CH 1 Upon an Altar of Blood
If there were one sensation that defined her existence today, Twilight would have said it was pain. To her, It seemed agony was all there ever would be. She could almost not remember what it was like to be free of this suffering. Intellectually she knew that could not be true, but that's how it felt.
She no longer screamed or struggled, her throat was too raw, breath too hard-fought and limbs too weak.
There was one bright fact she could take pride in, that she could try and take comfort in. Yesterday she insured her friends were safe; the ponies of Manehattan were safe. What could have been the most extensive loss of life in recent history prevented. Not a bad final achievement? she thought to herself.
The danger had been a powerful dark magic spell, it was going to end all life within a few miles of the city. It had taken almost all of her considerable arcane might to hold back the destructive dark magic. It felt like hours, her horn burned as she battled the tainted spellcraft. Thank Celestia I held out long enough to let everypony escape. She thought, considering the pain she felt then would feel like a spa visit today.
Thinking back to how she had arrived here, she had to admit her attackers had a good plan. It was a perfectly timed ambush and they expertly executed it. All it had taken was one forced teleportation spell. She was exhausted and just about to make her escape. Distracted and unaware she could do nothing to resist it. Today for all anypony knows I died a hero in an explosion, bravely giving my life, saving everypony.
Oh, how hard it was to try to stay positive or at least accept things. She knew that if she was asked yesterday she would have said that being here was a price she would have paid willingly, to save the others.
She was trapped, completely restrained with no options for escape. Her hope was rapidly fading, her attackers had covered all their bases. Her horn had been removed, her limbs immobilised by the rune encrusted silver rods piercing them. As an almost redundant addition the runes were suppressing her earth pony strength.
Adding insult to injury at least ninety per cent of the runes restraining her was based on a research paper she published two years ago. A moment of wry humour flitted through her mind. At least I can say I do excellent work, they better have accredited me for this. She thought.
Her ever-faithful mind and enhanced Alicorn senses perceived, logged and noted everything. She hardly cared about the dim rough-hewn stone room, and the altar she lay upon, nor the lighting caused by the menacing red radiance from her pooling blood. Her mind noted another sound; her automatic count moved up by one, thirty-five thousand and seventeen drips of her blood since Sombra's servants had left her alone.
Oh, how she wished the pain would stop, to pass out, to go mad or literally anything to bring her relief, but no her new royal body was too robust for that. She was still awake, and fully aware of how bucked she was. In all honesty, she was surprised she was still sane, likely some alicorn mental resilience.
Another drip, thirty-five thousand and eighteen her mind noted
Her ever diligent mind had a full listing in its cold, clinical detail hungry manner of every cut, every break and every degradation inflicted upon her body. She could almost see a little crazed version of herself with a quill eagerly scratching away, recording every detail — each entry dated, time-stamped and even with little diagrams.
Legs broken in four places each, one hoof removed.
Wings dislocated, about half the feathers from one removed.
Torso opened up so her captors could take various samples, six ribs broke, one removed.
The last insult to her body, her horn removed from and stabbed deep into her chest.
If not for their final act, she would eventually have been fine, eventually healed despite everything. They broke her horn off and used it to pierce her heart exploiting one of the few true weaknesses of an alicorn, their own divine horn. They had taken the focus of her special talent, her very destiny and using it as the tool of her demise.
Her heart was still valiantly trying to pump blood around her failing body, each beat just a little weaker. Her innate magic denying her a quick release allowing it to function despite the damage. They said it would take her days to finally die; she sincerely hoped they had overestimated that.
Drip. Another drop of blood fell. Thirty-five thousand and nineteen. her count continued. How many drops of blood would fall in a day, how would you calibrate something that could be so variable to keep accurate time? No, it did not matter. She thought.
I did all the right things; I did my duty as a Princess and kept everypony safe.
Being here now, this is the price I paid? She thought as a filly like voice in the corner of her mind kept asking. why can't I be saved, why is nopony here to rescue me? Why must the suffering always be mine?
Drip. Thirty-five thousand and twenty.
More tears rolled from her eyes; she could hear them drip from her muzzle into her blood below, each making a subtly different sound to other fluid dripping. At least my count will still be accurate. Her mind filled with thoughts of home, family, friends, the Princesses, Celestia.
Oh, how she wished the Princess would come and save her. On how she wished to be wrapped up in those perfect white wings to be soothed and find this is nothing more than a nightmare, a horrible, terrible nightmare but nothing else.
In her mind, she started on one final friendship report, one last letter she would never get Spike to send. Dear Princess Celestia. was as far as she got before another drop fell.
Thirty-five thousand and twenty-one. her mind reported. Her body shook as weak sobs wracked her body.
"Please somepony help me," faintly escaped her lips.
"I am here my Little Star," an almost familiar voice said in a loving tone.
To say Twilight was surprised was an understatement till she remembered. Audio hallucinations could be a sign that I am closer to death.
Something almost like magic brushed against her senses; somehow, she knew this voice of kindness was offering to take her pain away. "Let me help," the voice said as smooth as the softest silk.
Twilight let her eyes fall closed, accepting this gift of help. As darkness closed in, she felt her pain fading like a bad dream; soft feathers enveloped her in an achingly familiar embrace.
After so long, merely the lack of pain was the sweetest of ecstasy. Twilight's slow breath brought her the scents of the crisp night air, feathers, and the warm scent of an equine body.
"There, there you are safe now," her saviour gently stroked her mane with a hoof.
Shifting slightly she found herself free and no longer restricted by pain or evil metal spikes. Twilight reached out with both forelegs and her wings, returning the embrace. Tears of joy now tracing new tracks in her coat. She melted into the sensations of the hug, pressing against the reassuring feel of her saviour's hoof.
Twilight blubbered out her thanks and relief not caring if this was real, a delusion or simply Faust come to claim her soul.
The Spirit waited for something to happen, as always she was aware of everything Twilight experienced. Even if she viewed it in a detached, somewhat removed way. The suffering her host was going through was not what she would wish inflicted upon her worst foes. Even with Twilight being her enemy, she respected her. Yes she might kill her or torment her a bit to prove her dominance, but this unnecessary torture was going too far.
If it were not for the seal preventing her from acting, she would have spared Twilight this suffering and torn apart those foul followers of Somber with relish. Trapped since the Elements had stripped her from Luna, suppressed under the might of Twilight's magic. There was nothing she could do but watch.
She had spent a long time just watching, she had nothing else to do. Given everything she'd seen from her prison in Twilights mind, she had learned much. The Spirit was still unsure of a lot of things, the truth of her existence being the largest issue. Who am I? The original, a fragment, a copy? She wondered again. She did not know the answer, and most of the time she did not care. She was here; she was herself that is all that mattered.
One thing she did not understand, she remembered from Luna that both her previous host and Celeista should know that she was here. It was one of the burdens of using the Elements to contain spirits. So why did they never tell Twilight? No matter, Twilight served as an adequate jailer too strong to be escaped from, too pure to call out for a devil’s bargain. At least this prison has been far more interesting than the moon. Will I be free when Twilight dies? Will I be trapped in her corpse or will this be the end of me?
Well, I should find out in a week or two.. She thought bitterly.
"Please somepony help me," her host spoke in an almost inaudible whimper.
It was a cry. It was weak. It was desperate and contained the sweetest words the Spirit had heard for centuries. It was an open request for assistance, and with her host's magic so weak one she could answer. She could feel her host fading from the blood loss if she was ever going to get a perfect chance; this would be it.
She felt almost giddy, nearly breaking out in laughter before schooling her thoughts and voice. Free, free I will soon be free. What words to use, what to say.
Trying her best to use a tone her hated sister had long ago mastered, she answered. "I am here my little star." Her happiness aiding her attempt to sound truly loving.
The Spirit reached out with a tendril of her power, an open offer for Twilight to accept or rebuff as she wished. No force, no compulsion, it was carefully crafted with nothing that might awaken any suspicion. "Let me help," she almost purred. She was so close it was almost unbearable.
She could feel her host closing her eyes yielding, willingly accepting her, welcoming her in. Everything is perfect. The Spirit thought.
It was foal's play to pull Twilights mind away from the pain. It wanted so much to flee into a simple mindscape, one of a larger Alicorn lovingly holding her, stroking her mane and humming a soft, soothing tune.
The surge of gratitude and relief flooding the Spirit mind from her host was almost overwhelming. So this is what it feels like to take a genuinely willing host. The Spirit thought smiling.
As much as she loathed to admit it, she knew she had gained more respect for Twilight. After watching her adventures and may even have some small amount of affection towards her. She split off a small portion of her mind to keep Twilight company; it was the least she could do for such a good host, she could be this kind at least out of respect.
Turning the rest of her being outward to her host's body, to her body and its senses, the seal that once held her resisting her no more than a warm summer breeze now she had the permission of her host.
It was time to escape.
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Like a moth to the flame or a shark to the scent of blood, I come...
In all seriousness though, this story has is off to an interesting start. Take a like and track.
Really liking it so far, let's see how it turns out
Fyi, percent is one word, not two. Despite how it sounds when you say it.
Gotta work on the punctuation really badly, and the grammar only slightly less-so. The sheer amount of needless run-on sentences is just astounding. I could understand if this was first person, and it was all in-thought stuff, but the third-omniscient is typically no place for it.
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Thank you for the advice, I am trying to improve so any and all criticism is helpful.
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Thank you.
I must say, that was an impressive sealing, though they (thankfully) missed the chance for a blood eagle. I'm surprised they left her unattended though, they seemed too competent for that.
Trapped
no options of what? Sounds a little weird. Would be better as a full sentence.
She was trapped, detained with no options to escape...
Traped would mean dragged along, from verb to trape, not to trap.
Desperate times and desperate measures. We open up to our poor princess in an almost equally royal predicament! Pain courses through every vein and ire like fiery snakes violently thrashing under the skin, Twilight should CLEARLY just suck it up. Bloody great so far, onwards!
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Thank you fixing now.
This reminds me of the absolute (incomplete) masterwork that is static world. What with the elements sealing away a part of their foe inside of the bearer. If this is even a quarter as good as static world... it'll probably be better than 99% of the stories on this site.
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Thank you for the comment and for pointing me towards a good story to read. Hope you like the rest of this story.
That... was an intense start, definitely intrested to see where this goes
Twilight lost an inpressive 1.75 liters of blood ...and thats only from those 35000 drops of blood....chances are she lost a lot more blood.
Humans have a total of 5-6 liters of blood , and a loss of 1.5 liters can lead to permanent damage.
Horses have 45 liters of blood so thats a lot more but since we're dealing with fantasycreatures here we dont really know how much blood they have , but I think its closer to those 5-6 liters than those 45 ...yeah
Cripes, what a start...loving it so far...
I don't know why I procrastinated reading this.
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My thoughts exactly! I can't count the number of times I saw this listed among the Feature Box and just never quite convinced myself to sit down and read it. REALLY regretting that delay now, this is wonderful!
Not a bad start.
Ok I was bored so here I am finally rereading this again... Wanted to do it a while ago but never really had the motivation to do it. Now I'll do it!
Ok this is VERY interesting because almost 80 chapters later, we STILL dont know a lot about Nightmare Moon and how she came to be and Nightmare actually askes WHAT she is... Having read everything that is out so far ( up to chapter 78) I have some thoughts about that!
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In reality there is more information in the official comics. In one of them we learn that Nightmare Moon is a kind of spirit that lives on the moon and that's where she infected Luna. I can't remember the details, it's been a long time since I read it.
Look for issue 5, 6, 7 and 8 published by IDW.
But I'm not sure if the comics are canon even if they are official.
i listen to audiobook version of this story up to around chapter 19. it has great first arc... and then meh second arc that has good dramas that were sadly outshined by much more jarring world building.
the first and the worst offense in my opinion is to the decision to keep everything up to at least season 7 ep 10 cannon. it doesn't make much sense for celestia to be this powerful, competent and paranoid with all catastrophic things that happened. and this hyper competent celestia unironically failed nigh duties after being helplessly forced cutie mark switching by starlight. where the hell is her alicorn protection? god forbid if the second canterlot invasion in season 7 finale was included too
second one is the magic system itself. taken right out of korean transmigrator genre. it's litrpg in all but name. everything constricted to each individual with different and specific rules no reason. like cadance's mind is the crystal empire. does it applied to other alicorn? nope. why? no explanation. a proper magic system should work like law of physic.
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Thank you, I do try my best with this story. I'm sorry it is less to your liking now. I will try and answer your points. If you have more examples of things that could be better I would love to hear the as I am trying to make this story the best that I am able to.
Thank you very much for your comment. It good to know both what I am doing right and what I am doing wrong.
All the best.
Starlight is a very powerful unicorn and can do things with her talents other either can not, or will have great difficulty doing. There is also the fact that I the show is an unreliable source, it is what the public know. So who is to say how much of that was an act, part of Starlight's dream and how much of that was real. (also it was that event that gave Daybreaker her personality, before that she had a list of instructions and only followed them. So if Starlight's spell was not on the list of things to react to and Celestia had left her Mask to deal with the conversation and she was off doing something eles...
A lot of the things that happen in the show, the adventures Twilight and the girls went on are staged. Celestia is used real ponies and their lives to train Twilight and help her become an Alicorn.
About the magic system, there is a hard system in place. Each tribe's magic can do set things. Talents, aspects and domains can change or add things to this. Most members of a given tribe has the aspects that are common to their tribe but exceptions do happen.
An Alicorn's bastion is unique to them, it is them. In a normal bastion it works how ever they believe it should and given time they can make it behave how ever they want it to. Normally a Bastion is its own pocket reality. Celestia's and Twilight's despite there very difference appearance are in essnce the same.
Luna's and Cadance's are the ones that are different. Luna's has hers connected to Dream Realm. She has set it up as a protection for all her subjects this only possible because dreams are part of her domain. Cadance's bastion has been in essence crashed in to the main physical world. That means that gives her a place she has a lot of control over but it also is a weakness. You can't smash a normal bastion, but you can do that to Cadance's. Any other alicorn could relocate their bastion like that, but its a huge risk for them. There are very few ways to kill an alicorn in this story, but destorying the Crystal Empire would kill Cadance.
The magic I am using in this story has laws and rules, as it does not seem that way it means I made a mistake somewhere. There are things that the characters 'know' that is wrong and things they do not understand but I know how and why everything is happening.
I am back!! what is this now..the 11th reread ? 12th ?
I think maybe if you no longer know how many times you have reread a story you have read that story too much but...naaah
so after my last comment I just couldn't get some things out of my head and couldn't explain some things that happened in this story too I am going FULL analysis mode on this read and have made a list of interesting facts that I noticed while reading this chapter!
20 individual Things, little facts, some thoughts, that stood out or were Interesting enough to write down this chapter...
pay attention to those little details that may sound insignificant to you at first but the second you reread the story you go : "huh that is weirdly phrased" or: "huh that totally is foreshadowing to something in the Future!"
Im on the hunt for those things with this reread!
Because to me those were always the most fun aspects of this Story, yes the actual Story and Characters are all amazing and fun to read about but those little details along the way are just what sets this story apart from other really good Storys on this site in my opinion!