The world is in bad shape. Rainbow Dash works as a sword for hire alongside childhood friend Applejack, protecting their town and working the farm in peace time. The Lunar Festival is right around the corner, and meeting the Queen's apprentice and 'human weapon' Twilight sets the two- along with the town's noblewoman Rarity, mysteriously powerful townsperson Pinkie and unusually gifted Fluttershy- along a dangerous path between the warring forces of light and dark. It is a path that the six cannot easily remove themselves from, and may walk on opposite sides.
As the story travels down the road set forth by the original Season One, loyalties will be tested, secrets never meant to be known by normal humans will be uncovered, and the very structure of Equestria will be thrown into the balance.
Well well well this is quite the read my good sir, bravo
AH, I'll have to save this for later, to much to read all at once me thinks
I can't wrap my head around the fact that Rainbow Dash is a guy in this novel. There's nothing wrong with turning Rainbow Dash into a humanized guy, I think it could be pulled off very well actually. The problem is that for me, I don't see any rhyme or reason to make her this way, not for this fanfiction at least. If I kept on reading there might be something that makes it worth while, but as it stands it makes no real sense. If I could get a reasonable explaination of why you changed her this way, that would be cool. I understand I'm being nitpicky and probably annoying, but it would mean a lot (and probably earn you a track if that's not enough incentive for you).
On a personal note, I would have found it far more entertaining if she stayed a woman. Why? because it's the character we've grown up with in the show. Rainbow Dash would be equally awesome as a girl holding a weapon than a guy.
Second note, Rainbow Dash is a little out of character.
"My personal best is twenty seconds, actually."
(Refferences the very first episode of the cartoon) "Ten seconds flat."
You can definitly keep the minute part and making it flashy, I found that funny actually because that does sound like something he/she would say.
Everything else was good work. I couldn't see any glaring grammar errors and my only other complaint would have to be some parts felt slightly rushed.
To everyone, I say thank you for your support so far. Yeah, this is going to be a big one, and I've got plenty more chapters already written and waiting for release. I'm not even quite done with it yet, so there's still room for input later.
204156 Well, to be honest, the thought had crossed my mind to keep Rainbow Dash a girl throughout, but eventually I decided that I was leaning more the other way. I don't want to say too much about why I decided this, but let me say that there is a reason. One of them was just because I felt as though I were seriously lacking in male protagonists in the first place.
And you're not the first person to point out the 'twenty seconds' bit, either. I've been writing this for quite a while now, so my writing and characterization may have improved since I wrote that first chapter. Looking back, I do agree that some bits are a little rushed.
206809
I can see where you'd come from needing a lot more male protagonists than female. Most of Equestria seems populated with females so this is an added balance, and I can respect that. For that, I shall track and read for as long as this story keeps my interest. Huzzah!
This is one of the better stories I've read on this site. Great work!
DAMN I'S HOMIE' TIME NIGGA!!!
256951
... Wut.
AWW SNAP ITS PHILOMENA!
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN
wait...Axel? from KH2?
also. Whats with all this gender bending, huh?
361572
You caught that, eh?
Yeah, Scratch is in part based off of Axel, at least in his fighting style. And like I said earlier, I'm suffering a severe lack of male protagonists, so I made the decision to switch over the most tomboy characters so that there wouldn't actually be that much of a difference. I think there are a total of four that I did that to, not counting Xekora who is another character entirely.
362330
you kidding? anyone who's played KH2 will remember that godawful battle with Axel.
also, i'm waiting for the secret reveal that Dash has been a girl all along, DUN DUN DUUUUN!
I just can't picture a GUY with rainbow hair. its just not working.
so the order is Organisation XIII ish?
363785
The Order is basically Organization XIII, yeah. Except they aren't affiliated at all. All 13 are from the world. So while it should be pretty obvious that they're based off of them, this still isn't a KH crossover, and the Organization actually has nothing to do with them.
And about Dash being a guy, I think I had a sketch lying around here somewhere, if that would help at all. His hair is almost like Riku's, or perhaps Bakura's... Except rainbow.
365624
It wouldn't. You should find someway to make RD a girl, in my honest opinion. its just strange that one of the main six is just randomly gender bended
367370
Well, it's not like that's an easy thing to request. I've got practically everything planned out already for this and the second book...
Still, there may be a chance that I could potentially do something or other in Book II. Maybe. But it would only be along the lines of an explanation, nothing more. Dash has got to stay a guy.
Fifty-six chapters and still not complete? My god, are you mad?! You'll kill yourself via writing overload!
378991
I'm working on the eighty-fifth chapter now, my friend. One hundred may not be enough to finish it.
And then there's another book on top of that afterwards.
Madness? Quite possibly.
soooowe got Parasprites
and the stone table from Narnia?
Not quite... a little more suicide-ey than that.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN
Your ability to continue this even though you haven't received many positive reviews amazes me.
465835
What can I say? I'm a horribly stubborn and gloriously determined person. I've received some feedback. Maybe not much, but some. A few were even positive. I've got people counting on me to continue. As long as I have even one person still reading my nonsense, I shall follow through to the end!
(It also helps that I have a lot of backlog, but I've still been writing every free second I get, make no mistake about that.)
The only Tug I know of is the Pony belonging to Will Treaty In the Rangers Apprentice series. Is that right
DEADpyrox
475844
Congratulations! Have a cookie.
Yup. I decided to humanize a pony from another universe entirely. Because rangers are awesome.
478255
But you want to know what's even more awesome?
Ranger ponies, that's what.
Great chapter. I still can't believe you're on 73 now. I don't even remember when I started to follow this, but it's been great.
Keep up the amazing work!
ugh. seriously? must you change all the genders? Daring Doo just SOUNDS like a mare's name anyway!!!!!!!!!!
540477
Will do.
543097
TRUST ME, THIS ONE IS IMPORTANT. To Book II. Daring Do has absolutely no bearing on the plot whatsoever in Book I and probably won't even get mentioned again.
I'm calling it now. They're siblings. Also, first.
I haven't bothered to post before now, but I'm just gonna let you know that I think you're doing a fantastic job with this fic and am looking forward to the many chapters to come
564925
DAMMIT I WAS GONNA SAY THAT!
second
564925 565285
Not exactly, but you're on the right track.
WAT.
Octavia plays music with a bow, and leads an archery unit.
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
I still prefer her as an assassin.
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“Sorry, but it looks like the rum is gone.” Fenrir shook his own head in mock dismay, and muttered to himself: “Why’s the rum always gone...?”.
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How the fuck did they play this song in the middle of the forest without any preparation?
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... they prepared a little.
Besides, I never said they did it particularly well.
Alright, I read eighty one chapters to write this review, an I will have my say.
First things first, I want to assure you that I really enjoy this story, I just tend to be negative in any reviews I give.
The worst part of reading this fic was its messiness. The change of perspective always threw me off, especially the change between the first-person perspective of Rainbow Dash and the third-person perspectives of everyone else. I see that in recent chapters you have taken to just using third-person perspectives, even for Rainbow Dash. I'm not sure if this is just a temporary way because the conflicts are easier to show in this format, or if you had already noticed this problem and are responding to it, but this change is good! Good job!
I think the best thing this fic includes is a detailed past with intertwining characters and interesting conflicts. So that's good.
I think that a lot of people in this story act out of character, or lack the same personality that we all love them for. An example of this might be how Rarity shows few of her usual mannerisms that make her such an enjoyable pony to read about, like her lack of drama-queenyness or posh humor.
The gender changing simply must stop. I still have not adjusted to Rainbow Dash being a guy, and this sometimes causes me a great deal of confusion. I might read an entire paragraph and then have to re-read it after reminding myself that the 'he' they keep referring to is Rainbow Dash.
All the pets turning into humans as well is a bit odd. A little annoying, seeing as they mostly have no personality, but mostly just odd.
Spike is a completely different dragon as far as personality, age, and choice of mate goes. The hardest thing in this story for me to beleive is that Spike is not in love with Rarity.
You obviously show favoritism towards Dash, as well as a few others, but that's okay because everyone shows favoritisim towards Dash.
Twilight, bearer of the element of Magic, favored student and secret weapon of Princess Celestia, who has studied day and night for like fifteen years, has magic that is on par with Trixie, the street urchin who was rejected by the same princess because she was weaker, and who has had no access to books whatsoever? I would like to see a major increase in Twilights power soon.
Names. All of the OCs have very casual human names, which makes them stand out in a very obvious way. I would suggest avoiding that.
The Order.
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Xeccora. It would be much easier if you just spelled his name properly. Zeccora. It's pretty non-gender specific.
In review:
Weird perspectives, characters act weird, weird genders, weird pets, weird Spike, OP Dash, Twilight and Trixie both suck, weird names, weird Order, weird Zeccora.
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600027
Don't think negative reviews are a bad thing for me. I've received almost none, and was beginning to get worried. So I thank you for this.
See, I think one of the main problems is that I started writing this almost a year ago, just when I had first become a brony. My perceptions have changed since then... that's one of the dangers of having something running for so long, I guess.
I was thinking about going back and cleaning it up a bit, honestly. Though I hadn't realized the point of view area had annoyed anyone. I was kind of going for a theme similar to The Bartimaeus Trilogy there.
I had noticed that problem too. Rarity is difficult for me to write for. I tried slipping in a few things here and there, and you might see a bit of that in the later chapters, but you've got a point.
Luckily, I wasn't planning on changing any more genders. I think I might even switch Daring Do back. But I'm afraid that for plot reasons, I cannot revoke Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo or Vinyl Scratch at this stage.
Not much I can really say about the pets.
I am aware of Spike being dramatically different. But again, there's not really much I can change at this stage. I decided it would fit better with the rest of the plot this way.
Guilty as charged. I try to fix that in later chapters, but yeah, there was a reason RD is the main character.
Well, to be fair, Trixie did receive training from Xekora for several years. Twilight will get a lot of extra power pretty soon, don't worry.
I had noticed that too. With the Laguz from Tellius I can say I have an excuse, but I don't have much to defend with Kyle and Blake. I'm having difficulty thinking up a fitting pony-like name for either of them, though.
I'm not sure what that image was for the Order, as it's not showing up for me. The Order is mostly in place just to give some background, so it doesn't seem like they just showed up out of nowhere in Book II. I don't really see what the problem is though.
There's actually a whole 'nother story to Xekora, as opposed to Zecora. But it kinda sounds dumb now that I think about it... Basically, Xekora was a character I had made for a different fanfiction years ago, but never finished. It was up for a little while, though. When I remembered about him and realized the names were almost the same, that's what prompted me to use him instead.
Like I said, I'm glad you decided to grill me a bit. No one else would. I'm willing to try and work out some changes.
I know this story is about humans, but I still imagine ponies while I read.
601214
Completely understandable.
FIRE EMBLEM RULES!
Statue turns to look at the battle.
Annihilates Eclipse soldiers
Turns back to Rarity, "Can we fight now?"
601262
Indeed it does.
601481
Pretty much.
First! Muahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess that's not actually important, because there's like 80 chapters, but still.
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Are you still planning for this to end at around chapter 100?
607930
Yes. Chapter 100 is mostly just a clump of epilogue, but yes.
Good stuff. I'm excited for Soul Realease
Good chapter. Seems kind of like the calm before the storm though.
"Now that this battle has been one." I think you used the wrong won, my friend.