Jenny's Battle Against the Lord of Chaos pt. 1
"Hello!" A sudden deep voice whispered in my ear, startling me awake. My eyes shot open. Bed, room, Noi sleeping on my hip. That's right, I was watching her for secondary drowning symptoms as she slept.
I looked around the room, instantly spotting the intruder. Snake body, yellow and red eyes, horns, and two mismatched paws.
Oh goddammit. The one day that promises to be easy and of course Discord shows up.
Him being redeemed was one of the last things I remember about the show. Well, shit. I hope it stuck.
"Uh, hello?" I feigned innocence. "Who are you?"
"Discord, at your service." He bowed his neck and stuck the lion paw out to shake. Unsurely, I took it. He began to shake violently, letting out a wicked laugh when his paw popped off mid-shake.
Upon seeing my lack of reaction, he stopped laughing. "Strange, that usually gets more of a reaction. You must be Sunny Meadows? I had a wonderful visit with your sister Smoky Trails last night. She tried to beat me up!"
Discord looked anything but regretful about that.
"Oh gosh, you think she's okay?" Sunny asked suddenly.
"Absolutely." I thought back to her. "This guy isn't harmful, he just treats life as a giant dick measuring contest."
"Well that's not very nice of you." Discord scolded in my head.
"Gah!" I shouted in surprise. "Get outta my head!"
"Shhh!" Discord stuck a finger over my muzzle, pointing at Noi, who was now shifting around. "She's trying to sleep."
With a sudden snap of his eagle talons, I found myself on the floor, and with a quick turn around, I saw Noi snuggled up in her blankets, still peacefully sleeping.
"So, Jenny! Sunny! My favorite little chaos creators! Oh you don't know how long I've wanted to meet you two! Two kirin in a pony town, stirring up chaos all over? I'm a huge fan, gotta say."
I blinked in surprise.
"Oh yes human, I know who you are." Discord adopted a shit-eating grin. "I've been following your adventure quite closely. Gotta say, a bit heavy on the drama and tragic backstories, but still, two thumbs up!"
Discord stuck out his lion's paw, which now had two thumbs pointing up.
"Let's take a look at the reviews!" Discord chortled, pulling out a magnifying glass and staring at a random point on the wall next to him. "Ooh, your approval ratings have gone way up, Jenny! Though I'm afraid dear Smoky can't say the same."
A third hand came up to stroke Discord's beard thoughtfully. "Most is rather par for the chorus. One long comment about potatoes, gotta say I approve. Aaaaannnd. Oh, dear!" Discord dropped the magnifying glass and placed all three paws on his hips sternly. "My, my. That's sort of an inappropriate question. She's eleven!"
I let out a loud sigh. He was just trying to bait me now. I'd almost call it a half-assed effort.
"Oooh." Discord grinned wider. "And more comments about how absolutely hi-larious I am! I'll be here all week folks! Try the veal! Don't, actually, bovines are sentient in this world."
"This guy is wacky." Sunny commented.
"Pretty sure that's the only part of his personality other than 'man-child'." I monotoned back.
"Correct!" Discord chirped, holding up a character sheet with a picture of him. "That's why they made me a dungeon master. Coming up with creative characters is sadly not one of my abilities."
I grit my teeth and rolled my eyes.
"Aren't you the least bit curious about what I'm talking about?" Discord put on his best attempt at puppy eyes. It didn't work.
"I'm curious how long it will take you to f*** off." I spat, my swear being, somewhat predictably, replaced by a seagull's shriek. That makes it twice I've been censored by a living annoyance. Not a lot of times, but strange that it happened twice. In the same week.
"A classic reference." Discord nodded in approval.
"Get out of my head."
"No thank you."
From behind me, Noi started shuffling around. With a sleepy yawn, her head poked off the bed.
"Noi!" Discord exclaimed. "How's my favorite daughter of a carrot horse?"
"Uhm…" Noi stammered. "He-hello Mister Discord."
"Ah," Discord blew a raspberry. "Mister Discord was my father. If I ever had one. Who knows? I do! But nopony else does! Call me Lord of Choas!"
"Um…"
"I'm so chaotic I even misspelled chaos!" Discord squealed. "Ain't I a stinker?"
Noi and I fixed him with a deadpan stare in stereo.
"Ugh." Discord rolled his eyes. "No love for the meta humor."
"Can you beat it already?" I snapped. "We need to get ready for the day and do little filly shit. Nothing that would interest you. Go bother somebody else."
"Oh but you aren't a little filly, are you Jenny?" Discord's stupid smile grew. "Stop hiding who you really are, girl."
With a snap of his lion's paw I found myself kneeling on the floor. But not kirin me. Not the body I shared with Sunny. My human body. Thankfully, clothed. A quick look around spotted Noi staring wide eyed at me from her bed, and the body I had recognized as my own for the last two weeks next to me.
"Jenny?" Sunny gasped.
I took a moment to stare down at my hands. I flexed my fingers. They moved.
I looked back up at Sunny. "Y-yeah."
My voice coming out as deep as it did startled me at first. It was familiar, yet alien.
Sunny stared at me for another moment, then leapt suddenly into my arms. Instinctively I wrapped an arm under her rump and one across her back, my fingers in her mane as I held her close. Sunny flung our-, her forelegs around my neck. She nuzzled into my cheek.
I held her close as she warmed herself. It was like holding a purring cat, but like, ten times better.
It was oddly perfect.
"Awww," Discord cooed. "I almost feel bad for this. But you girls said you needed to get ready."
With another snap I found myself falling, all of a sudden a lot shorter. I stretched out an arm, and a familiar-looking kirin foreleg responded instead.
"Sunny, you okay?" I thought to her.
"Fine." She responded. "It might have been short, but at least I got to hug you like I've been wanting."
"Ugh, never transforming you into that again." Discord gagged. "Whatever you were, you were uh-gly."
"Discord." I spoke sternly, turning to the piece of shit that looked like he was withholding a giggle fit.
"That's not even the best part!" Discord snickered, pointing to…
Holy shit. I mean, it was clearly Noi, but…
Looking back at Discord with a panicked expression was a generation 3.5 MLP version of Noi.
"...Why the long face?" Discord howling in laughter, floating on his back.
Noi jumped off the bed and to the mirror in the corner of the room, letting out a loud scream, as she felt her new face.
"DISCORD!" I shouted. "YOU BETTE-"
With another snap I found myself unable to yell. Or even speak. Every attempt just led to bubbles floating out of my mouth. With a final chuckle, Discord wiped a tear from his eye and addressed me.
"Oh lighten up, my little monster friend." Discord smiled. "I'll change you two back after I have some more fun. I haven't had this good a laugh in ages."
Discord straightened up and looked to the door, no doubt heading out and terrorizing more innocent ponies.
If I spent a second to consider the actions of what I was about to do, I probably would have realized just how dumb my choice was. But I've never been known for thinking ahead.
With a mighty leap, I crashed right into Discord, my horn meeting his stomach with as much force as I could manage.
He barely moved as I flopped to the floor.
Almost instantly I was back on my hooves, and the smile was gone from his face. The sudden burst of adrenaline dying away, I gulped audibly.
I had just pissed off the closest thing this universe had to a god.
"You want to attack me?" Discord growled. "Me?"
Trying to hide my shivering and panicked breathing, I nodded, trying to keep a brave face.
"Finally!" Discord shouted triumphantly. I found myself collapsing to my haunches, my mouth stuck wide open. "A creature in this boring country with a bit of backbone!"
With one final snap, Noi looked normal.
Discord leaned in and shook my hoof. "A spitfire and a chaos creator! Oh, you're my favorite little creature here! Well, except Fluttershy of course."
Ah, he simps the quiet yellow one. Understandable. I would too. Especially if she went Flutterbitch and tried to dom.
Oof, hot.
"Jenny, you're being gross again." Sunny commented.
I shook my head furiously.
"I'll have to come around more often." Discord flashed a manic smile. "Just you wait, little kirin, I'm about to enhance your entire day with my presence!"
"Uh… please don't." I rasped.
With another triumphant laugh, Discord disappeared.
For a moment there was abject silence, Noi continuing to stare into the mirror, and me replaying the scene in my mind.
"You know…" I began to Sunny. "I do have to question why when there's a chaotic lord in the room, your first thought when you see a new creature that claims to be me is to hug it."
"It was you." Sunny stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And I know you would never let me be in danger. So that means I finally get to hug you like I've been wanting!"
"Yeah, I'd never let you be in danger. If we don't count both forelegs, the timberwolf, and the drinking." I rattled off.
"I was responsible for one foreleg, you hurt the other before you knew I existed, the timberwolf was in a forest, and we're in a town, and the drinking? You got a disease. I know you fought it." Sunny sent a smile to me. "C'mon silly, I already forgave you for all that."
Ah, child-like innocence.
"Yeah well, I still got that 'disease'. Who knows what might come of it?" I challenged. "And you really shouldn't forgi-"
"Yeah, yeah." Sunny sassed me. "I shouldn't forgive so easily because the world is so full of darkness and evil and blah blah blah. Just like this family who fostered us out of the kindness of their own hearts, and you, who's still done her best to look out for me after allllllll the stuff that's happened to you. You fought your addiction disease this long, I don't doubt you can keep fighting it till you're cured! And I'll be cheering for you all the way."
My chest erupted in pain as my heart figuratively grew three sizes and broke upon her words.
"Besides, being forgiven isn't up to the one being forgived. It's up to the forgiver. So… nyeh. Deal with it."
"Twerp." I muttered. Sunny giggled and I found myself desperately wishing I could have held her just a few moments longer.
"Hey, uh…" I thought to her before promptly shutting that line of thought off. I mean, we'd been through some crap together, sure, but it'd only been two weeks. Could I really say…
"What is it?"
Yeah. Yeah I could.
"Love you, kiddo."
An overwhelming wave of warmth and happiness hit me like a semi truck.
"I love you too, Jenny!" Sunny chirped.
"Aaaannyway." I turned, trying to hide the blush I was convinced must be stuck on my face. "Noi, you alright?"
"Worst way ever to wake up." Noi grumbled. "So I guess you met Discord."
I merely nodded.
"Don't worry." Noi placed her hoof on my shoulder in what she must have been convinced was a reassuring fashion. "He comes around to annoy random families sometimes. But it's okay because he made a promise to Miss Fluttershy to never actually hurt anypony."
"Yet terrorizing them is fine?" I rolled my eyes.
Noi looked down. "Apparently if he doesn't do that he fades away and… stops existing."
"Sounds like his problem." I commented.
Noi looked aghast. "But he could die! I… I think! I mean, Princess Twilight seems to believe him."
"Well…" I sighed. "Sounds like he's coming back."
Noi nodded. "Let's go tell mom."
Well, it turns out Noi couldn't tell Golden, because as we left the bedroom, both Golden and Script were busying themselves around the kitchen… as puppets.
"Script dear," Puppet-Golden spoke in a rather pitiful impression of Golden's actual voice. "Isn't it such a beautiful day with our three beautiful kids?"
"Of course, honey." Script's jaw flapped open and closed like a nutcracker. Discord's impression of Script was even worse than his impression of Golden. "Almost as spendifloriously beautiful as Discord."
I rolled my eyes. "Discord, that's not even a word, Script would never say that. Also I'm pretty sure psychological harm counts as harm, and Noi seeing her parents puppet-ified counts as that."
With an annoyed grunt, Discord appeared in two places above both puppet ponies, dropping the rods used to move puppets and glaring at me.
"Also was your ineptitude at impressions natural or part of the act?" I challenged, sitting at my place at the table and ignoring the lifeless puppets around me. Noi followed my example nervously.
Without a single word returned, Discord snapped, and disappeared. A normal Golden and Script made their way to their hooves, looking no worse for the wear.
"Ugh. Just as horrible the second time." Script grunted, making his way to the kitchen, and moving four bowls of oatmeal with brown sugar to the table.
"You've been made a puppet before?" I asked.
"Not an oddity around here." Golden replied with a groan, sitting at the table next to me. "He made me plastic once. Kept commenting how my mane was brushable, despite the 'shoddy worksmanship'. Whatever that means. Not too uncommon around here."
Yup, not commenting on that. Not even thinking about that.
As soon as I took my first bite of oatmeal, I figured out Discord's next prank.
I sighed. "Anybody else's oatmeal taste like soap?"
A chorus of "no" responded.
I took a second to look around, then spotted Discord's face on the pepper shaker.
I defiantly took another bite as I maintained eye contact.
"Weak, Discord." I spoke. "I used to drink straight vodka on a daily basis, this ain't nothing. You're gonna have to try harder."
Three blank stares watched one as I stared down the pepper shaker through another bite of oatmeal. Then with another annoyed grunt, the pepper shaker vanished.
"Discord that's our property." Golden called out. "Can we have that back?"
With a small poof, the pepper shaker appeared above Golden's head. It fell sideways onto her mane, spilling at least a quarter of its contents.
"Such a sore loser." Golden sighed, never losing her own deadpan expression. I had to suppress a snort.
"Is it really smart to challenge such a powerful being?" Sunny asked nervously.
"Please." I responded mentally. "It's basically a one sided prank war. Discord has ego, but won't hurt us. Buuuut, if you don't want to see the ugliness this might devolve to, I'd advise you to go dormant like you used to."
"Promise you'll be okay?"
"I promise."
Much of the day passed without incident. Since I didn't leave the house much, Discord was limited with what he could do. When I went to study Ponish, he made the characters swim around. Literally swim, they had cartoon hands and legs and snorkels and were swimming around the page.
Then he tried making the lights randomly go off. Stopped with an annoyed huff when I reminded him somebody could hit something or trip in the dark, and that would break the rule.
He tried making things catch on fire next, of course without the thing being damaged. Naturally that led to a partial meltdown on Sunny's part, so Discord quickly stopped that.
This went on until about lunchtime, where Discord was staring at me with rage after his "turn the floors into soap" idea just led to Noi and I skating around, laughing as we bumped into everything and each other over and over.
"You know, Discord." I fixed him with a wide, innocent grin. "Despite your best efforts, this has still been the most boring day I spent in Equestia so far. Maybe you should try retiring, you clearly lost your edge."
I saw both his hands tensing, his eyes spelling murder, and then he stopped. Just… froze. A wicked grin appeared on his face.
"Oh dear young Jenny, I'm only started with you."
"Well at this point all I have to worry about is being bored to death." I winked at him.
It probably was stupid to antagonize again, especally such a powerful being, but shit. It was fun as hell. A good destress after all the crap that's been going on. And it's not like he could do anything really bad.
"Oh, you'll cause some real chaos yet, little human." Discord let out a deep, throaty chuckle.
And with a final snap from his fingers, the floor beneath me disappeared. And I was falling and falling, and the only thing around me was his stupid laugh coming from everywhere.
All of a sudden there was a great bright light.
And then everything went green.
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I think that that is supposed to be silence, though I could be wrong.
11198964 And then, abject science appeared... "ITSA ME! ALONDRO!!"
well if there something to be grateful about is meeting time traveling starlight glimmer and the increasingly horrid timelines she made
I almost got pissed off. and then I realized what day it was.
Thank you for the cringe Parody of how literally every single person handled discord in 2013, I hate it, go away
edit: if this is sincere, my bad, i'm really sorry. I just don't like how people write discord on this site
yep, fully reformed discord is one of most horrible decisions the showrunner has done. another one is the cutie map.
The hug was so sweet.
Promise me Sunny and Jenny will get to hug like that again in the future.
Well, this promises to be interesting.
To be fair, Smoky isn't even 1/8 as likable.
The best part is that she is absolutely right!
Can we get a mic drop here?
Don't make promises that you can't keep~
And as a bonus the floors are clean too!
Oh, I can't resist!
Awww! She got her hug! 💆 very precious!
Well she was asking for it.
It occurs to me that Discord being aware of Jenny's existence and briefly making her physically separate from Sunny means that if he doesn't separate the two of them permanently Discord's bound to get in deep trouble. I mean, he literally fixed Sunny & Jenny's problem of being stuck then unfixed it. It would be like helping someone put of a ditch only to push them back in.
11204746
Counterargument: Assuming that Discord didn't change anything about Jenny's original body, permanently puting her back into that body would re-expose her to the problem of the physical part of her addiction. Which, while admittedly, Jenny did originally bring upon herself, it could be argued that the act of pulling her out of a healthy body and puting her into such a unwell body could be considered harm itself.