The event..
Twilight Sparkle was looking through her telescope at the night sky, looking for constellations for the new zodiac year. The warm air from her Castle’s balcony mixed with the cool air of the early morning’s darkness of a Friday. Pulling another compulsive all-nighter looking for something that won’t naturally happen in an instant for some calendar. Twilight gave out a sigh and took her eye from the scope for a moment. Using her hoof to wipe the strain from her eyes as she blinked slowly and gave out a yawn.
“No new constellation for the new year at all.. I should have known that this was gonna be the case” Twilight sighed as she looked at the telescope again and considered giving another glance at the stars. Hours have passed since dusk when she started this personal mission. Maybe one last glance at the dark night sky could calm her conscience of her any new discovery?
‘Just one more peek’ Twilight thought as she lowered her eye to the lens, moving the scope to the horizon of Earth and sky. At the top of her view, Twilight saw a shooting star falling towards the edge of the world, before passing her world. Marveling at the celestial beauty, Twilight traced the falling object of ice and rock to the horizon of the Earth. As soon as the object has made an impact on the Earth, Twilight was not expecting what happened next
A bright flash appeared out of nowhere in the same direction of the falling object so bright that Twilight screamed as her right eye burned with the color of white.She fell from the telescope in severe pain, Twilight wailed and weep as the retina in her head was slowly cooked from the concentrated burn. The pain was so intense that her closing her eyelids made the normally cooling action for the eye much more painful. Taking in shallow breaths, Twilight opened her right eye and saw that the night sky was now bright like day, but with a white hue in the sky than a natural blue.
Only grumbled exclamations came out of Twilight’s mouth as she picked herself off the ground and observed this weird phenomenon. Moments later after the light came a strong tremor that shocked her castle walls. The shaking motion did not create any major damage to her room but it was enough to shake her telescope out of a stationary position. Books fell and littered the room as the shaking quickly died down and went to cease.
As the momentary abnormality of this event died down, Twilight picked herself up and looked at the world around her with her only eye at the moment. Once again the morning was back to its natural darkness; birds are not chirping and the stars are still high in the sky, shining diligently. No ponies were out and about at this light either. That’s great in Twilight’s mind because a civil panic would be a hassle to deal with at the current moment.
‘Hopefully things will remain that way’ Twilight silently prayed to Celestia as she began to muster up a healing spell to fix her eye. Light coursing from her horn, going down to her eye as the magic repaired any damage from the light. After her eye was restored, Twilight goes to see if Spike is alright. Leaving her balcony and going to the doors down to see if the dragon is still asleep and pacified.
“Spike? Are you ok?” Twilight whispered as she slowly opened the door to the room. A moment of pure silence goes by and she grows worried for her companion’s safety. Quietly moving inside the room and looking around briefly led Twilight to her answer as she heard the soft snoring of the dragon. Spike is curled up in his blanket unharmed. Twilight grins as she leaves the room and goes back to hers. Looking for any last signs of anything else that was abnormal before going to her night stand. Heaving a sigh of relief, thoughts goes back to the random and destructive flash that had disturbed the evening and her thoughts. ‘What was that incredible power?’ Twilight, thought as the only pony in the whole world who can admit such power, is her most kind mentor; Princess Celestia. “But why would the Princess do something so reckless in the first place?” Spoken out loud to no pony in particular. These pondering and ceaseless thoughts of worry and applauding assumptions of the great sun goddess leads Twilight to sending a direct letter to her master and asking if she knows or caused this weird blinding light.
Twilight pulls out some parchment and begins to write a letter to her mentor about the light. Worried that her mentor could be upset or harmed or something of the sort.
Dear Princess Celestia,
I know it is a bit abrupt to send this letter, but did you see and feel that flash of light just now? Are you ok? Why did you accidentally raise the sun and with a lot of force? That was very dangerous. Please be safe and quickly respond to this letter when you receive it.
Signed, Twilight
Twilight lights her horn and sends the letter to where her mentor may be. As Twilight settled into the bed, thoughts of that flash surfaced. What could be bothering her mentor this early in the morning that the sun would be raised suddenly and then quickly put away? Why was the light so strong and the force leaving a tremor? Instead of investigating the matters of celestial bodies, Twilight instead went to sleep. Confident that her mentor has fixed the problem that embodies her special talent.
“TWILIGHT!!”
“Ahhha!!” Twilight screamed out as she looked left and right until her eyes settled on Spike sitting on top of her with worry and angst expressed on his face. Sweat could be seen pooling on the edges of her face and dripping in thick drops on Twilight’s blanket. Twilight was more than shocked and the unpleasantness crept in. “Spike? What is going on? Is everything alright?” Now sitting up to see Spike eye to eye on her bed. Spike nervously gulped as his head was trembling with shock, slowly sliding his head left and right in a agonizing cycle.
“N-N-No.. It's not…” Spike replied.
“What happened Spike? Why are you covered in sweat!?” Twilight placed her hooves on Spike’s shoulders as the dragon lifted his small claw. Twilight looked at the claw with high intrigue as it slowly began to open. Finger by finger, the time it took fully open felt like hours. When Twilight looked at the items in his opened claw for what felt like an eternity that the universe itself would die from.
Inside of Spike’s claw is a burned piece of parchment with hair scorched into the material. Magically rainbow hair.
The color from Twilight’s face began to turn sunken and dark with her eyes looking in shock and great fear at the implications this letter has suggested. The crispy edges of the parchment looked fresh and new as the small edge was still dropping ashes. The strong smell of soot and fur was very present on the material and the small bit of writing that was visible, spelled in the penmanship of the one and only great princess read this small message.
‘..elp’ is the only text left on the remains.
“J-just now… It was on my bed when I woke up.” Spike wept as he continued. “And that’s not all..” Spike reached behind him and showed Twilight the final nail on the coffin: A burnt golden horseshoe. Twilight became sick and quickly ran out of her room and through the hallway. That was Celestia’s shoe; no doubt in her mind as Twilight began to hyperventilate. Gasping for breath as tears threatened to fall across her face.
“Celestia can’t be… What is going on..?” Twilight thought. Seconds passed as she began to think back on that flash from earlier. The properties of the flash are still peculiar; The flash of powerful light that had come at an abnormal morning time was even able to beat Celestia? Now the confirmation of something that is unforeseen begins to gnaw at Twilight’s mind with questions: How can light be so powerful that it can overpower Celestia? Whose sole responsibility is to bring light to the world? What is the flash and what is its origin? Why did the Earth shake with it? Questions upon questions that tortured Twilight’s mind as this unnatural circumstance continues to haunt her. The most important question of all is of her people, friends, and family.
“What about everypony else? I need to check up on everyone in Ponyville and see if they are alright” Twilight said as she made her way to the door. Twilight thought back to Spike and gave a sad glance, as she knows he is better off in the safety of her castle, but the shock of Celestia being dead could be too much for the young drake. The horror of having to tell her the news is enough in her mind as she made her way outside.
All of Ponyville was uncharacteristically quiet and eerie. The normal moist air is dry with dust and grovel. So silent that the swish of a knife is more audible. However the most ominous thing right now was that the sky is still in Luna’s night: No sun can be seen when the time of day right now is in the quarter of the day. No roosters or birds chirping as they all follow a natural order of the light cycle. Stray cats are creeping in the streets and all manner of nocturnal creatures are still owning the morning.
The next thought on Twilight’s mind was just as frightening as the news of her mentor: What of Luna? Could Princess Luna cause such calamity over night? Twilight pondered on the possibility as she crossed over the bridge between her section of the town to the main square.
Twilight made her way to the Ponyville Square which would be the center of the market. Ponies of all business types and manners are usually present there. It is also the center of residential areas as well in the town. The trademark sight at the square is the Apple family stand which sold all kinds of apple products. If there is any place in town where everypony will be at all at once, it's the Apple stand. It has become everypony’s morning routine to get a treat from there. Twilight walks across the walkway and sees the shape of a familiar stetson wearing Earth pony. “Applejack! Hey Applejack!!” Twilight yells as she begins to run toward her friend in the close distance. Applejack however did not reciprocate the greeting.
‘That’s strange. Applejack always says hi back.’ Twilight closed the distance between her and Applejack and began to blast her short questions in regards to Applejack’s behavior. “Are you alright and did something happen?” Twilight asked as she placed a hoof on Applejack’s shoulder with eyes of worry.
Applejack could only saw one thing to Twilight and it was a simple ‘look’
As Twilight took the moment to look at her friend’s face and saw it in extreme dread and shock, Twilight stopped her prattling and followed her gaze.
Canterlot Castle is gone. In its place is a crater shaped indention on the mountain that is visible for all to see. The size of the crater is bigger than any magical spell that Twilight knows. A closer look shows that a thick haze is in the center of what used to be Canterlot and above it lay an weird looking cloud. The cloud was in a shape of a mushroom going up vertically from the haze. Tiny sparks of electricity can be seen from the distance of Ponyville. Twilight knows that something is wrong, something beyond pony understanding is at play here. A power that has beaten the strongest pair of siblings in the world. The thoughts of Luna being the main source of this strange set of events has erased itself from Twilight’s mind as she knows.. That even Celestia can’t cause destruction of this scale. Not even if she had all the magic in the world.
Instead are thoughts of fear of the thing that has showed the world its grotesque display of strength.
“I saw that since I got here. Everypony w’s slacked jaw and wide as I am.” Applejack finished as her eyes remained on that spot where the great capital used to be. “I ain’t never seen nothin like this Twi. Is this a friendship problem? Is.. has somethin’ happened to the princesses?” Applejack asked as she slowly looked over at Twilight with some hope for an answer. Her hooves on the ground shake as the strong appearance slowly begins to break under the pressure of standing in that spot so long. Helplessness filled Twilight as she began to grow weak from the new development. This confirms the death of all she knew in Canterlot: Her dad and mom. Mentor and foal hood memories. “Twi? Hey now you alright?” Applejack said as the young Alicorn beside her began to wept uncontrollably as the rush of this misfortune hit her like a brick to the chest.
“Come on Twi don’t lose hope! It could just be a friendship problem or something right? We can fix this! Yea! We can fix this! Look! Imma go get the rest of the gals and we-”
“Celestia is dead Applejack!” Twilight shouted in a Canterlot voice, knocking Applejack on the ground.
Applejack and the rest of the townsfolk turned to Twilight. Townsfolk all taken from their stupors while the Princess of friendship continued the news.
“This morning… Spike showed me that her letter was burned. All we have left of Celestia is… a burned parchment and… a single shoe. A shoe is all that was left alongside the letter.” Twilight said as she looked up to Applejack to see her face in extreme shock. Twilight had no hope left to ‘fix’ whatever problem that had shown its head. “Celestia has died Applejack. Death. An immortal was killed by something we don’t know of. A being or a..a thing has done what even Tirek could not do and he had all the magic in the WORLD to kill Celestia. Yet this… this did it in a momen.t” Twilight finished as she cried. She just had no heart to turn her head from the truth and it would be a disservice to keep the people in ignorance.
However this lead to mass panic and civil hysteria
“You’re lying..”
“What?!”
“How?! What Celestia is dead?”
“Celestia is...dead? How?! Oh my goodness we are screwed!”
“Celestia can’t be dead! What are we gonna do?!! Are we next?”
“What happened last night to Canterlot?”
“Mommy am I gonna be dead next?”
The murmurs turned into shouts and shouts turned into panic. Mass panic began to spread through Ponyville like a broken water main. Ponies began running in all directions hoping to avoid the danger that has no physical form or presence. Mares grabbing their foals and running off to the residential areas, quickly putting planks over the windows and doors; bunkers for any damage that may be coming their way. Open shop owners quickly closed and hid inside of their businesses. Old ponies running for dear life at their reduced speed. One of the elders, Mr. Stick, fell on the ground trying to run from the threat. Too old to move out of the way of the stampeding ponies who quickly ran over him trying to escape to no specific location and too lost in their own fear to care for the elderly pony that is being stomped to death. A macabre crunch can be heard but no pony cared as the sounds of panic were higher in decibel.
Applejack was slightly disgusted at the scene and with herself. She saw how quick everypony is to turn tail and run away from a danger they have no power to stand against. Going as far as to kill their fellow neighbor because of it. But Applejack can’t make a hypocritical statement as she is powerless to stop the madness in front of her; stunned mostly by the news of a pony who can move celestial bodies being killed in a mysterious and torturous way by her friend’s account. Applejack has to be honest with herself and accept the truth as it left Twilight’s lips. Tears ran down her face as she asked the dreadful question.
“How did she die?”
Twilight sniffed as she looked at Applejack. “Did you happen to see a flash of light late last night? It had a tremor involved with it” Twilight asked Applejack sorrowfully,
“No. I was asleep. Though my stuff was on the ground when I woke up though” Applejack said now understanding why her room was a mess.
“Well. The light was so bright that I thought it was the sun being raised… it was something that Celestia could not produce by the sun alone. It was almost like the sun itself was instantly awakened on the world instead of in the sky. We most likely didn’t burn to death because the flash must have been far far away. My guess is..” Twilight said with trembles in her voice
“ ...Canterlot..?” Applejack assumed and interrupted.
Twilight gave a slow nod. “I don’t know but chances are that it must have been...” Twilight trailed off as something in the distance caught her attention. Something that made her shake and her stomach churn.
“Twil? What’s wrong? What are you..” Applejack looked at the direction Twilight was looking and stopped as her face was darkened with fear induced features. Towards the entrance of the town’s outskirts, there were blackened individuals who were walking mindlessly and without coordination. The blackened silhouettes pollute the town with their presence. Even for pony standards, their coats are unnaturally black. Twilight and Applejack could only watch as those pony shaped monstrosities approached them slowly and filled the square. Painful sounding groans came together forming a doom-y cadence. Not even a seam that separates their lips as the skin is far too burnt to show. The only thing that was not black was the eyes, but the sclera of the eyes showed a violent, irritated red around the surface. The pupil was so small that it appeared invisible to the outsider's vision. Veins pronounced and strong as the blood is rushing inside the optical muscles. Twilight has never seen anything like this in her medical examinations. Pink-eye would be much more merciful than what these ponies possess.
“What… are they Twilight?” Applejack said as the black figures grew near.
Twilight couldn’t move as the figures are now within arms length. The duo are too helpless in their self-absorbed fear to move from any potential danger so all they could do was scream for dear life. However instead of danger, the black figure could only gasp and choke as the mouth slowly opened and relayed a message of menacing qualities as blood, spit, and ash was wheezed out.
“b..mb”
As soon as that message left those lips. It broke apart as crackling sounds were heard from it and the body broke apart to ashes and bones. No flesh or anything remained as the poor being was eviscerated right before the duo. Applejack was quick to break the silence as she gulped and breathed in the air.
“What was that Twilight? Why do these ponies look like walking shadows?”
Twilight looked at the ash and thought about the comment it made until the last word Applejack said hit her.
“Bomb shado-” Before Twilight could finish that which would be her final sentence. A bright flash appeared before her, enveloping her, burning her to the very core of her stomach. A silent scream was uttered as the unexpected heat from the flash burned her throat and her tongue. The last feeling Twilight Sparkle was able to perceive before death welcomed her to the next kingdom was the sickening white that the flash gifted her last moment of sight.
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I'd like to like this, but there's too many unanswered questions. Who bombed Canterlot? Was it a meteor, or some enemy nation or humans invading? I mean, too many real questions.
10164817
Sometimes the real horror is not knowing who the enemy is.
Very little beginning, not much of a middle and no end other than a part that raises more questions. what ever happened to who, what, when and where. If those were fusion weapons then from who, that tech does not just spring into being from nowhere, If a series of impacts then how did the impactors get by Luna. Etc., Etc. Reads like a random chapter from another story,
No offense, but this sort of story is exactly why I've never really gotten into horror ponyfics. A random, unexplained monster/magic thing pops out of nowhere and unceremoniously kills off ponies who have repeatedly proven themselves more than capable of holding their own; that's all there is to it.
I can tell you put a lot of effort into this, and I can give you kudos in that regard, but this story just wasn't for me, I'm afraid. Sorry.
10164851
True, but said horror is far more substantial if you know that said enemy is still looming over.
10164881
In fairness, there are tons of horror fics that aren't structured like this. If your reason for not getting into them is, more or less a lack of context, then you must have very bad luck at which stories you attempt to read.
10164895
Uh, yeah, good horror at least makes some logical sense no matter what you're appealing to fear wise. It, like any story, has structure. You sound like you're describing crap.
Hey there, thanks for the entry! I look forward to reading it.
I actually do have an epilogue to this story. I decided against adding another chapter because that wasn't the story's intent. True horror is the unexplained and the omnipotent. Physical entities that can be seen gives us some reprieve but what scares me most... Is a thing that can kill the very gods that inhabit our world without bias.
10164921
And you sound like you need a lesson in basic reading comprehension. I'm saying I agree with you, but that there are plenty of horror stories on this site that are more in line with what you described. If you're constantly reading stories that end up lacking context, then you have bad luck.
On the other hand, if you're going to read one-shots, then complain about lack of context, then I'd say the fault lies with you. ffs
10165403
Fear of the unknown is the scariest thing because nothing is more terrifying than what we can conjure up in our heads. However, that is not in this fanfic. The fear of the unknown is, with no doubt, within the ponies in the fanfiction but it is not with us as the readers because we know what the "Unkown" factor in this fanfic is: a nuclear detonation. That kind of thing, that occurrence is well documented in today's society and is tangible to us. So it itself is not unknown. A good story of horror involves the unknown being unknown to the reader, not the individuals inside of the story.
10167323
And that was half the purpose.
The ponies being afraid of the unknown entity that could level great cities and God's was for them to lose their sanity.
However the horror for the readers is that technology could best even the greatest gods.
J. Robert Oppenheimer once said: "I am become death: Destroyer of worlds" my story wasn't the fear of the unknown.
It's the fear of what we don't understand.
This doesn’t mesh with the tone of the story.
This, however, is totally believable.
10172581
Everypony has a unique individuality and I wanted some variety; not knowing who or what is gonna say in reaction to the news.
10172641
In this case, I feel preserving the tone should take priority.
10172993
Well it's all a risk. Unexpected is what I like to use. Thanks for the suggestion though.
Quite the fascinating story. I think my favorite aspect of this was the "bomb shadows" that you introduced at the end. I thought they were quite the chilling addition, and very fitting in this story. They reminded me of the tragedy in Pompeii, Italy. After finishing, I kind of wish they would've had more of a presence in this story. I really liked them.
As to criticisms, I found some of the sentence structures to be a bit distracting. Sometimes, I felt that details were pieced together in an awkward fashion. It cut into the flow of the story at times for me. So I think some polish could've helped to that extent. It was the main issue for me.
Considering the flow of this story, I'm fine not knowing who's responsible for bombing Canterlot and Ponyville. Considering the scope of this story, I think I would've liked to have seen more about the effects of the bombs (such as radiation poisoning for example). It's probably why I enjoyed the "bomb shadows" so much.
Overall, I did enjoy reading this. I think it could use some polishing up, but the idea behind it is a fascinating one.
10174947
Thank you and yeah the formatting was me trying to write it like a manga in text format.
I kept the presence minimal on purpose because I wanted the story to focus more on instantaneous nuclear vaporization than the actual fall out.
Thank you for the read!
It's fine that you submitted this to the Barcast's thing (didn't even know they were doing that), but if you're going to submit it to Nightmare Night in April, you should link that event too.
I don't understand the "Bomb Shadows" at the end... Was that like, a bomb had just hit nearby and they hadn't seen the flash?
10199786
They hadn't seen the flash; It was instantaneous and unexpected.
It's an interesting story, but I feel more could have been done in it.
At the start there are many errors in the writing that took me out of the mood, later it gets better or maybe I was just invested by that point.
Talking about invested, the start had me wonder the logic instead of what was happening, why is Twilight so focused on the constellations at the start? Was the prominent question even if it wasn't the point of the scene.
After that, I think you handled he consequences of a nuclear strike quite well, however the reactions of the ponies where a mixed bag.
Twilight's worry and panic and Applejack's shock are well portrayed, but when it comes to the townsfolk it kind of falls apart, especially when you describe the stomping from Applejack's perspective, it didn't sound natural to me, it was more critical than emotional so to speak.
The burned corpses would have made a quite good scene of they where residents of canterlot that escaped and reached the city, and maybe somepony that Twilight can recognize, but at the end they are shown as something that hints a supernatural element to the bomb, but with the abrupt end it leaves a kind of incomplete feeling.
All in all, it's not a bad story, and it's a good stepping stone to improve your writing.
This wording doesn't make much sense. It wasn't out of nowhere; it happened upon impact and the whereabouts are the direction of the falling object.
I feel this story is good but needs editing. I'm willing to do so in my spare time if you don't mind, though I do see this was written back in 2020.