• Member Since 20th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Foals Errand


Not who I was before. But, I'm slowly becoming a new me. Maybe even a better me. patreon

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This story is a sequel to Celestia's Twilight


We all know the story. One thousand years ago Princess Celestia was forced to banish Nightmare Moon to the moon to save all of Equestria, but what if Luna had been hiding something from her sister, scared of how she would react? When Luna had no other choice, she cried out for Celestia and Celestia came. For one thousand years, Luna wondered what happened when Celestia left; now she's finding out...

But is it already too late, or will Luna be able to take the role she had so long dreamed of? The dream of being a mother?

editor Don't Look At My Name Bro! and RK I am lost without you!

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 771 )

When Luna had no other choice she cried out for Celestia and Celestia came.

:twilightoops::rainbowderp:

When Luna had no other choice she cried out for Celestia and Celestia came.

:rainbowlaugh:

24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3r3wpHNdQ1r3xauuo1_500.png

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To be fair, the description sort of begs for that joke to be made.

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Oh I agree, Don't know what I was thinking >.<

4372784

I just enjoy harassing the poor dear, as well.

cant wait for more

Wait, what? What is this blasphemy? Luna and Twilight being in the same fic? And it's not a TwiLuna romance fic? No, it's a fic where Luna is Twilight's mother! I just said that out loud.

:trixieshiftleft:...:trixieshiftright:

:pinkiehappy::raritystarry::rainbowwild::yay::eeyup:THIS IS AWESOME! INSTANT FAV!

This is nice, fun sounding story, solid concept.

"What she had seen was it time?"
What? What does this even mean?

"could you come in here i’d like to speak with you please?"
I'd

I have a feeling this fic is being set up for diddy Twilight and Luna parenting fun times, but I'm good with that :)

It does feel a bit off when reading it though

No thanks I'll pass on this one..

I love it it brought a tear to my eye:fluttercry:

Well this is interesting... I will invest my time and energy in reading the rest as it arrives. So three hundred points for the promise of filly Twilight, kudos to Celestia for saving Twi's life and the author gets a gold star because I want to see more.

I noticed the Colors I just never really thought about it but good start looking forward to more of this story. You just got a Follow and Fav :twilightsmile:

Yes! I really like this kind of relation between luna and twilight. Please, please continue!

That's weird, I keep pressing the thumb up button but the number only inceresed once... must be a bug... :scootangel:

i love it and please make more chapters for this story

Great... another of THESE stories...don't get me wrong, I love this concept to death! But it seems like there's a curse with this type of story;the author usually gets a chapter or two in and disappears off the face of the earth.

Oh well, watching just because I'm a masochist.

Interesting.... FAVORITE!

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Would it help to know i already have the ending planned?:twilightsmile:

4374321 It gives me a bit of hope, but I'll still reserve judgement until the end, godspeed though!

Also, since I forgot last comment, might want to use commas a bit more; there were some places I feel like a comma would have helped the flow.

I always thought of Twilight's mane as purple with pink stripes, but now that you mention it... :twilightsmile:
And, umm.. I was wondering if I could be your editor, maybe??

4374362
I'm always searching for editors! This was my first go at self editing heh send me a pm :twilightsmile:

4374370 I'm working on writing my own story, but I kinda need ideas.. can you help out? :derpytongue2:

Wow featured first day up. Nice.
:twilightsmile:

:pinkiegasp: *LE GASP*

A fanfic where Luna is Twi's mom?
NO. WAY. :raritystarry:

MUST...FAVE!!!

I did though it is hard because the purple of twilights mane makes it appear darker

when do you think the next chapter will be, cant wait, keep up the good work :pinkiehappy:

I'd suggest a bit of proof reading. I noticed a few places where a comma or period would be appropriate and where you should have capitalize something. Like you put i'd instead of I'd.

Now we wait. For the grand adventure, of parenting. Good luck, and enjoy the events to come.

Please get an editor. I want to read this story.

OH YES I love these kinds of storys! Please dont be like dem people who make one chapter then never finnsh it PLEASE! Anyways as far as I can tell you have done a very good job with this first chapter keep up the good work! Cant wait for more!

Ah I can't wait for more!!!!!!:trollestia:

4376065 I know Foals Errand pretty well, and I can say that, although it may take a while to finish, she does have the intention of completing every story she starts.

There are so many stories with this exact same premise but they never update. Please don't fall into that category.

Th idea of Twilight being the daughter of one of the two sisters is not a new one, but you wrote it well here. Kudos :twilightsmile:

The i in "i'm" is capitalized. It should be I'm.

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I attempted to self edit this story and not send it to my editor. This was my mistake and I am sorry. It will be going to my editor today and fixed!:twilightsmile:

Thank you so much for reading!

I'm gonna follow the shit out of this.
Faved, liked.
Eagerly awaiting more.

Haven't read it yet, but I'm also a little hesitant to. There are quite a few grammar mistakes in the description alone :unsuresweetie:
Not to say that nobody makes mistakes. I do a lot. But they're pretty easy ones to find.

Like:

Scared of how she would react. When Luna had no other choice she cried out for Celestia and Celestia came.

Kind of a weird transition there. The first sentence is a sentence fragment.

Now shes finding out

*She's

But is it already to late or will Luna be able to take the role she had so long dreamed of?

There could be a comma after "late". Also, *too* late.

I don't know. It seems like an interesting idea. I might still give it a chance.

4377630
I apologize for the grammar mistakes once my editor is awake it'll be going straight to him. I do hope you choose to read it and enjoy it though.:twilightsmile:

4377634 Well, it's got a good rating and it's only a prologue. So that's a good sign. I may give it chance when you post new chapters, as I like reading a lot at a time.

A few mistakes, many of which are glaringly annoying. Other than the obvious grammar though, the only major problem I have at the moment is how you so casually brushed aside actual explanations for some of the things Celestia did for Twilight. You effectively just said; "Because magic, bitches."

I would suggest doing some edits on that scene, and flesh it out a bit more.

4377796
I am planning to flesh everything out in the next chapter when everything is explained to Twilight. Also once he is awake this whole chapter will be going to my editor.:twilightsheepish:

A fine start, but could use an editorial pass to clean up some grammar and repetitive word use. General tidying up. I'm certain others have given the same advice already though, and in more depth. :twilightsmile:

Have a Favourite, I'm curious to see where this story goes. :twilightsmile:

4377801
Alright, but you should do something in this one to make it seem more believable. Perhaps even allude to the fact that Celestia will explain more later when there's time? Or have Luna question it? Regardless of future intentions, that scene in this chapter isn't realistic.

Excellent start. More please. (I would say more, but what more needs to be said. there's barely enough story to even critique...which is NOT a bad thing...it just means its a good prologue and needs a story attached to it)

Taken as a one-shot (if you never do get back to this)....I love the story premise, excellent Idea and good show of emotion and possibilities. Not sure I like the plot device used to hide Twilight's actual age or specie...but you had to do something and this works well enough.

Anyone else notice that the navy blue of Twilight's mane and Luna's fur are the same color?

I'm color blind.

There are some grammar errors with oddly worded sentences. Seems like you are a budding author. I'll keep an eye on things to see how they progress.

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