Trixie apparently sparked a change for revolution and glimmer has a motive now oh nice!

10172428
It's more that Trixie showed the cracks in the system, and Starlight saw an 'in' for a revolution. If a single pony could get this far on her own, then what could an army I would raise do? There's gonna be a lot of military theory and strategy in the next story, War Against the Sun!

10172443
sweet least Trixie was a step just like with any figure of change
I hope starlight strikes a good hit on the "perfect" day I'm sure Celestia made a festival with the elements who heartedly agree with to celebrate Trixie's death day.

starlight, be the hero this story needs.
Tyrantlestia has gotten away with her bullshit for too long.

when the sequel is out will you link it in from this story?

10172869
I will, yes

10172878
thank you I look forward to glimmer delivering some justice and a smackdown on some overblown ego's

Trixie was dumb in this fic and I’m sad at how it ended, here’s why. I’m going to be as bluntly honest as I possibly can about all the things I don’t like about this Fic without being Toxic.
Trixie never revived her sister, I at least wanted Innocent Sabrina to live but I would of been ok with her failing if it was done right, however the way this fic ended was bad, everything basically went downhill after Trixie decided to reveal herself and let herself be turned in. What’s the point in having an MC Learn and Grow if they accomplish what amounts to nothing with it? Mc’s are usually admired because they accomplish something, but the way this Story ended felt forced with an unsatisfying ending. There are so many decisions that I don’t understand like why Trixie went from save my Sister, which was her whole motivation for this stupid quest btw, to go to the Crystal Empire and shank a bitch? Why didn’t she try to revive her sister as soon as she escaped Tartarus despite having the collective knowledge of ALL of Tartarus and the previous wielders of Amulet? Why she decided to go to one of Celestia’s parties, give herself up then backstab her benefactors for Zero gain instead of going straight to the graveyard and reviving her Sister WHEN SHE HAD THE STATE COOPERATING WITH HER. Yea, you’ve paved the way for Starlights revolution but did so at the coast of any character growth Trixie had gained. Her one redeeming feature throughout this quest was her determination to revive her sister and for a second I thought I knew why she was giving herself in, instead we get that train wreck of reasoning and an ending that I really wish I didn’t read. I mean did we really need to read a Murderer Kill her way through an Entire Kingdom just to die in the most asinine way possible and elevate a warmongering growing Tyrant? No. Sabrina could of been the figure head for the next fic but instead just like her sister she is a scape goat, another footnote in history. I was pending all my hopes on the big reveal that Trixie let herself be killed as a distraction for the Rival Ritual or an epic double Suicide battle, maybe even Alicorn Evil Trixie but instead the way it ended just makes me wish I didn’t pick this up. I still don’t understand how a pony that Killed a group of elite trained Soldiers couldn’t Beat 6 Civilian Girls ether, yea this fic makes no sense after Tartrus.
Up until Tartarus the story was good, the characters had motivation that made sense, that plot moved forward at an even pace and Trixie Goal was clear but after that everyone just did real dumb shit that makes me question why you didn’t just write this as a footnote in Starlights story. I recommend rewriting the Chapters after Tartarus to make these characters actually make sense especially Celestia since there is no way she’d treat Luna that way after spending a freaking century trying to get her back, if anything I’d imagine she’d be Overprotective, Noise, or a straight up Stalker if your going the Evil Information controlling Celestia Route.

10231660
I agree with you on most fronts. I said at the ending of this story that it was riddled with mistakes, and I'll say now that these mistakes riddled the structure of the story too, and it was falling apart with each added chapter, and I didn't notice. I was rushing each chapter on a week to week basis, all of what you saw was mostly the first draft with grammar revisions. I could go further with pointing out mistakes in the story than you did, but there isn't much that would do. You already don't like it, and why would I worsen your opinion of my story.

Though I have to disagree with you on some fronts. Most of why Trixie was doing reckless moves was because the Amulet had a corrupting element on her. She wasn't so much focused on saving her sister towards the end as she was continuing to get stronger. Even when she had the state on her side, she eventually wanted to dismantle it and place herself at the top of the rubble. When she made her move to do so, she felt that she was strong enough to do so. Though, I know it isn't good storytelling to have a McGuffin make a character act outside their development. Even though you disliked it, and even though I'm an amateur biting off more than I can chew with this story, I thank you for reading it towards the end and for not giving up on it.

10231838
It’s honestly the most depressing part about this, up until the midway point the Story was really good but it fell flat at the Middle and End, the Grammar may not be the best but it’s not the worst out there ether that wasn’t what bother me, it was the drop in Story Quality that did. I’m not saying any of these things to make you feel bad incase that’s what you think I rather you take these observations and improve on them then give up all together.
It may sound like I had only negative experience with this story but there were some really good moments in it, One moment I can think of that I both loved and hated was that part where Glass and Concrete talked. It killed me, it was the most heart wrenching moment for me since the Girl is a fuking bastion of Moral Idealism, she was basically Kiritsugu slowly losing her ideals making me die a little inside. My heart died and I cried for her I wanted to give her a hug, this is me expressing how good a job you did with Concrete’s character. I didn’t really like Glass at all, like I hated him as a person but liked him as a character because while he was a Hero he was the Arrogant self righteous type. He thought he could take the world on by himself and got fucked for it leaving everyone else to clean up the mess, he didn’t listen to Concrete despite reading the report or the fact he had personal experience with her and didn’t even try to negotiate with Trixie after she offered it. What was worse is that he decided to go “Why you Suck” on Concrete after a squad decided to do their own thing basically fucking up the whole mission while acting like he knew better. What kinda of Officer decides to pit the Blame on a commanding officer after his Squad went AWOL even though that commanding officer does his best to keep people alive you ask? A self righteous prick who isn’t used to losing. His character was amazing.
You made some amazing Antagonist for Trixie that were well fleshed out until Tartarus, which is why I’m sad I couldn’t give this story a like, I really do hope you improve upon these points so you don’t fall into those pitfalls again.

10231889
I appreciate it because it did feel like I was being trampled on. Though most of it was myself after realizing I was dropping the ball right towards the encounter with Arkon, and the rest of the story was me running after it and only kicking it further away from me until I punted it off a cliff and into an ocean below. The only hope is really to hope that the ball floats to land. It hurt to read what you thought about this story, but it hurt more when I felt the same way in reflection. And it hurt more than that to realize that I'm in over my head and that the sequel to this requires people to read this crummy prequel, and that isn't even guaranteeing that War Against The Sun will be any better. I don't mean to throw a pity party, and I don't mean to make you feel bad, it's just that the image of the story in my head is better than the reality I made of it.

10231906
Nah, It’s ok pity parties usually make people feel better me included, I know it’s always nice when me and my friends get together and talk about how lifes kicking our collective asses or how Fucked we are since we have a 10 page college paper we procrastinated on. I’m sorry for making you feel that way, it wasn’t my intention it’s just that I needed to be honest with you. I didn’t want to lie to you about my experience with the story but I didn’t want to tear you down ether, wording everything so it didn’t sound like I was cutting you was hard and I’m pretty sure I failed that too. I’m also sorry that I don’t know what to say to make you feel better, despite my disappointment I really did enjoy this story until that point, I just wanted to let you know what I thought went wrong. It’s why I spent an hour going over everything I would say and like 30-40 minutes trying to get my intentions through. Criticism is supposed to be used to help authors be more aware of their flaws so they can improve, while everything I said was true it also had no Tact, which is why I think it turned destructive at some point. Everything I said about you characterization skills was true, I still really do love Concrete and I’m looking forward to seeing more of her. I really do hope you feel better later man, it’s ok to be honest I’m sure no one here would begrudge you for letting your feelings out. Try not to stress on the Sequal, I’ll probably comment on it when it’s finished and I have the time since I try to avoid stories that are unfinished due to cliffhangers. But ether way I’m sure you’ll do fine as long as you take your time, we’re a patient community that wants to see your best work, everyone here is ready to support your story and give you honest criticism so you can improve, mistakes aren’t anything to be ashamed. Try not to let this get you too down.

Hello! This was reviewed here. Thanks for picking me as a reviewer and I hope you find what I had to say helpful. Deuces!

10401276
Thank you so very very much for the review! I'll comment my thoughts on it on the review directly! Again, thank you so very much for reading this and reviewing beyond it!

Ruby, this was an incredibly wild ride. The action kept me hooked throughout this story. It really shows how you were able to balance all the perspectives here. I know you said you weren't going to do a direct sequel, but I really would love to see more of this universe. You did a great job of making the OCs feel naturally incorporated into the setting. They didn't scream "this is my OC" because each time one showed up, they were properly integrated into the world. Even if the universe of Event Horizon and its epic stakes are done, I wonder what it would be like to see another world with another Sabrina.

I don't like to read mature stories that much because they fundamentally don't contain much to attract me. This is easily one of the better exceptions. I appreciated how it balanced incredibly, fascinatingly dismal scenes and violence with fantastically written character interaction. You need to bother me with your MLP headcanons more if this is how good you're gonna write.

Don't worry Trix. Me and Chrissy will think of something! Also Celestia really loves parading her 'accomplishments '. Defeating nightmare moon. Giving herself her own holiday. Shitting on the graves and statues of her enemies