HIATUS STATUS IS ONLY TEMPORARY, FOR A MONTH OR TWO. THEN I WILL GIVE IT A PROPER CLOSING. DO NOT WORRY
In the middle of the blizzard in the Canterlot Mountains, a lonely mare is found by a dragon. What seems like a coincidence has in fact far deeper meaning as the meeting unravels the stories of passion, friendship, loneliness, lust and caring, all tied up to the group of friends we all know too well.
The young unicorn does not realize that she plays an important part in story far longer and greater than just her own life. She is an unknowing key to the tale of hot romance and cold tears
But as she dives deeper, she becomes curious. Is the situation that she found herself in really just a misfortune ?
Who is her companion ? Why didn't he reveal her name ? And why she has the strangest of feelings: that she knows him from somewhere ?
Follow the passionate, random and dramatic love story of Spike, Rarity and Gabby. Watch as their feelings change the fate of them and ones they love.
Tag "Sex" is used because of the sensual nature of chapter 13. However, the scene is not graphic and vulgar, rather poetic, so that's why I rate it T.
New chapters will be added with regularity, as my life allows, one per one or two weeks. There are 3 chapters left till the end of the story.
Chapter 14 part 1 coming in aproximately 2 days !
After reading half last week I finally got around to reading all of this (so far uploaded, anyway), sorry I'm such a slacker. Nice work, especially Ch.12-14: really sweet romance followed by a horrible twist? Yes please.
To constructively criticise a bit -- You've got a very good ear for character interactions and I don't just mean between Spike and Rarity -- I laughed hard at Spike and Discord arguing over who was the best pony, Rarity's uber-boomer dad getting overprotective then inviting Spike to THE BIG GAME made perfect sense based on what we know about her folks (she's the black sheep of her family for sure), and the chapter where Twilight tries to make future provisions for Spike with Ember was interesting to watch as two very different characters spoke towards a similar goal.
Generally watching these guys and gals bounce off each other was really fun. Likewise I thought the description of the dragonflight scene in chapter 3 was very evocative (good accompanying art helped, but wasn't necessary), and good work bringing back the Arimaspi who I had completely forgotten about!
On the negative side, your syntax and sentence structure need work -- while you get the point across well enough most of the time, the story would be better if it was cleaned up somewhat, maybe? Anyway you earned a like from me for sure and I'll be back for the rest!
Well, this overran and I probably should put spoiler tags on all of this stuff that happens in the story huh
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Well, chapters 12-15 are the main climax so I worked hard for them to be somewhat intense. Then the story slowly shifts to the mystery of Iris. There are 7 chapters left and then there is an epilogue. Hopefully they will be max 3K words so it won't take too long to upload them. I usually upload completed stories, this time I decided to see if it attracts people as well. For now, I am really glad on the positive response in a such a short amount of time.
In this story everything is twisted. That's its nature. The motto is:"don't expect anything". Everything will be explained in the next chapter. If you are interested, please stick around and read all the chapters that I will be uploading.
I had the plan for the mysterious conflict between many of Spike's potential love interests and in the meantime, do some world building.
Also, I chose to have Gabby and Rarity already invested into relationship. The development of love is your job already. It is good for Sparity to have a stories with different angles of the romance.
Unfortunately, as a speaker of a slavic language, I do things differently when it comes to writing. For example, in polish we don't use articles, we just say things and if we want to say "this SPECIFIC something" we use "to/tamto" which mean " this or that". So they may be overlooked. Our word order is also different, as well as the fact that we change forms of the nouns instead of using prepositions. It seems sometimes my mother tongue leaks into my works. I am praised by many because of speaking my english very fluently but I do have problems with ortography sometimes. I wanted to upload the story and I was aware that there were mistakes that needed to be rewritten. If you have specific cases in mind, please point them out and help me correct them, if you may. That will help future readers. Care to give some tips ?
Thank you so much ! I am great fan of your work and I eagerly wait for your newest chapters as well.
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Alright, let me elaborate a bit on what I mean by "syntax needs work", it's not your dialogue -- your dialogue is for the most part pretty good! I just read your newest chapter, I know writing Zecora's rhyming isn't the easiest thing ever but yours worked better than most I've read, actually (I appreciated rhyming "integrity" with "Rarity" in particular, it's something she'd say alright and it made me laugh). What I meant was a more general matter of the sentence structure surrounding the meat of the text. Like you said, Slavic languages process this stuff differently in ways I'm unfamiliar with, and I don't feel real comfortable hashing this out in a public forum so I'll just drop a couple of pointers:
1. When you describe a character doing an action before speaking, it might be better to keep that on the same line as their dialogue. That helps to better indicate who is speaking; it's not always to be taken for granted that it is the same character speaking when they're on different lines. I stumbled while reading the Spike/Gabby/Rarity confrontation a couple times on account of this.
2. Usage of "the" is inconsistent -- for example, the first words in chapter 15 should be "The two sisters", not just "Two sisters". It matters! Adding "the" to that clause specifies two particular sisters, and without it could be any two sisters, anywhere in Equestria. I think this is just a matter of practice more than anything but it's something to keep in mind.
Of course my own writing is by no means perfect, I know my sentences overrun sometimes and I'm pretty much married to parentheticals -- I'm trying to do better, oh NO I just did it, I'm doing it right this second -- but I hope this helps at all!
ANYWAY, good story, looking forward to the ending and Sweetie Belle is a marshmallow too
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Now I get it ! I won't promise it will improve right away but I will be careful. Like I said, some things are hard to translate between different language families. Now, I will close "Gabby arc" and move to "Iris arc", which I hope will be even more complex yet heartwarming. I will fix the previous chapter and the next one should come in 2-3 days.7 chapters remain.
Sparity...
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I assume that you like it so far ?
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YES
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New chapter is out for all of you to read.
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I think this gives a perfect idea how crazy the cravings can get.
New chapter coming in the first days of 2020 ! Happy New Year !
Oh my god, pregnant Rarity is the cutest! But certainly less dignified than she'd prefer, the poor girl...
Oh no it's cute
I am NOT crying. I'm not!!!!!! ðŸ˜
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I love the running gag with Rarity as a tsundere, not wanting to admit that she is cute in certain situations. It shouldn't be overused, but in small quantities, it makes the story cute and warm.
Also, all the preganancy side effects here are real deals, quite harsh. Good thing Spike is always ready to help Rarity get through them.
Plus, as much as sneezing is a real symptom, Rarity's sneezes are just adorable in the show. That's why I used them. Heartmelt !
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I hope that this alternative future is nice to read, the thing with memory erasure as well. I paid lots off attention to Iris, pity that I can't draw her.
I will probably finish the story in a few days ! After my exams, I was a bit knocked out of my creative process, but I will round it up shortly !
There are a lot of errors in this story, but the story itself is strong enough to mitigate that. Could do with some editing, though.
I really appreciate the allusion to Mistmane wrt Rarity's unnatural but desired motherhood in this chapter. And like you say in the author's notes, it was a good time to acknowledge it after everything that happened -- I've liked the idea that there's a long story behind that grey streak ever since seeing the epilogue episode. Not gonna lie though, it is kind of a bummer that Rarity is likely to experience early onset osteoporosis 😞
Anyway, *bangs table* Speech! Speech! Speech! Iris must speak, to everycreature
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I am working on it, It was a crazy month, I had no time to write but I will conclude it soon.
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No need to apologise my man, I didn't get much done January either because life happened. Take your time if you need to, I'm sure the end of the story will be as good as the rest of it!
So, I do need to ask, how come this story is incomplete?