• Published 3rd Jun 2021
  • 14,237 Views, 934 Comments

All Smoke, No Mirrors - Jinzou



I don't know what I am, where I am, or how I got here. I also have no idea why I keep catching on fire.

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Fix (Me)

“All set, uh, kiddo?” Script gave me an unconvincingly large smile. I could tell his knees were locked out, which was unusual. He also had a slightly twitching left ear and the hair on the… whatever you call the back of a horse’s neck, was bristling.

I was far from an expert at pony body language, but he was either seething, and trying to hide it, or nervous. The first was bad for me since I doubt I could overpower a fully grown pony without Nirik form, and then I had to focus on limiting damages, and the second was bad for him because… who the hell would be scared of a little girl? What a little bitch.

I dunno. I guess that might be the wrong way of looking at it. He was there for the foster program, he was probably just worried about me. I don’t know if he saw my mini-meltdown, but I am skipping out on my own party. And from what I remember of this show, the town was a thousand percent behind everything the Pink Menace did.

“Good to go.” I responded lifelessly. I knew I felt tired, though whether or not that was because interacting with Pinkie drained me, or I was in the body of a little kid and it was late, I didn’t know.

My vision fell to the dirt all the same.

The walk back was quiet, neither of us speaking. I'm quite glad Script was leading, because the orientation of the town was baffling to me. I was used to paved, straight streets. Roads that branched off only at ninety degrees. Cities either shaped like spiderwebs, or with enough landmarks to easily orient yourself and map out the whole thing in your head.

Ponyville was small and chaotic. There was town central, which had all the main attractions like Town Hall, Sugarcube Corner, Barnyard Bargains, and Carousel Boutique. Off to the east, assuming the sun still set in the west here, was a massive, disorganized housing area. And navigating everything there was a nightmare. There were no street signs, and the streets weren't even straight. Not to mention they were dirt roads. I can only assume they had to memorize how many streets down and houses across they were.

Come to think of it, there was one attraction I hadn't seen yet. One you'd think would stand out.

"Hey Script," I asked. "Where's the library?"

"In the castle." He responded evenly.

"You mean that garish looking crystal tower?" I felt my ears perk up. What did that mean for Golden Oaks?

"Yes. That's Princess Twilight Sparkle's castle." He nodded.

I froze.

Princess… Twilight?

Holy shit. No.

"Well, it was." He continued. "Ever since she took the throne of Princess Celestia and Luna, her student has used that for her own purposes."

The world was spinning around me. My breath was coming in short, quick bursts. I lost control of my forelegs and stumbled forward.

"... She's a princess?" I managed to gasp.

Script, not seeming to notice anything was wrong, continued unabated.

"Has been ever since she earned her wings, yes. Do Kirin know much about that? We used to just have three Princesses. One for the sun, one for the moon, and one for love. But now we have five."

"Five." I repeated. I sat down hard.

Script heard that. He turned around, wide eyed, and his vision raked over me. He laid down in front of me and gently put a hoof on my shoulder.

"Je- Sunny. I'm here. It's okay. Tell me what's wrong."

Use the context clues you idiot!

"Blood pressure… dropping." I gasped. Bugs were crawling under my skin. My right ear was twitching like crazy and so was the tip of my tail. I let out a violent shudder and tears appeared in my eyes. My body radiated heat and power, and small wisps of smoke raised from my hooves.

Stupid fucking body. Respond to me. Stop crying like a baby!

But I couldn't. Twilight, the adorable, sarcastic book nerd was a princess? With a student? And had taken over Celestia's throne? Nononono this was wrong. Everything was wrong. This wasn't the world I knew.

Script scooched over and pressed his body against me. "Listen to my voice, Sunny. You're okay. Feel the ground under your hooves. Feel my coat. You're here, you're okay."

Yes, ground myself. That's good, just…

"I don't… I… I…" I licked my lips. My mouth was dry. "I can't…"

I smelled smoke.

I squeezed my eyes shut, and the dizziness took a plunge for the worse. I didn't even hear the light thud of my body hitting the ground before I passed out.


My eyes opened.

There was a yellow creature gazing down at me. It was a pony. One who looked somewhat familiar.

I shook my head.

"Noi?" I asked, reaching up a hoof to rub my head. I could feel something soft on my back and laying lightly across my stomach. Beyond Noi's head, I could see stars.

Plastic stars.

I was back in my new bed.

"Dad says you took a nap on the road." Noi stated matter-of-factly. "It sounds uncomfortable to me."

"I wasn't sleeping." I grunted, sitting up with some effort. "I was unconscious."

Noi cocked her head to her left, her left ear flopping and right eyebrow arching. "What's the difference?"

"Sleep involved delta waves and rapid e-" I began, then sighed. "Nevermind. I was asleep."

Noi blinked slowly, then nodded her head. "Checks out."

"Jenny." Golden's voice came from off to the left. "Are you feeling okay? Do you want us to call the doctor?"

I didn't even turn to address her. It felt wrong, her just being there, watching me. Besides, Script was there when I passed out. Where was he? "I'm fine. Just… not used to being up this late. I'm going to go to sleep. Y'all two should as well."

Noi nodded again. "You must be exhausted if you fell asleep outside.'' She reasoned, before climbing down the bunk ladder and into her own bed.

I didn't have to look to know Golden hadn't moved away.

"I'm fine." I repeated pointedly, turning to face away from her. I drew the blanket up farther.

"I'm sorry your first day has been so hard." Golden spoke softly. "Please let me know if I can do anything for you."

I'm not sure why, but that response pissed me off. I grit my teeth as I toyed with the idea of spitting something venomous at her. But I didn't. I stayed quiet. I just wished she’d stopped looking at me.

Golden let out a quiet sigh. "You know where my room is, if you need. Good night."

I rubbed my muzzle and curled up tighter. My mind was racing a million miles per hour and I was stuck not having any idea what to do with it. My muscles twitched with energy. I could definitely feel the bubbling presence of anxiety in my gut, and my body was raring to go like I just injected a shit-ton of caffeine into my veins. I was going to go crazy if I didn't do something.

I climbed down the ladder and made my way to the kitchen. I mean, it's not like I could leave. I'd get lost if I left the house. I could go to the backyard, but I couldn't really run either. Not on my broken leg.

I groaned loudly. I needed a distraction. I needed…

Wait...

I rubbed hard at my muzzle again. My left shoulder spasmed. I did my best to suppress a full body twitch.

I could smell vodka.

It had been a week. A full fucking week with no alcohol. My chest spasmed and I rubbed my muzzle again. This was new. This was new and I hated it and I couldn't stand it.

I trotted to the cabinet under the sink and pulled out the air freshener. I sprayed it until it was completely gone, but still the scent lingered.

It's psychological. I told myself, rubbing my nose with more force, my shoulder twitching. I had to stay away from it. For Sunny. I can't drag her down into the same pit I've been living in.

Of course Sunny was using her coping mechanism now. Letting me front and hiding from all her issues. What about my coping mechanism? I could sense there was alcohol here.

I had to stay strong. Stay strong for the little, scared girl trusting me to keep our body safe. To not blow our future. But this was the first time in years I had gone a day without even a little bit of alcohol.

I mean, how much would a couple sips hurt? A small buzz?

I reached out and smacked myself across my muzzle.

Listen you goddamn addict! I screamed at myself. You don't get to enable this sort of thing around a kid!

My body shuddered again and tears appeared in my eyes. Partially from the pain, partially from the fact that I just didn't know how to deal with problems and emotions in a way not involving alcohol. Curse whatever force put me in the mind of this child.

But like I said, Sunny had her own coping skills.

I shook my head furiously and glanced up. If the parents were smart, they'd hide any alcohol high up, make it harder for kids to reach. There were cabinets far above me. I could probably open them if I stood on my hind legs on the island an-

"Talk to somebody!" I spoke aloud. But who? Obviously not Noi or Sunny. Script was an adult but he didn't seem like he could really have that deep a conversation about alcohol, no offense to him, and there's no way in hell I was entrusting in Golden.

Just a few sips, to calm your nerves. That won't make Sunny an alcoholic.

I turned to gaze at the cabinets again, and made up my mind.

I dragged over a chair to the island, and used that to jump up onto it, then the counter. Using my good foreleg to keep myself from falling on my back, I yanked open cabinet by cabinet with my mouth.

I saw cereal. Crackers. Other bullshit foodstuffs. Until I reached the second to last one, and spotted bottles. The first one looked like olive oil.

If only I could read this fucking language.

I climbed into the cabinet and began my search.

Bottle after bottle.

Nonsense on every label.

Caps I couldn’t open.

I was giving up hope.

But there it was. A single, unassuming bottle at the very back. A familiar amber-esque liquid.

I pushed toward it, elbowing other bottles out of the way. I heard the sound of one of the bottles falling to the ground and shattering against the floor.

It didn’t matter.

I grasped the bottle close, afraid life would decide to fuck me up and somehow seperate me from the only way to navigate through this new life.

I couldn’t twist off the cap. It was already loosened, the bottle only about three quarters full.

I couldn’t figure out the magic in hooves. I needed some other fix for this.

After a moment of consideration, I bit the cap as hard as possible and yanked my head to the right. I couldn’t turn the bottle with my hooves, so I had to squeeze my entire body around the bottle as I turned the cap with my teeth.

It was a terrible solution.

It was the only solution.

As the cap came free, my entire body tensed. I was about to find my only real solution to my current life.

I sniffed at the neck of the bottle. A overwhelmingly syrup-y smell assaulted my nostrils.

Rum.

Not my favorite by any regard, but it smelled strong, and that’s just what I needed.

A moment later the liquid was meeting my lips.

It was horrible. It was too strong.

It was amazing. It was just what I needed.

It was relief from the stresses of the world.

It was peace.


“NAANTS IGONYAMA BAGITI BABA! KUMBAYA! KUMBAYA!” I shouted, finding myself standing on two legs on top of the table.

A moment later, as I was puzzling over the next line of lyrics, I heard steps coming from the hallway.

A blue horse stared at me, rubbing a forehoof against its eye.

“Sunny, what in Celestia’s name are you doing?” The horse asked.

Oh right. I was pony.

I lost my balance and landed on all four hooves. I slowly sat down, pretending I landed on purpose.

“Hiya Sccccript! I was s-singing about the circle of life, which is kinda fi-” I hiccuped, before staring up at Script happily “-fitting because my life is pony horsey time, y’know?”

Script silently stared at me as I tried to climb onto two legs again. I wanted to sing more of the song, but I forgot all the lyrics.

“Circle of l-” I claimed with confidence, before losing my balance again and falling off the table. I hit the floor with a soft “oof”.

“...I am o-kay!” I announced.

I took a moment to collect my bearings, which ultimately failed as I was suddenly on the horsey friend’s back. I let myself relax as I felt his haunches move in rhythm with his steps. He was leading me somewhere, which was good. Unless it was bad, and he was leading me somewhere bad, like a sacrificial altar.

Turns out I wasn’t heading to a sacrificial altar, as I found myself getting dragged by the scruff of my neck into the lower bunk of the bunk bed, next to what looked like a snoozing small yellow dog.

I crossed my not-arms in the best impression of a crossed-arms movement as possible and put on my best frown as the larger pony carried me like a kitten. I was NOT a kitten. I felt covers being pulled up to my chin, and Script took an awkward seat next to my bed.

“Do you, uh…” He began, his eyebrows doing the thing where they looked concerned or whatever. “Do you need a bucket?”

I paused to consider his question.

Nah, I could still make decent sense of my surroundings. I wasn’t that fucked up.

“Nope!” I smiled big. “But I do need to pee."

Script looked back, unfazed. “Oh, okay. Let me know if you need help. I’ll be here.”

My mind went nightclub mode instantly. “Oh, is that a promise, big man?”

I did my best to wink at him, but I’m pretty sure I fucked up and just gave him a very meaningful blink.

I couldn’t really remember our relationship, but one of my favorite things while drunk was leading guys on. They either got so mad or so serious. So…

“Hey!” I pointed at Script. At least I think so. There were two of him unless I closed one eye. “I gotta go, y'know? Wanna help me?”

I could see his eyebrows furrow. For several moments, I entertained myself by closing alternative eyelids, watching his position change in the room.

“I’ll help if you want.” Script replied after a moment. “Can you not walk?”

I tried gracefully dropping to the floor, ended up flopping, then stood up, regarding the floor for a moment.

“Nope. I ddddon’t remember how to.” I slurred.

Without a sigh or any words of complaint, I found myself suddenly on his back again, winding through the house.

I did my best to try and not puke all over his back, and I'm pretty sure I was successful.

I was just as successful when I finally managed to get myself situated over the piss trough things, and tried making the whole process as loud as possible. I think I pissed all over my tail, but who cares? Sometimes life be like that, y'know? It was its fault for getting in the way.

My adventure ended when Script picked me up like a kitten again, and placed me back in the bed. He magically disappeared for a few moments, then came back with a plastic beach bucket-y thing, whatever those are called.

There was a wet rag or something on the side that he picked up with a hoof. Freaking magical hooves, man.

"Tail." He ordered.

"Heads!" I laughed. "I win! But where's the quarter?"

Script furrowed his brows and stared at me for a moment, before grabbing my tail gently and raising the rag.

Maybe it had more alcohol and he was expecting me to buttchug. I mean, I had never tried, but I wasn't saying I wouldn't try it. Maybe more with somebody I knew better, though. Or maybe not.

He got to work cleaning my tail, giving me a small smile. "Don't want to have to go to sleep covered with the smell of urine, right?"

Wouldn't be the first time, buddy.

I rolled over in the bed and spotted the yellow thing again.

"Puppy!" I whispered, wrapping my arms around it. I loved dogs.

I felt something under me get tugged, then something soft lay over me.

"There's a pail here if you need to throw up." The dude spoke from behind me. "I'll be a shout away. Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks!" I chirped. I buried my face in the nape of the puppy's neck in front of me.

I closed my eyes, figuring this was as good a place as any to spend the night. I'd find the way home in the morning.

I couldn't wait to do it again tomorrow.