SonTavia, A Chance Musical Encounter

ETaco Salads (A SonTavia Romance)
Equestria Girls
Romance
Slice of Life
Sonata and Octavia talk on a drive through date.
Human
Octavia
Sonata Dusk
TheOneAJ · 1.1k words · 21 3 · 333 views

With so many different realities, any kind of combinations are possible. Such as with the cellist Octavia Melody, and the former siren Sonata Dusk. Still, with such a pairing, it would of taken just the right chance of events to bring them together. However, as uncommon as it was, it didn’t make their romance any less special.
This, is how in one such reality, they came together...

At the moment, written In insperation of this picture as well as for pride month So I at least have something for Monachromatic

*story may and will get cleaned up a little later, and title is possibly subject to change. feedback welcomed

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Comments ( 16 )

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SunTwi06

SunTwi06 #1 · Jun 14th, 2020 · 1 · ·

Not gonna lie- I thought it was as Octavia/Vinyl story but I'm still gonna give it a go.

TheOneAJ

TheOneAJ #2 · Jun 14th, 2020 · 1 · ·

10284162
Thanks for the chance ^^’ hope you still enjoy

TheOneAJ

TheOneAJ #3 · Jun 15th, 2020 · · ·

We have one proof reader atm, the returning Viola rules. May add a second note if anyone else wants to help, but for now...

*original intro*
It certainly wasn’t the most unusual or the strangest of pairings when you thought hard about it. Both had names that relate to music, both shared a few other similar interests. Still, it wasn’t a romance most would have thought of happening if you knew either of them. When the two were asked how it had happened...
V: I don't think this paragraph is necessary, or if you want to keep it, remove the passive aggressive tone it has. Maybe replace it with something like, "When Octavia and Sonata started dating, it shocked everyone, especially Octavia's best friend, Vinyl Scratch. One afternoon, Vinyl decided to join Sonata and Octavia for lunch. She couldn't help but ask how the two met."

Ended up deleting it, but keeping it here as this edit was at least less self aware aggressive as Viola mentioned. As no more for this story being experimental in that regard

It started on a cloudy afternoon a week after in the Battle of the Bands . Rain had been predicted in the forecast, although for the past hour it had little more than misted. Cliche, but there simply wasn’t better way to start it when somebody asked them about how they got together in the first place. If it had been raining any harder, or not at all, things may have ended up very differently for the two of them that day.
V: This paragraph has that passive aggressive tone again from the "Cliche" line to the end of the paragraph. Also, I wouldn't point out cliches in your story, unless it's for comedic effect.

I just couldn’t win!! QwQ
But I hate straightforward, how’s the weather, intro more! >.>

An hour or two of soaking later, one depressed Dazzling in a box, a musician who happened to be walking by looking for inspiration, right next to the box when it collapsed under the weight of all that water. A scream from the damp paper causing the musician to jump.
V: I would change this to, "A couple of hours later, Sonata learned the consequences of wet cardboard as the box she was in suddenly collapsed. She thrashed wildly, trying to get out as the box started to suffocate her."

My eventually edit;
A couple of hours later, Sonata learned this fact, as the wet cardboard collapsed around her.

Now, most would likely think one would have recognize a dazzling who had hypnotized and tried to take over the school a week ago. However, because this is a human coloration AU (even if they have the same hair color). Add in with how stressful Octavia Melody’s life could be, and a teenager's natural short attention span, and you had one cellist who thought this was just some strange, possibly homeless, blue haired girl.
V:The fourth wall breaking to constantly remind the reader that it's an AU is unnecessary and adds nothing to this story.

Might touch this up, but decided just to keep this as a more reflective look back

She set her hot coffee down
V: I thought they were drinking cocoa?
Me: No... but I’m sure some people like coffee with their chocolate ^^’

Neither saying that they thought the other's name was pretty.
V:This sentence could be reworded. "They both thought the other had a pretty name, but felt it would be awkward to tell that to someone they had just met."

Not in the story, was after they made it to Octavia’s house before the scene change.

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry!” Sonata panicked. “I know it sounds horrible! I didn’t mean to-”*
V: add “’”
Me: Didn’t sparrow say in Nightmare that you don’t use these at the end of - ?
V: I looked it up and I'm right. You do put a closed parenthesis at the end, otherwise it feels like you didn't put an end to the character speaking.

”I know.” Octavia let out a breath and pulled Sonata into a hug. “And maybe in some stories, we end up with different people, or without anybody, with a boy instead or,” she laughed. “Well if we’re being that ridiculously hypothetical, in some other alternate universe, either of us could've ended up with a male version of one of our mutual friends.”
B:This is a good use of referring AU. Keeping it as a hypothetical discussion between the characters works very nicely :)

This made the trouble I had with the intro worthwhile

Thanks ^^’ I’ll proabaly not make too many more changes to that ‘harsh’ au referencing in the intro, and keep this as that as is for more a, look back learning experience

And that be it for this portion of notes 👋

Kagitaar

Kagitaar #4 · Jun 17th, 2020 · · ·

There's a kernel of a good story here, but I think you need a lot more editing and polish. I nearly gave up on the obscenely gratuitous fourth wall break. The rest is so oddly paced, weirdly phrased; it needs work, a lot of work.

TheOneAJ

TheOneAJ #5 · Jun 17th, 2020 · 1 · ·

10288845
You know my proof reader said the same thing :(

SunTwi06

SunTwi06 #6 · Jun 23rd, 2020 · · ·

Sorry this took so long to get to. Now that I have read it, I did enjoy it. While the 4th way parts were a bit odd, I still enjoyed the story overall. Good job

TheOneAJ

TheOneAJ #7 · Jun 23rd, 2020 · · ·

10298166
Thanks :)
Yeah, those moments were kind of experimental for me after thinking about a bit from the book thief. Although just today removed one Where I was on the Fence about, but decided to just get rid of thinking it could really take someone out of it. Turns out I had some timing

zalla661

zalla661 #8 · Jun 25th, 2020 · · ·

This is a neat little story. It's a good start to a story. A few edits here and there and we really got something to start here. I did like how music was a common interest between them. Unless I misread the meaning behind the cello scene.

TheOneAJ

TheOneAJ #9 · Jun 25th, 2020 · · ·

10301096
I thought that was yours/your friends idea behind the pair

zalla661

zalla661 #10 · Jun 26th, 2020 · · ·

10301668
Nope his idea, I just draw.

Ice Star

Ice Star #11 · Oct 13th, 2020 · · ·

Now, this is an interesting rare pair!

ScisetShimmerEvan

ScisetShimmerEvan #12 · Sep 28th, 2022 · · ·

Sonata looked at her wet shoes.I use to sing.” She said, leaving out the details.d “Used to?” Octavia asked as the light turned green and they moved forward.

This sentence needs to be redone as I think it should say this.

Sonata looked at her wet shoes. "I use to sing.” She said, leaving out the details.
“Used to?” Octavia asked, as the light turned green and they moved forward

Thinking how best to explain without giving away she’s a magical siren from another world,, Sonata said, “Yeah. Was... In a singing group. However... stuff happened. One day, we just didn’t sound as good as we used to. Now, we’re struggling to get by. Actually, I was in that box because I wanted to get out of my house to get away from my band mates' arguments on what we’re supposed to do now for a bit. Seemed like a good quiet place to be alone.... Okay, and maybe I didn’t know what would happen when cardboard gets wet!”

You have an extra comma after world in the first sentence.

She paused, wondering where what she was about to suggest came from. Sad to say, she hadn’t found the musical inspiration she was looking for. However, she liked talking to this girl, and if nothing else, it felt wrong just to leave her alone.

You should either remove where or add a comma after it to make the sentence make more sense.

Sonata looked at her wet shoes.I use to sing.” She said, leaving out the details.d “Used to?” Octavia asked as the light turned green and they moved forward.

This sentence needs to be redone as I think it should say this.

Sonata looked at her wet shoes. "I use to sing.” She said, leaving out the details.
“Used to?” Octavia asked, as the light turned green and they moved forward

Thinking how best to explain without giving away she’s a magical siren from another world,, Sonata said, “Yeah. Was... In a singing group. However... stuff happened. One day, we just didn’t sound as good as we used to. Now, we’re struggling to get by. Actually, I was in that box because I wanted to get out of my house to get away from my band mates' arguments on what we’re supposed to do now for a bit. Seemed like a good quiet place to be alone.... Okay, and maybe I didn’t know what would happen when cardboard gets wet!”

You have an extra comma after world in the first sentence.

She paused, wondering where what she was about to suggest came from. Sad to say, she hadn’t found the musical inspiration she was looking for. However, she liked talking to this girl, and if nothing else, it felt wrong just to leave her alone.

You should either remove where or add a comma after it as doesn't make sense/the sentence sound like it should be.

A cup of hot cocoa and change of clothes later, at Octavia’s insistence, the pair were left in white t-shirts and sweat shorts. An hour had passed, and the two had found themselves in the highest spirits either of them had been in for awhile. Moving on from cardboard bots to other topics, sharing whatever funny stories about their lives came to mind. I be it, Sonata adjusting her stories so as not to scare Octavia off.

boats*
Albeit* over I be it,

“Um,” Octavia rubbed her neck. “You know? your daughter is growing up fine and pretty. Perfect grades? She’s bound to find a perfect husband one day.” She mockingly giggled. “Oh, isn’t she sweet? Not like those other slut girls who smoke and do whatever they want. She’s such a good girl.”

Your*

Octavia laughed. “It’s okay. I can’t say I quite relate, but sounds like we both have a mask we wear in public.” She sighed. “Mine is being a good girl to keep my parents happy as I advance in my musical career.”

Mask we wear in public?