• Published 16th Jun 2021
  • 3,297 Views, 14 Comments

Chrysalis' Rubber Revenge - xvos1337



Chrysalis while in hiding opened up a sex shop/brothel in order to gather emotions to feed her remaining subjects. She loathes having to use lust as a food source but its all she could do. One day one of her enemies wanders into her store.

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Comments ( 14 )

Kinda hope there's a fic in the series at some point where things get turned around on her.

So which one of main five will Queen Chrysalis go after next?

Hmm should have added some points about the breasts. No doubt the teats would be oversized and sensitive

Well, that was a nice read, can't wait for more! :heart:
The transformation was pretty unique and a joy to read.

As for criticism, though. It certainly had its flaws and inconsistencies:

- The most glaring inconsistency being that Twilight gets strapped really snuggly only for Chrysalis to completely disregard it a little bit later when she face-fucks her. I'd suggest just leaving on the inhibitor ring and otherwise releasing her once she gets a bit squeaky, it's not like she can escape anyway.
- A smaller one being that the dildos in Twi's pussy and anus don't get removed at any point only for her to get new ones before Chrissy leaves her for the day.

Small things:

- I noticed a few typos here and there and you slipped into simple tense every once in a while.
- It's a bad habit to learn to use for example "2" instead of "two" when writing. To my knowledge, actual numbers are only used in specific situations, such as the numbers being written on something.

Some things were left out that could've made this even better:

- While the word "inflatable" was used several times anything related to her actually being inflatable was only mentioned in the last part after twenty
hours.
- Twilight's wings being covered could've been a really nice scene. Always loved those.
- And lastly, the "roleplay" Twilight chose could've played a bigger role. She did, after all, sign up for getting kidnapped by a changeling queen, then why not let her believe everything is going as it should for a bit longer and that Arachnid is just really good at pretending to be Chrysalis?

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And don't forget Starlight (and Trixie)! They "stole" her hive, not the Mane Six!

I wonder, will Sunset ever figure out that something is wrong if Twilight never replies to any more messages?

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Thanks for all the feed back! I'll have to go back and see if i can make a couple edits to fix those 2 inconsistencies and do another read through proof reading to fix some more errors. As for the sugestions that could have made it better refering to her as doll or inflatable through most of it, I was going more for Chrysalis mocking her and acting as if her fate is already sealed even if the magic hasnt actaully made her and inflatable on the inside yet. I suppose I didnt get that across well enough and will have to try to do better in the future. As for the other 2 sugestions, in retrospect I agree that could have made for a better and more dramatic reveal that it was Chrysalis toward the end. Thinking back on it I did kinda under play the wings a bit and that could uave been a lot more discriptive. Thanks for all the feedback.

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Still haven't decided who will be next but as of right now I'm doing the main 6. I probably will do trixie and starlight eventually probably as part of this story line. maybe thorax and discord too but idk about those 2 yet. Also maybe much further down the line do an alternate ending of some of the chapters where various characters play that uno reverse card on Chrysalis but again thats not set in stone and I have no actual plans on it as of yet, but I do like the idea.

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It actually did come across as Chrysalis just rubbing in the fact that Twi is screwed now that I think about it. I suppose it could've been just my own desire to see more inflatable aspects in it.

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That sounds lovely. I'd definitely like to see what squeaky fun could be had with the evil bug horse.

And while we're at it, while the more character there are the harder the scene is to write it would be pretty interesting to see for example Starlight and Trixie being turned in the same chapter. Or maybe some shared squeaky bondage? So many possibilites... :heart:

Please add to this, I would like to see how Chrysalis deals with the other ponies

Oddly imagined glitter doll having Molded animal paws on her hooves. Or even a red collar that part of her inflatable form.

I hope that either Celestia or Cadence will buy Twilight

i partly hope at the end the queen relase twight and learn she the evil queen twin sister who just latex/rubber loveing slut

sorry, I was hoping for more than I got..
as if you were not quite getting the details right. :facehoof:

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