggered one for me. And… I already feel like I have no control when in nirik, but if somebody else does it for me… y'know?"
Goddamit.
I mean, that's fair, but…
"Yeah, okay. For you. Let's go talk to Script."
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Long time no see!
11421912
I've been busy trying to exist. Not fun.
Welcome back!
Excellent to see both Jenny and Sunny are going to get some mental help. Hopefully we'll get to see Jenny make some better life choices this time around.
11421919
Yeah, existing sucks
At least there's fanfics to read
hey welcome!
Well that's fun, I picked this story up a few days ago, reached the end of what was written, and a couple hours later there was already a new chapter
I really like this story so far, I almost dropped it early on because watching Jenny feed her addiction was uncomfortable, but I'm glad I stuck around. Seeing the two of them work through and help each other with their trauma is really heartwarming. Tragic and confronting, but heartwarming when they work together.
11422008
Amen brother and/or sister
You may have meant "the house caught on fire"?
Edit: now that I've read it a couple of times I guess you were meaning " So, you went nirik, and what, you caught the house on fire."?
Nice
In the wake of "Sounds of Silence", I've seen multiple fans suggest that the Kirin should maybe have looked into using less flammable materials for their homes.
Good chapter, and yay your back!
Reminds me of part of Trials of Mana. If you get the chance, look up Kevin's backstory.
Multiple universe theory confirmed?
Hey now, we're back in business! Good chapter this, glad to see they're both committing to helping each other.
Aplaudiendo con la polla
11422225 They have full lives, both of them with memories of creatures and magic or tech beyond the capacity of the imagination of the other.
If either one was mentally calm and collected enough to think rationally, they ONLY logical conclusion is that a soul from the human world was shoved into the kirin's body.
One can fantasize all one likes, but to have another separate consciousness imagine technology one has never seen AND to know even a little how it functions cannot be mere delusion or hallucination.
It is a simple fact that a mind cannot conceive of that which is vastly beyond it's comprehension.
it's back
11421999
One can only hope.
11422060
That's funny considering my last update was five months ago. Glad you liked it!
11422083
11422116
Fixed, thanks.
11422175
You'd think so, wouldn't you?
11422201
I might look into it. Unfamiliar with that... game?
11422339
Yeah... I don't speak Spanish and Google Translate is really not helping.
11422620
I mean realistically, yes, that makes sense. But Jenny isn't really... all that wise.
11422700
I am confusion.
In other news: an update! Huzzah!
Thank you for the new chapter! I love it! Also, SO glad the poor thing hadn't been abused by her teacher, though our Human's reaction to the potential news was concerning. She really hates men, huh?
11423352
Why are you confusion?
11423451
...no? If a little kid said something that would imply she was molested, I'd react strongly too. I don't see what that has to do with hating men.
11423456
Well of course.
So she thought it was typical for this kind of thing to happen to children.
11423470
Oh. No, that was Sunny saying that, because she misunderstood what Jenny was saying.
"well, of course" and there's the drop. Here's to hoping Jenny catches on to the fact that they both should be forthcoming at least to each other,and dispel assumptions.
You get a therapy! And you get a therapy! Therapies for everyone!
11423503
Soooo I misunderstood that? Well poo. Open mouth, insert foot... mmm tasty foot. Lol
11423128
Relax is a expression of great admiration
11423456
That “but” doesn’t feel correct. It confused me. So I thought I’d try to be funny and reference that “Kansas vs. Arkansas” vine.
11423128 Obviously!
It's why I am the best isekai! I came from a world of corruption and monsters beyond description! (Alondro is from New Jersey...)
11423556
Oh, alright then.
11423580
Fixed the extra word but I have no idea what vine you're talking about.
11423674
A fate worse than death, truly.
11423691
Yea a new update thank u love the ch answered alot of questions can't wait 4 more
Heck of a chapter for the big comeback. Wonderful heart-to-heart, especially when Sunny turned it back on Jenny. Practicing what you preach does help encourage others to go along with it. Looking forward to more. Especially what that poor therapist goes through in the first session.
11426435
Oh that therapist is gonna be so lost .
welp time to reread the story because I forgot the plot
11428059
Fair enough. Hope you enjoy.
Welcome back!
Really helpful that they have therapist of sorts at home : )
11428443
I will
11428958
At home? Huh?
11429198
Well, Script is kinda therapist, no?
11429246
Nah, he's just a good guy.
11429250
He told it himself in previous chapter?
11429267
Oh. Yeah. That's a good point. I don't know how that escaped me, considering I wrote it.
I'm gonna blame it on being a Monday.
11429271
Eh, it happens : ) Really interesting story so far!
11429301
Thank you!
Holy wow! All caught up and.. dang. I realy hope the therapist can help.
Can't wait to go see them talk out there problems