Wait, how are you not loyal to Celestia?
It was a sunny morning in Canterlot and in all Equestria. Celestia had already raised the sun and Luna had lowered the moon. Celestia was already at the table eating pancakes. Luna hasn’t arrived yet, she found it strange. Normally Luna it doesn’t take long to come to eat. Did something happen?
I wonder why Luna is taking so long to come.
Like magic, Luna opened the door. She seemed to try not to show tiredness, “Good morning, sister”, greeted Luna.
Celestia smiled when she saw Luna. “Good morning, Luna”
Luna approached the table and ate the pancakes. She usually ate waffles, but she wanted to eat pancakes to cheer up her sister. Although, Celestia is already smiling. Luna looked at Celestia, “sister,” she began.
Celestia stopped eating, she swallowed the food before answering. “Yes?”
“I have a question,” continued Luna, now unsure what Celestia could say about her question.
“What’s the question?” asked Celestia.
“It’s just ... I see the ponies seem to show loyalty to you ...” Luna continued, now looking to the side.
“Yes, Luna. I realize that too. What does this have to do?” Celestia wanted to know. Was it something about Luna’s night not being appreciated? But it couldn’t be that. Luna didn’t mention her night in the sentence. So what was it? What could it be?
“Well, I think this is bothering me,” finished Luna, now looking at Celestia.
Celestia was confused. “What do you mean? I don’t understand, Luna”
“I think I’m bothered that the ponies show more loyalty to you than me,” replied Luna.
“Why does it bother you, Luna?” wanted to know Celestia. She still doesn’t understand what her sister meant.
Luna was surprised that Celestia didn’t understand, but she didn’t show anger. “I feel that our subjects seem to pay more attention to you than to me. Is there anything to do with what we have done in the past?”
Celestia understood what Luna meant. She never imagined that Luna felt that way about the ponies. The only thing she thought bothered Luna was that her night wasn’t being appreciated. But that was in the past, now the ponies enjoy the night and stay up too. But she always saw that most ponies always preferred to be loyal to Celestia because she was a benevolent ruler and would never become evil. Celestia appreciated their loyalty to her, but she would like her subjects to show loyalty to Luna as well. She didn’t want Luna to feel left out. “Luna, I never imagined you felt that way.”
“It’s not your fault, Sister. We were the ones who turned Nightmare Moon and wanted to destroy you and cause eternal night,” said Luna, now with her ears lowered.
“Luna, please. Don’t be sad. I’ll do something. I swear.” Celestia hugged Luna, she couldn’t stand to see Luna sad.
Luna, still sad, asked, “what will you do?”
Celestia left the hug to think. Maybe she could call all Equestria ponies, and she means ALL Equestria ponies for a meeting to ask if there were any ponies that were loyal to her. But Celestia feared that not all subjects would fit, so she dismissed that idea. Maybe she could ask some Ponyville ponies and ask if they were loyal to Luna. But she didn’t plan on asking everypony, because she knew it would take too long and Celestia had royal duties, maybe she could ask the bearers of the Elements of Harmony if they were loyal to her or Luna. She really hoped there was at least one pony that was Loyal to Luna. She didn’t want Luna to be sad that she didn’t have followers. She was going to do that, but she was going to take Luna along. Celestia looked at Luna, who was still sad and with her ears down. “Luna.”
Luna looked to Celestia. “Yes, sister?”
“I have an idea,” replied Celestia with a smile.
“What’s your idea?” wanted to know Luna.
“How about if we go to Ponyville and ask if any of them are loyal to you?” asked Celestia with a smile.
Luna managed to cheer up a bit, but her ears were still down. “It’s a good idea. But we’re nervous none of the bearers are loyal to us.”
“Don’t worry, Luna. I’m sure at least one bearer of the Elements of Harmony is loyal to you.” encouraged Celestia with a smile.
Luna perked up. “Ok. Come on, sister”
“Wait. I need to warn Twilight to warn her friends,” said Celestia, before making a scroll and quill appear before she started writing.
Twilight Sparkle and Spike were eating pancakes. Twilight Sparkle couldn’t deny that the pancake was good. “Spike you’re a great cook.”
Spike grinned at the compliment. “Thank you, Twili…” he suddenly felt like he was going to throw up.
Twilight Sparkle was worried. “Spike? It’s all right?”
Spike belched a scroll. Twilight Sparkle picked up the scroll to read.
“My dearest Faithful student, call your friends to your home. Luna and I are going to talk to you six, signed Princess Celestia.”
Twilight Sparkle panicked. “Spike!”
Spike was still recovering. “Yes, Twilight?”
“We’ll have to have breakfast later,” replied Twilight Sparkle.
Spike was confused. “What? What do you mean, Twilight?”
“Spike, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna will come here to talk to me and my friends.”
Spike was excited. “Can I stay with you? ”
Twilight Sparkle looked uncertain. “I don’t know, Spike. She wants to talk to me and my friends.”
“I will not disturb you. Pinkie Promise. Cross My heart, hype to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Spike put his paw to his chest, made a flapping motion and put his paw in his eye.
Twilight Sparkle seemed safer. “ok. I think you can.”
Spike hugged Twilight Sparkle in the hull. “Thank you, Twilight.”
Twilight Sparkle smiled and caressed Spike’s head. “You’re welcome, Spike. I will call my friends. Want to come along?”
“Yes, Twilight,” Spike replied, before attempting to climb Twilight’s back, but he was failing. Twilight, realizing this, took Spike with her magic and put him on her back. Twilight Sparkle left the library and decided to go first to Boutique Caurrosel.
Rarity was eating with Sweetie Belle until she heard a knock. Rarity stopped eating and went to the door, she saw it was Twilight Sparkle and Spike. “Twilight! Spike! Would you like a dress?”
“No, Rarity. But we need you,” answered Twilight Sparkle with a smile. Spike had a heart in his eye.
“What do you need me for?” wanted to know Rarity.
“Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are coming to Golden Oka’s Tree Library and they tell you and our other friends to be there,” replied Twilight Sparkle.
“Can I have my breakfast first?” asked Rarity.
“Rarity, the princesses are coming to Ponyville. We can’t let them down,” said Twilight Sparkle, now in a panic.
“OK. I think I can eat later. Can I warn Sweetie Belle first?” asked Rarity.
“Yes, Rarity,” answered Twilight Sparkle.
Rarity entered her house and went to Sweetie Belle, “Sweetie Belle!” called Rarity.
Sweetie Belle stopped eating and looked at her sister. “Yes, Rarity?”
“Celestia and Luna are going to Golden Oka’s Tree Library to talk to me, Twilight and my other friends. Could you wait for me to eat together?”
Sweetie Belle was excited to hear the name “Luna.” “Luna? is she coming to Ponyville? Can I go with you?”
“Unfortunately, they want to talk to the holders of the Elements of Harmony,” said Rarity, now sad.
Sweetie Belle was sad. “Ok…”
“Don’t be sad, Sweetie. I’m sure when Nightmare Night arrives, you and your friends will be able to spend time with Luna.”
Sweetie Belle perked up. At least a few days it will be Nightmare Night. “Ok, Rarity.”
Rarity hugged her sister before leaving. When she left Caurrosel Boutique, Rarity closed the door and was surprised that Twilight Sparkle was all nervous. “Why did it take so long? The princesses must have already come and I’m still here! My Celestia. Celestia will send me to the moon!”
“Darling, calm down. Take a deep breath,” said Rarity. Twilight Sparkle did what Rarity said and she calmed down.
“Calmed down, darling?”
“Yes, Rarity. I apologize for my nervousness”.
“No problem, darling. Now let’s look for our other friends.”
Applejack had already finished eating and was now kicking apple trees. The apples fell into the basket near the apple tree.
Applejack then heard footsteaps and looked back and saw Twilight and Rarity. “Twilight, Rarity. Good Morning. Do you need something?”
“We need you to go with us to Golden Oka’s Tree Library,” answered Twilight Sparkle.
“But I’m busy, sugarcube,” said Applejack.
“But Princess Celestia and Princess Luna will show up to talk to us,” said Twilight Sparkle.
Applejack changed her mind. “Ok, I go. Where are the others?”
“I’m calling the others. I already called Rarity. Want to come with me to call the others?”
“Of course, sugarcube,” replied Applejack with a smile.
Pinkie Pie was walking around Ponyville until she saw her friends running to her. Pinkie Pie smiled and waved as she said, “hi, Twilight. Hi, Rarity. Hi, Applejack”
When they got close, Twilight Sparkle said, “Pinkie Pie, we need you.”
“With what? Need me to plan a party?” asked Pinkie Pie.
“No, Pinkie. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna will come to Golden Oka’s Tree Library to talk to all of us,” replied Twilight Sparkle.
Pinkie Pie brightened. “Are you having a party in your library?”
Twilight Sparkle was already starting to get annoyed, “no, Pinkie. They want to talk to us about something, so we need you.”
“Okie Dokie Loki,” said Pinkie Pie with a toothy grin.
Fluttershy was feeding the animals until she saw her friends coming to her. “Hi, Twilight. Hi, Pinkie Hi, Applejack. Hi, Rarity.”
“Fluttershy, we need you,” said Twilight Sparkle.
Fluttershy was confused and raised an eyebrow, “With what?”
“Princess Celestia and Princess Luna will go to the Golden Oka’s Tree Library and they want all of us there,” replied Twilight Sparkle.
“But what do they want to talk to us about?” wanted to know Fluttershy.
“I don’t know, Fluttershy. But they want us all to be there,” replied Twilight Sparkle.
“But I didn’t finish feeding the animals,” said Fluttershy.
“But the princesses may be waiting for us,” Twilight Sparkle almost shouted in panic.
“I have an idea. Why aren’t you going to call Rainbow Dash? Probably I’ll be done feeding the animals by now.”
Twilight Sparkle didn’t know if it was a good idea. “I don’t know, Fluttershy…”
“I’m short on finishing,” said Fluttershy with a gentle smile.
“Ok, I just hope by the time we get back you’re done,” said Twilight Sparkle, before leaving. All, except Fluttershy followed. Fluttershy returned to her task. Twilight Sparkle feared that Fluttershy would forget that the princesses wanted to talk to them, but she tried not to think negatively.
Rainbow Dash was sleeping in a cloud near Ponyville. She was snoring, “Rainbow,” Rainbow Dash, with her eyes closed, put a piece of cloud in her ears and went back to sleep.
Twilight Sparkle tried to call again, but Rainbow Dash didn’t hear. Pinkie Pie put a hoof on Twilight’s chest. “Don’t worry, Twilight. I know how to call her.”
Pinkie Pie pulled a megaphone out of nowhere and shouted, “Rainbow Dash! Wake up!!”
Rainbow Dash jumped from the cloud. Her ears hurt. She looked down. “Pinkie Pie! Why scream?!”
“Dashie, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna want to see us all at the Golden Oka’s Tree Library,” replied Pinkie.
“The princesses? You can count on me,” she climbed out of the cloud and landed on the floor. “Are they all here?”
“No. Fluttershy is missing,” answered Twilight Sparkle.
“I’m done, girls,” said Fluttershy, flying to her friends.
Twilight Sparkle and the others looked back and saw Fluttershy flying towards them and landing on the floor. Twilight Sparkle looked at her friends. “Ok, girls. Let’s go to my house now. The princesses must have arrived.”
And what Twilight Sparkle said was true. Celestia and Luna were already outside waiting for Twilight. They heard footsteps and looked back. Celestia smiled as she saw Twilight Sparkle with her friends. Twilight bowed. “Twilight. Where have you been?”
“Princess, I had to call my friends. You’re not disappointed, are you?” replied Twilight Sparkle as she bent over.
“What? No, Twilight. I understand you had to call that to call your friends,” replied Celestia.
Twilight Sparkle smiled at her mentor before going to the door and opening with a hoof, “come in,” the friends of Twilight, Celestia and Luna entered the library. When Twilight saw that everypony entered, she closed the door. Twilight Sparkle went to the princesses. “So, princess, what would you like to talk to us about?”
“Twilight, my sister had realized that most of the ponies were mostly loyal to me.” began Celestia.
“Yes, Princess. But what’s that got to be?” wanted to know Twilight Sparkle.
“It’s just that this is bothering my sister,” replied Celestia.
Twilight was confused, she was still looking at Celestia. “I still don’t understand, princess”
“Twilight, have you ever realized that most ponies always preferred me over Luna and always preferred to show loyalty to me than Luna?”
“Yes Princess. I always noticed that. But what does this have to do?”
“It’s just that It’s been bothering Luna lately”, replied Celestia. Luna was sad now. Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy felt sorry for Luna.
“Luna, don’t you have your royal guards?” asked Twilight Sparkle to Luna.
Luna looked at Twilight Sparkle. “I have, Twilight. But they are just royal guards loyal to me. They’re not subjects… ”
Twilight Sparkle was speechless.
“So Twilight, Luna and I came here to ask some questions”, began Celestia.
Pinkie Pie perked up. “Is it a Quiz game?”
Celestia looked at Pinkie Pie. “Technically… yes”
Pinkie Pie perked up even more. “... It’s kind of a personality test,” finished Celestia.
Pinkie Pie was confused. “Hi?”
“Pinkie Pie, personality test is a test to describe your personality, and when you finish answering the quiz questions, it talks about your personality. It isn’t, princess?”
“Yes, Twilight,” replied Celestia.
“And what would that test subject be?” asked Twilight Sparkle.
“Between me and Luna, which princess are you loyal to,” replied Celestia. Twilight Sparkle got nervous. Was it a test to test their loyalty?
“Princess, is this a test to test our loyalty?” asked Twilight Sparkle carefully.
“No, Twilight. It’s just to know if Luna has followers,” replied Celestia.
“So what are we waiting for? Let’s get started!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie all excitedly.
Celestia brought a scroll and quill to write down the mares’ answers. Luna watched Twilight and the others sit down. “So, can we start?” asked Celestia.
“Yes, Princess,” answered Twilight Sparkle with a smile.
Celestia smiled before jotting down the question on the parchment. “First question, in the story of the two sisters, between me and Luna, which one of you felt the most pity?”
“Are you talking about when you had to ban Nightmare Moon to the moon?” asked Pinkie Pie. Luna was sad to mention that. Twilight Sparkle hit the hoof on Pinkie Pie.
“Yes, Pinkie. Who would like to answer first?”
None of the mares said anything. “C’mon. Answer the question”
Twilight Sparkle seeing that none of her friends wanted to answer, she decided to be the first to answer. “Ok, princess. I’ll be the first to answer.”
“Speak up, I’ll write your answer,” said Celestia, ready to write.
“I felt the most pity for you. You had to banish your own sister to the moon,” replied Twilight Sparkle, now sad about it.
Celestia noted before speaking, “ok. Who would like to be next?”
Applejack raised her hoof, “It could be you,” Celestia told to Applejack.
“I felt more sorry for Princess Celestia. It must have been bad for her to have ruled without her sister,” Celestia noted. Luna was sad. Did everypony prefer her sister over her?
“Who wants to be next?” asked Celestia.
Pinkie Pie jumped for joy. “Me! Me! Choose me! Choose me!”
“You, Pinkie.” chose Celestia.
“I felt more sorry for Luna, because she must have been feeling very sad about her night being ignored,” replied Pinkie Pie. Luna smiled at the answer.
Celestia noted, before speaking, “ok. Who would like to be next to answer?”
Rainbow Dash lifted the hoof, “you, Rainbow,” Rainbow Dash celebrated for being chosen before answering.
“I felt more sorry for Luna. I understand what it means to be in somepony’s shadow,” said Rainbow Dash. Luna smiled. She never imagined she had a pony that would understand her for what she went through.
“OK, Fluttershy and Rarity are missing,” said Celestia, now looking at the scroll before looking at Fluttershy and Rarity.
Fluttershy raised the hoof a little, “may be you, Fluttershy.”
“I… I… I felt more sorry for… for…” Luna was sweating with nerves. “… From Princess Luna. I know she wasn’t evil, just misunderstood.”
Celestia noted before looking at Rarity. “Now you’re missing Rarity. Between me and my sister, who did you feel the most pity for?”
Rarity thought. “Well, darling, I felt more sorry for Princess Luna, because I know she just wanted to be noticed. I understand her, because I was jealous once too,” Luna smiled at that.
Celestia noted before looking at the six mare. “Ok. Next question: Do you prefer day or night?”
“The night,” answered Twilight Sparkle.
“The day,” answered Applejack.
“The day,” replied Pinkie Pie with a smile, she was enjoying taking this test.
“The night,” said Rainbow Dash proudly.
“The night,” replied Fluttershy shyly.
“The night,” replied Rarity.
Celestia wrote down the answers. “Between me and Luna. Which of us do you prefer?”
“Princess Celestia,” answered Twilight Sparkle with a smile.
“Princess Celestia,” answered Applejack.
“Princess Luna,” replied Pinkie Pie with a smile.
“Princess Luna,” replied Rainbow Dash.
“Princess Luna,” answered Fluttershy.
“Princess Luna,” replied Rarity.
Celestia jotted down the answers before speaking the last question, “ok. Last question: If Luna and I had a war over who should be entitled to the throne, which one of us would you join?”
Twilight Sparkle was worried. Did they plan to do that? She needed to know. “Do you plan to wage war over who is entitled to the throne?”
Celestia looked at Twilight Sparkle in surprise. “What? No, Twilight. It’s just a question as to which princess you’d be loyal to if Luna and I fought a war,” Twilight Sparkle looked more relieved.
As Twilight Sparkle felt more relieved, she resolved to answer. “I would stand by Princess Celestia. I would never betray her,” Celestia smiled at this show of loyalty.
“I would stand by Princess Celestia,” Applejack replied. “Because after all, it was Princess Celestia who helped my family before I was born. This is an act I will never forget and I would never betray her. Because after all, she is the ruler of Equestria.”
Luna began to sadden. Would everypony be by Celestia’s side?
“I would stand by Princess Luna. I can be the element of Loyalty. But that doesn’t mean I can’t choose who to be loyal to. So I choose to side with Luna,” said Rainbow Dash. Twilight Sparkle’s mouth fell open. Would the element of loyalty betray the Princess if the sisters waged war?
“Why Rainbow?” asked Twilight Sparkle.
Rainbow Dash looked at Twilight Sparkle and was confused. “Why what?”
“Why would you betray on the princess?” asked Twilight Sparkle. “You’re the element of Loyalty”
“Twilight, being loyal doesn’t mean I can’t choose who to be loyal to,” replied Rainbow Dash. “And to top it off, I think Luna is awesome,” Luna smiled at the compliment.
Twilight Sparkle was about to speak, but Celestia interrupted her. “I hate to interrupt a conversation, but Twilight, can we go on?”
Twilight Sparkle realized she interrupted, she smiled nervously. “Yes, princess.”
“Who would like to be next to answer?” asked Celestia.
Fluttershy slightly raised her hoof. “I… I would like to be next to answer… That’s if it’s okay…”
“You can speak Fluttershy,” said Celestia with a smile.
“I… I would join Princess Luna. I know she’s not evil,” replied Fluttershy with a smile while looking at Luna. Luna smiled back.
“And you, Rarity?” asked Celestia, now looking at Rarity.
“I would join Princess Luna. I pity her and understand what she went through,” replied Rarity.
Celestia made the quill disappear. She began to count the results before looking at the mares. “I already have the results.”
“Could you tell us, princess?” asked Twilight Sparkle politely.
“Twilight, according to your answers, you’re loyal to me,” said Celestia, looking to pay the parchment. Twilight Sparkle was relieved by that.
“Applejack, according to your answers, you’re loyal to me,” said Celestia, still looking at the scroll. Applejack smiled with pride, she knew it would give that result.
“Pinkie Pie, you’re loyal to Princess Luna,” Pinkie Pie was happy and took her party cannon and made party confetti come out of the cannon. Great. Now the library was filled with confetti in every corner.
“Rainbow Dash, you’re loyal to Princess Luna”, said Celestia. Luna smiled. Rainbow Dash flew to the ceiling and shouted, “Yes!” The friends were confused. Rainbow Dash returned to the floor.
“I mean, until it’s cool”, said Rainbow Dash, her friends laughed.
“And Rarity, according to your answers, you are loyal to Princess Luna,” Celestia replied, now looking at Rarity bafore making the scrool and quill desapear. Rarity can’t help, but smile at her result.
Twilight Sparkle felt being poked, she looked down and saw Spike. “What about me? Can I join?”
Twilight Sparkle looked at Celestia. Celestia nodded Twilight then looked at Spike and replied, “yes, Spike. You can participate.”
Spike hugged Twilight on her hoof. “Thank you, Twilight”
Celestia made the scroll and quill appeared again. “Spike, first question, in the story of the two sisters, between me and Luna, which one of us did you feel the most pity for?” asked Celestia.
“I felt more sorry for Princess Luna,” replied Spike. Luna smiled at that.
Celestia noted, before asking the next question. “Second question, do you prefer day or night?”
Spike started to think. He liked both of them, but he always preferred to stay up late. When Pinkie had the Twilight welcome party, he had fun because he stayed up all night. So it meant that he liked the night. “The night.”
Celestia noted before asking, “If Luna and I were to wage war over who should be entitled to the throne, which one of us would you join?”
Spike realized that Rarity chose to side with Luna. He decided that he would also choose to side with Luna. No, he wasn’t being Maria goes with the others. Well, maybe a little, but he also had a reason to choose to side with Luna. He didn’t like to admit it, but he always preferred Luna over Celestia, unlike Twilight, which would prefer Celestia than than Luna. “I’d join Luna,” Twilight Sparkle was surprised. She always thought that Spike was Loyal to Celestia. If one day there was a war between the princesses, Spike wouldn’t be by her side. She just hoped that this war wouldn’t happen.
Celestia noted, before telling, “Spike, I already have the results.”
Spike was excited. “So? What was the result?”
“You’re loyal to Princess Luna,” replied Celestia.
Luna smiled at that. It seemed she had many followers, but were there so many? “Sister, how many are loyal to me?”
Celestia glanced at the two scrolls. “The ponies that are loyal to you are: Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Spike.”
Luna smiled. She had many followers, at least she had more than Celestia and It was a good thing. Probably Celestia didn’t care about that, but Luna cared. And when a war would happen, Luna knew she would win, because she would have more followers supporting her than her sister.
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this was a neat story! The grammar and punctuation is a little wonky, but I bet with a few readthroughs it could be awesome! good job!
Have Luna do this.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRDpC_QYG5k
Carrousel Boutique
9909266
Thanks. I already corrected
How bad is your Luna bias author, if you can't even get your facts right?
That's five out of millions of ponies. Celestia ruled Equestria for 1000 years (I think. I know it's definitely a lot year.) without her sister and raised both the sun and moon just fine without her. Celestia watched and dealt with generations of ponies and her sister just recently came back. So why would there even be more followers for Luna anyway? They surveyed seven out of the entire Equestrian population and Luna thinks she has more followers? Logic is clearly not the aim of this story, and I'll summarize just how below.
Cons:
The answers for why Rainbow, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Spike side with Luna have barely any thought into their arguments at all. You're trying to tell me that Fluttershy, Fluttershy out of all ponies prefers night over day? That is absolute nonsense. Just how many times have we had Fluttershy complain about a room being too dark? No, Fluttershy prefers day over night, author.
Why would Rainbow, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Spike side with her anyway? You really don't give strong reasons at all for why each character sides with Luna and not Celestia. Rainbow Dash rightfully should've said she likes the day better. You don't see her performing stunts, rainbooms and tricks in the night, and considering her personality, she should absolutely love the day. Plus, rainbows don't look even good in the dark. You can't even seem to properly line the answers associating character.
Applejack and Twilight's reasons weren't much better and still felt a bit weak, but compared to the other five's lazy arguments, they were stronger arguments. That's mostly not because of your story, it's because of our own knowledge about their past with Celestia thanks to the show. If we didn't have any of that knowledge, their arguments probably would've been as poor.
You, author, need to push aside that unreasonable Luna bias that is clouding your mind and give our characters actual arguments as to why they prefer Princess A over B or vice versa. But even then, this story idea just wouldn't work because the princesses wouldn't get the Mane 6 and Spike to choose sides because that just cruel, and the latter wouldn't agree to that anyway. Clearly, this story was made just to make a point (And a weak one at that) that you think Luna is the best princess.
Also, if they want to find out if Luna has followers, why are they surveying the Mane 6 and Spike anyway? The princesses both know that the Mane 6 and Spike are loyal to both of them, but they might not know if the rest of Equestria's citizens are. This survey didn't even target the right participators!
This story was also pretty rushed and slow at the same time. Like, the thing you call a "survey" only had a few questions. You were better off just asking the characters who they preferred instead and leave at that. The padding out at the beginning was just boring, and I skipped the 'Twilight fetching her friends' scenes because it was just Twilight going to her friend's places and being like, "Hey, the princesses want us" for five times in a row, which was repetitive and boring by the time we got to the third run. The grammar needs to be checked. You need an editor.
Pros: I mean it could've been worse, we could've had the entirety of the Mane 6 and Spike side with Luna because of the plot. But still, not a very good pro considering the cons.
This story gets one half-eaten apple core out five apples.
Edit: I decided to not be lazy and add more to my review.
Now, I think Luna's thinking about her subjects' loyalty could have been explored more. Luna thinking about war with sister was pretty out of place though. Why would she want or even consider war with her sister?
I'm really confused what is up with the story.
9909371
I'll try to summarize: Luna felt that no pony was loyal to her, so she tells Celestia about it. Celestia, seeing this, decides to write a letter to Twilight to call her friends to meet at the Golden Oka's Tree Library for them to Make a personality test. Twilight was nervous that you had a test to test your loyalty, but Celestia told her that this test was to see if Luna had any followers. And then, the 6 ponies respond, after answering, Celestia speaks the result. Spike asks Twilight if he could participate. Twilight says yes and he participates. After he does, Celestia tells the result. Luna would like to know who her followers were and Celestia says their names. Luna is happy because she has more followers than Celestia.
yeah I understand that.
it was really hard to read.
is that part of the story or is it just me.
9909359
I understand the point your trying to make, in that this is a biased pro Luna story and firstly I see no problem with that. This is not some kind of canon theorie that need to be completely unbiased, it is just a story a fan wrote. No need to be too serious about realism.
I also get your arguments of characters not matching their characteristics of the show. And I think if you want them to be like the show, thats fair. However that is limiting what you can do with the characters.
But there is something that bugs me, if you are afraid of the dark I don't believe that you are automatically afraid of the night. You have candles and magic lighting in Equestria, so why not enjoy the Moonlight through your window from a lit room or do some stargazing if you can stand a little darkness. That is a weak point in my opinion.
Also I understood that this little survey should be representative for the population and it is explained why they dont have a lager pool of ponies to answer. It would take too long and the princesses do not want to spend weeks (or months) preparing a survey for the population.
But I guess taking six ponies and saying that most of the population think like that is a bit over the top and I agree with you there.
I also have to agree with the most points you make. It seems rushed and is a little repetitive in the beginning however most scenes like this are repetitive they might not feel like it because they are elaborated more.
But then again I feel like your criticism was unnecessary hard. This is a fanstory after all not some book written over 2 years with a team of more than 10 people collaborating to get it perfect.
Some do that and I love stories like that but not all have to and that is fine.
9911071
It's called canon for a reason. If you don't write canon character like they are in the show, what's the point? You might as well make a brand new character instead. I mean, AU and similar stories of the like can sometimes bypass the rule, but since this is a slice of life story and nothing more, the audience will automatically expect the characters to be in character.
Too bad the author didn't give reasons like that in the actual story.
So, a fan story doesn't have to be good cause they're not made by professionals? So if I bake a terrible cake, it's fine because I'm not a five-star chef?
I'm not saying it has to be perfect, I'm just pointing out the flaws of the story.
Criticism is about honesty, so going straightforward and "harsh" as you say on the author is sort of the point, especially if the author wants to improve. You even if acknowledge that I'm pretty much correct on my critique of the story, but then go saying I'm being brutal by admitting the truth.
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Then we have different viewpoints on what slice of life can be. It is supposed to represent a more or less normal day out of a characters day to day life and I think that canon shows a part of the day to day life but not necessarily everything. I have read stories that were slice of life that were build on the idea that we dont see everything in canon and so a character could show a new side of themself that was never shown in canon.
But to be fair this dosn't really happen here and the story just more or less makes it look all characters are like they are in canon wich isn't true.
You are right that the baseline for the character should be true to their canon characteristics.
It felt that way to me when I read your post, but that may be because I interpreted it wrong. English isn't my first language so I apologise for that.
It's true that if you lie while reviewing something nobody really benefits and honesty is important in a critique. I just found that your choice of words came as a little harsh. But again that could be me, because when I write a critique on a story oftentimes I find myself trying to be honest and work in solutions while trying to be polite. I sometimes take far too long to write critiques (or answers) because I try to chose my words really carefully. In the end it is probably time down the drain.
However being truthful does not mean you can't try to be nice. I don't want to imply you tried to be hurtful, but to me it felt as if you just wanted to see the story as negatively as possible. Then again this judgement is kinda unfair for me to make but I just wanted to point it out to you.
Ps: Putting everything in bubble wrap probably dosn't help too but I kinda learned it that way
Let's agree to disagree
9911576
Alright. I don't want this to turned to some heated debate.
The catering alone bankrupted the government, the overcrowding caused widespread damage and chaos to the city and landscape, and Canterlot's sewer systems would never be the same after having to adapt medieval drainage systems to handle a few too many millions of additional ponies for the day. Civil obedience disintegrated almost instantly. Rule of Law was abandoned within hours. Pony civilization disappeared from the face of the planet within days.
A very nice story! I liked it.
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I don't know yet
i would stand by Luna. I love the moon and the night and Luna is cool!
Spike hugged Twilight on her hoof.