RubyDubious
Joined 21st Mar, 2019 ·
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Oh dang. A story about one if the most messed up syndromes there is.
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There is another story about Capgras involving Twilight and Rainbow. It’s title is Imposter.
In a world where there are shape-shifting insects that can instantly and almost perfectly mimic the appearance and mannerisms of loved ones, a Capgras delusion may not be entirely unjustified.
Hm... not bad. It's a bit lacking in the story, but the idea is right on. I liked it, overall.
This was a nice piece! I'm gonna go through some recommendations I have that might help the next time, and then talk about the aspects I liked.
So, overall I think the fic is well-paced, but that the beginning and ending are a touch quick. The actual point at which Bloom develops the syndrome onwards I think could have been pushed back a little bit, and the ending expanded on. However the vast majority of the piece is paced nicely. A thousand or so words split between the front and back end would take this to the next level but it's very good as is!
I think there are a couple of points where the dialogue can be a tiny bit stiff, but that is often a consequence of stories that have to introduce themes such as this since you're not dealing with a common source of horror and need the exposition to allow it to have the full effect. This is a problem I run into when trying to write stories focusing on uncommon subjects too, its definitely a consequence of ambition and creativity as opposed to an issue with your writing in particular so don't worry too much there, it just comes with practise.
Now, onto what I liked!
As you can probably glean from my above comments, I like your subject-matter here. No one can ever say you're not an ambitious writer with your themes, and I really admire how this ambition is so well displayed in such a relatively short piece. You always create something original and eye-catching and this is not easy to do consistently! You should be very proud there.
The middle section of this is particularly effective. The reveal, and description, of the dream is a highlight for me.
I think the best written section was the reveal with Winona, and particularly AB's dispassionate reaction to what she'd done. Showing a character apathetically doing something horrible is a real balancing act but you do it very effectively here. All the horror is conveyed to the reader while AB still comes off as having the muted reaction her condition creates, as I said, this is not an easy balance to strike but you do so very well.
Characterisation of AB and her family is also well nailed.
So overall this was a good and unsettling horror piece! I would definitely be interested to see what further excursions you could have in this genre as I think this story shows you have a knack for it! Hit me up if you have any questions about my comment or want any clarifications on my opinions/advice
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I'd dare say it would be a evolutionary advantage.
Hi! I made a reading of this awesome story on my YouTube channel, here's a link to the video if you wanna check it out.
https://youtu.be/vNdeNYunV7Y
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Oh wow! I didn't even see this until just now, so sorry I missed it! I'm so very overjoyed that you enjoyed it so much you did a reading of it! I'm so incredibly humbled, and I don't know what else to say but thank you!
Well, this was fun. It's always interesting to see how real-life conditions can translate into MLP's fantasy setting with a variety of twists. You did a really good job at building up a more gradually morbid series of actions. Even though I knew that somepony was going to die in this with one glance at the tags and having heard of this condition before, hearing the scene with Winona (who has a character tag) in the reading made me shudder.
You're a flocking genius!!!!
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I certainly do my best! Glad you enjoyed this work!!
No Sweetie-Bot? 0/10