• Published 3rd Jun 2021
  • 14,121 Views, 934 Comments

All Smoke, No Mirrors - Jinzou



I don't know what I am, where I am, or how I got here. I also have no idea why I keep catching on fire.

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The Next Chapter (of Life)

Nurse Sweetheart made a big deal of clutching at her chest and gasping.

"Beg pardon?!"

"Oh don't be so melodramatic." I snapped. "I have no pity for you if you never saw this coming. This isn't my world, isn't my fight, and I think we can both tell I'm not a good role model for a traumatized child like Sunny. You'd be doing us both good."

"Well I can't… can't do that!" Sweetheart stumbled over her words.

"Can't, or won't?"

"Well, both!" Sweetheart stood up a little taller. "How can you… I.. I'm not even…"

Two days ago they had changed the bandages on my not-broken foreleg, so I was able to rub the bridge of my nose in irritation while I waited for her to figure out what to say.

Sweetheart took several deep steadying breaths and met my eyes. I'm guessing she hadn't dealt with anything like this before, because I know nurses were trained to be professional and not overreact like she just did.

Stupid utopic world.

"Jenny, dear, are you suicidal?"

That threw me for a loop. That was not in the script I formulated for this conversation. She was supposed to stubbornly insist I stay until I eventually got her to agree to look into the matter.

I paused for a moment to think of my response.

"If I say 'no' will that increase my chances of getting removed?"

Sweetheart took a moment to compose herself.

"Why do you want to be 'removed', sweetie?"

I wanted to reply with something sarcastic or scathing, but one look into her eyes stopped me in my tracks. She'd done nothing but do her best to help me since I first woke up in the hospital, even staying overtime after I burned her.

I couldn't.

All my tact and cunning failed me all at once.

"I uh…" I stammered, my mind not filtering my words out in time. "Don't deserve another chance."


A couple hours later, Golden, Script, and Noi came to pick me up. Sunny had finally agreed to the foster care with them, not even daring to ask about other options, much to my chagrin.

I get that Sunny was young, but she was far too timid. She did remind me a bit of Fluttershy, but she never seemed to be scared around new ponies. In fact, I may just have been imagining things, but it seemed most times when she hid, it was to avoid some sort of confrontation. Perhaps predictably, most often with me. When she'd try to slink away, I'd often tell her to stand her ground, grab life by the horns and skullfuck it until it gives in (she protested my language right after), and that nobody famous ever got to where they were by flinching at their foes.

She also seemed terrified of making anybody upset or hurting their feelings. Maybe that was just her being a shy little girl, though.

Or then again, maybe not. Little kids have no social filters and are usually assholes because of that.

Nevertheless, I met up with the family, Script and Golden all smiles, while Noi was babbling on about a comic book or something.

And soon enough I was discharged and checked out of the hospital. Golden was handed some pain pills I could use that wouldn't get me high, and another copy of "the pamphlet", because Noi tore up the last one to use as paper-mache. I'm guessing "the pamphlet" was a bunch of do's and don'ts in taking proper care of me and Sunny. Probably filled with a bunch of bullshit that wouldn't make a difference.

"So, off we go." Golden gave me a smile as we neared the exit. "Anything else you want to ask while we're here? Or to get before we go home?"

There was one thing that would completely change my experience with foster care. One thing that could make or break my future here.

"Do y'all have a dog?"


They didn't.

That might be for the best, considering I never liked ankle biters and I was a bit too small for much bigger. Sure, I could probably grow into the size, but I have an unfortunately clear memory of the last time I was around a bigger dog and about the same size.

I was eight or nine at my grandmother's house, hanging by the outside of her pool. That's when her giant living cotton ball "Angel" decided to hold me down and dry hump me until my mom pulled him off.

I never really liked Samoyeds after that.

So yeah, probably a good thing there weren't any dogs.

There was, however, a large fish tank in Noi's room. Well… I guess our room now. There were fish of all size and color, and the fish tank alone took up half the wall. It had lights going on all the time, because apparently, as Noi admitted to me while wildly embarrassed, she's still "a little scared of the dark".

The rest of the house was frankly uninteresting. There were a lot of family photographs and the only real thing of note was everything was a lot lower to the ground than you'd find in a human house. The ceiling was probably just six feet off the ground.

The kitchen was painted that typical, boring cross of yellow and tan. It had marbled countertops and a kitchen island that apparently doubled as a dinner table. The room was vaguely shaped like a horseshoe.

On the other side of the right wall in the kitchen was the living room. Tiled floors made way for a dark blue carpet. They had one of those couches that had a ninety degree angle to it, and it looked like it was made with leather. Considering cows were sentient in this world, if I was remembering right, at least, I figured it was probably something else. On the far side was a bookcase and a lamp with a dull shade.

To the left of the living room was a hallway running parallel with the kitchen. There were three doors. One in the middle, which led to a bathroom. The doors on each other side led to the bedrooms.

Our room was painted purple, and somebody had stuck a bunch of those glow-in-the-dark stars to the ceiling. Which sucked, because I forgot to mention we were set up with bunk beds. Noi had claimed the bottom one, and refused to be talked out of it.

Turns out neither of us were fans of heights. So I had that, and the stupid stars right over me.

I could almost reach out and touch the ceiling.

Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I was ungrateful for being taken in. It was a hell lot better than being homeless, but it was just… so fast. Besides, I didn't know these ponies that well, had really only talked to Script and had already been getting weird vibes from Golden. Also, I was now living with a little kid.

I may have already mentioned that I don't like kids.

I chewed at my lip as I stared at the fish tank in front of me. I did my best to amuse myself by watching a large dark blue fish swim lazily around.

The day so far had been busy, but not terribly interesting. After we had left the hospital, they took me around, got me ice cream, showed me some of the hallmarks of the town, most of which I had already seen from the show. I think the only two I hadn't seen were a giant crystal… thing, which I figured was an embassy of some sort, and Barnyard Bargains, which was just like a regular store or commissary. Golden insisted on buying me something there, so I got a small candy bar.

I was too embarrassed about not being able to read, so I didn't ask if it had nuts.

It did.

Ew.

Then as the sun started to set, everyone started heading back to their homes like clockwork. That's when I was introduced to the new house I was staying at.

It wasn't much to look at. Had the same tan paint on the outside as most of the town. Had a flower garden on each side of the doorway, and a meager backyard, one that looked far too small for a growing child. Much less two.

The house itself I'd say was pretty cozy.

But that wasn't the problem. None of that was the problem. Everything was too simple. It fit together too well. I kept waiting for the other shoe to fall. I mean sure, there was no TV. No electronics. No access to my three thousand song-strong playlist. Nothing I could actually read. The only living beings near me were two little kids, a socially awkward male, and Golden, who was giving off all these weird vibes to me.

No, none of that was the main issue.

The main issue was I was already fitting in too well.

Nobody had instantly come to ogle at the freakish new resident of the town. I wasn't told I had to go join the school and stick out like a sore thumb, because in a few days I had somebody coming over to give me a sort of placement test. To see if I needed additional help, what grade I should be stuck in, ect. None of the members of the new foster family brought in any outsiders to show off the new exotic species living with them, or to show off how good of ponies they are for fostering.

Everything was too easy. And it freaked me out.

Of course that had to change.

After keeping us busy for most of the day, Golden roped us into "a walk". As if the poorly hidden smile didn't tip me enough, it wasn't the best idea to needlessly walk around with the current state my forelegs were in. So yeah, I could tell she was playing at something.

My suspicion was furthered when Script carried me along his back. They led us across the main part of the town, stopping us in front of Sugarcube Corner. As Golden and Script took their leave for a moment, I let out a long sigh, figuring I knew exactly what was coming next.

“What do you think they’re getting ready for us?” Noi wondered aloud.

“Probably for some stupid sh- stupid welcoming party.” I rolled my eyes, deciding to get it over with and pulling the door open.

BANG

I instinctively threw myself backwards and covered my ears with my forelegs, squeezing my eyes tightly shut. My world instantly filled with a sharp ringing in both my ears, drowning out every other sound.

“...I mean I could have guessed considering you look kind of like a deer, but this is the normal setting I use for ponies, I didn’t know Kirin had sharper hearing!”

Great, not only do I have oversensitive hearing, I just came face to face with the last character I wanted to meet. Pinkie Pie.

“How about you try not detonating a cannon in my ****ing face?” I snarled, jumping to all four hooves and forgetting completely about the whole ‘no swearing’ thing I was trying to do for Sunny.

My swear was covered by a bleep. A cartoon bleep. What the…

“Hey now, we gotta keep Ponyville TV-Y!” Pinkie chirped. “Ooh, can you do that thing again?!”

“Wha… what thing?” I managed to ask stupidly after a few moments.

“Ooh!” Pinkie started pronking in place. “Where your eyes went all white and your eyebrows caught fire and you grew fangs! It looked super cute!”

I stared at Pinkie for a few moments, who kept a giant grin aimed at me, looking at me with her giant, unblinking eyes while bouncing around.

“...No.” I responded, walking past her into the building, not looking back to see how she reacted. The less I saw of Pinkie, the better. It's not like I especially disliked her character, but right now I needed quiet and time to figure out exactly what was going on, and not a loud, annoying party. I was too sober for that.

The other thing was… what if she wasn't how I remembered her from the show? What if I never had been human, and maybe Sunny had seen her in a magazine or newspaper and that's how I knew of her and her crazy nature? If I was completely wrong about who she was, my memory of her, and feasibly my entire life as a human could have been made up. That kind of revelation wasn't worth meeting my fifth favorite member of the main cast.

I noticed a shocked silence as everyone in the building, a bunch of characters I didn't recognize, watched me silently. And then there was another loud boom as the party cannon went off again, and they got back into the party mood.

"Hey, new girl, wait up!" A voice called out from behind me.

I turned to find myself facing a familiar sight. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

Oh boy, time to fuck with some bullies, hell yeah. I could make time for that any day. The perfect pick me up for this shitty week.

"Oh, hi there." Diamond smiled. "You must be the new filly everyone's talking about. Sunny, right? Welcome to Ponyville."

Alright, playing by different tactics now, huh? I can dig it. Try me, kid.

I said nothing, merely arching an eyebrow and looking at her with a disinterested face.

As a few moments passed, the smile slipped off Diamond's face, and she furrowed her brows.

"Um, hello? Can you not hear me?"

I didn't respond.

Silver Spoon pursed her lips from behind Diamond and whispered something into her ear. Diamond tensed up.

"Oh, um, did you hear some bad things about me or something?"

Bingo.

I smiled and nodded. Diamond's face fell dramatically.

"Yeah, I guess I kind of deserve that. But I am trying to turn over a new leaf."

I let out a loud chuckle.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I've heard that before."

Diamond's gaze fell to the ground and I instantly was hit by a wave of nervousness. What if she was actually telling the truth?

"Diamond Tiara!" An excited voice rang out from the other side of the room. "You gotta try the cupcakes! Applebloom didn't burn them this year!"

Diamond Tiara gave off a weak chuckle and turned to walk in the direction of the voice. "I guess that's my cue. Uhm... so even if you don't like me, I hope you can make some friends here. I'd imagine a lot of ponies would like to get to know the filly who can magically burst into flames."

There was a sudden gasp from right behind me.

"Wait, did I hear that right? You can magically burst into flames?" a familiar voice sounded out.

I turned to find myself face to face with a white unicorn filly with a giant smile, pink and purple curls for a mane.

Y'know, it might be kind of sad, but the first thing I felt was indignation upon seeing her.

Sweetie Belle was taller than me.

"Can you really do it?" Sweetie asked excitedly.

"Er, yes. I can." I answered hesitantly.

"Ohmygosh!" Sweetie spouted happily. "Do it! Do it! Doitdoitdoitdoit!"

"I um..." I stepped back slowly. "Can't just do it on command. I need to be angry or scared."

"Oh," the look of excitement immediately faded from her face. "I don't like scaring or angering ponies. Sorry."

She turned around to leave, and instead of feeling guilty at her sadness, or noting how cute she looked while sad, I was instead distracted by a certain shield of three colors on her flank.

She had her cutie mark.

What the fuck?

I glanced around her, there was the tomboy fangirl filly too, with almost the same cutie mark. A shield with three colors.

How long has it been since I stopped watching the show? The Crusaders already had their cutie marks? Diamond Tiara wasn't a bully?

I was again swamped with a feeling of doubt. What if my memories were fake? Humans were a mythological species, I was in the body of an almost-pony, and there's no evidence my life was anything but a lie, save the fact that I recognized some characters.

The once friendly atmosphere of the party started feeling more and more like a prison, the countless nameless ponies bearing down on me.

They squeezed in closer, pushing against me, squeezing the breath out of my lungs.

Breathe, Jenny. You're okay. It's just anxiety.

I silently cursed at myself as I stumbled to the side.

"Too… many… ponies…" came the quiet voice of Sunny. "I really really don't like small spaces. We have to get out. Now."

But the countless, faceless bodies didn't let me escape. Their bodies melted together, making an unstoppable wall I couldn't pass.

A shiver sped down my spine as the world blurred around me. I tried to focus on something, anything that wasn't pink, but everywhere I looked, she seemed everywhere. And the noise. The goddamned noise! I tried to shield my ears from the thumping that sped faster and faster, but covering my ears made it worse! I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I shut my eyes and screamed just for something, anything to stop!

And then... everything did.

My lungs begged for air as I found my breath again. I risked opening my eyes and the party was gone. It looked like I was in a bedroom, but I didn't recognize it.

"Oh, hey! You're back!"

"Gah!" I must have cleared four straight feet as I almost jumped out of my skin.

"Oops!" Pinkie giggled, but it was quieter than I remember. "Sorry, that must've been a bad scare. I'll try to be more careful next time, which is now! Hello, welcome back to the party! I brought you a cupcake."

For sure, she was holding out a cupcake with blue frosting to me, a familiar manic grin on her face.

"...thanks?"

"No problem, Sunny. Are you feeling better? I hope you're feeling better. You went kind of funny there, but not haha-funny, but funny-uh oh."

How in the goddamn do you even respond to that?

"If I had known you were claustrophobic or had sensitive hearing I would have changed up the party. I'm really sorry I scared you." Her exuberance all died at once, and as I took the cupcake she resorted to staring at her hooves, her mane and tail even looking more deflated.

"I…" The words died on my tongue. She was acting off. She wasn't talking way too fast, or jumping around, or being her normal annoying self.

The pony in front of me seemed calm, sad, but calm. But Pinkie didn't calm down.

"Don't worry!" A grin re-appeared on her face. Her whole body perked up. "You wouldn't be the first po- uh, the first creature to run away from her own party. My friend Twilight did the same! We'd love to see you down there if you feel up to it though. If not, there's a staircase out that landing. I'll make sure Written Script will know to look for you there. But if not we can have our own private party! Just the two of us! It's your welcome party, after all!"

Pinkie, having kept a calm tone, then hopped to her hooves, her grin replaced with a kind smile.

No, no this was wrong. Pinkie wasn't understanding. She wasn't a calm, sympathetic mare. She was the living embodiment of mania.

Alarm bells were ringing in my head. She wasn't acting like what I knew, which meant my memories of watching her in the show might be wrong. And if those were false, then I have no control group. All of my memories could be false.

I could just be another alter that imagined humanity. Twenty years of memories could be wrong.

I had to make Pinkie act right. My sanity depended on it.

"You seem awfully calm for a party pony." I interjected. I really hoped Pinkie wasn't the only one who did parties as a job or that would sound weird.

"Well, one lesson Twilight made me try to learn after a few years teaching…" Pinkie started.

The hell would Pinkie even teach? "How To Be a Menace to Society 101"?

"...What I'm still working on learning is that not everypony likes loud and exciting. Like my now-friend Cranky Doodle Donkey came into town once upon a time and didn't want a party or to be friends and then I set his book on fire and found his wife and-"

"How hasn't she run out of breath yet?" Sunny asked. "Is her entire body a lung or something?"

"Probably." I muttered back.

"-Her wings but couldn't fly so had to learn from-"

She continued on, not taking a break, a breath, or even blinking.

"Then I 'pshaw'd' Marble and said 'Oatmeal, are you crazy?!' And she was so ashamed she never talked again.

"Well at least for another few minutes."

"Stop!" I interrupted. "I don't care about oatmeal! Can you just stop spouting bullshit for two seconds?"

Pinkie zipped her lips shut. Metaphorically, not literally. She sat down on her haunches and gestured for me to continue.

"Everything is so… off." I managed. Which was of course, very eloquent and well thought out verbiage.

"Well you're a smart Kirin, I'm sure you can figure it out." Pinkie cocked her head to the side. "As long as it stays T rated, and you're very careful how the next chapter plays out."

What?

Fuck it, I didn't have the energy to try and decipher her bullshit, or the energy to care. I had a headache bubbling up just listening to her. God, why did I ever like this character? Besides, if we kept talking I could find out more things about her that didn't match up with the character I remembered from the show. And that was… not good.

Best to avoid all main characters as much as possible.

"I'm leaving." I announced, slowly making my way toward the door.

"Sorry the party didn't work for you." Pinkie called out softly behind me. "You're always welcome at Sugarcube Corner!"

I shut the door behind me.

"Why were you so mean?" Sunny asked quietly.

"Listen you-" I spoke out loud. I paused and took a couple seconds to slow my breathing. I might have been in a bad mood, but that was no excuse to scream at a child that was worried for my well-being. "I'm dealing with the realization that around two decades of memories might be false. That all the people I remember and care about, my family, friends, and girlfriend, might be dead, or not have existed in the first place. And maybe if they did exist, they're wondering where the hell I've gone, if I was kidnapped or killed. This isn't my world, my species, or my way of living so excuse me if I'm not in the mood for a party thrown by a sugar-shocked lunatic!"

"...Do you want to talk about it?" Sunny offered.

"I don't 'talk about it'." I replied curtly. "I deal with it. C'mon, let's find Script and go home."

Author's Note:

Fun fact: the Samoyed story is true.

Also Pinkie was weirdly hard to write for this chapter.