Twilight's Nightmare

by Nightsclaw

Act 2 CH 2 The Darkest Night: Midnight Rising

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It hurts. Why. It hurts. IT HURTS. Pinkie Pie. I did not mean to. SHINNY it hurts. Luna. Save me. Mummy! Help. Princess, nooooo. What did I do? I’m sorry. Rainbow. MAKE IT STOP. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Help. Mummy! Daddy! It hurts. Why. Why. It hurts. IT HURTS. I did not mean to. SHINNY it hurts. Mummy! Help. No, Princess, don't. What did I do? I'm sorry. MAKE IT STOP. I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Why? Rarity. I'm sorry. It hurts. It hurts. Help. Mummy! Daddy! Why. I don't want to Die. PLEASE. Make it stop. Make it stop. It hurts. It hurts. Make it stop. Kill me. No. No. No. No. No. Star Live. Applejack. It hurts. Kill. It hurts. IT HURTS. I did not mean to. SHINNY it hurts. Mummy! Help. No Princess. What did I do? Don't leave me. Fluttershy. I'm sorry. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! MAKE IT STOP. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It hurts. It hurts. Help. Mummy! Daddy! It hurts. It hurts. IT HURTS. I did not mean to. Candice. Save me. SHINNY it hurts. Mummy! Help. No Princess. What did I do? I'm sorry. MAKE IT STOP. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It hurts. It hurts. Help. Mummy! Daddy! PLEASE. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Kill me. No. No. No. No. No. Live. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It hurts. Cadance. Save me. It hurts. Help. Mummy! Daddy! Spike! PLEASE. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. I'm sorry. Forgive me.

Time passed, she had no idea how much. Pain. Pain, it seemed, was all there was, all that ever had been and all that ever would be. The fire-spawned agony did not exactly decrease. No, instead, her thoughts started to crystalise despite it.

It took far too long to remember her name. She was, or at least had been Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship and Celestia's Faithful student. The more she thought about it, the more wrong it felt. Twilight Sparkle died and was replaced by the Faithful student…

"Who am I?" She sobbed even as a part of her raged and shouted incoherently.

It hurts. Why. IT HURTS. SHINNY What did I do? I’m sorry. MAKE IT STOP. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. IT HURTS. I did not mean to. SHINNY it hurts. Mummy! What did I do? MAKE IT STOP. Why? I don't want to Die. PLEASE. I will live. Kill her. No. No. No. No. No. Live. Kill. It hurts. IT HURTS. I did deserve this. SHINNY Princess, what did I do? Don't leave me. Fluttershy. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! MAKE IT STOP. It hurts. It hurts. Help. It hurts. It hurts. IT HURTS. SHINNY it hurts. Mummy! Help. No Princess. MAKE IT STOP. It hurts. It hurts. Help. PLEASE. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Kill everypony. No. No. No. No. No. Live. I'm not sorry, you will all pay. It hurts. It hurts. PLEASE. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. I won't ever Forgive you. DIE!

In the background of little giggles and whimpers from the darkness around her, she did what she always did when overwhelmed. She made a list.

Without a scroll, the list was purely mental, but it would serve well enough. She wanted to date it but had no idea how long it had been. There was no constant count of dripping blood, heartbeats or breaths taken.

Without the need to breathe, you can scream or laugh constantly.

"Bad pony, stay on task." She shook her head. It was a factual observation but not helpful. She pushed that recent insight away and focused on the things that had been tearing tracks through her psyche for the past, however long it had been.

It Hurts.

Well, of course it did, stupid not Twilight… Stupid Not Twilight? That was such a stupid name. She was definitely going to need another one, a better one.

Make it stop.

It was an expected request, given what she had experienced. Despite how much she had pleaded, it went on and on and on and on.

Save me.

Nopony came, and this time, she did not have a convenient Nightmare inside her. Snarls and growls added to the background medley of noise. After all I have done… why am I not worthy of being saved? Is protecting the world not enough? She really wanted a hug right then. Every bit of her equine nature demanded it. In that moment, if Tirek offered a real caring hug for the price of all her magic, she might just have accepted it. Nopony will ever save something like you. Something bitter and sibilant mocked in her mind, and not a single thing came to mind to offer a rebuttal.

Fake, copy, replacement, disposable, stand-in, imitation, tool, weapon, surplus to requirement, liability. As her mind continued to savage her sense of self-worth, it diligently moved on.

Kill me.

It seemed she was unworthy of even that. A howl of anguish ripped from her, and a litany of denials played in counterpoint around her. Nopony will miss you.

Forgive me.

Just the thought made her break down and howl with mad laughter. Her crazed cackling drowned out everything. Even her sobs that hid beneath it.

"Forgive me? Forgive me? I did nothing wrong. You're the one that needs my forgiveness, and guess what, Celestia? There will be none for you when I get my hooves on you."

The Solar Princess's chest cavity, violated by her own horn, made a tempting mental image as her thoughts considered how to enchant the rune-encrusted silver spikes to keep the hated Celestia still long enough for all the experiments that could be done.

No, No, Bad pony, bad pony, this is no time to be angry.. No time to be like this. Think, think, think, get your head on straight. She imagined taking a breath as she rested her ethereal hoof, at least vaguely, where her chest was meant to be. It did not help as much as usual, but at least it helped a little. Normally, this would be where she would think to herself she had been through worse and that she would get through this. Unfortunately, this time, she had not been through worse, and she was not guaranteed to survive. It was not even likely.

At first, getting a bad grade was literally the worst fate she could have imagined. It had taken a long time for something to truly supplant that in her heart. Being on that alter under Moonlit Scroll's tender care had been the worst torment she had experienced. Then, it had been the tearing void when she teleported parts of herself away for her research. Gifting part of her soul to others to heal them eclipsed them both, and yet she had endured. Her current situation made that seem like a candle compared to the blazing sun.

She was reasonably sure she had gone mad. She played with the idea she might still be mentally unstable. Somehow, she had gotten bored of the suffering, and her mind decided to regain the ability for rational thought despite the constant agony. She could probably carve a few research papers out of that, but what was the point? And who would accept a disembodied alicorn submitting them?

Like rotating orbs in her aura, Twilight played with a pair of thoughts that had engraved themselves deepest into her mind. The first, she was almost certain, was completely hers.

I will Kill you, Princess.

Given everything, it was a perfectly reasonable desire, if not yet practical. As anger tried to rise, she bopped it on its muzzle. The murderous rage whimpered and went to sit in the corner. She nodded and moved on to the other compulsion.

The second thought was odd. It felt alien, like something imposed from the outside despite sounding like her own.

Down Dark Safe

Even remembering it, the force of the command within pressed against her. I'm nopony's puppet She growled and pushed the command away, letting every bit of anger and resentment she held for Celestia incinerate any scrap of her that would mindlessly obey it. No matter what happened, she would not be going deeper, not with such a thing encouraging her so…

"Who are you?" Her voice trembled and shrieked. Her torn and burnt naked soul lent her voice an oscillating multi-toned quality that would have taken her by surprise if that concept still held any meaning to her. Nothing answered from the deep darkness. I sound silly. She thought as a few manic giggles drove back the looming silence. I would make a good villain for one of Spike's comics. It felt so good to laugh even though she had read more than enough psychology to know it was a very bad sign. Oh well.

She looked up, not that it revealed anything other than the rock immediately around her. "How deep am I anyway?" She thought with detached calmness as a few more giggles decided to keep her company.

She knew she had fled down after ripping herself free from the impostor. Just acknowledging that fact almost let the pain overwhelm her again. In her flight, she had been nothing more than a wounded beast. All that mattered, all she could even conceive of doing at the time, was to move away from the pain. "Not taking proper travel logs… How inconsiderate of me." The giggles became a full-blown cackle, one that both Night and Bug Queen would have been proud to call their own.

So many things that had been important just seemed utterly ridiculous now. Good grades, Friendship reports, all the hours lost to pointless paperwork. The rents in her soul pulsed with more pain, but she could not stop her laughter as her incorporeal form spasmed and tumbled through the deepest of places.

More time passed, and the manic laughter became sobs. She rocked back and forth as she held herself, her amorphous form condensing to almost a perfect sphere in her attempt to hide from the world.

Shinny, Cadance, Mommy, Daddy, Sweet Dreams, Little Star. The names repeated themselves in her mind again and again. No matter how many times she reached out for them, they were not here. No matter how many times she needed somepony to hold her to say everything would be alright, nopony came.

There had been other names, but the sounds were gone, just replaced by noise and jagged pain. That loss somehow hurt more than the keening hole crying for those she could remember.

Sometime later, her emotions had stilled. She mused on thoughts both dark and inane and was no longer sure she could tell the two apart. Not having a body meant she did not need to worry about her tears dehydrating her, so that was a plus point. "How much of Equestria did Celestia's attack turn to glass? How are you going to explain this to Cadance? Am I going to need a new library card? Am I still a princess? Did Celestia break the law, or did I by surviving?"

Her magic lashed out in anger. "How am I meant to read anything down here? There's not even any space to put the books." For a moment, she considered returning to her bastion. NO “No, no, you're right. Either I will be restrained by the impostor again, or without an anchor out here, I will be trapped there. She tried to tap her chin. Without a physical body, the action just felt wrong. She growled. "Is this what happens to Alicorns that are not quite fully destroyed. Whatever is left of them trapped in their bastion with no way out?" She shuddered. Endless, countless years with nothing new, only memories and ever-increasing madness.

"Unknown unknowns." Another giggle fit threatened to take over. "Just how naughty have you been, Princess?" Without external links, there would be no way of knowing how many Alicorns might have been condemned to such a fate.

"So what do I do now?" It was a good question and probably deserved a gold star, but she was pretty sure ponies that survived the Princess's final justice weren't allowed to get gold stars. Melancholy slipped in, displacing the inanity. "What did I do, Princess? Why did you try to kill me? WHY?"

The darkness held no answer, not even an echo of her demand.

"Does it even matter?" The darkness around provided no clear answer. Still, it's giggles and sobs were not the best aids for rational thinking.

"Alright... So what does matter?"

"Well, other than the small detail that Celestia wants you dead, this is just a survival situation."

She tapped her chin again, or at least imagined it. That water and food were non-issues simplified things. Shelter, on the other hoof, was another matter. "Normally, it would not be an issue, but in my current state?" It would be an interesting experiment. An Alicorn's soul should be immune to the normal degradation caused by being outside a body, but what if it had been torn apart and almost completely burnt away? "If I emerge in the open air, will I simply evaporate?" As helpful as that answer would be for future Alicorns, for some reason, she was not keen to be the test subject.

She ignored the shudder that rippled through her and the screams of pain the darkness sang to her. As bad as the silence was, there was better background music for productive pondering.

The secondary issue was, did Celestia know she failed?

Run… Hide… Flee… Live! The voices shouted in every language she knew of. Every spell that was even tangentially related to concealment or personal conveyance, squirmed inside her, begging to be used. If not for the hollow pit of pain where her deep reserves should have been, half of them would have just been cast.

"No, bad spell runes."

They whinnied like kicked puppies. Whinnied like a scared filly and stomped their hooves like petulant spoils brats. She grabbed them in her mind's eye and glared at them. One by one, they each fell in line.

"Good magic." She cooed at them. Like a good guardian, she made sure to give each of them a pet and a nuzzle. It was not quite the same as those she had lost, but at least her magic was still here for her.

"Where can I go?" Thoughts expanded into an atlas, and the different pages bickered about which was best. Some of their insults drew more giggles from her, but when they started to fight, she had to put her hoof down. Suitably chastised, each page slumped and looked sheepish. "Now, which one of you is best?"

Slowly, the pages looked at each other, and in the end, all turned and pointed at one. That page exploded into a collection of photos. Two rows of identical houses, equal signs everywhere and a vault that was able to contain cutie marks.

"Perfect," she purred. In a burst of speed, she swam through the earth only to coast to a stop. "Where even am I?" No answer came to mind. All she knew was that she was somewhere underground. "Great… this might take a bit longer than I expected."

The darkness laughed and mocked her.

" Silence."

"Ah, that's better. Now, which way is Our Town?"

One of the pages folded itself into an arrow.

"Thank you." With that, she headed off, and her mind turned to other things. So what am I going to call myself?

As she flowed through the seemingly endless rock, hundreds then thousands of names were discarded. Dusk Shine seemed promising but was still wrong. Eclipse sounded suitable for the implication of overshadowing Celestia, but was still not quite right.

Midnight The arrow she was following said.

"Not very original, is it?"

Well, it's what the other you became.

"Well… I guess it's alright to copy myself… Midnight." As soon as she said the name, it resonated with her, as if the mere name bolstered her very being.

"I am Midnight Sparkle"

All the voices around her, pony and monster alike, cheered in celebration. A part of existence that was wrong was suddenly right again.

"I am not declaring the night will last forever…"

Boo!

"Oh shut up…" Midnight Sparkle, I can live with that… it's not like I want to even see the sun again, and if anypony calls me a copycat, I can just kill them. She nodded to herself and continued her… flight? Swim? Alright, I'm going to need to invent a word for this sort of movement through solid matter.

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Comments

[Max Stroberger]

And so it came to be that Twilight became night and gave Segway to a new day in turn becoming Midnight and I looked upon it and thought it good.

[Ralanost]

So in a way the core of Twilight survived? Is this the true Twilight or is Midnight to Patchwork like Patchwork was to Twilight? A bit of the original splintered off to become new?

[CharonX]

11840944
Good question.

The way she talks about "imposter" makes it sound like she thinks that she is/was "real/original" Twilight. The fact that she cannot remember Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and the others (other than feeling the pain of not rememberig) might add support to that as "original" Twilight died and became Patchwork long before meeting and forming those deep bonds with them.

Of course she is a very unreliable narrator here, so it is also possible that she is only an echo of the original without knowing it. Very curious to see where this goes.

[Nightsclaw]

11840958
11840944
11840903

I think even she would say she was a unreliable narrator here.

If you are intrested there was a chapter a long time ago where Night explained fragments to Cadance.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/448810/19/twilights-nightmare/ch-19-alicorn-lessons

Thank you for reading and the comments.

[FridayPie]

Well, it's what the other you became.

WAIT. That's canon here? That's how you explain difference between Twilights - the Patchwork. Then.. _what_ is Sunset if she could defy Celestia