KukriRyuTsukino
Joined 23rd Jun, 2017 ·
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It's only been like 5 minutes since Fluttershy found the hummy and she already wants to jerk him off.. This is going to be a fun read. Good story. I am weary of the sex tag cuz I've read stories where the story started out good but then just ended up into a fuck fest read and I am a little put off by that. I can read those kind of stories but it's not that often. If this has a good enough plot then I will continue this read.
I like your take on the names of Applejack, Rainbow, and Pinkie. Tall anthro ponies, good taste this one. Are they moving a little fast there? Not going to romance the guy before getting down and dirty? Buy him dinner, take him to a show, or heck even a picnic would suffice.
(Before any feedback is given, I would like to make it clear that I ENJOYED the story, so it might be biased regardless of how much effort is given for me to be neutral since I want to see this story continued.) (note: Purely curious, why is the entire text center-aligned?)
This feedback will not be on the grammar of your story since I don't have a lot of time as I tend to go into a long tangent, but let this be said that although your grammar needs work it is not all bad since the meaning is still being conveyed, though I suggest you fix it, as I stumbled a few times and need to reread certain sentence before understanding it.
The setting in making the ponies omnivores rather than herbivores is actually quite interesting since I haven't seen a lot of stories attempt it. The brief character description is also nice since we get a somewhat more normal name for the ponies rather than just their regular show name and the height difference is actually quite interesting since it means that the humans are quite short. Though the pacing of the story might be a bit rushed since Fluttershy just suddenly want to 'help' the human (anthro) that was just randomly there, not questioning why he was in a bush or seeing if anything is wrong with him (considering the setting of the story). Also please provide a description of the human since I don't know if he is an anthro or a human though I am assuming anthro since Fluttershy and Rarity are not questioning his species. This is not a critic rather a suggestion, please put a heading on whose Point of view we are seeing this from, as yes i know we are seeing it from Rarity's POV but I would enjoy some early warning before reading it.
Overall quite a well-written chapter, enjoyable read regardless of the small grammar mistakes, though needs some fixing on certain issues.
Pacing... Especially with taking the time to introduce the male main character and his early interactions with Rarity and Fluttershy... Is strongly needed.
Ah, the super horny, deprived of stallions trope. Love It! This is one of my favorite setups.
So far I really enjoyed the read I just hope it doesn’t become too fast paced or a lot happens in a very short chapter. I prefer a little bit of world building and character development instead of everything to being at high speed but I will be reading and waiting to see how it progresses so far everything is looking good
Not bad setting, the RGRE, but it is only the first chapter, a intro to what is to come.
So questions like it is an isekai mc, or is an equestrian from a normal gender ration 50:50 and landed in this version. Let see what happens next.
Good build-up, nicely set, creatively descriptive and with just a touch of comedy.
Pacing could use some work, but otherwise, I fully anticipate that this will be an entertaining read, and I look forward to reading more.
Fine I'll comment if it means getting you to update, it seems like a good premise I get the feeling that the female's of this universe will be protective enough to irritate (thus driving character development and creating conflict and thus plot) without being so protective as to seem psychotic and rendering the characters ooc beyond what makes sense in the setting. The mc seems to be the simple sort based on the fact that he dropped what he was doing to fish, but for this story line that's probably a good thing based on what's been established about his personality. If you desired to give him more depth then outdoorsy southern American, maybe give him a background of retired ex-military maybe Vietnam if you really want to work the wilderness survival and/or PTSD angle
Love the inclusion of pictures, helps set the scene. I feel there could be a bit more world building, in my opinion. Why do I feel that the buckle is important? Anyone else? Just me, alright. (Is this helpful at all?)
Don't know how much help I can be since you already fixed most of the obvious problems. The pacing seems to be better (ish), Fluttershy had new living quarters I am going to assume it is carousel boutique considering that she is sharing with Rarity from what I can infer and if she is why not write the name? Regardless of my nitpicks on the story has improved pacing, improved the grammar from the previous though providing some geographical landmarks might be nice to get an idea on where they are living.
This is better. They are getting a bit of ground rule set up or at the very least mentioned. Like the backstory for Anon. Though he should ask the basic questions when ya get Isekai'd. "Where am I?, What are you folks, Do you know what I am? Is there food.. (Ok maybe not that one) Things like that. Also the pacing is good. Also please don't follow the trope of Rainbow Dash wanting to attack the hummy on sight. At least not without a reason.
Good chapter, the images help with the inmersión of the fic.
I usually find HiE stories where the human in question is from the present. From what I read so far, the one from this story is from the '90s since he briefly mentioned his earlier time during the Gulf War.
I figure Equestria reflects real-world current times in a way but with magic and all that jazz?
10885381
Late '90s, early '00s, if that helps.
I am enjoying this story so far. although you've taken a few liberties in creativity, it's added an intrigue that, while unexpected, has drawn me in quite powerfully. doesnt help that lately i've found myself drawn more to rarity stuff.
He seems to be taking everything a bit TOO well here.