Melody Orchard

Dark Nightshade

Dark Nightshade #1 · May 7th, 2020 · · · Chapter 2, West Jersey (no idea why I picked that name tbh) ·

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Nice addition! I can't wait to see the next chapter!

JerseyWest

JerseyWest #2 · May 8th, 2020 · · · Chapter 2, West Jersey (no idea why I picked that name tbh) ·

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Here we go! Now that we’ve got a pre-reader, we can start Notes From the Pre-readers. This is for chapters 1-2, see next chapters AN for his links and credits

Slowly, adjusting to the new shared body, the two in one girl walked over to the mirror. What she saw left her breathless, as the blonde mare with black streaks and toned, yet sleek body, stared back at her with sea blue-green eyes.
Silvax : We have nothing about their coat colors, now if their figure is curvy, well endowed, or something beyond sleek and toned.
Me: I never found/got any fan art, and wanted/want to keep it that way so an artist can have free reign to make the best design that I’ll adjust too

If anyone feels like it dose make some cover art (sadly I can’t pay as a heads up. Sorry) let me know

Replace: “frama work” with “framework

This was just sad for me >.>
And so far this guy doesn’t seem too commenting this time and there weren't too many other major grammar boo boo’s, so see you next time

JerseyWest

JerseyWest #3 · May 9th, 2020 · · · Chapter 3, I Am Melody Orchard ·

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Notes from the pre-readers chapter three

Nothing particularly stand out from Larry, just some grammar bits (one day with grammerly if I can figure out how it works for mobile and without data -/-) still nice to keep and learn from :3

Replace: “subconsiuoly” with “subconsciously

Took awhile for me to spot the difference. Can you? 🤔

Replace: “insited” with “insisted

Replace: “conections” with “connections

Replace: “Defiantly” with “Definitely

thought *on that for an entire hole before answering
“on that” with “about that

We just, turn him down?
Replace: “just, turn” with “just turned

I went with just removing the comma

Replace: “Dispite” with “Despite
Replace: “intrest” with “interest

Not sure why these still get me >.>

PlieRow666

PlieRow666 #4 · May 9th, 2020 · · · Chapter 3, I Am Melody Orchard ·

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Why’d you change her name from melody to harmony?

JerseyWest

JerseyWest #5 · May 16th, 2020 · · · Chapter 5, Nightcrawler's ·

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Notes from the pre-readers;

Melody recalled both Applejack’s and Coloratura’sColuraturas past experiences-
Silvax: Replace: “Coluraturas” with “Coloratura’s”
Me: What the fluff am I spelling?! >.>

Seriously? He still hasn’t gotten back to me on what I’ve been spelling ^^’ >.>

-it was all about her; *Harmony Orchard!
Silvax: So this is the part where you changed her name from Harmony to Melody?
Me: yes... do carch and correct -/-

So, original the two leads were named Harmony & PJ (cause, AJ (my SFW name) P... even for this being shameless self-insert, I had always planed to change it. Although I ended up changing Harmony to Melody after that scene where, now West, refers to her friends as the Elements. You know, of harmony? Although as I wrote this I recall Octavia’s last name is Melody, but at this point I’m just going to stick with Melody. I like it. Although please point out if you see the names Harmony or Pj please

”Or,” Pinkie smirked, “You forgot what it was like with Twilight when we were *Dainty Pleasures?”
Silvax: From the original fic the name was Dainty Pleasure
Me: Ah ^^’ I is a lazy derp 9.6

I think now that he was just pointing this fact out. But another fun fact, he was also the one who commissioned the cover art for that story before this series existed

And that will do it for this round. Hope you enjoy, and the more pre-readers I have on a project, the better

JerseyWest

JerseyWest #6 · May 23rd, 2020 · · · Chapter 6, First Date ·

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Notes from the pre-readers

*Anyways, hope you enjoyed and please let me know if you did or didn’t down below
Silvax : It was an enjoyable read.

And that will be a wrap for this weeks notes!

JerseyWest

JerseyWest #7 · May 26th, 2020 · · · Chapter 7, Day 2 ·

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Notes from the pre-readers

First off, this didn’t come from my pre-reader this week. Although to back track just a bit; A lot of people tell me I should get grammerly. Been meaning too, but have reasons beyond being lazy! One of which is what google drive tried to suggest I do with this sentence;

How it ultimately appeared in the story;
“Ah.” Melody said, as Pinkie Pie sat their food down onto the table.
First draft edit;
“Ah.” Melody Orchard nodded as Pinkie Pie sat down their food on the table.
Google drive auto corrections/edits;
“Ah!” Melody Orchard nodded as Pinkie Pie sat down *on* their food.

I feel less rushed...

Oh! And I posted this in one of my discord group, and it got enough good responses id like to preserve so I guess there is a bit more to add;

Friend A: I guess not everything is perfect lol
Friend B: I've read published books with clear grammar errors missed by the editor, so it's not an uncommon mishap
Me: Yeah, made worse when someone I had just agreed to pre-read had alternation better past and present tense, and she told me that’s how grammerly told her to write

True story ^^’ maybe some other time on that fic I’m editing :3

Friend C: ah! It should be “set down” not “sat down” Either set or put. The food can’t sit
Friend D, that’s true
Friend C: I just noticed that down is in the wrong place in this sentence too. It should be, “Pinkie Pie set their food down on the table”. Or you could remove down altogether. That works too. Also, I’m guessing there’s a comma in “Just complicated” to indicate that the character is speaking with hesitation. I would use an ellipsis there instead.

The chat then changed subjects, and any other chat didn’t have anything quite as constructive to say or was pushed too far back into its history for me to find
Anyways, we now return to our more regularly scheduled notes from, our only, pre-reader so far.
Again, if you’re interested and want early sneak peaks, feel free to ask!

“Good.*” West said, leaving out some details that made it ‘great’ for tac.
Silvax: This is a bad habit of yours, ending with a period instead of a comma when you use the word said.
Me: I think it’s more a, me not noticing, than me intentionally ^^’
While I’m at it, when you end a dialogue like so - you don’t need the “ at the end of it. At least, that’s what a pre-reader told me in my last story
Silvax: I had several editors for my fics and they never made a comment like that to be before, so better safe than sorry.
Me: Well, when I get the chance, I’ll ask that friend to weigh in (he’s kind of busy) but I’ll see if he left something in the notes from my last story he helped edit.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/466203/a-nightmare-to-remember have to skip over those notes myself, but want this chapter out first, so if you’re curious to see, check out this stores comments and I’ll let you know what I find next notes here.

*”West chuckled.”
'West chuckled.' Is way too short of a sentence, another bad habit.
Me: And here I thought my problems were run-on 🏃 qwq
Silvax: Run-ons can be a problem, but a two word sentences are a bigger problem.
Me: well in anycase, I kind of find, and notice, you add things to these bits like, like, then she said. He repeated. Could be wrong, but it kind of just developed into a writing style. Like, I’ll just give a character an action that may express their emotions, and then not have to say ‘he said she said.’ [/quote/]
Both comments to be continued in the next notes as I just replied and worked on publishing this chapter...

Aether Spark

Aether Spark #8 · Jul 7th, 2020 · · · Chapter 11, The Final Day... ·

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I honestly prefer the flash of light and new mare appearing instead of the melding physically together bits.

It's kinda gross tbh

JerseyWest

JerseyWest #9 · Jul 7th, 2020 · · · Chapter 11, The Final Day... ·

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10320926
Each their own 👍
Although I’ve been taught the ‘flash of light’ is one of the most laziest ways to have a transformation sequence. Also, to be fair this instance, it’s is supposed to be a sad tragic scene, so I suppose it coming off as a little unnerving, while not my intention, was fitting ^^’

Aether Spark

Aether Spark #10 · Jul 7th, 2020 · 1 · · Chapter 11, The Final Day... ·

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10320949
Well the first merge in the story was good.

JerseyWest

JerseyWest #11 · Jul 7th, 2020 · · · Chapter 11, The Final Day... ·

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10320983
And now it is at its end 😭

PlieRow666

PlieRow666 #12 · Jul 8th, 2020 · · · Epilogue ·

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So what happens now?

TheOneAJ

TheOneAJ #13 · Jul 8th, 2020 · · · Epilogue ·

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10322542
I work on this :3
As for the story, that’s where it ends. Thought it said that 🤔
As for you mean next next; life
Assuming you mean what happens next in this stories life/if I’ll make a sequel;
The latter, no. But for the former, what do you think happened?

PlieRow666