I don't believe Arkon's on the level, there are probably a few things he's withholding from Trixie however at this point the only honest thing I could take form his story is that he knows how to escape Tartarus.
yeah he trying to use trixie for his own escape, no one that sent to literally hell is going to be that kind to a stranger, it use or be used let see if trixie can be the one to use Arkon
I'll offer some critique first. The dialogue in the chapter could use some cleaning up. There's a lot of run-on sentences. The characters feel like they are speeding through their lines, which doesn't give the weight and impact I think you were going for. Put a few more breaks in to let them breathe.
I do like the imagery, though. The living embodiment of all the power the Alicorn Amulet collected, trapped forever in a contained inferno. That's a fitting punishment there. The beginning memory/dream is also haunting.
I'm of mixed feelings for Concrete. She's trying to do her job for the best of Equestria but kinda lets others take the fall in order to get the job done. I don't think I'll be shedding any tears for her if she were to kick the bucket.
I don't believe Arkon's on the level, there are probably a few things he's withholding from Trixie however at this point the only honest thing I could take form his story is that he knows how to escape Tartarus.
yeah he trying to use trixie for his own escape, no one that sent to literally hell is going to be that kind to a stranger, it use or be used let see if trixie can be the one to use Arkon
I'll offer some critique first. The dialogue in the chapter could use some cleaning up. There's a lot of run-on sentences. The characters feel like they are speeding through their lines, which doesn't give the weight and impact I think you were going for. Put a few more breaks in to let them breathe.
I do like the imagery, though. The living embodiment of all the power the Alicorn Amulet collected, trapped forever in a contained inferno. That's a fitting punishment there. The beginning memory/dream is also haunting.
I'm of mixed feelings for Concrete. She's trying to do her job for the best of Equestria but kinda lets others take the fall in order to get the job done. I don't think I'll be shedding any tears for her if she were to kick the bucket.
Kinda sucks what happened to Burst.
Looking forward to more!
I feel like a pony can't have a name like Concrete without having a buzzed mane. It just doesn't work as a mental image otherwise.