10605272
theres some more for ya

10609013
happy new year buddy! appreciate the comment

What the fuck is this story

10609534
prepare for more

10609709
I'm frankly very confused about what is happening

10609728
As of now (chapter 3),

Apple Bloom started a webservice where she sold provocative pictures of herself, but Applejack talked her down and shamed her for it.

Meanwhile, Lyra is an abusive piece of shit to a dogged Bon Bon, while also apparently being a part of some kind of filly torture and murder ring.

And some weird new characters just showed up.

10609749
So, why are you writing this?

10609750
because i want to make people laugh, cry, jerk off, and be desperate for an update in a compelling story all at once

10609781
I mean, you kinda got the first one at least, 1/3 ain't bad

*Deep breath*

Wow. Okay, I have a note...

The pacing in this story is ridiculous. I read through all three chapters, and though I was able to follow it, you didn't make it easy. The plot flies by at ludicrous speeds, in so many directions that I now have literary whiplash.

Now, don't misunderstand, I like the concept. This was almost fun to read.

But your style seems to be blink-and-you'll-miss-it jumps from one place to the other. You swap scenes sometimes with less than two hundred words, and it feels like you couldn't pay attention to a scene for more than a minute. There's no time to stop and smell the roses; there's not even enough time to realize that there are roses that can be smelled.

It's unlikely that I'll come back, unless you ask me back, but at least think about what I said. Really, do think about it.

10635843
Thanks for this review! I'm trying to improve my writing and storytelling so this kind of thing really helps.

I'll give you a ring when I'd like a re-evaluation, eh?

10635914
Please do. I'd like to see this with a bit more depth and detail.

I've always wanted to fucking murder my girlfriend.

Fucking murder is the best kind of murder.

Mostly I just feel sorry for Bon Bon. Damnit Lyra, I know you've got important foal torture and murdering to do, but you could at least try to be a decent wife.

Damn! I cannot wait to see more.

11336354
daaamn man you gonna make me come back to this site? ok, just for you tho

11336435
Aw, I'm special! Thanks man.

11336646
only because you have a karkat avatar and im a huge sucker for the old days of homestuck (and if you cant tell by the vaguely remnicient gif panels its an inspiration here)