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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Finally, some friendly group. I hope they won't turn into cannibals or something of that sort because I think I've seen that one too many times. Having someone be actually friendly - not without suspicion, but friendly - would be nice for a change.
Seems a bit unsafe leaving Twilight alone to herself. Still I'd imagine the group seeing a talking horse would be pretty awkward. Also I guess I can see the fear in Cooper thinking the group would possibly just kill her for food. Still... How much time has passed? Weeks? Months? Do you think any of her friends back home would start to worry? Or is this story more focused around whats going on in his world?
I Promise—>I promise
I'll edit for you.
Good story, lots of little novice mistakes. Commas and capitalization, mostly.
10404428
That's something that'll be answered in a future chapters ;)
10404550
I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you :)
Too. Short.
sighs Oh no.
I wish there is somesort of season 2 when they leave that place and somehow found a way to equestria. With twilight mental scars and distrust and Cooper's courasity and some mount of knowledge of equestria.
A minor correction, ‘peak’ should be ‘peek’. The same mistake in other places, and it’s quite minor. I’m really only bringing this up because you wanted to know about grammar issues.
10405412
Thank you. I do appreciate the help :)
Thanks CrimsonWolf for another awesome chapter. I didn't expect our two MC's to meet up with such a large group anytime soon so I'm excited to see what happens next. Overall, I love the way you have portrayed Twilight and your human OC soo far, both being fairly realistic, and love how the plot has kept thing entertaining. Good luck with your next chapter, and as always have fun writing.
You know your author note at the end reminded me off The Chase fic. Were the author would alter his characters arbitrarily for a chapter then reset them after a monologue where the character tells the audience that they were acting or pretending. And I remember being part of a group of readers that didn't understand or appreciate why the author would literate this AFTER the event instead of fleshing out the scene in the moment. And now after all this time it was probably a lack of skill or even laziness but at the time it didn't feel like that. it felt like the author was changing hencharacters personality on the fly to fit his ark and scene better but he wrote it poorly. I am not saying your doing that. Wow why did I write this? I repeat this chapter is great. No obvious flaws. It was the way you wrote your author note not your actual writing.
I notice you use 'decadent' a lot to describe ruined buildings. Decadent refers more to a moral decline. I would suggest using 'decayed' or 'decrepit' instead.
it's funny that one of the survivors has the same name as me which is adrain
These two sentences seem... off, to me. With the first one, I was a bit confused who "her" was, until I realized that Cooper moved over to Twilight. But then the second sentence makes it seem as if he never moved from where he was when the door opened.
Something like
might have been better, but that's just my opinion.
Hmm.....so far doesn't seem like raiders. Hope they are legit just survivors, maybe harsh and cold sure but not raiders.
This got the dying light feel minus the zombies
It even has the 2 factions
Looks like I was wrong about people not trying to rebuild I hope Gabe Sanchez honestly wants to make this world a bit better it’s unfortunate Kyle and his partner didn’t run into this group if Gabes intentions are good