I’m a cat loving viking from sweden, who enjoys mlp and everything that is typical for a classic nerd.
The Alicorn of time has been through a lot of things during his lifespan and he feels the need to get some of his thoughts of his mind. Being the chosen guardian of time is not an easy task.
He knows his duty won't end until time itself comes to pass.
But now Celestia wants him to come live with her in Canterlot castle, he is in for a treat.
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Well here we go my first story that I had the balls to upload.
any feedback would be lovely.
hmm not bad. could use a bit of work here and there but still not bad.
1122769
Thanks for the input I really appreciate it.
You should describe the Alicorn of time as he speak or thinks to himself, than giving all that description at the end. As for the flow of the writing,I think this chapter should be longer.
Give me some examples of him going about his business or how he watches ponies through the threads or how deals with his loneliness.
The chapter as it stands feels and reads like half of one.
1122774 no prob imma follow this just to see where it goes.
1122774
The alicorn of time have been through allot of things during his lifespan and he fells the need get some of his thought of his mind. Being the chosen guardian of time is not an easy task.
He knows his duty wont end until time itself comes to pass.
The alicorn of time has been through a lot of things during his lifespan and he feels the need to get some of his thoughts of his mind. Being the chosen guardian of time is not an easy task.
He knows his duty won't end until time itself comes to pass.
You had a few mistakes there
1123488 Thanks I really appreciate the help.
My English grammar is not the best in the world.
Well here is chapter 2 enjoy.
I think I had to edit this almost 10 times because I always find something that bugs me,
since English is not my mother tongue I always fell like I do something wrong.
Any feedback is appreciated.
a few run-on sentences here and there, as well as some words mispelled including at the end you mispelled Celestia.
other than that it was pretty good.
1175032
Oh my god!
fixed thanks
1175943 no prob.
This fic is very similar with "The Line Between Hope And Time"
Ok here we go after a long hiatus.
I'm sorry about the incredible delay but now it's finally here and now the real story can begin.
I hope you like and the next chapter is on it's way.
1770721 As my friend Chris would say, OOL! (Keyboard error on Skype, he typed ool instead of cool, so now we say ool instead of cool all the time.)
Here we go chapter 4 I hope you enjoy.
(Joke) Alt. Title: The 10th Alicorn: Who?
Also, just telling you, time is more like a rug then fabric.
1794883
Ok the title suggestion made me laugh.
Needs to be much, much longer
Spelling and grammar time! You're missing a lot of punctuation especially with quotations, if it's a quote with a continued thought after it put a comma at the end. If it's just a complete line in and of its self put a period. For example “Oh that's right I got something for you” Celestia says with a smile." should have a comma after "you". As well “I'm fine it was only a nightmare and now I'm fine” for example should have a period at the end since it's a single thought/line. The exception being special punctuation, "?" and "!" namely.
“So what was that about? you forgot a " at the end.
“You have questions I assume” the being says in a voice that is beyond anything I have ever heard it fells like I'm talking directly to the base of existence. you need a break in there somewhere, comma after "heard" perhaps.
2070992 Gods do not interfere with the mortal realm. That is the only decent answer I can give :P
I'm currently working on a prequel to this story and I'm rewriting the earlier chapters.
So this whole mess might make more sense
2077055 Yeah it's coming but I have a tendency to get lazy. :P
2140025 If h he wants to move he simple levitates himself, so the dust wont come of since his telekinetic field holds everything in place.
2313871
I'm working on the new chapter at the moment.
This one have taken a lot longer than normal, I have been suffering from a crazy writers block.
But It will be up soon.
Ah backwards writing. Screwing over self-proclaimed reading experts since the beginning of time...
2339609 :D
2340056 The laughy face? I LOVE THAT FACE!
2348373 Well, he don't hate her, he simply finds her annoying.
Even thought she was only trying to help she was still invading his dream without permission.
I mean sure if she had been a tad more subtle about it. Then perhaps he would not have mind.
2361226
Along the way at least.
2371719Sweet, I'm working on the next chapter of TaoT. But as usual I don't know when it will be done.
I have rewritten the first chapter to have a nicer flow.
It's basically the same old chapter but I personally find it more enjoyable like this.
I have plans on rewriting chapter 2 as well, seeing as they are the worst ones.
I might go into editing the later chapters aswell
2377386I got a total mental block on the new chapter, so I might aswell do something useful while my brain is in cooldown. :P
2391913Yeah,hes got some problems :P
Btw, take all the time you need. There is no need to rush things.
2397078Thats good.
Ill probably have the next chapter done by the end of the week as well.
2404164I wish it was the writing bug.
But in reality. A good friend of mine, likes this story and he thinks I'm to slow at making chapters.
So he is on my ass with a flamethrower 24/7 :P
Hey, look at this cave pretending to not be here!!! I'll just take a peek...
Get out of here mortal!
Who are you?
I am the keeper of time.
Can you go into my past and make it so that I don't suffer?
Wha- NO I CAN'T DO THAT!!!
2732648 Huh? I
don't know if I should take this as something positive or negative.
But thanks for the comment anyway. :D
Foals don't need onesies