• Member Since 19th Sep, 2018
  • offline last seen Yesterday

shadow rider

To have harmony we must have chaos and order, light and shadow, and good and evil. Only those who have seen the world and it's horrors understands that.

shadow rider Joined 19th Sep, 2018 · Offline

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Comments ( 29 )
golden dawn
golden dawn #1 · May 26th, 2020 · · 1 · What happend? ·
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The droid army because Rick doesn't like politicians and he has more faith in his machines then living people. Plus if he gets his own droid army you can upgrade them and make them a 1000 times better.

moviemaster8510
moviemaster8510 #2 · May 26th, 2020 · · 1 · What happend? ·
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I kid you not, he goes to a convention and gets turned into a character from another source material, they call it Displaced!

Most interesting shit I’ve ever seen!

Gale Maze
Gale Maze #3 · May 26th, 2020 · · 1 · What happend? ·
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10254007
I TURNED MYSELF INTO A DEAD FAD, MORTY
I'M DISPLACED RIIIICK

Russian Bank Teller
Russian Bank Teller #4 · May 26th, 2020 · · · What happend? ·
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bro this is so funny bro im literally shitting myself this is so funny brooo

Perpetually Confused
Perpetually Confused #5 · May 26th, 2020 · · · What happend? ·
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Is this neccesary?

I don't mean this in a dickish way, I mean it in the sense that there's an infinite number of Ricks in a infinite number of universes. Hell, there's a fucking Hive city of them gushing Rick from ever orifice. You could shove your hand down any hole there and get covered in hot steamy Rick.

... What we're we talking about:unsuresweetie:


10254033

10254038
Eh, I don't get it.

Hclegend
Hclegend #7 · May 26th, 2020 · · · What happend? ·
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Oh look a displaced from Rick and Morty...

The fact this has 20 tags and only 1.3k words shows that this is just a typical displaced. I'm scarcely curious due to the fact you A. don't capitalize Displaced despite being in the title or B. Spell goes as go's...

I attempted anyway.

Hello my fanz and haters my name is shadow rider the assistant of the shadowflameking who is my ruler I will need your undivided attention.

Please wait a few years before trying to write again, thank you.

Perpetually Confused
Perpetually Confused #8 · May 26th, 2020 · · · What happend? ·
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10254195
Yeah, but it makes even less sense here because this could literally be canon. Infinite number of Ricks, infinite worlds, so the law of probablity is on his side for some pseudo nihilist shenanigans.

Isseus
Isseus #9 · May 27th, 2020 · · 1 · What happend? ·
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Some stories are just so bad that they actually... nope. It's still just bad.

But it is a good collection of every bad thing ever in a displaced fic, so nyee.

Gale Maze
Gale Maze #10 · May 27th, 2020 · · · What happend? ·
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10254098
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand our comments.

DisplacedWriter
DisplacedWriter #11 · May 27th, 2020 · · · What happend? ·
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...Get yourself an editor/co-author...

AC97
AC97 #12 · May 27th, 2020 · · · What happend? ·
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First of all... you put author's notes in the middle of the story. I mean, it's a step-up having it happen between scenes (well, except for the part where Horizontal Rules aren't used ever), but it's still something you never do. Especially when it's to ask us for freaking ideas. That's what the Author's Notes are for (which were used, mind you, so "I dunno what it is" is not an excuse), among other options out there.

Second of all, the OC killed Sombra, a MLP Big Bad, like this:

"I shattered them" I say with a simple shrug, he growls and lits his horn.

I get into a combat stance when I see a mare that looks like sombra chained to the throne. I lung at him an slice thro the spell he casted at me and cut off his head easily killing him.

A shock wave erupted from his body and all the dark crystals around the throne room disappear into thin air, I run over and check on the mare sombra and find she's passed out.

So yeah, no, sorry, fuck this.

I don't buy that you're capable of giving this story a shred of tension on account of how horribly overpowered he is, to say nothing of the terrible pacing, even aside from the horrific massacre of the English language that lies therein.

(Displaced is like meth: Not even once)

10254007
10254033

I dunno if my sense of humor sucks because I found those amusing, but... lol.

10254227

Please wait a few years before trying to write again, thank you.

10/10

...Also, really, 20. Fucking. Tags.

The Blue EM2
The Blue EM2 #13 · May 27th, 2020 · · 1 · What happend? ·
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Is this meant to be a parody of overpowered displaced characters?

The Blue EM2
The Blue EM2 #14 · May 27th, 2020 · · · What happend? ·
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My name is Alexander Wood but most call me Aleck. Now my hobbes include experimenting, inventing, and politics. In my free time I watch rick and morty, GATE, Overlord, star wars, and my little pony.

All of those TV shows need to have capital letters in their titles as they are proper nouns.

Now whale I'm not a huge fan of the last one I still watch it and keep up to date on it.

While.

One day I went to a convention dressed as rick from rick and morty I even came up with a my own back story I'll tell you later for now lets focus on present.

I get out of my car witch is a mustang and head into the convention I go browsing for a bit and finally found what I want a portal gun but not a regular plastic portal gun a black reinforced steel portal gun.

The guy that was selling it was dressed as the resident evil 4 merchant I walk up and asked how much for it.

"60$ bucks but sense I like your straight forward ness I'll give it to you for 40 bucks along with a DC-15S Blaster Carbine" he offerd.

I accept and buy them I walk back to my car and got in to go get something to eat when I blacked out.

Which, not witch (the latter is a being who stands over a cauldron). Mustang needs a capital letter, as do the words 'Resident', 'Evil', and 'Merchant'. Currency symbols go at the start of the number, not the end, and if the word 'bucks' is being used, there's no need to use the dollar symbol as 'bucks' is a slang term for US dollars.

The passage is also riddled with run-on sentences. Good writers break sentences up with paragraphs. To get a sense of where to put commas, read the sentence out loud and then add the commas where you naturally pause.

*cut to guy typeing on computer*
*guy spins around*
Hi there shadow1rider speaking!

Hello my fanz and haters my name is shadow rider the assistant of the shadowflameking who is my ruler I will need your undivided attention.

What I'm doing is a completely one of a kind story there is no other story (for now) like mine the day and Year of this story frist being crafted is 4/19/2020.

What I want to talk about is my ideas for the story such as star wars remember that since this is a rick displaced he can now hop dimensions.

So my frist question is witch side should he take the Confederacy of Independent Systems or The Galactic Republic?

Also what kind of army should he have remember he has access to the multivers. Now I will need your input about what other places he should go like what series he should go to like transformers prime, transformers, or transformers war for cybertron.

Also be sure to add what time he arrives. Now back to your regular scheduled program.

*the scene changes to a snowy landscape*

'first', not 'frist'. Frist is not a word. Again, proper nouns should be capitalised. You do it correctly for the CIS and Galactic Republic, and Transformers, Prime, and War for Cybertron also need them ('for' doesn't need one as that's a connective). Multiverse is also spelt wrong.

Word of advice; don't break the narrative flow like this, as it takes the readers out of the story.

No pov

We find ourselves out in a snowy landscape a winter dessert where only ice and snow exists when suddenly a green portal opens up and spits out a red mustang with black strips.

Don't denote the POV. We should be able to figure it out from context. 'Desert' is spelt wrong, and the word you're probably looking for is tundra. And 'Mustang' still needs a capital letter.

I awake with a headache and a sore back. When I open my eyes I find my self in a icy tundra.

I can see a city about 12 miles away. I start my car after takeing deep breaths.

I then drive slowly to the city but when I enter it seems abandoned when i spot a group of solders harassing a- my jaw drops.

It was a anthro pony! I grab my DC-15S blaster and shout "hay! Step away from the mare!" I shouted holding up my blaster setting it to kill.

Thay turn in my direction and snort "what are you going to do about it we are his majesty's king sombras solders what are you going to do to us?" Shouted one of them who seamed to be the capten.

I respond by pulling the trigger the sound scared them but the shot hit the capten in the head killing him instantly.

Thay stare dumbfounded I let loose a barrage of bolts not giving them time to recover. Thay fall down dead leaving me and the mare.

Myself is one word. Taking has no 'e'. 'Shout' should have a full stop after it, and not only is 'hey' spelt incorrectly, it should have a capital letter. His Majesty should have capital letters, as should King Sombra. The former is the accepted convention for writing titles, the latter is a proper noun. Captain is spelt incorrectly.

When i get a good look at her she looks dehydrated. I take out a watter bottle and give it to her "here dink this you seem thirsty" I say offering the water bottle. She took it into her hoof and began to drink.

Whale she drank I took in her looks she has a alabaster coat and almond mane she also has purple eyes. She finished the bottel hand handed it back to me. "T-thank you. who are you?" She asked.

I hesitated what should I be called I mean I'm in a different world now. So what should i be called? Wait thats it! "To friends I'm known as aleck but to strangers I'm known as rick." I tell her smileing.

I mean its true ever since I arrived I had knowledge that wasen't my own. I could come up with dozen's of formulas that could fix alot of things.

I shake it off for later and focus on the mare in front of me "so what's your name?" I ask her softly.

She spoke in a quiet voice "Golden wheat" she says ducking her head down I nod.

"ok golden wheat do you know where I can find this king sombra?" I ask she nods and points a hoof tords the giant crystal castle I smile brightly and pet her "thank you I'll be sure to come back." I say.

'I' is a capital letter. 'Water' has one T, and 'drink' is spelt incorrectly. Again, 'while', not 'whale'. If you're using a/an, you use 'an' if the next word starts with a vowel.

The Blue EM2
The Blue EM2 #15 · May 27th, 2020 · · · What happend? ·
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She finished the bottel hand handed it back to me. "T-thank you. who are you?" She asked.

I hesitated what should I be called I mean I'm in a different world now. So what should i be called? Wait thats it! "To friends I'm known as aleck but to strangers I'm known as rick." I tell her smileing.

I mean its true ever since I arrived I had knowledge that wasen't my own. I could come up with dozen's of formulas that could fix alot of things.

I shake it off for later and focus on the mare in front of me "so what's your name?" I ask her softly.

She spoke in a quiet voice "Golden wheat" she says ducking her head down I nod.

"ok golden wheat do you know where I can find this king sombra?" I ask she nods and points a hoof tords the giant crystal castle I smile brightly and pet her "thank you I'll be sure to come back." I say.

'Bottle' is spelt incorrectly. Again, commas are your friend. 'I' still needs a capital letter. 'Aleck' and 'Rick' need capital letters as they are proper nouns. Wrong 'its'; you need 'it's', which is short for 'it is'. 'Wasn't' is spelt incorrectly (short for 'was not'). Dozens does not need an apostrophe. 'A lot' is two words. 'Golden' and 'Wheat' should have capital letters as they are, again, proper nouns. 'Towards', as 'tords' is not a real word. 'Crystal Castle' again needs capital letters, as it's the name of a place.

I hop back into my car and drive to the castle. When I arrive there are two black crystal goloms I grab a rick weapon from inside my lab coat. The weapon I pull out is a eco gun in layman's it produces sound waves that shatter crystals. (I'll explain where everything comes from later)

I fire it and shatter the goloms I walk up the stairs and kick the doors open.

When thay opened thay revel a long hallway with doors to the left and right but at the end of it and in the center of the castle by my calculations is the Thorne room with a pare of crystal double doors guarded by 4 dozen crystal goloms.

I spot a weapon display case to my right and grab a Sword that looks like its made out of shadows and charge at them and thay at me. When we meet the frist one swing's its clubbed arm at me I slice its arme off and then cut off its head.

'One down 47 more to go' I thought. 10 more come at me but I let loose a wave of shadow sliceing through all ten of them.

'10 more down 37 more to go' I thought 'but this is takeing too long I need to kill them quickly' I take out a small ball and throw it at them thay gather around it curiously when it went off destroying 30 of them and damaging 4 of them.

'A echo Granada it produces high frequency noise that shatters all crystals that are not attached to it' I thought and with a burst of speed i slice through the 4 damaged goloms with ease.

I then block an attack from one of the 3 remaining goloms I pushed back and jump up on it and stab my sword into it kill it.

'Golem' is spelt incorrectly, and 'Rick' needs a capital letter. 'They' is spelt wrong, as is 'throne'. 'Pair' is spelt wrong. Don't link pictures in the middle of a story; describe the object in your own words. 'Them' would make more sense in that section. 'First', not 'frist', and swings should not have an apostrophe. 'Arm' is spelt incorrectly. 'Slicing' is spelt wrong. 'Grenade', not 'Granada'; the latter is a city in Spain. Capital 'I' again, and the last sentence needs rewording so that it makes sense. Here;

I then block an attack from one of the 3 remaining golems. I then jump back, jump up on it and stab my sword into it, killing it.

The last two attack together but I jump over them and sliced both of there head's clean off. With the small platoon of goloms taken care of I kick the large pare of double doors open revealing a black coated unicorn with a red horn.

"So you must be this king sombra I've been hearing about I'm not impressed" I say angering him.

"Who are you and how did you get passed my cristal goloms!?" He roared shadow's comeing out of his eyes and mouth.

"I shattered them" I say with a simple shrug, he growls and lits his horn.

I get into a combat stance when I see a mare that looks like sombra chained to the throne. I lung at him an slice thro the spell he casted at me and cut off his head easily killing him.

A shock wave erupted from his body and all the dark crystals around the throne room disappear into thin air, I run over and check on the mare sombra and find she's passed out.

I pick her up bridal style and walk up the neer by stairs and set her down in a bed I sit in a chair and take a nap being worn out from the fighting Zzzzzzz.

Wrong form of 'their'. No apostrophe in the word 'heads'. Again, 'King Sombra' needs capital letters. 'Crystal' is spelt incorrectly, and 'shadows' doesn't have an apostrophe. 'Lights', not 'lits', as that is not a word. 'And', not 'an', and 'cast', not 'casted' (also not a word). Sombra needs a capital letter. 'Near' is spelt incorrectly. Also, do not use onomatopoeia in a narrative like this.

Summary? This is one of the most cliched Displaced stories I have ever seen. Clean up the English (proofreaders can help), and perhaps do something less cliched, like somebody displacing into the MLP world as, I dunno, AN MLP CHARACTER?

cunning_linguist
cunning_linguist #16 · May 27th, 2020 · · 1 · What happend? ·
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"Waaaah cunning_linguist you're too mean and unfair with displaced writers waaaaaaah"

This is why. It's the lowest hanging fruit of brooding teenagers who want to be writers but can't be assed to actually learn how to write. They puke up overpowered self-inserts with Mane Six harems and angel wings and think that's good enough to get a bunch of undeserved praise. It shouldn't be. These people should be laughed at, belittled, and ostracized until they improve or quit.

See FiMFiction, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.

The Blue EM2
The Blue EM2 #17 · May 27th, 2020 · · · What happend? ·
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10255598
I did try to help them...

cunning_linguist
cunning_linguist #18 · May 27th, 2020 · · 2 · What happend? ·
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10255890
Now let's wait and see if it'll amount to anything. Frankly, I wouldn't hold your breath.

shadow rider
shadow rider #20 · May 30th, 2020 · · 6 · What happend? ·
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Well if you don't like it or you do I DON'T CARE. I'm writing this to get good at writing storys this is my frist story so I'm going to get better. But for now just tell me witch one Republic or CIS?

shadow rider
shadow rider #21 · May 30th, 2020 · · 1 · Note no chap for a while ·
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10254810
I have fixed that. But the only reason that it dosent last long is because i have planes for him that involves him being quickly deposed of.

Gale Maze
Gale Maze #22 · May 30th, 2020 · · · Note no chap for a while ·
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10254810
Hey now, don't feel bad about having an IQ bigger than the amount of things that happened on June 4th, 1989 at Tiananmen Square in Beijing, China.
10259649
I think you meant to post here.

Explodingkitten55
Explodingkitten55 #23 · May 30th, 2020 · · · Note no chap for a while ·
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10254227
I agree, the grammar sucks dick.


Git gud, writer dude.

Explodingkitten55
Explodingkitten55 #24 · May 30th, 2020 · · · Note no chap for a while ·
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10259649
"Well if you don't like it or you do I DON'T CARE."

Well, that's fucking stupid. I don't need to say why. It's obvious.

Explodingkitten55
Explodingkitten55 #25 · May 30th, 2020 · · 1 · Note no chap for a while ·
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10259665
Wow, writer dude has bad grammar in his comments aswell.

"But the only reason that it dosent last long is because i have planes for him that involves him being quickly deposed of."

Doesn't. Plans. Desposed. Uppercase I.

What a nitpick- Shut up.

DIRKWITHAGUN
DIRKWITHAGUN #26 · Jun 1st, 2020 · · 1 · What happend? ·
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did i accidentally do 10 lines of cocaine or some shit wtf is this

golden dawn
golden dawn #27 · Jun 1st, 2020 · · 1 · Note no chap for a while ·
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For his own safety L probly reprogram grievous should be on his side and upgrade a whole bunch of the drool it's to be for sensitive in case poppetina tries to go for him.

DIRKWITHAGUN
DIRKWITHAGUN #28 · Jun 2nd, 2020 · · · Note no chap for a while ·
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decided to track this after a long while of thinking, just to see where the fuck this is gonna go.. i hope to god that this is a troll story (and author)

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