With the reach of Equestria, friendship, and harmony growing ever further, Klugetown was the exact opposite of a calm island in a wild sea. It was a deep, dark cave in the middle of a serene forest. Within that cave, a mountain was formed, and within that mountain, the renegades and outcasts of society dwell. But to discover the truth, one pony must be both brave and foolish enough to venture inside.
Written for the Beyond Equestria's Borders prompt of Jake the Army Guy's Horse Words Extravaganza. https://www.fimfiction.net/group/212414/jake-the-army-guys-horse-words-extravaganza
Chapters (1)
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
This is a really interesting look at Klugetown. I love the idea that harmony just doesn't work for everyone, and that those creatures banded together to carve a place for themselves.
I really like the concept and explanations and the full OC cast and how the dialogue is mixed with relevant events occurring keeping a great pacing going.
However if i was to have one complaint it would be the characters can be a bit too wordy, there is nothing wrong with intelligent characters but to launch into monologues that seemed a bit too well thought out to be spontaneous was a tad strange.
To be clear liked that there was an explanation it was just explained too directly. let your characters be unsure sometimes even if they are cool and smart and collected.
Great Job will look out for your works in the future.
:)
10107496
Thank you! I'll definitely keep that in mind.
So, how grueling was the pregnancy for this guy to get saddled with a name like "Dumpster Fire"?
Why do I get the feeling "Ebony" is an alias for one Katrina?
I wonder what that entails for the Flimflam brothers...
Interesting choice to have "Abyssinian" serve as a blanket term for all the inexplicable anthro animals.
It's a vital niche, and a compelling question. Where do all the petty bits of darkness go when the shining queen takes her throne? You do a good job of presenting the situation... possibly too good of one. The ending makes it seem like you were going for moral ambiguity, but the presentation had me firmly in favor of the Mountain as a necessary not-so-evil. As such, I wanted to see how that article turned out and was disappointed when I couldn't.
In all, compelling presentation, but possibly not what you intended. Still, best of luck in the judging.
10107641
Thank you! The story is admittedly not perfect. We scanned over it a lot, but decided that we really needed to get it out and that there really wasn't much we could do without making large sweeping changes that would push us past what was, at the time, the deadline for the contest. In general it's not a type of story either of us have worked on before, so it's a bit clumsy in places. In retrospect we should have put more emphasis on the negative aspects of the place like the fighting and gambling.