I write about the things that people may find unimportant, but to me they are the right questions that need attempted answers. paypal.me/funkMonster
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Twilight has always admired the great sun Princess Celestia. Her ability to move bodies across the sky is truly a strong showcase of her strength and power.
However an unforeseen event changes that perspective and in it's place grows fear. Fear of the unnatural. Fear of the flash
Written for the Barcast contest: April horror
April Write-off: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/214288/folder/70810/write-off-entries-nightmare-night-in-april-2020
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I'd like to like this, but there's too many unanswered questions. Who bombed Canterlot? Was it a meteor, or some enemy nation or humans invading? I mean, too many real questions.
10164817
Sometimes the real horror is not knowing who the enemy is.
Very little beginning, not much of a middle and no end other than a part that raises more questions. what ever happened to who, what, when and where. If those were fusion weapons then from who, that tech does not just spring into being from nowhere, If a series of impacts then how did the impactors get by Luna. Etc., Etc. Reads like a random chapter from another story,
No offense, but this sort of story is exactly why I've never really gotten into horror ponyfics. A random, unexplained monster/magic thing pops out of nowhere and unceremoniously kills off ponies who have repeatedly proven themselves more than capable of holding their own; that's all there is to it.
I can tell you put a lot of effort into this, and I can give you kudos in that regard, but this story just wasn't for me, I'm afraid. Sorry.
10164851
True, but said horror is far more substantial if you know that said enemy is still looming over.
10164881
In fairness, there are tons of horror fics that aren't structured like this. If your reason for not getting into them is, more or less a lack of context, then you must have very bad luck at which stories you attempt to read.
10164895
Uh, yeah, good horror at least makes some logical sense no matter what you're appealing to fear wise. It, like any story, has structure. You sound like you're describing crap.
Hey there, thanks for the entry! I look forward to reading it.
I actually do have an epilogue to this story. I decided against adding another chapter because that wasn't the story's intent. True horror is the unexplained and the omnipotent. Physical entities that can be seen gives us some reprieve but what scares me most... Is a thing that can kill the very gods that inhabit our world without bias.
10164921
And you sound like you need a lesson in basic reading comprehension. I'm saying I agree with you, but that there are plenty of horror stories on this site that are more in line with what you described. If you're constantly reading stories that end up lacking context, then you have bad luck.
On the other hand, if you're going to read one-shots, then complain about lack of context, then I'd say the fault lies with you. ffs
10165403
Fear of the unknown is the scariest thing because nothing is more terrifying than what we can conjure up in our heads. However, that is not in this fanfic. The fear of the unknown is, with no doubt, within the ponies in the fanfiction but it is not with us as the readers because we know what the "Unkown" factor in this fanfic is: a nuclear detonation. That kind of thing, that occurrence is well documented in today's society and is tangible to us. So it itself is not unknown. A good story of horror involves the unknown being unknown to the reader, not the individuals inside of the story.
10167323
And that was half the purpose.
The ponies being afraid of the unknown entity that could level great cities and God's was for them to lose their sanity.
However the horror for the readers is that technology could best even the greatest gods.
J. Robert Oppenheimer once said: "I am become death: Destroyer of worlds" my story wasn't the fear of the unknown.
It's the fear of what we don't understand.
This doesn’t mesh with the tone of the story.
This, however, is totally believable.
10172581
Everypony has a unique individuality and I wanted some variety; not knowing who or what is gonna say in reaction to the news.
10172641
In this case, I feel preserving the tone should take priority.
10172993
Well it's all a risk. Unexpected is what I like to use. Thanks for the suggestion though.
Quite the fascinating story. I think my favorite aspect of this was the "bomb shadows" that you introduced at the end. I thought they were quite the chilling addition, and very fitting in this story. They reminded me of the tragedy in Pompeii, Italy. After finishing, I kind of wish they would've had more of a presence in this story. I really liked them.
As to criticisms, I found some of the sentence structures to be a bit distracting. Sometimes, I felt that details were pieced together in an awkward fashion. It cut into the flow of the story at times for me. So I think some polish could've helped to that extent. It was the main issue for me.
Considering the flow of this story, I'm fine not knowing who's responsible for bombing Canterlot and Ponyville. Considering the scope of this story, I think I would've liked to have seen more about the effects of the bombs (such as radiation poisoning for example). It's probably why I enjoyed the "bomb shadows" so much.
Overall, I did enjoy reading this. I think it could use some polishing up, but the idea behind it is a fascinating one.
10174947
Thank you and yeah the formatting was me trying to write it like a manga in text format.
I kept the presence minimal on purpose because I wanted the story to focus more on instantaneous nuclear vaporization than the actual fall out.
Thank you for the read!
It's fine that you submitted this to the Barcast's thing (didn't even know they were doing that), but if you're going to submit it to Nightmare Night in April, you should link that event too.
I don't understand the "Bomb Shadows" at the end... Was that like, a bomb had just hit nearby and they hadn't seen the flash?
10199786
They hadn't seen the flash; It was instantaneous and unexpected.
It's an interesting story, but I feel more could have been done in it.
At the start there are many errors in the writing that took me out of the mood, later it gets better or maybe I was just invested by that point.
Talking about invested, the start had me wonder the logic instead of what was happening, why is Twilight so focused on the constellations at the start? Was the prominent question even if it wasn't the point of the scene.
After that, I think you handled he consequences of a nuclear strike quite well, however the reactions of the ponies where a mixed bag.
Twilight's worry and panic and Applejack's shock are well portrayed, but when it comes to the townsfolk it kind of falls apart, especially when you describe the stomping from Applejack's perspective, it didn't sound natural to me, it was more critical than emotional so to speak.
The burned corpses would have made a quite good scene of they where residents of canterlot that escaped and reached the city, and maybe somepony that Twilight can recognize, but at the end they are shown as something that hints a supernatural element to the bomb, but with the abrupt end it leaves a kind of incomplete feeling.
All in all, it's not a bad story, and it's a good stepping stone to improve your writing.
This wording doesn't make much sense. It wasn't out of nowhere; it happened upon impact and the whereabouts are the direction of the falling object.
I feel this story is good but needs editing. I'm willing to do so in my spare time if you don't mind, though I do see this was written back in 2020.