"Childhood is not from birth to a certain age. Childhood is when the child decides to put down childish things. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies."
- Edna St. Vincent Millay
Chapters (15)
Shadow Spector
Joined 6th Jan, 2020 ·
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Shadow Spector · 72k words · 197 views
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Well that's certainly... a start.
Seriously, this chapter has a few distinct parts to it. First we have the opening, which starts off with a lot of promise - the three rules, for instance, seem to have had a profound effect on shaping Cozy's future behaviour. I was a bit leery about the middle - really? Retrofitting Cozy into Ponyville to avoid making OCs? - but i figured she'd manage to get kicked out within the day or something. Instead we got that ending, which is certainly enough to make me read the next chapter!
A couple of points - given you have Cozy as being from the same place as Pipsqueak, I'm surprised they don't really interact. And I'd like to congratulate you on the winter setting - so few authors use this time of year, probably following in the hoofsteps of the show.
So Tartarus wasn't Cozy's first time in a cage, huh? Pent seems like an interesting and creepy villain - I doubt we're actually done with him. I wonder if his daughter is anyone we know - or are going to meet? A pegasus filly Cozy's age... and speaking of which, i'm a bit surprised how young you made her. How long before season 8 is this anyway?
Seems to be an interesting place. I wonder if Celestia knows of this Emperor and his realm?
10044065
Regarding your comment about not making OC's, there are very important characters later on in the story that are completely original (in fact, you don't see any characters from the show for a while except Cozy Glow). But the reason I used these characters for a setting like this was because in Crusaders of the Lost Mark, Spoiled Rich describes Diamond Tiara as losing to a "Transplant from Trottingham" and it only seemed fitting to make Cozy the pony to actually be the one to defeat Diamond.
10044092
For your question regarding Cozy Glow's age, yes, she is 8 and a half like she stated in Excerpt 2. According to my belief on Cozy's age, she would be 12 and a half during the season 8 finale so it only seemed logical to make her this young this far in the past.
10044095
Thank you so much for your feedback. More answers will be revealed soon though so be patient. After all, patience is the key to success.
10044648
I'm pretty sure that was a reference to, you know, Pipsqueak - the pony she loses to in that episode?
10044654
So DIamond, Silver and the rest are several years older than her?
10044988
Cozy Glow is supposed to be the youngest out of the group, but she isn't too young to the point of her being 5 or so years younger than Diamond Tiara. No ages were confirmed in the show. I did try to reference the episode Crusaders of the Lost Mark, where Spoiled Rich said "it's bad enough you lost to that transplant from Trottingham, but imagine if you lost to one of those blank flanks." This is reflected where Diamond Tiara lies in the excerpt and tells her that she didn't lose to someone without a cutiemark. There are many other references in the first excerpt to specific lines said in Crusaders of the Lost Mark if you can catch them.
10045018
Ah - so it's some kind of symbolic reflection?
And if a season is a year, this is halfway through Season 5, and Diamond is a only a few years more than 8 and a half... how old d you think she was in Call of the Cutie?
10045112
In Call of the Cutie, I would say Diamond Tiara would be anywhere between 5 and 8 years old. In the later seasons of season 6 and 7, she looks to be around 14. I used to think she was 16, but ever since Growing Up Is Hard To Do, the cmc's age were shown to be younger than an older child's age. The older kids looked as if they were 14 years old and if the cmc were younger, they would still be 12 or 13 years old around this time. If Diamond Tiara is older than the cmc (since bullies are typically older than who they are bullying), I'd guess that Diamond would be around 14 years of age the last time we saw her. For the cmc, I'd think that in Call of the Cutie, they would either be 6 or 7 (just listen to Sweetie Belle). And wherever Cozy Glow was at during Call of the Cutie, I'd predict her to be 4 or 5 years old. I definitely think Cozy is younger than the cmc by about two years or so.
10045428
to be quite blunt, the portrayal in that episode (9x22) was bullshit considering the series so far. We see 5 year old Sweetie in a flashback in Season 4, and she seems much younger than when she appeared in the show. And Apple Bloom was already born when her sister got her mark, which was also when Spike was born - is he so young in Season 1 as well? Personally I start them off as middle schoolers, which fits the puberty allegory well, but even if I knock a couple of years off...
As for Cozy, I'm not sure why you think she's younger than them, necessarily. After all, she's in the Friendship School with the very adolescent-seeming Young Six.
10045458
Well you can't disregard something that the show writers have put into the canon. Before Season 9 Episode 22, specifically in School Raze part 2, my theory was that the cmc were between 15 and 17 and that Cozy Glow was 12 and a half years old. Something like this would make it so that in season 5, when the cmc got their cutiemarks, they would be around 12 and 13 since it was 3 seasons before season 8. Then, season 1 in Call of the Cutie would make them be 7 and 8 years old.
And about Cozy not appearing to be young, the School of Friendship has proven to be open to creatures of all ages time and time again. You see stallions and mares as well as fillies like the one Cozy helped at the beginning to School Raze Part 1, so I'm not so sure that comparing her to the other students is a good way to represent her age.
10045646
You can when it makes so little sense as well as spitting in the face of previous episodes like Forever Filly. (Or at the very least, you can teak some minor details and set the story much earlier.) Your prior theory is much more reasonable, even if I still think that's pretty young to start.
As for the School, I give characters we actually meet preeminence over backgrounders. Mixing creatures of all ages willy-nilly seems really unlike Twilight. But then, I suppose we passed the line of sense there when she hired her friends as teachers....
Mess of odd ideas
I have not read it, but have added it to multiple suitable groups.
10083793
Thank you so much! This means a lot to me.
10083805
You're welcome!
I appreciate the clarity in your writing. Cozy Glow being an orphan is an interesting idea, although I do find the dialog a bit predictable and the plot a little cliche (at least in the first two chapters).
But you've piqued my interest. I'll read more of this when I have time.
10083902
Thank you so much for reading. Perhaps maybe the first excerpt might have a few predictable moments, but I am confident that the plot for the rest of the story is not so predictable based off the first two excerpts. Regardless, I do hope you enjoy reading and have Cozy Glow's character make a bit more sense to you.
Okay I'll be honest, I'm just feeling disoriented by the large number of characters in the story. There's nothing wrong with OCs, I feel like your OCs are fine, but just having too many characters makes it hard to have good character development. I always try to pare down my characters, and then really develop those few.
10085306
Oh, wow. I was thinking that the story had too little amount of characters, but if you are under the impression that every chapter will introduce the same amount of characters, then I'm happy to report that this is just the amount of character that will stick with Cozy Glow for the remainder of this section of the story. Only one more character is to be introduced (which is the character that debuted in the first section of Excerpt 4) and then the rest is focusing on fleshing out the characters you've already seen. Also, don't be afraid to be honest. If there is an issue that I can fix, I'm more than happy to put forth more time into fixing it.
What a racist pony!
. Good chapter, BTW 
Huh, it was you Troth, that gave Cozy Glow the idea that friendship is power! Thanks for dooming Equestria!
10097408
Thank you so much for reading. I'm glad you liked the chapter.
10097428
Precisely! A lot of Cozy's values came from early on in her childhood. Even more is to come so stay tuned!
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A strong start - kept me reading the whole time.
10164991
Thank you. I'm really glad you liked the beginning.
Good chapter, the story isn't over yet and I can see how this gonna ends. I wonder if you have any other ideas for Cozy Glow after you done with this prequel.
10175969
Thank you for your thoughts, and for ideas on Cozy after this? I haven't really had any clear inspiration for specifically her character besides this thought of how she might have come to be. Quite honestly, for the supporting characters I've made in the first half of the story, I've thought through many of their motives and devised a separate series. It takes place in their perspectives and their misadventures in the dystopia known as the community. For specifically Cozy Glow though, I haven't had any blast of inspiration that doesn't directly tie into the OC's featured in this story. It's a shame too since I love writing for her.
Why isn't there a tragedy tag?
10186636
Oh dear Celestia, you're right! Thank you!
Now that the story is over, this is pretty good. It's so sad to see Cozy Glow turn into the evil filly we all know today.
I know you be writing other stories after this one, but if there be a story involving Cozy Glow after the events in season nine later on, I be sure to check it out.
10187038
Thank you so much for reading the story and offering your thoughts. It means so much to me to hear your input on my work. Yeah, it's really tragic to see Cozy turn evil, but it's reality I guess. I wish Hasbro had a better end for her than to end her. For a story involving Cozy after the events of season 9, there is one I have planned but it involves a lot of exposition from other pieces of writing and may not make sense to read by itself. This is unfortunate since I would love to share it but it doesn't make too much sense out of context (and won't seem very rewarding without the other information either). Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this story though. It really means a lot.
10187448
If the stories are related to this story then I would read those as well.
10188185
When you mention you are interested in stories related to this one, do they count if they don't include Cozy Glow? Because there are stories that go along with the creatures Cozy met in the community from Excerpt 3 to Excerpt 10. Are you also interested in what happened to them after Cozy left them in the throneroom?
10188415
I would read that, it would be interesting to see what happened to those characters.
Thats one way to get people to read your fic
10264952
What do you mean by that?
10271881
the quote!
10271898
Oh! Thank you very much. I thought it was the perfect quote to use for this story. I hope you enjoy reading!
It's been a long time since I last read the story. I left off on Exert 5 when I was last one it. I wonder if it was new at the time.
Anyway, it took some time to recall the story from where I left off. I do recall Cozy being a transplant from Trottingham (good use of show canon material on that one, btw) and she gets ponynapped by someone deranged and later escapes from that person. Somehow she earned her cutie mark on that adventure then gets to this I guess hidden city where she met some new friends, some of which are non-pony races, who all had something taken from them. This chapter explains why, though I sense there is more to the story.
Oh, btw, I'm the same guy that replied to your comment on Antropormorphic Nerd's "Here I Am" story reading. Told you I'd get to your story later and then comment on it. While on that, I find your profile specifically says;
Yeah. I like those too.
Would you care for some constructive criticism for this story? I don't want to offend and I know how sensitive writers can feel about their stories. I am no less so.
I'll take your silence as a no.
10918588
Constructive criticism is always appreciated! Just as long as it's in a way that doesn't imply anything condescending. If you have any thoughts on how to make the story better or if you notice some inconsistencies or plot holes, I'd love to hear them. I'm really passionate about this story (and about Cozy Glow in general) so if I can make this story better, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
This is a tragic and beautiful story. This alone tells us why Cozy turned out the way she is.
10941881
Thank you so much. You have no idea how much that means.
Am I the only one who noticed this "Pony Girl" reference? 😅
11285593
Yes you are, but I'm so happy after all this time, someone was able to detect it. XD
11285593
What's "Pony Girl?"
11424972
In 2017, the YouTuber Tridashie made a parody of "Barbie Girl" and called it "Pony Girl." It showcased Twilight and Rainbow Dash singing about being ponies in Equestria. In the chorus, Twilight says "you're too fast," Rainbow says "why so slow?" And then both of them say together "oh my gosh, where are we now?" The dialogue between Cozy Glow and Troth was a little Easter egg to that video.