And Makes A Giant Kerfuffle Of It
Kerfuffle awoke to a mire of regrets and exhaustion, and it was all downhill from there. There was a ringing in her skull like a thimble was rattling around in there, and her instinctual response when her eyes opened was to mash them shut again, because sunlight hacked at them like an axe. She squirmed atop the bed she lay upon, the sheets all tangled and askew and not covering her quite the right way.
Her squirming made her rather acutely aware of a problem. Which was also a frustration, because while she hadn’t a clue what proper time it was, she had a pretty damn keen sense that it was a good hour or two before problems were supposed to be a thing she thought about. As it was, she could barely think at all and already at least two were coming to mind.
Firstly: the fabric of the sheets draped haphazardly over her was, quite frankly, utterly ghastly. It had this heavy, scratchy sort of feel to it, like somepony had thought to themselves “Goodness, yes, what pony doesn’t love the feeling of sandpaper on their fur?” Horrid, simply wretched, even as far as cheap polyester blends went.
Secondly—or sort of first-and-a-half-ly: something had gone very wrong the night before to get her into such a dire predicament.
Secondly: her leg was missing.
In hindsight, it was a bit strange she hadn’t noticed that earlier. But her squirming revealed it plain as day; she felt not the familiar scrape of wood catching on fabric every two inches, but the smooth rubbing of a hoofless stump.
That, she decided a few moments later, was probably a bad thing.
Specifically the flavor of bad thing that meant she really ought to get up and do something about it. Less like, say, a sudden rainstorm outside and more like her leg was on fire. Which it might have been, for all she knew. Information was a rare resource in her haven of blankets and halfway-softness.
Another few moments later, just after she’d gotten nice and cozy and squashed her face into a pillow—which wasn’t much better than the sheets, and she’d have kicked herself for getting her hopes up if she wasn’t down her good kicky bit—she bumped that “probably” up to a “definitely.”
And so with a grumble and a mumble and a rumble, capturing grim determination as eloquently as could be done with a mouth that tasted strongly of slightly-damp carpet, she lifted her head, peeled her eyelids open and resolutely insisted they remain that way.
She was in a room. A hotel room, by the look of things—as in she had never seen it before in her life. Probably. There was a window with a blindingly bright view of… oh, right, Ponyville, that explained a few things. The snow outside was so white it was bright as a sea of little lights.
She’d come there for Hearth’s Warming, she recalled… She must have tried to decompress from a long train ride and… well, she could put the rest of those puzzle pieces together when she was awake instead of just mobile.
Maybe the snoring, sweater-clad mare slumped over a desk in the corner could help shed some light on that. Kerfuffle pulled herself up, yawned, and started to head over. Oh, but would it be rude to wake her up? Probably a bit, but hmm, maybe if she was nice and gentle about it, it wouldn’t be so—
While she was finishing that thought, her hind leg got caught in the sheets, she flailed and yelped and plummeted to the floor, and then she heard a rackety crash and then the other mare was screaming and oh goodness she was so horribly sorry she couldn’t even begin to think how to—
“Oh no, are you—” As the other mare spoke, Kerfuffle felt her barrel being gripped gently by magic, carefully pulling her to her hooves “—alright?”
“Oh, yes, of course, don’tchu worry about—” Kerfuffle almost toppled over when she tried to plant her hoofless leg down a bit too hard, but she flared her wings out for balance and slapped on her well-practiced “I’ve totally got this under control” smile.
Which must have suffered a bit from the clatter, because the sweater-clad mare looked as far from convinced as a needle from… something very unneedle-like. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—I just, I closed my eyes for a second, and then next thing I know I’m falling and—” She shook her head, then jerked it to the side and blinked owlishly at the window. “It’s morning,” she said flatly, moments before holding her face in her hooves. “Of course it’s morning.”
“Just a little bit,” Kerfuffle said. She pulled her wings in and found a shaky balance. “So, um… would it be rude to ask where I am? Because I sorta don’t know where I am and it’s maybe freaking me out a little.”
“Oh, right. It’s, er—” The sweater-mare—
Now, just as an aside, it really could not be understated how deprived of fashion that mare’s look was. Her mane, while a lovely two-tone stripe pattern, looked like a squiggle of nettles perched atop her head, the big square glasses she wore looked even more taped-together than they actually were, and her sweater looked rather like a sack with holes cut in it for her legs.
“—How much do you…” The sweater-mare blinked. “Would it be obnoxiously rude for me to ask how much of last night you remember?”
Kerfuffle frowned. “Oooh, um. That. That is a good question. I… do not know.”
“Oh, good, that’s a relief.” The sweater-mare cleared her throat. “How much do you remember of last night?”
“Okay, now you actually say it, I’m maaaybe a little bit offended.” Kerfuffle blinked. “That’s not helping, is it?”
The sweater-mare lifted her hoof in what looked like a forehead-bound direction, but set it back down with a sigh. “Sorry,” she said. “It’s just, it looked like you had… quite a lot of cider last night, so I wasn’t sure if you… you know.”
Kerfuffle did not, in fact, know, but the cider bit rang true to her, now that she thought about it. “Oooh, right. That. Right.” She took a moment to wonder whether she should be horribly embarrassed or not—she didn’t feel that way, but it was the sort of thing where the default answer was probably a blunt “yes.”
“Well, in that case… don’t ‘spose you happen to see where my leg went? Not asking because I don’t remember what happened to it. That’d be a real dumb thing to lose track of, y’know?”
“Ah. Yes, your leg.” The sweater-clad mare fidgeted where she stood, her eyes flitting about nervously, like a fly about to be swatted. “Let’s maybe start at the beginning? My name’s Moondancer. I live in Canterlot, but I’d come to visit Ponyville for Hearth’s Warming. I have a friend who lives here. But she’s really busy, so I’ve ended up just doing some sightseeing, and then I was getting thirsty and somepony pointed me to this bar and that’s where I met you…”
Kerfuffle nodded along dimly. Memories crawled from the burrows in her foggy head, ever-so-slightly stablizing.
“Hi!” a strange pony with distinctly hideodious attire said as she came up to Kerfuffle’s table. “Would it be unreasonably rude to make a comment about your leg?”
That was about all Kerfuffle could remember, except from a sensation of dizziness, falling forwards, a taste of sweet cider in her throat, and a stinging ouch as her forehead smacked against the table.
In the present day, Moondancer was still talking.
“… and by that point you were looking pretty out of it and couldn’t say where you were staying, so I thought I’d take you back to where I was staying, but then you—er, a candle was knocked over, and it almost set the bed on fire but didn’t and I was casting a little spell I learned the other day to put it out but then I stumbled a bit and my aim must have been off and also apparently casting spells while tipsy isn’t such a great idea and this is all to say that your leg miiight have gotten just a tiny bit singed.” Moondancer’s face had gone slightly pale by then, her smile stretched tightly across her face.
Kerfuffle cocked her head, then let out a chuckle. “Oh, is that all? Why didn’t you say so? Not like it’s the first time anything like that’s happened. How bad is it?”
“Well, um.” Moondancer looked at the table. Upon said table, there was a withered, blackened hunk of wood. It looked like a foal’s first attempt at a sculpture, only it’d been struck by lightning, thrown into a fireplace for a few hours, and then whacked repeatedly against the wall, so that it was falling apart and on fire.
“… Oh.”
“I think you can still recognize it as a leg.”
“Of course, of course. Just need to… squint a little, that’s all.”
“And extrapolate a bit.”
“I don’t know what that means, but that. A whole lotta that.”
“Lots of that.”
Kerfuffle nodded quietly, slowly hobbling over to the table and peering at the ruined leg. “Wow. You’re pretty strong, though, if you did this kinda thing by accident. While trying for something completely different, even!”
“Oh, well, um… see, actually, it wasn’t that bad at first, I might’ve… maybe burned it again, a bit.”
Kerfuffle blinked. “You—beg your pardon?”
“Well, at first it wasn’t so bad, so I thought I’d fix it myself while you were sleeping—I’d actually read this really fascinating book on limb replacements a few days ago, written by… you don’t care about any of that, do you?”
Quite politely, Kerfuffle lied through her teeth. “Oh, no, no, it’s fascinating. But maybe you could get to the bit where you…?”
“Right. So I was trying to fix it—most limbs like that that I’d read about have a little magical treatment to, you know, keep them shiny, protect them from minor scratches, that sort of thing. So I thought that yours must’ve had that taken off, or maybe it’d been worn down or something, or—”
“Well there’s your problem,” Kerfuffle said with a giggle. “I made that thing myself. It’s not got a bit of magic in it anywhere.”
“Really?” Moondancer cocked her head, glancing again at the mass of black wood. “That’s interesting; every other design I’d read about had that, so I guess I just…” She cut herself off, and there was that owlish blink again. “... I should definitely have inspected it more carefully before trying anything with it. Sorry.”
“No, no, it’s okay,” Kerfuffle said with a laugh she desperately hoped didn’t sound forced. She limped over to the table to look her leg over. “You were just trying to help, right? I’ll whip up a new one, it’ll be fine.”
Moondancer let out a relieved sigh. “Well, let me know if there’s anything I can do to help? I have a few books I could recommend?” She scrunched up her muzzle. “Not that I’m saying you need them. That one you had was pretty good, so obviously you don’t—let me know if you want me to stop talking.”
“Oh, you can keep going on,” Kerfuffle said, waving her hoof. Then she peeked out the window. “Actually, you know what? I’m probably gonna be hungry soon. You wanna go get a bite to eat? I’d love to hear what your deal is.”
Moondancer tilted her head. “What my… ‘deal’... is? Sure, I guess we could...” She looked to the table, lifting a hoof hesitantly. “But your…”
Kerfuffle shook her head, loping to the door and giving her wings a flutter. “I can get around, don’t worry about it.”
A little while later, Kerfuffle was sinking her teeth into a delicious daffodil sandwich, while across from her, Moondancer nibbled on a hay fry.
“So,” Moondancer said, “what was that about ‘my deal’?” Her voice took on a slightly stilted tone.
Kerfuffle felt her cheeks warming. “Was that a bad word? It might’ve been a bad word.” Another bite; she paused to chew and swallow, which meant the next time she opened her mouth she talked instead of babbled. “What I meant is that you know an awful lot about this kind of stuff, and for the life of me I can’t think of why.”
Moondancer’s face remained impassive. “I don’t follow.”
“Oh, well.” Kerfuffle made a gesture in the vague direction of Moondancer’s haunches. “You’ve got all your bits. I’d sorta guess you haven’t met anypony who doesn’t. So… why read so much about that sorta thing?”
“Because there’s no reason not to? I just—I like learning new things.”
“Huh. What do you do with the things you learn, though?”
“... Use them as a foundation so that I can learn more things?” Moondancer shrugged her shoulders. “I can think of several topics off the top of my head that’re so cumulative it’ll take me years to get a deep understanding of them. Gotta start somewhere.”
“Oh, okay. That makes sense.” Kerfuffle took another bite, again using chewing time for thinking time. “It actually doesn’t, but I thought it’d be polite if I—never mind. You ever think about, I dunno… writing a book or anything?”
“I guess that’s… something I could do. Maybe.”
“Up to you. I guess I just… well, I make things, you know? Clothes, mostly, but some other things here and there, so… I guess that’s the point of learning stuff, for me. To make something you can share with someone else.”
“Hmm.” Moondancer lifted a few more fries towards her mouth, staring idly into the distance. “I could see myself doing something like that. I’d have to develop a few new things of my own first—although there probably would be some value in a sort of aggregated encyclopedia, especially if it was aimed at low-expertise readers.” She made a thoughtful quirk of her lips. “Thanks for the idea. I’ll… I’ll think about that.”
Kerfuffle beamed. “And just think,” she added, “ten years from now, you’ll be able to say your whole life changed because you set somepony’s leg on fire.”
That got a little chuckle out of Moondancer. “Maybe,” she said. “But that’s a long ways off.” She looked away. “My friend said I should take a break from studying while I’m here, but she didn’t say anything about writing…”
“Ooo, clever!” Kerfuffle stuffed the last of her sandwich into her mouth. “But,” she said when she’d gobbled it all down, “there’s a lot of Ponyville I’ve not seen yet, and I bet most of the sights are better with company.”
Moondancer remained silent briefly, as if lost in thought, but then nodded, smiling. “I’d like that.”
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I ... have been enticed by this most confusing title.
9999551
Kerfuffle. Kerfuffle Kerfuffle Kerfuffle.
Kerfuffle.
Dr. Seuss? Is that you?
Thanks so much for this! When I saw I'd lucked into getting you as an author, I was very excited. I knew I was requesting an oddball pair, and while it might be difficult to give them a back story, it's not a big deal to have them randomly bump into each other in a cafe or something. But you found a brilliant and nuanced way for them to relate to each other. A fashion mare as a foil to someone particularly unfashionable, a creative mare as a foil to one who's more of a consumer of creativity (and then encouraging her to become creative, no less), a knowledge sponge as a foil to someone a little uncomfortable with being the object of her curiosity. This was really layered and well thought out. Plus the character voicing for Kerfuffle as the limited narrator was engaging. The little repeated quirks each of them has give so much life to the characters.
An extravagant and heartfelt gift that is much appreciated!
10000753
Oddball pair is a good word for it! I honestly didn't remember who Kerfuffle was at first, so had to go back and do some research on her (Which was, er… easier said that done, because I tried rewatching Rainbow Roadtrip, got a few minutes in, and remembered why I couldn't stand it the first time through
). I was expecting something a bit out of my comfort zone, but man, that was a doozy. And there's so little to go off with Kerfuffle there was a lot of flying blind while writing this, but I think it got interesting than I'd have originally expected. There're so many dichotomies to explore with them, as you've just shown.
So thanks for the oddball prompt! I'm thrilled you enjoyed it
10001237
WELL STACK MY PANCAKES
10001476
no u
Yeah, Moonie kerfuffled it but good.
Delightful tale of cyborg fashionista and bookhorse deluxe. Amazing how a chance encounter can change so many things... like mobility. Good thing Kerfuffle's a pegasus. Still, lovely read. Merry Jinglemas.
10003482
She's on her way to becoming a proper serial kerfuffler!
Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed, Merry Jinglemas to you too
Adorable short with a unique pairing. I liked the inner voice you gave Kerfuffle and Kerfuffle is just an adorable character all together that needs more stories about her. And there is some potential to be sure of bonding between two who have their grander counterparts that they look up to in Twilight and Rarity. And poor Moonie has to really fight to gain a sliver of Twilight's attention so her making a new friend when her old one is busy is nice sentiment.
The only thing I am disappointed though is that the scratchy wool she feels in the beginning is not the of a sweater of a similarly also passed out mare in bed with her. I wanted Kerfuffle to be especially Kerfuffled as well as in a Kerfuffle. Or maybe Moondancer to be the Kerfuffled one in that regard.
10005282
That being said, you weren't the only person to have thoughts of that nature; there was a lot of, er, throwing words at a screen to see what stuck with this one, since I didn't have a clue what to do with either character at first, and along the way there was stuff like this:
This is... not the story of mine I expected to end up on a 'needs more clop' bookshelf
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/507771626121723904/659851233061896211/20191226_121055.jpg
But the Jinglemas rules said to use the sex tag sparingly, and when all was said and done, I felt as though Moondancer damaging Kerfuffle's leg and fixing it was the much more interesting thing to dwell on, so that ended up being the focus over them falling drunkenly on top of each other, which I... liked on some levels but overall felt gratuitous for the story I was ultimately going for
10005419
I giggle a bit at your Discord conversation. Though I have to ask. Why is your discord icon Adagio, but your main avatar is Aria! Mystery. Who is best siren?
Pfft! I say. With a double f
You'll find my bookshelves to be meticulous and well curated. The only reason this one didn't go on T for Teasing is because you didn't put any sexy tension between them. Huff
But such things must be sacrificed for contests I know! Next time post into Jingleclop~
10005625
I was surprised mostly because I've seen someone expressing disappointment that WWAitD cut away when it started getting steamy, so I figured if any of my stories ended up on a shelf like that, it'd be that one.
Oh, Adagio is best siren. That's, like, beyond contestation. She's got the most range of the three so far; she can throw out the same like bitchy snarkitude that Aria can sorta do too, but she also has a lot more room to be flowery and eloquent and stuff, which, like, as far as I'm concerned covers the two most fun bases. Then you've got all the drama and stuff to explore with her being the leader and stuff and just, yeah, no, she's best. I have seen some stories with really bloody fantastic Arias, though.
But, um. The Aria picture I use as my avatar is a cropped little snippet of a bigger picture showing all three, and I didn't like Adagio's face too much the way the artist drew it, whereas I really liked the Aria there (the other are all like posing evilly and stuff, and Aria's just chilling with her lollipop and I kinda love it).
… That doesn't explain why I didn't find an Adagio one I did like to use as an avatar, but whatever. I think at the time I was a lot less sure which of those two I liked the most, but now that I'm more settled on Adagio, I've had this avatar for just so darn long I couldn't imagine anything else replacing it. Guess I'm committed at this point
10005419
I totally had the same thoughts. The title was as double entendre-y as it could possibly be, so I was slightly disappointed to find the story itself to be more vanilla than I expected it to be. Can't help but feel that some tension (not necessarily flirtatious) could improve it.
Then again, considering the event itself, it was probably the safest route.
That thing aside, I totally savoured the language.
10025888
Yep, fair point! I'll admit a big part of the appeal for me was Kerfuffle being pretty cool and chill about her leg having been burned to a crisp--or at least being too polite and shy to act otherwise--but I can absolutely see how the setup could've made for a tenser scene. Whether that would've made it better I think is tougher to say, but I can totally see where you're coming from there.
Thanks for reading, and for taking the time to comment! It's much appreciated
10026224
Thanks for the story, buddy
Comments are prrrrrecious.
okay but did they do it >:V I was under the impression that was what was going on here
10027491
I can't stop you from thinking they did, I suppose, if you decide that lines up with their actions here?
Wasn't my intent, but that only matters if you let it :P
10027619
It does not line up, sadly. :B
But what else was I supposed to assume her "kerfuffly bit" was? :V
10027934
I mean, her artificial leg's the one bit she's got that we don't really see any other ponies having, so I figured that more than anything else she's got, it's that bit that makes her stand out as being Kerfuffle, so.
I dunno, it made sense in my head.
10027943
This is fine :V I just like it when the horses kiss.
10027970
As all good men should
That was pretty fun! For a character I know nothing about, it was pretty easy to get into her head here.
10036326
Weirdly, that was pretty much my experience writing it too. I think possibly because there wasn't much of a canon voice for Kerfuffle to go off of (I only found one short clip of her on youtube, and thought about re-watching Roadtrip, but only got a few minutes into it before remembering why I hated it the first time), so a lot of it was just me, like... I guess settling on a voice I liked that seemed mostly appropriate and going with it
Thanks for reading
This is such a great line.
Wicked reference?
Anyway, this ends up being the first story of yours I read because it's an amazing title and Kerfuffle is an amazing character and my love for her is summed up by my favorite meme ever which by the way comes from Brooklyn Nine-Nine which I only just last week finally started watching only to very quickly discover it is absolutely amazing so I highly recommend it:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2019/7/6/2084001.png
Thank you so very much 10027970 for turning me on to it.
Also have this great Melbourne Bounce Kerfuffle track:
10079642
Ooooh, okay. I saw someone reference that meme with regards to The Mandalorian the other day, but didn't realize it was a reference (It was in a youtube comment, probably, so didn't include the screenshot). Good to know its origin!
It's been long enough since I wrote it that I didn't remember it, so I think I'm at a point where I can say "yes, yes it is" without coming across as too much of a pretentious twat. So.
Yes, yes it is.
Thanks for commenting
You’ve got a real knack with dialogue- it has a real deliberate, performative style, but it’s not so affected that it feels unnatural. Was really fun to read.