It's only been like 5 minutes since Fluttershy found the hummy and she already wants to jerk him off.. This is going to be a fun read. Good story. I am weary of the sex tag cuz I've read stories where the story started out good but then just ended up into a fuck fest read and I am a little put off by that. I can read those kind of stories but it's not that often. If this has a good enough plot then I will continue this read.
I like your take on the names of Applejack, Rainbow, and Pinkie. Tall anthro ponies, good taste this one. Are they moving a little fast there? Not going to romance the guy before getting down and dirty? Buy him dinner, take him to a show, or heck even a picnic would suffice.
(Before any feedback is given, I would like to make it clear that I ENJOYED the story, so it might be biased regardless of how much effort is given for me to be neutral since I want to see this story continued.) (note: Purely curious, why is the entire text center-aligned?)
This feedback will not be on the grammar of your story since I don't have a lot of time as I tend to go into a long tangent, but let this be said that although your grammar needs work it is not all bad since the meaning is still being conveyed, though I suggest you fix it, as I stumbled a few times and need to reread certain sentence before understanding it.
The setting in making the ponies omnivores rather than herbivores is actually quite interesting since I haven't seen a lot of stories attempt it. The brief character description is also nice since we get a somewhat more normal name for the ponies rather than just their regular show name and the height difference is actually quite interesting since it means that the humans are quite short. Though the pacing of the story might be a bit rushed since Fluttershy just suddenly want to 'help' the human (anthro) that was just randomly there, not questioning why he was in a bush or seeing if anything is wrong with him (considering the setting of the story). Also please provide a description of the human since I don't know if he is an anthro or a human though I am assuming anthro since Fluttershy and Rarity are not questioning his species. This is not a critic rather a suggestion, please put a heading on whose Point of view we are seeing this from, as yes i know we are seeing it from Rarity's POV but I would enjoy some early warning before reading it.
Overall quite a well-written chapter, enjoyable read regardless of the small grammar mistakes, though needs some fixing on certain issues.
Pacing... Especially with taking the time to introduce the male main character and his early interactions with Rarity and Fluttershy... Is strongly needed.
So far I really enjoyed the read I just hope it doesn’t become too fast paced or a lot happens in a very short chapter. I prefer a little bit of world building and character development instead of everything to being at high speed but I will be reading and waiting to see how it progresses so far everything is looking good
Good build-up, nicely set, creatively descriptive and with just a touch of comedy. Pacing could use some work, but otherwise, I fully anticipate that this will be an entertaining read, and I look forward to reading more.
Fine I'll comment if it means getting you to update, it seems like a good premise I get the feeling that the female's of this universe will be protective enough to irritate (thus driving character development and creating conflict and thus plot) without being so protective as to seem psychotic and rendering the characters ooc beyond what makes sense in the setting. The mc seems to be the simple sort based on the fact that he dropped what he was doing to fish, but for this story line that's probably a good thing based on what's been established about his personality. If you desired to give him more depth then outdoorsy southern American, maybe give him a background of retired ex-military maybe Vietnam if you really want to work the wilderness survival and/or PTSD angle
It's only been like 5 minutes since Fluttershy found the hummy and she already wants to jerk him off.. This is going to be a fun read. Good story. I am weary of the sex tag cuz I've read stories where the story started out good but then just ended up into a fuck fest read and I am a little put off by that. I can read those kind of stories but it's not that often. If this has a good enough plot then I will continue this read.
I like your take on the names of Applejack, Rainbow, and Pinkie. Tall anthro ponies, good taste this one. Are they moving a little fast there? Not going to romance the guy before getting down and dirty? Buy him dinner, take him to a show, or heck even a picnic would suffice.
(Before any feedback is given, I would like to make it clear that I ENJOYED the story, so it might be biased regardless of how much effort is given for me to be neutral since I want to see this story continued.) (note: Purely curious, why is the entire text center-aligned?)
This feedback will not be on the grammar of your story since I don't have a lot of time as I tend to go into a long tangent, but let this be said that although your grammar needs work it is not all bad since the meaning is still being conveyed, though I suggest you fix it, as I stumbled a few times and need to reread certain sentence before understanding it.
The setting in making the ponies omnivores rather than herbivores is actually quite interesting since I haven't seen a lot of stories attempt it. The brief character description is also nice since we get a somewhat more normal name for the ponies rather than just their regular show name and the height difference is actually quite interesting since it means that the humans are quite short. Though the pacing of the story might be a bit rushed since Fluttershy just suddenly want to 'help' the human (anthro) that was just randomly there, not questioning why he was in a bush or seeing if anything is wrong with him (considering the setting of the story). Also please provide a description of the human since I don't know if he is an anthro or a human though I am assuming anthro since Fluttershy and Rarity are not questioning his species. This is not a critic rather a suggestion, please put a heading on whose Point of view we are seeing this from, as yes i know we are seeing it from Rarity's POV but I would enjoy some early warning before reading it.
Overall quite a well-written chapter, enjoyable read regardless of the small grammar mistakes, though needs some fixing on certain issues.
Pacing... Especially with taking the time to introduce the male main character and his early interactions with Rarity and Fluttershy... Is strongly needed.
Ah, the super horny, deprived of stallions trope. Love It! This is one of my favorite setups.
So far I really enjoyed the read I just hope it doesn’t become too fast paced or a lot happens in a very short chapter. I prefer a little bit of world building and character development instead of everything to being at high speed but I will be reading and waiting to see how it progresses so far everything is looking good
Not bad setting, the RGRE, but it is only the first chapter, a intro to what is to come.
So questions like it is an isekai mc, or is an equestrian from a normal gender ration 50:50 and landed in this version. Let see what happens next.
Good build-up, nicely set, creatively descriptive and with just a touch of comedy.
Pacing could use some work, but otherwise, I fully anticipate that this will be an entertaining read, and I look forward to reading more.
Fine I'll comment if it means getting you to update, it seems like a good premise I get the feeling that the female's of this universe will be protective enough to irritate (thus driving character development and creating conflict and thus plot) without being so protective as to seem psychotic and rendering the characters ooc beyond what makes sense in the setting. The mc seems to be the simple sort based on the fact that he dropped what he was doing to fish, but for this story line that's probably a good thing based on what's been established about his personality. If you desired to give him more depth then outdoorsy southern American, maybe give him a background of retired ex-military maybe Vietnam if you really want to work the wilderness survival and/or PTSD angle