Sharp Shooter finally returns home after being stationed overseas for two years. Only problem is, no one really sees him as a hero, or anything positive for that matter. With no job or family, Sharp travels to Ponyville.
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10264575
Corrected. And thank you.
Wait. His name is Sharp. He’s from pony-Britain. He has a rifle...
Is he Sean Bean? Better not get too attached there, Applebloom. He’s got a target on his back.
i wonder if his father regretted disowning him but too stubborn to admit it
10264586
Haha, no, he is not Sean Bean, or have anything to do with that poor excuse of a historic based show. XD
These days, parents are proud of their kids. Not necessarily for going into battle but making a career for themselves and learning new sets of skills that'll help them in life.
10262989
Oh fuck no, it's still in effect, there hasn't been a war big enough to draft people into
10264599
SAY WHAT?!? So If WW3 breaks out I could be drafted against my will?!?
10264586
lol being sean bean sharp be fine that the only series that he didn't end up killed in
10264628
Omg that's true!
Wait if this is pony vietnam soldier, why is he wearing a very german uniform?
10264652
To be honest, I'm not sure why people think it is overly inspired by Vietnam. I get it with the whole soldier returning home, only to be met by protestors.
But this story is mostly inspired by my own country's war time stories. The army is inspired by my own, Britain's and America's.
As for the uniform, it is not me who designed or had it designed, I just liked the design and used it as a model for Sharp Shooter.
Even though this story is good,the way u portrayed equestria is too unrealistics.Like for them to hate soilders that much,equestria must have not been in any war in,*recorded* history or probably Celestia being horse-brained decided to censored the frick out of history.Like even nations that are pro-pacifist and anti-militarist dont treat their soilders like they belong in hell or something.Even Equestria in official canon are better than this.May this equestria be invaded by the Caribou so it would end the ignorant like cycle of ponies of equestria.
P.S I am expecting a thousands disliked for being too sensitive but I dont care.I am going through depression so it is natural for me to get frausted over nothing.
Also I dont hate the author or the story,If the story can get me emotional,then it is a good story.
Also if anyone get angry or annoy reading this comment,
I sincerely apologize and wish you good day😁.
10264674
I will give this comment a like.
What you said is true. There is not much else to say, it is true. But, this is only the first two chapters. As I have told others, things will be explained, like why they are allowed to keep their rifles, why there are protests and so on.
I hope you will keep reading when there are more chapters, if not then that's fair. Thank you for giving it a look anyway.
Cheers.
Well, it certainly sounded like Sharp was correct regarding his father... Dude didn't seem phased at the thought of his son dying so much as he worried about who would inherit the store. Now I'm wondering if the sister took notice of this for her own future? Moreover, I'm now dreading the time you (maybe) show him reuniting with his mom and sis. To go from being so caring towards him to acting distant? Ouch. On the other hand, for his mom to have let things fester like that when she DEFINITELY had to have noticed how her husband treated her son? Maybe not so much of a surprise after all.
Ah, backstory.
Also, Sharp's dad is a prick.
Just saying.
A second chapter in as many days? My, my! You are spoiling us!
Lot of typos, btw. Lots of double-periods at the end of dialogue.
10264620
Yeah, they get you on this technicality where, as a man, you have to sign up for the draft at 18 years old if you want to vote in the Federal election or receive certain federal benefits.
You don't have to do this as a woman though. "Women's equality" and Feminism conveniently forgot that women shouldn't get special treatment by being able to vote for the President and get a bunch of said benefits, but never have to get drafted into war. That was the state after "Universal Suffrage" in the late 1800s. Voting before that was originally for property owners and men in or formerly in the military. (Nobody says this, but women are ultimately inferior to men. Military has to reduce the Male standard by more than half to accept most women. Their muscle and skeletal structure are much weaker than men on average.)
Well that was ruled as unconstitutional last year, and women now have to register for the draft in order to vote.
Real equality is a bitch, huh?
10264707
Oh frag...
That newsreel scene makes me so nostalgic as an Englishman, I had to read along with the music, out loud and going into my stiff upper lip mode and sound like a newsreel of the time. This story is already fantastic, keep it coming!
PS you also seem to be a fairly interactive writer with the comments, love that too.
Well well
A story about a retired soldier who has to live the reputation of a damned killer because he sacrificed himself for other to have peace.
Now THAT is interesting.
Not a celebrated hero, not a whinny drama queen, just a tired young adult who has to live with the consequences of his own decisions.
I will follow this one with rapt attention.
10264690
I agree.
10264674
well this story could be set after a more bloody changeling invasion in royal wedding where many ponies died across equestria, lead to shock horror and equestria getting a very anti war sentiment due to being from a herbivore race and it instincts are to flee not fight race, then this happens and ponies are disgusted any pony want to go for and fight even for a good cause
Pretty good keep it up
Ah yes, a chapter full of pre war optimism from the radio and drama within the family.
And the scene with his father is great!
so it seems this is set early in teh show. like season 1 or 2.
Awesome!
10264741
I always thought that was a not a very good theory. Magic or not, Ponies would have never made it past the plains and caves without developing more predatory tendencies even if they prefer plants. Equestrian ponies if taken the cartoon aspect of them away are not like the horses we know, they have plenty of humanoid and more predatory characteristics. Like predatory eyes, gag-reflexes, and even if they seem they lack it are in fact somehow able to grip things with their front hooves.
Something to me seems like ponies through circumstance have evolved to be omnivores, but their bodies cannot handle anything other than seafood, and even then only certain cultures partake in it. Like some pegasus majority countries, and unicorn towns near the sea or rivers in hypothetical old world continents like Europa.
Maybe it's me being weird. But I have a hard time believing that something docile or with instincts more inclined towards running away could ever stay still and organize long enough to figure out how to make fire and develop the written word.
(Yeah, I know. Turn my brain off.)
It's a bad symptom of me doing both fantasy and scifi stories. It bugs me all right?
10264943
Why assume they evolved and weren't created?
Is this perhaps inspired by this? I mean the concept of a soldier coming home not too welcoming friends and family but to ponies who call them monsters are the same.
Five whole Divisions, good lord. ~50,000 troops coming home to a population that hates and fears them. Oof. Not going to end well.
Thinking about it, it might be a Vietnam situation, with the press turning against the war and, even worse potentially, perhaps during those Two years some Peace Corps soldiers might've committed warcrimes, but that's a worst case scenario.
Though it's the only reasonable explanation I could think of for why Sharp's treated with such outright disgust.
10265054
People seem to forget that story is basically a plagiarism of Rambo First Blood, and nobody noticed. This story is more of a partially inspired by it and other veteran coming home to a changed and hostile country movies. Like this old Pre-Regulation Era Post World War I movie.
Heroes for Sale
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/robe_heroesforsale_splsh.jpg
10265032
Because I don't like creationism or gods. Call it a bias and a petty grudge, but no matter how much I like various mythologies and folklore I can't help but see plenty of gods, specially the greek gods, as borderline tyrants toying with life on a whim.
Yes this is includes the Jewish-Christian God. I grew-up around catholicism, but since I read a lot and read into it more and more it got me thinking on the sheer blatant disregard God has for his creations, and his willingness to destroy and cause misery for his own creation. Like he barely knew what he was doing. I always compared it to a kid with an Ant Farm that occasionally brings out the magnifying glass for kicks.
So I never bring creation and gods into play together unless I really want to make it a horrific realization. Like us being slaves, or simply a mistake not worth cleaning up and abandoned to our own devices by indiferent beings seeking something else.
10265097
Wow... That's... An Old film. I'd think a film that old would be easy for someone to forget let alone not know it even exists. I'm not a history nut, but damn now I wanna watch it.
10262989
Even without the draft, you don't get to choose your deployment and you can't just quit if you get sent somewhere you don't want to go.
I wonder if any of the Mane 6 are Pro-Military? Maybe Rainbow Dash or Twilight. Rainbow cause... Rainbow. And Twilight cause Celestia approved it, so, therefore, it must be right, right?
A foolish father who know nothing of what his son wants it's sad when he disowns his own son this father is a foolish one reminds me of pear butter's dad
10264661
The Vietnam war was not a popular war in America at the time Soldiers didn't get a welcome home I believe that's were people are getting that from also the uniform that does look good on our friend Sharp shooter
Interesting story can't wait for more
10264471
True, that's why I find the story a bit hard to... immerse myself into. MLP doesn't feel like a universe where something like this would happen. But considering that the story is just a few chapters in, maybe there's a plausible explanation that isn't yet revealed.
That's actually why I don't try to adapt our events to the universe of MLP. Our world has a long, complicated story, and just throwing in the events of our history into a different world with different cultures, traditions, events, etc. doesn't really work. I certainly wonder how it's going to work here without making Equestria into a clone of the US or other modern countries we have.
Wonder if Pin Point made it home.
So this guy is basically a Nam vet. I mean, they were treated like shit when they came home. Stupid fucking hippies...
You know what? Instant favorite and like. This paints such a real perspective of someone going into the army during a war they really had no real stake in. They thought they were doing good, but the evil forced their hand one too many times. You're not a raging sociopath after that, you just come back broken.
10264943
well it was just one scenario i came up with to explain the hate of soldiers here, herd creature can become very dangerous if the ability to flee is not possible same could be for the ponies, beside they have many threats in the past like tyrants grogar so not impossible they have had to change to fight those threats, but since equestria had been at peace for a long time the herd mentality kicking in dont in danger the herd by fighting when you dont have too, but hey that just a theory i came up with on the spot and could be complete wrong after all they developed guns which suggests the ponies have had enough fighting to advance war technologies to that point
Okay. There are a few things bugging me here.
First, why did you choose to suddenly go back in time? From what I can tell, what this chapter tried to achieve primarily was painting a picture of Sharp Shooter's family, in particular his father. We already knew Pin Point lured him into the peace corps so we didn't learn much from that. Why did you have to go back in time to do that? Jerking us back in the timeline so soon in the story and immediately after he settled into the Apple household is a very jarring experience. Why not choose to show his relationship with his father and family through interactions with the Apple household? Use it as a way to show Applejack especially that he isn't some bloodthirsty monster born only to kill. Jerking us back in the timeline is a difficult thing to pull off well, and you especially shouldn't have to say "Two years ago" right at the beginning — you don't have to tell us that. Show us through your writing that that's the time you're going for. If you wanted to go back in time to explain something, now wasn't the time to do it. I would've done it much later or not at all.
Second, in your clip during the rally for the peace corps, what tone were you trying to go for? I can partially see why you did it, but why did you decide to try to weave some humour or jokes into the video? To me, it doesn't fit the circumstances.
Third, you're overusing what I assume are ellipses, if with a double dot rather than triple. If this is customary wherever you live, then ignore the bit about triple dots. But, my problem is why you pepper them everywhere. Take this as an example:
Why did you choose to use so many ellipses? If anything, the captain should speak with finality and certainty — something ellipses are not suited to. Even if he is uncertain, trailing sentences with ellipses is a poor show of a military captain's character. It's part of his job to inspire confidence in recruits, not doubt. For the vast majority of these instances, a period would have been the most impactful way to end them. Constant use of ellipses quickly diminishes them to an annoyance, not an asset.
Sorry if this has been a little scathing, but you've got a somewhat relatable concept (though I'd say Sharp's dad is a caricature of the strict father stereotype, so I hope you flesh him out more at some point — right now, he's just strict for the sake of being strict for the plot) and the potential to extract a good story from it.
10264471
10265411
The first episode of MLP was about an attempted coup d'état (Princess Luna tried to overthrow Princess Celestia)! Another episode was about a foreign army invading Canterlot. And a civil war in another country feels like something that wouldn't happen?
10265108
Why would ponies being created involve Gods?
10265253
also Twilight's brother is literally a captain of the guard.
Would be idiotic for her to dislike military ponies.
10265423
Dollars to donuts says he didn't.
10266085
If I am being honest I have not decided that yet.. There is a lot of things I could do if he was alive, so that part is still on the table.
Now to figure out if the hate is warranted, or if it is fabricated by others