One moment they were in Canterlot, having been given to Twilight by Luna, next they were within the crystal halls of the Castle of Friendship. Her vision was still a little blurry from the flash of Twilight’s magic.
Twilight's teleport left her body tingling, a few motes of flames flickered over her coat for a moment before fading. It was as if Twilight seemed to be interested in examining her. The energy left her feeling awake, alive and aroused. She could feel all the various things that Twilight wanted to do to her. From drag her to the lab, to pounce her right here. That amount of emotional bleed over was almost unheard of. The fact was, she did not think Twilight's teleportation spell was meant to do that.
Well, that was rather unexpected. You alright there, Candice? Insight asked.
Yes, I’m alright. To be honest, I think this went way better than what we were planning. Blueball notwithstanding. Luna managed to get things back on track rather easily at least. Really, no complaints here. Candice replied.
With everything that Candice was feeling during this impromptu sharing of desires, Candice figured she should start with what she was honestly interested in. “So, was the teleport spell supposed to give me a sense of your desires?” She asked with simple curiosity.
Twilight’s mouth opened but then stopped. It seemed that Candice’s question took a moment to register. Tapping her chin with a hoof, “Well, as you are my guard, then you should know a few things about Alicorns and their magic. An Alicorn’s magic is highly affected by their emotions and desires. For example, if you were Blueblood, you would be more than a little bit charred or in an embarrassing position right now.”
“I see, well I will count myself fortunate that I felt what I did. Though that leads me to the next question. What would you like to start with? I know my preferences and will answer with them if asked.” Candice waved a hoof airily.
Twilight launched a bolt of magic at Candice. She saw from Twilight's face that it wasn’t an attack. It rippled through her and then erupted from her body and into the Castle. The pulse left her again feeling a bit tingly but far less than the teleport. Looks like you’re keyed to the castle now. Probably. Insight commented.
Candice looked to Twilight after a moment. She seemed a bit more controlled than she was in Canterlot. “I take it that was you doing the wards and the like, first?”
“Yes, now, should I put the Castle on lockdown, you won’t be violently evicted,” Twilight explained rather matter of factly. It seemed like she was trying to behave more professionally.
“Good to know. Wouldn’t do to have your guard ejected from her post,” Candice said with a bit of humour in her voice. “So, what’s next on the checklist?”
Twilight’s demeanour shifted as she moved towards Candice in a sultry fashion for a couple of steps. Deliberately, she stopped and shook her head. The motes of flame that had appeared in her mane flickered out. “Not now, later,” she mumbled to herself, annoyed. She looked to Candice and said, “First things first, we should probably defuse the Pinkie Party that she likely already has set up for you.”
Candice nodded. “I figured that would happen in a few days. She’s getting that good at knowing when new ponies are arriving?”
Twilight nodded. ”She is the best at what she does,” she said with a fond smile.
“And what she does is pretty nice. So is there anything I should know about that at this point? Any signs to look out for if she is suddenly nearby?” Candice inquired.
Twilight just shrugged. “If you find some then please let me know. The only reason I know that the party is going on right now is that there is a large portion of Ponyville’s population in the dining hall right now. Either that or the town is attacking, and nopony has told me yet.”
Candice just smiled. “Well, it looks like it’s party time again for the second time in as many days. Doubt this will be anything like the Nightguard’s party though.”
Twilight glanced over her shoulder, “No, there won’t be anywhere near as much physicality or cider.” Twilight said with a hint of regret.
I wonder if Twilight has been adopting some of Luna's preferences. Insight commented.
It would appear so. Candice replied.
Candice moved near Twilight as she was trotting with her and gave her an affectionate shoulder bump. “That’s ok, there's always room for the ‘after-party’.”
Twilight nearly missed a step, “We could always skip the party,” she said in a huskier tone of voice. A teleport spell was starting to charge on her horn.
“As nice as that would be, I think that what you’re implying would be rushing things. It also wouldn’t be fair to those that took time to be here,” Candice pointed out.
“Well if that’s the case then you need to put your outfit away. Wouldn’t do to show up to one of Pinkie’s parties looking like that.” Twilight said.
“Ah, yeah.” Candice used her magic to take off the suggestive attire and put them in her own dimensional pocket. A slight look of embarrassment was on her face.
“That’s better. Though I did like that.” Twilight smiled. Her eyes seemed to already be missing the decorations from Candice's body.
She then pointed down a hall with her wing. “If you go that way then I’ll meet you there.” She twisted her spell and then released it and was gone in the now familiar flash of magic.
Changing the destination of a teleportation spell array without having to restart the spell…Well some of the professors at the CSGU are wrong. Insight observed, impressed.
Candice proceeded down the said hall. She felt like it seemed as if the castle was watching her. Somehow it seemed to convey a vague sense of anticipation, though Candice wasn’t at all sure how it managed to do that. She stopped for a moment and placed her hoof and wing on the wall to see if she could feel any more detail.
That’s strange, it feels like nostalgia, almost like… home? I don’t really understand it. Insight said.
Candice tried to see if the communication was two-way. She tried sending an intention of protecting and helping those here, as well as her feelings about her situation.
A sense of welcome. It’s saying we shouldn’t keep the ponies waiting...
“SURPRISE!!!”
Candice flash cast an overcharged temporal acceleration spell. She suddenly found herself in the dining hall. How she had suddenly gotten here, she wasn’t sure. She had felt no magic or movement. I’m going to have to remember that. I wonder if it can be repeated. She thought to herself and Insight.
Possibly. I’m a least a little familiar with how the communication felt now. Insight replied.
In the brief moment it took to communicate that, she saw the ponies around her moving in extreme slow motion. Not seeing any actual threats here, she saw Pinkie behind her starting to spring up near the door. Candice took a mental moment to try and feel for the Pink Pony’s magic. She felt what she usually did from earthponies, but she did notice just a slight touch of what felt like Discord’s abilities. The signature was certainly unique.
Candice let the acceleration spell drop. It was going to take her about eight minutes to regenerate that.
Pinkie asked, “So were you surprised?” In her typical enthusiasm that just went to show why she was banned from having caffeine.
Candice just smiled and nodded, then drew the Pink One into a hug. “Thank you for all the effort Pinkie. I was not expecting this so soon. Yes, you did surprise me.” She let her go and turned to the rest of the crowd then waved to the crowd.
Pinkie suddenly hugged her back for a moment. She felt her bones creak, the force of it though was enough to make Candice check herself with a med scan spell to make sure she was alright. When she was released, Pinkie still had the widest smile you could fit on a pony. Candice smiled back. She got the feeling she couldn't give Pinkie any better of a present than that.
She saw Twilight at the far side of the room watching. Her eyes were focused on Candice with an intensity of curiosity that Candice hadn’t seen in her yet. This spoke more of ‘we are going to talk’ than it did of ‘I want you in my lab’ so she was probably safe.
Candice made her way through the room of ponies. Refreshments were placed strategically around the room, and she got to meet a good majority of the ponies of Ponyville. Seemed that Twilight getting a guard was a big deal here and managed to make Candice stand out. Looked like using anonymity around here to do her job wasn’t really going to be a viable option at this point. Time to gain a reputation instead. Not a bad way to start at least. Insight added to Candice’s considerations.
She noticed that the banner that said ‘Welcome to Ponyville Candice’ was oddly formed and hung. It looked like there was much more to the banner than what was currently there.
It didn’t take Candice long to spot the rest of the Elements. They were mostly gathered near Twilight.
Applejack looked like she was just kicking back and having a good time chatting with Twilight.
Rainbow had a mug of cider and was hovering above the crowd while she looked at Candice with a look of curiosity.
Fluttershy was to the side of Twilight, but it didn’t seem like she was the wallflower Candice had first met during those few picnics with Discord. She seemed more comfortable now. There seemed to be something a little odd about her features. Candice spent an extra moment watching her. Was that a hint of fangs?
Rarity was graceful in both word and action, but when she saw Candice looking at her, she had a slight blush to her cheeks. I wonder what that’s about. Insight stated.
Feels like it might have had something to do with the odd banner. Pinkie’s proclivity of knowing more than she should might have told her something about us and our relationship with Twilight. I could see Rarity going and taking that down at least. Candice replied as she continued to greet ponies and slowly make her way to where Twilight was.
Candice floated over a mug of cider for herself from one of the refreshment stands. A few of the more observant ponies noted the glow around her wings.
Twilight watched her approach with interest. Her eyes seemed to have a depth to them as if viewing things with more experience than her years would suggest. It appeared the mare was in a far different mood than she was only a minute ago.
Candice eventually got to the six heroes of Equestria, though it took more than twenty minutes. On the way, many hooves were shaken, and greetings exchanged. Everypony here was ready to welcome her at the drop of a hat. Not a single one was bothered the slightest about who or what she was. That might change if Spoiled Rich was here, at least if the reports on her attitude are accurate. Insight added.
Twilight spoke up as Candice reached her and her friends. “Girls, I would like to introduce you to Candice. She Is my first guard.” Twilight said with a friendly smile. “Candice, these are my friends. Applejack,” she started as she gestured to each one.
“Howdy,” the apple farmer said as she tipped her hat.
“Rarity,” Twilight continued.
“Welcome, darling.” Rarity said with a regal and calm demeanour that completely belied her earlier blush.
“Fluttershy,” Twilight said.
“Hello,” the pegasus said with just barely enough volume to be heard normally. Being that close, she could feel there was a hint of thestral power radiating from her. It was not much, and if her own thestral wellspring was much stronger, she might not be able to feel it as her own would drown it out, at least once it fully settled in anyway.
“Hey there, Fluttershy. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. How are things going?” Candice asked while remembering that it had been about six months since the last time she had a picnic with her and Discord.
“I’m just terribly worried about Discord, have you seen him?” The shy mare asked.
“I’m sorry, I haven’t seen him since a bit before the Manehattan attack. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you though. Even if it’s just hanging out and being a friend.” Candice offered.
Fluttershy nodded at the offer. She seemed to genuinely appreciate it.
“Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said.
“Hay there. I didn’t know you knew Fluttershy already.” She waved the hoof that wasn’t holding at least her second mug of cider.
“Yeah, I've had a few picnics with Discord and Flutters. I just wish Discord didn’t have this habit of not being around anytime his help would actually be useful.” Candice replied.
Looks like Twilight shares our feelings on Discord. Insight pointed out, drawing Candice’s attention to the purple mare’s expression. It vanished before Twilight introduced the next pony.
“And you already met Pinkie,” Twilight said, her tone light, displaying nothing of whatever dark thoughts had crossed her mind moments ago.
Pinkie Pie just smiled. She seemed to be content, already considering Candice a friend. How did Pinkie Pie not wind up as the Princess of Friendship? Insight joked.
“This here is my Number One Assistant and little brother, Spike.”
“Yo,” he said, waving a claw as he continued munching on gems.
Candice noticed Spike looking at her eyes with confusion. “Is something concerning you?”
“How do you hold your iris’s open like that? Does it not hurt?” Spike asked.
“No, I use a vision protection spell that I can control. It’s like turning your lens into a set of sunglasses.” Candice turned down the effect, and her eyes returned to their now-normal slit appearance. “I don’t usually go around like this because it freaks most ponies out. It’s also quickly become a sign of comfort for me.”
“Pish posh dear. Nopony will judge you for having such unique eyes. In fact, I know just the perfect ensemble to compliment them and your beautiful markings.” Rarity said.
“Unfortunately I have a few cases of ponies doing exactly that, happening on my first day with slit eyes. I apologise, but my experience doesn’t agree with your sentiment.” Candice looked apologetic for reality not meeting the romantic desires of the fashionista.
“Well, you ain't going to find folk treating you like that here.” Applejack barged into the conversation.
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash added. “Wait, are you a Pegasus, Thestral, or Unicorn?”
“Yes?” Candice replied. “I was born a pegasus-unicorn hybrid, The thestral part is a gift from Luna when she made me her fourth chosen.”
Rarity fanned herself at that declaration. Rainbow Dash managed to look thoughtful for a moment.
A flash of magenta magic came from behind her, and suddenly there was a weight on Candice’s back. The weight spoke in an eager filly’s voice, “Mummy Luna gave you another wellspring?” The young Twilight-looking filly lit her horn and cast a hugely complex scanning spell. Multiple spell arrays dancing over and around her horn.
“Yes, it was after I passed her tests and then became one of her Nightchosen. It was just tonight that I was ‘given’ to your Mother Twilight. One of my duties is to protect that which they care about.” Candice said to Little Star. Her voice carried a tone of pride.
Fluttershy was half hiding behind her mane. Candice noticed a slight smile of encouragement. She did already know about Candice’s feelings toward Luna and Twilight from their conversations during their picnics.
Rarity was stunned for a few seconds before she managed to recover. The look of inspiration dawning on her face. While it wasn’t out loud, Rarity did mouth the word ‘Idea’.
“That means she is a good pony that you should listen to, and protect her if it comes to that,” Twilight said to her daughter.
Protect me? Candice was curious. Was it just a way to keep Little Star near her, or was that the truth? It was possible considering the strength of the wellspring Candice could feel from the little ball of magic that was masquerading as a filly.
Little Star held up her hoof. “Is that because she is a Nightchosen or that she was given to you?” Little Star asked Twilight.
“Both on their own would mark one as a good pony, together just means she’s even more so,” Twilight told her daughter.
“So you’re special to both my Mummys?” Little Star asked with the innocence of youth.
“I’m certainly hoping to earn that station,” Candice said while she gave Little Star a light nuzzle.
Little Star hugged Candice’s neck “Then make sure to keep Mummy Twilight well-fed with Hayburgers, so she does not eat Mummy Luna.”
Twilight had a slight blush. Rarity looked askance. Applejack looked judgmentally at Little star. ”You are too young for this sort of talk.”
Little Star looked unhappily at Applejack. “Why?”
Applejack clearly wanted to facehoof but did not.
“How about you go and play with your friends,” Twilight added.
Little Star looked at her mother for a long moment. Lighting her horn, suddenly another filly turned up next to her precariously on Candice’s back.
“Mummy, can you help Scootaloo fly? She only has earthpony magic, and if Mummy Luna can help Candice, can you help my friend?” Little Star asked excitedly.
“Earthpony magic?” Scootaloo blurted out while she hopped off of Candice. “But I have wings, and I can walk on clouds. How does that make any sense?”
Little Star looked to her friend and assumed a sitting lecture position, raising a single hoof she began. “That's because you have a permanent cloud walking enchantment.”
“What about me pushing the scooter?” The orange filly exclaimed.
“That is using earthpony strength,” Little Star added.
“So, it's not my fault I can't fly?” The realisation was starting to hit her as tears started welling up in her eyes.
Twilight’s eyes suddenly seemed to be dragged to Fluttershy. After a moment, her eyes widened. “Ooh.”
“Of course I will help.” Twilight lifted both fillies in her aura and pulled them into a hug. She looked happy as she nuzzled both of them. Having a pony to help seemed to flip a switch in Twilight, she was full of energy and alive. Add to that the proud smile she had for her daughter, and it seemed she might not sleep for a year.
Candice could see there was a hint of Twilight’s immense power shifting within her as a thoughtful look crossed her face. “Maybe you should ask her guardians first, Twilight?”
Twilight looked up and nodded once. “That sounds like a good idea.”
Little Star’s horn lit and two rather surprised mares were suddenly standing before Twilight.
“What did we talk about teleporting ponies without their permission unless it is an emergency?” Twilight whispered without moving her face at all. It was almost inaudible to Candice's spell augmented hearing.
Little Star ducked her head “But I thought this was an emergency, my friend Scootaloo can’t fly.” She responded just as quietly.
Twilight kissed Little Star just below the horn. “If there is no danger of harm and waiting won't cause an issue, it is safer just to ask fist.”
Twilight looked up to the two mares. “Do you know of Scootaloo’s condition?” She started before putting a privacy spell around them.
Candice got to see how Twilight’s privacy spell made every word said, seem like math formulas if you tried to read lips. Revealing Light would hate that version of the spell. Candice thought.
Insight pondered for a moment, She’d probably try to figure out if the formulas actually could be translated back into words if you took time to decrypt them.
With the party dying down, Pinkie burst into action using her talents to get ponies having fun.
A Scootaloo shaped blur rushed past and slammed into Rainbow Dash.
The filly spoke so fast that it would have taken a time dilation spell to clearly make out what was being said, but the words fly, lesson, weekend, yay, please, fly, teach, excited and flying and such were able to be picked out of the word soup.
With a new reason to celebrate the party was renewed. After that, the party took off with games and activities. The foals were having fun, and many of the adults were sitting around talking.
Candice found herself looking at Twilight with a mix of pride and love. Her determination to help Scootaloo was just another thing about Twilight that she discovered she found so appealing.
After a moment, Twilight met her eyes. She seemed shocked for a brief moment, then pleased and finally shifted to being embarrassed. “It was nothing,” she said, sheepishly looking away.
Moving to Twilight, Candice still had that look on her face. "Well looks like your daughter beat me to one of the things I was going to ask you about.”
Twilight tilted her head with interest. "You were?"
"I had planned to ask if you would consider helping Hybrids and the magically damaged by opening up your guard to them." Candice nodded her head towards the overexcited filly that was assaulting Rainbow Dash with words.
Twilight could not help but let a happy grin return to her features.
Candice continued. "By the looks of it though, you have all the drive you need to already. The look I saw on your face when you realised you could help Scootaloo was priceless and heartwarming."
Twilight moved closer and whispered, “You are a good pony.” A look of appreciation was upon her face as she stole a quick kiss.
Candice saw a quick movement of light pink in the corner of the room. As she looked over, she saw that Fluttershy had a perfect view of the kiss. Fluttershy, for her part, just had a quiet smile on her face that looked more encouraging than anything else.
Twilight followed Candice’s gaze and saw Fluttershy looking at her with the same smile. She then gave Fluttershy a look that Candice didn’t quite catch, but her wings seemed to move invitingly.
Candice saw Fluttershy blush rather brightly, but after a moment she nodded her head in a short and rapid nod. Did Twilight just do what I think she just did? Insight asked.
I think so, but I’m honestly not sure. I only saw her wing movement. Candice replied.
Twilight materialized a note of some kind in front of Fluttershy. As she read it, her blush intensified. Suddenly she hid the note and went back to one of the animals that were visiting the party. Looking around, Candice noticed a rather curious look on Rarity’s face as she was looking in Fluttershy's direction.
Quietly, Candice asked Twilight, “What was that about?”
Twilight turned back to Candice with a smirk on her face. A copy of the note was suddenly floating in front of her.
As I just found out earlier tonight, a princess is allowed a harem. Are you interested?
Candice was a little surprised but in a good way. She looked back up at Twilight with a smile that said she liked the idea. “I hadn’t even thought about that being an option you would want to consider. Looks like I really need to drop any preconceptions I had about you.”
Twilight replied, “I have been picking up a thing or two from Luna,” she said with a knowing smirk.
Candice noticed Twilight put an illusion spell up. The only thing Candice could deduce was that it was focused on her mane and tail. Well, that looks promising. I have to say this was a VERY unexpected turn of events. Insight said to Candice, who just mentally nodded back.
Twilight whispered to Candice, “I’m going to get some refreshments. I’ll be right back.”
Twilight wandered off for a bit and came back with some refreshments in her aura, and two other ponies in tow. The illusion on her mane and tail were now gone. “Candice, I'd like to introduce you to another friend of mine, Starlight, and her friend, Trixie. Starlight, Trixie, this is Candice. She’s my new guard, Luna gifted her to me from her Nightguard.”
Spending a moment to study Twilight, Candice could see that, like when dealing with the elements, Twilight was acting a little. She was holding something back, acting more like her file said she should be.
Twilight effortlessly distributed the drinks, Rainbow zipped by and greedily guzzled half the new cider without a second thought. “Thanks, Twi,” she said as she headed off to go talk to Scootaloo.
Twilight rolled her eyes and had a good-natured smile at her friend's antics. For a moment, her eyes hungrily followed the mare’s flight. She rapidly shook her head and looked away. Candice noticed a single mote of flame being smothered by Twilight’s magic.
Rarity discreetly glanced to Rainbow then back to Twilight as if observing pieces of a puzzle.
Candice slightly shook her head at the speedy cyan blur before turning her attention back to Starlight and Trixie. “So, how are you two doing?”
After finding out about Celestia’s manipulations, it was hard not to be a little wary of a mare that was listed as an expert mentalist with a somewhat checkered past.
Starlight paused slightly, giving Trixie the opportunity to go first.
With a flick of her mane, the showmare spoke first. “The Great and Powerful Trixie and her friend Starlight are doing well.”
“Welcome to Ponyville,” a smiling Starlight said, holding her hoof out in greeting. Something about the smile seemed forced.
Candice took her hoof and returned the gesture. Your wariness of her is showing Candice. Might want to check that. Insight interjected.
Candice took a moment to consider that. Mentally she went over the fact that Starlight had reformed and deserved the benefit of the doubt. Because of the fact that Starlight had used mind control on the elements, that was proving hard to give, despite her best efforts.
Starlight looked past Candice. Raising an eyebrow, Candice looked around, following her gaze. Twilight was off to one side, whispering to Fluttershy.
Starlight moved a little closer, raising an invisible privacy spell around them. “If you're Twilight’s guard there is something you need to know.” Starlight said in a whisper.
Candice's wings twitched just slightly. She prepared to use her disruption at a moments notice if she felt mind magic.
Starlight continued hesitantly, her eyes full of concern. “Twilight has been through a lot… she is currently on a hair-trigger. Anything so much as looks at her or one she cares about funny… well, a single timberwolf was spread over a few acres of forest… alright, it would be more accurate to call that area a crater now.”
Candice considered her words for a moment, but after having felt the power of Luna, what Starlight described wasn’t that off from her expectations at this point. "Yup, sounds like the Alicorn of Magic to me."
Starlight just shook her head. “She was never like this before, she was always so careful. She never used to throw around, what I can only guess are war-spells, against things that can easily be driven off.”
“You didn’t happen to use any mind magic on her, did you?” Candice asked with straightforward honesty.
Starlight recoiled as if struck. “Of course not, what sort of pony do you think I am…”
Candice raised her eyebrow at her. She felt it should be obvious considering the things Starlight had done.
“Fine. Just look after her or else you will have to answer to me.” Starlight said in anger.
“I’m far more worried about answering to myself, then Luna if I fail in that. You are not my concern. What you are, however, is Twilight’s friend, and that means something to me. I think you may have misinterpreted my question as a judgement against you. That is not the case. I was asking to see if you had tried mind magic to help soothe her trauma.”
Starlight considered for a moment. Sighing slightly she answered in a much calmer voice. “I could come up with a spell to do it, but no, I did not. Luna is the mind healer, I assume she is helping her?”
Candice kindly looked into Starlight’s eyes, “I honestly don’t know if she is or not. I intend to be here for her in any way she needs, though.” Candice glanced towards Twilight, a fond expression on her muzzle. “You don’t have anything to worry about as far as her safety with me.”
“So long as you keep her safe we won't have a problem,” Starlight interjected.
Candice nodded and continued. “Also, I don’t feel I’m in any place to judge you. I know what you did, but you have, as far as I can tell, redeemed yourself. In addition, Twilight trusts you. You’re a counsellor at her School of Friendship. Your anger at my question seemed disproportionate to my inquiry. Would you like to start over? I am hoping to be friends here.” Candice said, holding out her hoof.
“Alright,” Starlight said bumping hooves with Candice. “Just maybe not so much of the accusing ponies of mind control, especially near Twilight, she might cast first, ask questions later, currently.”
“Understood. I know there is still a lot I need to learn to catch up here. Twilight should be briefing me soon. For the moment though, I think your friend Trixie is getting bored.” Candice said as she looked over at the azure showmare.
“I should get back to her before she starts turning everything into teacups again.” Starlight dropped the privacy spell and took off to be with her friend.
Candice chuckled a bit at that. Her worries about Starlight were soundly defeated with Starlight’s reaction to the accusation. “At least the price of teacups has dropped in recent months.” Candice joked.
Hours later, the party-goers had all gone, Rarity had snuck out with a bundle of cloth that was likely the rest of the banner, bundled up in her magic. Candice was still slightly curious what the rest of it had said.
There seemed to be something on Twilight’s mind as Twilight led them deeper into the castle. The sound of their hooves on the crystal being higher-pitched, was so different than the marble she was used to in Canterlot.
“So how did you like your arrival at the party? Can you figure out how it was done?” Twilight asked, smiling.
“It was unexpected. Insight seems to be able to talk with the castle. I can communicate my emotions and intentions it seems. We got a 'you shouldn't make the ponies wait' kind of message from it. Then we were just there. I'm thinking the castle did it. If the castle happens to be its own protected pocket dimension, then it might just be able to decide where anything is on the inside.”
“So it seems the castle likes you,” Twilight said with a curious glint in her eyes,
“Seems that way. Insight says she gets a feeling of 'home' here.” Candice agreed.
Twilight cast her eyes to the ceiling.
“Strange that my apartment never once felt how I would imagine home would feel,” Candice said.
“I was going to keep her anyway.” Twilight almost yelled to the ceiling before continuing under her breath so quiet only Candice’s enhanced hearing let her catch it. “Stupid rocks.”
Candice once again raised an eyebrow, this time at the stupid rocks comment, Twilight noticed she had been heard.
Some of the good mood from the party fled Twilight. “It seems you are another pony given to me by the Tree of Harmony.”
Candice pondered for a brief moment, “I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand.”
Twilight laughed, it seemed off, perhaps a little manic.
“How would I be connected to the Tree of Harmony?” Candice continued.
“That the tree-given-castle talks to you is enough of a clue. It only talks to myself and my Little Star, and now you. The tree likes playing with ponies.”
“Oh, I didn't know that.”
“Luna was sentenced to one thousand years on the moon, just so that I would use the elements on her, thereby getting myself pregnant with my daughter...” Twilight said, cutting herself off with a brief shudder.
“Something tells me I'll get a full briefing at some point,” Candice said with an undertone of worry. She moved nearer to Twilight, at least as they walked, offering comfort with proximity.
Twilight took a long breath. “For now, all you need to know is it likes manipulating ponies just like Celestia does.”
Candice raised her eyebrow yet again, there was a lot of things causing that to happen today.
“And the most frustrating thing is that I can't be angry at it.” Twilight stomped her hoof, sending a few chips of crystals into the air. “I love my Little Star. I get Luna, I get everything I ever wanted…” Twilight trailed off into a disturbing mix of hysterical laughter and sobbing.
Something inside Twilight’s gaze was broken, again she was almost a different mare. But that did not matter, her love was hurting.
Candice might not understand what Twilight was going through, but that didn’t matter. She would be there for her. She wrapped her love in a tight embrace with her hooves and wings.
As soon as Candice’s wings wrapped around her, Twilight calmed and melted into the hug.
“Hey, I know I don't yet understand what you've been through. Maybe I can help when I do. Until then, I'm here for you at least.” Candice whispered into Twilight’s ear.
Twilight did not say or do anything for a few long minutes. Slowly life seemed to come back to her. Twilight tenderly nuzzled Candice, ending in a single gentle kiss. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Any time. I don't care if I'm asleep, you need somepony to just hold you, I'm here. You need to vent about anything at all, I'm here. You just want to know your loved, I'm here.” Candice quietly stated as she looked into Twilight’s eyes.
A sincere smile and another nuzzle displayed how happy Twilight was at that sentiment.
“I can make decent pancakes too if those suit your fancy,” Candice said, trying to lift Twilight’s mood even further.
Twilight’s ears pricked up at the mention of pancakes, Candice knew what she was doing in the morning.
“Oh, I'm keeping you,” Twilight almost purred.
“I'm ok with this,” Candice said with humour, but also honesty in her voice.
Twilight looked thoughtfully at her. Candice showed a smile full of love, yet with no expectations.
Twilight asked, “How do you know when you are in love? I’m new to all of this.” Her face showed her clear curiosity.
Candice smiled a bit more, “For me, love is wanting another to be happy, even if it means not getting what I want. If you asked me to leave you because that would make you happy, then I would do so. I would be heartbroken, but I would do it because I knew you would be happier that way. I’ll be here for you in whatever way you need me, whichever way you want me. All you have to do is ask.”
A heartbeat later, Twilight’s mane was engulfed in flames. The flames did not burn. Rather they made Candice skin tingle in the most pleasant of ways. Twilight flexed her body seductively, invitingly. "Show me how much you love me, then?" For a moment, it almost seemed as if Twilight surprised herself by saying that. "Sorry." She closed her eyes, and the flames slowly died down and extinguished over a few minutes.
Candice still held her as Twilight brought herself under control. "Does this help? Knowing that I won't take advantage of you for my own pleasure?"
Twilight relaxed against Candice. "Even if you thought you were taking advantage, it would be me taking advantage of you, but thank you."
Candice stroked Twilight’s mane with her wing, "You can't take advantage of me. All I ask is that you tell me when you're calm, that it's what you want and that it will make you happy. You do that, and I will be yours in any way you want me."
The flames burst back into existence, each point that they touched on Candice felt like they were kissing her. The very fire driving Twilight started to stir desire in Candice. Twilight nuzzled into Candice’s neck before asking "Any way I want?"
"Yes, any way you want, just as long as you can tell me that it's what you want, when you are calm, and without the fire in your mane. Whether that's alongside you in the lab or making love in your room. Just as long as it's your rational side telling me that, and not your passions driving you." Candice said while still holding Twilight.
The flames vanished, leaving Twilight looking dazed.
Candice cocked her head to the side. "Are you alright?"
"I think you just talked my passion into letting me have a clear head for this choice," Twilight said in a puzzled tone before letting out a short heartfelt laugh. It was like a huge weight was lifted from her. “Alright, I can agree to those terms.”
“Fancy spending some time in the lab, seeing what exactly Luna did to you?” Twilight asked, a twinkle in her eyes.
A nod and a light kiss on the nose was all the communication Candice needed to show her approval of the suggestion.
They headed deeper into the castle, reaching one of Twilight’s secondary Labs. On the way, they passed the heavily warded doors to the main lab. It seemed even an Alicorn would have trouble breaking in.
As soon as the doors to the smaller lab closed, securing their places, Candice asked, “Question, would you be able to cast a thoughts-to-voice spell and hook it up to Insight so she can contribute without having to go through me?”
“Sorry, no mind spells will work in the castle,” anger flashed in Twilight eyes for a moment.
“Ah, let me guess, Celestia?” Candice reasoned with her own voice showing a hint of wariness.
“Yes…” Twilight said, letting out a long drawn out breath, she schooled her voice and body language again. “What has Luna told you?”
“Not just what she told me, but also what I have seen for myself. Luna said her sister is rather free with her use of mind-reading. Also, the Solar Oath is magically reinforced with an effect that isn’t noticed as it settles in over a great length of time. Several decisions of mine during my twenty-two years in RGIS were skewed in Celestia’s favour because of that magic influencing my mind. I wouldn’t have been perturbed by it if it was known that it would be part of the Oath. No, it was hidden until she pulled it from my wellspring. I suspect that there is far more to it than that however. The only thing I am certain of is the day I left the Solarguard is the day my trust in Celestia started to dwindle.” Candice finished her statement. Her body language showed that she wished it wasn’t true but couldn’t escape the facts.
“Well, let's just say what she did to me was worse. She did not just read my mind. No, she made it.” Twilight said.
As Twilight continued to explain, Candice listened with rapt attention. She was not happy that her fears of Celestia were actually being confirmed. As Twilight went on, Candice’s anger grew. When Twilight told her that it was to save Equestria, Candice’s anger faltered. It was still there, but she could see why Celestia did it. She very much disagreed with the method though. Candice still had anger for how it was approached. The lack of explanation, or even being given a choice in the matter, incensed her.
The fact that it was the Warlock’s fault did dampen the feelings towards Celestia a bit though. Candice didn’t miss the fact that Twilight was being vague about the Temple of the Hidden Path.
When Twilight shuddered, Candice just moved in and hugged her. No words, just being there. Again the touch of feathers calmed her. Before too long had passed, Twilight moved things towards the reason they were here, research.
With Candice being a willing test subject, she and Twilight had started running every sort of test and scanning spell either of them could think of on Candice's body. After that, they moved on to pouring over notes about magic and science.
Twilight watched with interest as Candice cast her unique spellcraft. Each of her spells was made up of lots of smaller ones, chained together in ways that would require a doctorate degree in magic to start to understand. There was a net gain in efficiency but a considerable increase in complexity. They were also weaker against disruption, counterspells and magical flux.
As time moved on, they continued to explore the qualities of magic and delve into the mysteries of the universe. Honestly, Candice was having the time of her life. She was really starting to wonder if it was possible for things to get any better.
After a few hours, Twilight mumbled, “No, I’m not going to turn her into a book.”
Candice perked her ears in Twilight’s direction. “While I would very much appreciate not being turned into a book, I would have no problem with you reading me like one.”
Twilight looked hungrily at Candice.
Candice looked her levelly in the eyes, “Twilight if this is what you want, you just need to say so. You know my one condition.”
“There is definitely a part of me that wants this, wants you,” Twilight said as she pressed against Candice. Twilight trailed kisses along Candice's neck. Candice held her as she looked for flames. Her own desire starting to seriously spike.
“You claimed to be able to tend ley lines, I will have at least that tonight,” Twilight purred.
“As you wish,” Candice said as she gave Twilight a kiss in return.
Twilight lit her horn and let her magic flow into Candice, allowing her to feel her desire. The energy was shaped and one crack of magic later, they were both falling onto Twilights large bed in a tangle of hooves and wings, the kiss still unbroken.
As they slowed down enough to untangle themselves, Candice moved to lead Twilight to lay down with her wings spread.
A wash of white magic coated Twilight as every foreign contaminant was pleasantly removed from her body and sent to the waste bin.
After that, she cast a spell to highlight the nervous system so she could see where Twilight was tense. She concentrated on those areas with a not-unskilled but not-quite-professional level of hoof massage.
Twilight closed her eyes and let out a pleased coo. The tension in her body started melting away.
After about half an hour, Candice moved onto preening Twilight’s wings. Her movement being far more tender and caring. She paid extra attention to the feathers that provoked the stronger reactions.
Twilight twitched delightfully, too comfortable to do anything other than coo softly and obey every request for her to adjust her wings.
Her impression of a spa pony done, she moved to the one thing no normal spa pony could ever do. Leaning down and whispering in Twilight’s ear, she asked, “I don’t have a whole lot of practice cleaning ley lines, but I know I’m at least decent at it. Luna I’m sure is far better. How long has it been since you have had your ley lines cleaned?”
“It feels like it has been ages.”
“Would you like me to do that for you?” Candice asked with a bit of teasing, still leaning near Twilight’s ear, a slight nuzzle emphasizing the offer.
Twilight groaned, “You have no idea.”
Candice started slow, using her regeneration rate, which allowed her to keep up her ministrations for as long as she wished. Eventually, she moved to use more and more of her own wellspring.
Twilight called out with some volume. Candice turned her hearing enhancement to protection, “I reversed my hearing spell from enhancement to protection. If you wish to call out like that, I would just suggest soundproofing the room.”
Shadow magic enveloped the room.
“I see Luna has been teaching you some tricks,” Candice stated with happy appreciation in her voice.
After a while of tending to her ley lines, Candice finished with nine hours of stored energy, plus most of her remaining wellsprings, bursting through Twilight’s ley lines. Candice was very glad she had asked Twilight to soundproof the room and that she had turned her own spell to hearing protection.
Twilight just lay there for several minutes, happily purring and just practically being a puddle.
Twilight seemed to slowly regain the ability for rational thought. Page by page, a book started to form. There was a lot of magic going into this, and it seemed rather wasteful to Candice. As the binding came into existence and tightened down on the book, the custom cover was completed as the title came into view, ‘How to Clean an Alicorn’s Ley Lines’.
Candice’s eyes widened at the sight of the book. While being able to create matter from magic was common for Alicorns, she knew that having that book almost counted as treason.
“Thank you, I’ll make sure to keep this one hidden,” Candice stated her appreciation.
Twilight managed up muster the effort to offer a curious look.
“Knowing this information is legally treason. Did you not know that?” Candice replied.
Twilight shook her head. Twilight’s magic opened the tome and wrote a pardon for Candice in her elegant hornwritting on the front of the book.
Candice put the book in her pocket space, “Thank you. It would appear that we have the same idea of what makes a good gift my fellow bibliophile. I have a gift planned for you as well, but it will take me a bit to complete it,” Candice finished.
Twilight’s aura gently squeezed Candice in a hug. After a moment the magic rippled with small motes of Twilight’s flames. "Oh, I can think of another gift you could give." The look in Twilight's eyes did not seem to be her own. Being looked at as if she were an object, no matter how desired, wasn’t where Candice wanted this to go. She wanted a real relationship, not to just be a toy.
“You know what you need to do to get that.” Candice looked at her levelly.
Twilight growled, "Who are you dictate to me?” The magic holding Candice gripped tighter, a hunger in Twilight's eyes now literally burning.
Candice pulsed her disruption effect. It took a lot of her remaining magic, but Twilight’s magic fizzled out, “Someone who isn't going to let you back out of what you agreed to before.” The look on her face was one of disappointment.
Candice could see there was something warring in Twilight's gaze, but the flames did not seem to want to let go.
“How badly did Celestia hurt you? Or was it what happened to you after Manehatten? Or both?” Candice asked with honest worry in her eyes.
Twilight laughed hysterically for a moment, the lust dying, her expression flicking to murderous anger. The flames in her mane ignited her bed as a wave of intense heat rolled off of the mare.
Flapping her wings once, Candice flew back and away from Twilight. She now sat on the other side of the room, her face showing quite a bit of concern. She looked at her hooves and noticed the singed fur of her fetlocks, there were light burns under the fur as well.
Twilight looked up and saw Candice sitting near the door. She looked down at Candice’s hooves and saw the damage to the fur. A look of guilt appeared on Twilight’s face as the flames extinguished. Twilight's more normal appearance returned.
Candice looked at Twilight, “You’re seriously unstable and apparently explosive. I can’t enter into any kind of relationship with you if you’re like this. I’ll head back to Luna if that is what’s needed.” Candice started to turn towards the door.
“I'm sorry,” Twilight's voice was as weak as a foal. “A part of me still hates Celestia.” Twilight's magic reached out, and a cooling wave soothed the burns.
Candice came to a stop, looking back to Twilight again. The look on her face made it clear she needed explanations, or she wouldn’t be here in the morning.
“Yes I know I’m broken, more than you can ever know.”
Candice quietly said, “I would be able to know if you chose to tell me.”
Twilight let out a long drawn out sigh, “When Celestia crafted me, she left out the bits that she thought were unnecessary for a future princess of friendship. Now I’m no longer just her puppet. I have parts of me that I don’t know how to deal with, but they know how to deal with me.” She gestured towards the burnt bed, “None of this was intentional, but… I’m just a little bit out of control. I think that’s one of the reasons Luna gifted you to me, to protect others from me. The comment about nearly killing Blueblood was not in jest. A part of me was very ready to just render him to ash.” She met Candice’s eyes levelly.
“I can’t be in a relationship with you if you have the emotional maturity that you displayed here. You are not ready for it. I don’t even think you are actually ready for it even with Luna, but your daughter leaves you with no real choice there. I’m willing to understand and even help you if I can, but this isn’t going to work at all on a romantic level any time soon.” Candice stated without recrimination but just as simple fact.
“You’re right,” Twilight said in a whisper so quiet that even Candice’s enhanced hearing barely caught it.
Candice was suddenly outside the room in a magenta pop of magic. She found herself laying on her back halfway down the hall. She was suddenly feeling emotions that she knew were not hers. It was a torrent of anger, self-hate, doubt, and a flurry of other things that Candice would have to sift through to understand.
Were we just thrown away? Why wouldn’t she talk to us? Candice asked Insight. The feeling of being thrown away like that started to hit hard.
I'm glad we're alright. I don’t understand what’s going on with her, but you certainly did the right thing there. There is no way Twilight can have a healthy relationship with anyone if shes like that. I just wish she chose to talk instead. Insight said with deep sorrow.
I know. It hurts to see that this is what happened to her. Something happened to her psyche after the Manehatten incident. Something broke her, and I have the feeling that had ‘Her Royal Highness, Celestia’ not omitted things when she was putting her back together, Twilight would have been able to cope with these feelings. She crafted her, and left out the part that could feel the deepest of friendships. Candice stated as her heart was starting to register that any relationship was not going to be possible, and worse, didn’t seem to be wanted anymore by Twilight.
Candice headed out of the Castle and grabbed a cloud that was nearby. She cast a cloud walking spell on herself since her cloud walking ability still had an annoying habit of failing if she stopped paying attention to it. She then anchored it with her magic so the winds wouldn’t sweep her away as she slept in the cold air over Ponyville. As she laid down to sleep, the tears started to flow. After she eventually fell asleep, she awaited her first dream training session with Luna.
I do not like Candice . .
9996961
Mind stating why?
9996976
too mary sue for my liking.
9996984
How so, power level or social dynamics?
To be clear, I'm asking so that possible improvement can be made.
9997000
Both actually.
Power-Level, especially now that she has, for some reason, actually 3 of those wellspring things with one just gifted to her after having already been born with two whereas even that should probably not be a thing that exists . .
She is to most other ponies what alicorns are to her.
And then the oh woe is me, tribalism against hybrids!
Hybrids shoule be the majority in the population, seeing how there's lots of inter tribe romance everywhere for centuries.
And even if they are hybrids, they still should express as one of the three tribes.
Not have unicorn magic through pegasus wings.
And of course she is made perfectly by the tree so she will love both luna and twilight.
And they, of course, instantly want her as well . .
I strongly disagree with the thought of Candice being too Mary Sue. She's a trained and well experienced intelligence analyst. She's also a member of a borderline persecuted minority in this AU. Both are very compelling reasons to be very sharp at reading people and maneuvering social situations. This is contrary to my definition of Mary Sue, which implies everything going their way without well built explanation or built up background.
And this chapter very much did NOT go her way, which also breaks the definiton.
I actually see a lot of myself in her, maybe that makes me a bit biased. The parts of her that other people have complained about in particular (like her willingness to put aside her own desires for others).
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Thank you for the feedback.
This is how we intended to have the character come across.
9997039
I'll address the issues one by one.
Power level wise she isn't even as strong as Shining Armor is. She has skills, yes, but those skills mostly came from having to survive outside Equestria. She has nearly died several times although that part of her background isn't revealed in this story yet. The 'some reason' is that Luna made her one of her chosen when Candice chose Luna herself instead of one of the other choices.
If you have an issue with the power that Alicorns can give to others then that you will have to take up with Nightsclaw, this is his world, I'm just the editor.
Valid description actually. She is more limited though in her power cap than others would be if they chose to train.
Hybrids usually die in this world because their magic incompatibility kills them. Sometimes explosively. The exceedingly high mortality rate is why so many feel that the hybrids shouldn't exist at all. The ones that do manage to survive, normally only have one wellspring left and that one is usually severely weakened.
She was actually manipulated into that. The next chapter goes into that a bit. It isn't perfect, it's causing all involved parties a great deal of pain.
Luna wants all ponies that want her. She's just that free with her affections in this AU.
Twilight has Nova driving her so she just wants every single pony that looks even slightly attractive. It doesn't have anything to do with Candice outside of the fact that she was given to Twilight as a gift by Luna.
I mean, there is a very good chance that Celestia didn't fully know what she was doing because I get the feeling that Celestia saved Twilight in a panic an in doing so wasn't perfect, because she couldn't be.
So, what happened to the Nightmare? It's very difficult to tell who is driving the body most of the time.
Dreams seems to be having less of an effect on healing Twi than was expected.
I can't say I can agree with Candice's choices here. That seemed a VERY fast jump from "you can have me any way you want" to "you're too unstable to have a relationship".
Even is she was perfectly right, I can't imagine Twilight is feeling anything but alone right now.
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It was, but it was also being looked at like an object and the burns that caused it to happen that fast.
There is also the fact that Twilight tried to break the agreement, and that the Twilight that Candice saw, isn't really the Twilight that was shown to her in her dreams, at least to her perspective.
Also keep in mind that she still wants to be there for her and talk it out. Twilight is the one that teleported her away.
Twilight's side of this scene should be very interesting. Candice made a good call.
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Given that Celestia expressed that she had no idea how long it would still be even possible to save her, it probably was for the most part a rushed patch-job, getting the bigger, correct pieces together and not worrying too much about the small bits that didn't match up or weren't quite there.
Hello Nightmare.
I'm going to pretend that this is Nova as a purring lump of cat on nip.
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Which is why I think that most of the Celestia hate in this story is...I guess kind of undeserved? I mean she clearly did her best given her options
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Sorta, but she definitely should have told Twilight about this earlier, not to mention keeping so much information on being an alicorn from both Twilight and Cadence.
9997545
I think Celestia mostly forgot or found it unnecessary to tell them because she thought they would be more like her, Charging up more magic in case of emergencies. If thats the case, then the ley lines can't be cleaned for whatever reason. She also doesn't seems to use crystal or thestral magic much.
The word `Feelings` is used twice in two disting meanings which makes entire phase a bit awkward to read or understand. I'd say to replace first one with something else, e.g. with inkling.
9997677
That's possible, but it doesn't explain the perhaps more egregious mistake of not explaining fragments (especially given the possibility of creating them unconsciously), or the mental Bastion.
That ending feels a bit abrupt
9998177
Felt pretty abrupt to Candice too.
I'm curious when Trixie being hybrid will be mentioned again. Also Candice asking Twilight to help hybrids
Just a question, why the focus on the carnal aspect of the relationships?
f a n g s ?
:3c
Name seems familiar but my brain is mush.
omfg
(Oof that ending... Glad to have caught up. Looking forward to more.)
10000493
Revealing Light is an RGIS field agent. She was the one that got caught and then rescued by Striker from the Nightguard. She was also there during Candice's first test. Also was the one in Steadfast's office when she was leaving the Solarguard.
About Fluttershy, Candice thinks she's absolutely adorable.
10000760
I would've known that but my brain was non-functional while I finished that chapter lmao
Yeah, not getting any “M.S.” vibes from Candice here. Sure, she’s a competent original character, but having Insight as well as herself in her head goes a long way towards explaining why she came across as almost implausibly so at multitasking at first...and given that this version of Equestria seems to feature alicorns that are both powerful and just flat-out alien enough to “mere” normal ponies to be considered at least potential legitimate threats to the latter even when there are no actual “proper” villains around (with at least Celestia having possibly gone beyond just ‘potential’ already depending on just how exactly one feels about her constant manipulations), my current feeling is that she’s going to need everything that may make her special in turn just to keep up with her new relationships. Best wishes there in advance.
10001041
Thank you for the commentary. It's nice to see that people are seeing the characters in the fashion they are intended. Means we are doing at least a decent job at representing them.
Ha!
You know, it's kinda weird... All of this is flowing as if in a "too good to be true" story, everything is just falling into place for the best possible outcome. It's like I'm playing a game with cheats on, with max brute strength and agility to defeat my foes deftly, yet also maxed intelligence and charisma to talk my way into/out of anything and open locks, hack things/unlock all of the magical trees...
It's extremely enjoyable, and I'm loving every second of it, but a tiny part of me is having issues with this. "Where's the drama?!" - it shouts. "This turned from a twisted story about pain, into a lovey-dovey harem slice-of-life!" And I keep silencing that part of me, because I'm getting exactly what I wanted. And yet...
I don't know what's bothering me about all this. I'm trying to enjoy it as much as I can, because it really does feel like it's been tailor-made to fit my tastes. The protagonist gets the power, calms her anger, befriends her inner evil (gaining even more power through that), gets the girl(s)...
It all feels like it's a bubble, like it'll burst at a moment's notice. It's "too good to be true." It's unrealistic, I guess is what I'm saying. Nobody is so selfless like that, nobody can rebound like that, nobody can change that quickly, and nobody lets go of heavy shit like that.
But I'll enjoy it while it lasts, despite the voice's protests. I mean, the entire point of fantasy stories is to cater to the desires for what can't exist in real life, right? So far, so good.
9997217
She literally injured her while doing the one thing the 'yes' had been conditioned on not doing. One giant red flag is enough to take it from 'yes' to 'no way' for real people, why not fictional ones?
Re-reading this due to the new chapters, and its still a great story.
I have been able to solidify my thoughts on Candice though. I do see some mary sue elements here. I know it will likely be taken with offense, but that is not my intention. Let me expand a little:
First, I think the first thing is that the author likes her. This shows a lot in the reading. I'd venture to guess that Candice is the author's favorite. The writing is a bit more personal, the hurts are a bit clearer, and the passions are a bit more fleshed out. This makes her social successes and power levels feel more impact full to the story than they really are.
Secondly, she feels too ideally crafted for Twilight. She loves everything Twilight loves, hates everything Twilight hates, and most of all: her only specified fault so far is a phobia SPECIFICALLY for upsetting Twilight and Luna. This is something that I think could be eased though. I think it would help a lot it there are some things that Candice loves simply because they please the ones she loves, instead of happening to love all the same things. Also, if her phobia was expanded to all of her relationships it would add a depth (and potentially exploited weakness) to her character.
I hope this commentary is received well, I truly admire and enjoy the work and passion that has obviously gone into this work of art.
What part of, inmortal-demi-god-beyond-your-understanding don't you get candice
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Thank you for your comment. There has been a few comments like this about Candice, enough that I have been wondering about rewriting bits or adding more chapters around that point in the story. I will be interested to know if your thoughts change as the story goes on. There is a reason for everything that happens, things being set up for the future.
All the best,
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Thank you for letting me know candice is still in the story, the very first time she was introduced I knew something was off, what with being the only character thus far to receive commissioned artwork posted directly in the story(not to mention it's literally the main editor's character). But I don't feel the need to be rude here, so I will just say that this was very helpful in deciding to drop the story.
I really enjoyed the first 20 or so chapters of the story, it feels as if it's lost its touch since then. The Luna-Twilight relationship seemed rather instant, similarly to all the subsequent ones. I did enjoy Twilight's and Nightmare's personalities, but it feels as if all of her actions have been driven solely by lust or protectiveness for a while now. The in-text picture of Candice during her introduction was a bit off-kilter, especially for a completely new character. I was excited during the rest of her introduction, it looked like Candice was being set up to be one of Twilight's lost fragments, or something similar, especially with the magical aptitude and her feelings for Twilight and Luna. However, due to how present she has been in the story compared to other characters, her ability to always solve the present problem or say the perfect thing without speculation of others, and the addition of harems being a thing (tm) etc., I'm getting the impression that she's just meant to be the Perfect Partner in what has turned into a "main character does whatever they want and nobody is concerned" story.
Oof, kind of went on a rant about every little thing I had a problem with, feel free to disregard.
11554849
First thing thank you for the comment and reading my story.
She is the way she is for story reasons it sets up things that happen later. You are not the first person's to make such comments and I do wonder if some of these chapters need re-writting.
Please let me know if your thoughts about this changes as the story goes on.
It feels to me like Candice is an extremely lucky mare who was born odd, and embraced it. It sounds like the chances of a hybrid like her is extremely low, what with most either dying because of magic incompatibility, or two wellsprings fighting for dominance over one lay line system, leaving them weak. She got two wellsprings and two lay line systems, saving her from the normal problems hybrids face. Her being completely selfless does come across as a bit too much to be completely real, yet if there's some sort of influence in the background to explain that phobia I'm sure I'll accept it well enough. Normally people are only afraid of disappointing friends or family, not heroes they have never met. So, possible connection between the three of them there to be explored later? Looking forward to finishing what's here, and eager for more.
You know, I really wanted to like this story, but this is where I bow out. There's a lot of interesting psychological elements going on with the split minds, and the Nightmare, and Celestia's whole everything, the mental backdoor to the elements. You have fun character bits like how Star is just a fun, super powered foal Twilight, doing cute fun things, and Nightmare being Nightmare but with friendship lessons.
I have 2 problems though, that are keeping me from actually enjoying this story. Everypony is crazy horny, and Candice.
One of the primary aspects of this story is the reintegration of Twilight's various personality shards. Including the repressed, horny part of her. It makes some amount of sense then, given the premise, that Twilight wants to fuck everything that moves. Nothing about the premise though, indicates to me that Luna (or Nightmare) should also want to fuck everything that moves, or that every pony Twilight comes on to should be into that. Except Rainbow for some reason? I was really not expecting this to be a harem romance fic given the premise, and it's really off putting.
None of the initial premises of the fic imply that there should be a weird -name unicorn-pegasus hybrid (now further empowered by Luna with thestral magic), with the weird personality shards thing that alicorns get, who is crazy powerful, knowledgeable, and skilled, who has to deal with anti-hybrid bigotry, the 2nd pony in history to leave Celestia(the fic's secondary antagonist)'s guard (and the first non-canon one to do so), so that shell can romance Luna and Twilight at the same time. And all of that would still be fine if it actually... mattered?
Candice has been around for 15 chapters at this point and her contribution to the plot is: she proved that she's worthy of being in Luna's guard, she swears am oath to Luna, and she joins Twilight's guard. Nothing that she has done to this point matters at all to the main plot with Noble, or the side plot which seems to be the whole Celestia thing. Maybe she'll play an emotional support role, or combat role, or technical role for Twilight's arc, but Twilight already has tons of ponies to fill those roles. Starlight or Rainbow or both together can fit any role I could imagine Candice playing in the plot. Tell us that Rainbow has latent unicorn magic and get her some combat training and she's baseline Candice already, except with an actual personality.
Why did the story create a new pony who's entire personality seems to be: responsible and hates racists; and then make her a sudo-alicorn in the harems of Twilight and Luna? I don't know, probably for sexy times, and at this point I don't care, because I'm not going to be reading the rest of this story.
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Thank you for the feed back and for reading this far. I am grateful for all comments as I started writing this first and foremost to improve my writing and storytelling skills. Know what people don't like and why is always useful.
I have had multiple comments on some of these points. Things are happening the way they are to set up things that happen later on in the story and I can fully see why they seem pointless or wrong right now. I may at some point rewrite this bit of the story at a later point as these events need to happen for the story but I could spend the words more wisely and have things hinted at in the background or handled in a different way.
Not everypony should be horny. In fact it should seem odd that the few are. I should if I rewrite this add more negative reactions form some of the others to this as this is not the point of the story just something that is caused by a important plot point that is found out later.
Candice exists for some important key events later on. Hybrid ponies and the health issues they often have is an important point in this part of the story.
Rainbow and Starlight already have their own abs different parts to play.
All the best.