When a villainess fights dirty

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Comments ( 19 )

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Sigma666

Sigma666 #1 · Jan 17th, 2021 · 1 · ·

That was fun.

xombiekilla

xombiekilla #2 · Jan 17th, 2021 · · ·

10633016
Thanks and no problem.

xombiekilla

xombiekilla #3 · Jan 17th, 2021 · 1 · ·

10632990
Glad you enjoyed it.

Applefai

Applefai #4 · Jan 17th, 2021 · 1 · ·

Pretty good story and very well written, only a few knitpicks, but it's still a good story.

'Hmhmhm. Such a foolish girl you're, Cadence. I'll drink every last drop out of you until I drain your body dry like a carton of juice!' Chrysalis kept up the kiss, even letting her tongue intermingle with Cadence's into a steamy French-kissing session. Chrysalis gradually felt more stronger the longer their kiss lasted.

It should be "what a foolish girl you are." If you're has to be there in needs to be written like this "you're such a foolish girl"

"Oh how right you're." The queen then used her magic to pick up a wooden box that was right next to her communication device. She opened it up to reveal set of three potions. Spotting the brown one in the center, she took it out of the box and the drank it down as she wiped the brown fluid from her mouth with her arm. "Now you're in big trouble, Cady."

This needs to be "oh how right you are." But if you're needs to be in there it can be written as "oh how you're right."

"Aha... there you're, my lovely little morsel." Chrysalis was lifting up the massive metal crate that was shielding Cadence from her view. "Now let's play dirty together."

This needs to be "aha, there you are." Or it could be written as "aha you're right there."

I really did enjoy the story and apologize if I seem to critical.

I wish I can give this story a like so I'll put it here. 👍🏼

fanreader999999

fanreader999999 #5 · Jan 17th, 2021 · · ·

It’s not my fetish so I might be off the mark, but this feels poorly written. Everything changes so quickly and so often it’s hard to tell what’s going on at any given time.

xombiekilla

xombiekilla #6 · Jan 17th, 2021 · · ·

10633290
I'll keep that in mind, thank you. And i kept ratings off on purpose. Because all people ever do is abuse it by overusing it.

xombiekilla

xombiekilla #7 · Jan 17th, 2021 · 2 · 4 ·

10633371
Umm... you're aware that there was a warning for that, right? If the fetish disgusted you, you honestly didn't have to read it.

Applefai

Applefai #8 · Jan 17th, 2021 · 2 · ·

10633540
Welcome.

xombiekilla

xombiekilla #9 · Jan 17th, 2021 · · ·

10633545
Thanks

xombiekilla

xombiekilla #10 · Jan 18th, 2021 · · ·

10633290
Sorry, I deliberately disabled the ratings on my more... naughty stories because of the trolls and shamers that divebomb my work with unnecessary comments and dislikes. It's nothing personal.

Applefai