Love Stress

by rarityftw1234

Chapter 1

“I love you”

Rainbow stared wildly into the mares eyes, amazing how those simple words can make things so complicated. Thirty seconds ago they were just good friends hanging out, but now everything had changed and it would never be the same. Twilight was never good about confessing her emotions, especially ones that she had never felt before. The silence went on for too long, Twilight began to cry.

“No, don’t cry Twilight, I'm just thinking how I could put this nicely. I don’t want to have a relationship with you. We’re great friends and all but I don’t think we should, think about all the bad things that could happen?”

Twilight knew Rainbow was trying to spare her feelings, she knew all too well how this would end. She tried to stop crying but tears kept streaming down her face.

“But I love you? Doesn’t that mean anything?” Twilight said in between sobs.

“I don’t know Twi, just let me think this through”

Rainbow thought hard to come up with an answer, she’d never really thought about anyone in that sort of way, especially Twilight. She had to choose her words wisely, one wrong word and she might lose a good friend and perhaps all of her other friends. But then again what was wrong with Twilight, she was definitely one of the most attractive ponies in Ponyville, and Rainbow had heard what some unicorns could do with their horns.
A smile spread across the Pegasus’s face.

“Come on Twilight lets go get some lunch”

In an instant the crying stopped.

“Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes, thank Celestia”

Twilight immediately wrapped Dashy up in her fore hooves.

“Alright calm down Twi, its only lunch”

The rest of the afternoon was spent walking around Ponyville while Twilight was lost in Rainbow dash’s Big purple eyes which kept her blushing, and Twilight was doing a less the admirable job at hiding it.

“So Rainbow... are we dating or what?” Twilight said with her eyes eager for a positive answer.

Rainbow chuckled to herself. “Of course!”

And with that Rainbow kissed Twilight with the most passionate kiss in the world, which made Twilight melt in her hooves.
Twilight stood there, star struck, she had never been kissed before. She had always wished it had been Rainbow to do it since she first came to Ponyville though.

“But Twilight, ease up with the I love you stuff, I don’t want to get to serious to quickly”

“Of course Dashy”

Rainbow blushed at the use of her new pet name.

“So Twilight, I am going to take you out on a date, Pegasus Style!”

Twilight Sniggered, “what's the difference between that and a normal date?”

“It’s a little cooler than a regular date, plus it’s even more special because it’s with you”

Twilight was blushing a little while Rainbow thought what had made her so cheesy all of a sudden.

“So are we gonna tell the others?”

“Of course why wouldn’t I tell them I'm dating a Pegasus as awesome as you?”

“Alright, I think they might be shocked that you’re a... you know... Fillyfooler”

“Oh don’t worry about all that Dashy, they already know, in fact I told them and they’ve been spying on us this whole time”
Rainbow gasped and quickly looked around, there was nopony anywhere. They were in a meadowy sort of area with no tree or cloud insight.

Twilight laughed, “Relax, I was only joking, but they already know, they were the ones suggesting I tell you about my feelings towards you”

Rainbow sighed in relief. If anypony had heard her say that cheesy comment she’d knew she’d never hear the end of it. “Well I'm glad you did, but don’t ever do that again”

“Why? Was the fearless Rainbow Dash a little scared?”

“NO, I just don’t like those sorts of jokes”

They both laughed as they walked. It was getting dark when they neared Twilights house.

“Well thanks Rainbow for a wonderful day”

“Oh it was nothing really”

They stared awkwardly at each other.

“Well I’ll be going then”

“Wait! Aren’t you forgetting something?” Twilight said.

“Of course not”

Rainbow leaned in and kissed Twilight, it seemed to last forever in Twilights mind, and in Dash’s mind she wished it would never end.

“Ah-hem” spike said as he opened the door.
Both the ponies looked over to see the irritated sleepy baby dragon standing in the door way of the library.

“Well I’ll see you tomorrow for our date then”

Rainbow nodded as she flew off.

“So what was that all about Twilight? Does Ponyville have a new way of saying goodbye because if it does I'm gonna try it out on Rarity”

Twilight giggled, “No Spike, Me and Rainbow are dating now”

Spikes Jaw hit the floor, not once had twilight mentioned this to him.

“What? When did this happen? Why wasn’t I told?”

“Relax Spike, I’ll talk more tomorrow, Right now I'm pretty tired” Twilight said as she walked herself up to her bed.

As tired as Twilight was, she was just so excited. She had just kissed the mare of her dreams, this was by far better than what she was originally planning to do that day, which was a whole bunch of reading and studying.

On the other hoof Rainbow couldn’t help but wonder about Twilight. As she flew to her cloud home she thought of all of the things that could happen. She had never been this worried about a relationship before. Back when she was in Cloudsdale things were so much easier, and having a marefriend wasn’t frowned upon because everypony was experimenting.

But this was different; she’d never forgive herself if something happened to Twilight, or if their relationship got out of hoof.

Rainbow went to bed feeling stressed as she’d ever felt.

(Writers notes: please comment! i have a hard time grasping how bad my writing is because i usually stay up until 2 in the morning wrting it)

Comments

[PonIver]

Hmmmm. You're not too far off on grammar. You at least understand commas better than 85% of the community. A little confusion on to/too/two, but everyone makes that mistake at some point.
The flaws in this story are in the storytelling itself. Particularly two issues. The first being a that a lot happens in very few words. There is no capturing of emotions or setting the scene, and it doesn't let us get a grasp on RD or Twi's voices, which seem a bit off, particularly RD. What should be a pivotal moment in their friendship moves quickly without conflict and doesn't allow any sort of tension to build. They simply each get what they want and move on. This especially robs the emotion of the 'most passionate kiss' in the story. It is early into their relationship, and all the description we get of the kiss is that it is 'the most passionate ever'. Why? Something about that kiss has to make it stand out as to why it is the most passionate ever.
Which brings me to the second flaw in the storytelling. You're not telling us anything we haven't heard before. What do you have to say about a TwiDash relationship than hasn't been said by a thousand other writers? Is there a new depth you want to explore to their relationship, or do you want to write a story that blends in with the masses of other stories in the genre? Think about what makes this pairing appeal to you, and why you want to share that appeal with others. The couple can be amazing, but you need to show us why you think so.
Best of luck. The most important thing is that you don't give up, learn from what you've written, and let it take you to new places in the future.

[Sirius Dreams]

I'll follow this, and will dive deeper next time to see if your late writing has any mishaps.

[repivemag]

You have a pre-reader or an editor right? Someone to look over what you've written and fix little grammatical mistakes and what not or suggest things to add and change to create better flow. Cause if you don't I would suggest you find someone cause having someone pointing out things like that can invariably lead to a better story and more readers.

[FireFlash13231]

I am a grammar nazi. I have no complaints. you have earned my watch.

[A Fox in Equestria]

You have earned a thumbs up. I will not favorite it until I see more development, but I will keep this tab open.

Good job. But I have to agree with the first guy, and maybe you should edit this and put more details and maybe some spacing between scenes.

Have a couple spikes

[tilkau]

PonIver covered all the bases, really. I agree 100% with what he said.

[rarityftw1234]

wow, this got really popular overnight,
ok @ponlver: thanks, i guess im not particulaarly good at imitating the characters but i will try as hard as i can to improve, and its greatly appreciated that your detailed in were ive gone wrong.

@hitman61live: i only really started this story to take my mind off my other story, but since its much more popular i will focus on this.

@neobrony: i completely agree with you but id rather spend more time writing chapter two then rewriting and perfecting chapter one. i hope that doesnt bother you.

@repivemag: no i dont. i try to do as best i can but im in the process of finding an editor. but until then please forgive my mistakes.

@FireFlash13231: thankyou, im glad you liked my grammar. i hope you continue to read my story

@A Fox in Equestria: thankyou and i will try and develop the story more

@tilkau: dont really know what to say to that but thankyou for reading my story and i hope you like the rest of it

Also a big thanks to everyone who read my story and everyone who commented. i will try to improve but please appreciates its really hard since i can only write at two in the morning. also if anyone is interested in editing, please message me.

[Poppinfresh]

The pacing could use a little work, it feels rushed. That's just my opinion though, I've written some pretty fast paced stories so I guess I don't really have much room to talk.
Beyond that though I do hope you write more, I'm interested to see how Rainbow Dash handles her fears. Plus I love shipping.
Also, send me a pm if you're looking for a pre-reader, I'll see if I can free up some time if you want a little help with grammar, punctuation, and spelling.

[Yobikir]

1084771
at the top right of every comment is a reply-button it is highly recommend to be used.

Sorry to say this but i won't follow you.
I'm just a reader so i can't tell you exactly why it doesn't please me, but i can say it just feals flat and lifeless. I don't feel with the characters.

[rarityftw1234]

1121306
thank you yobikir, i know i can reply to other peoples comments i just was lazy that day, and thats fair somepeople like some stories and some people like others. i wont judge you for being honest

[Lord Vinder]

1081850
What this person said.

Still, I'll read it when I can.

[Chevan]

This is so sweet, I hope it won't be discontinued

[IndexOutOfBounds]

“But Twilight, ease up with the I love you stuff, I don’t want to get too serious too quickly”

“Of course why wouldn’t I tell them I'm dating a Pegasus as awesome as you?”
missing a punctuation between "course" and "why". it could be a period/exclamation/hyphen

[ABronyJohn]

This story has swag that makes Rainbow Dash drool at!

[AndyDeany]

I know this comment is like two years after this story was posted, but this story really is riddled with grammatical errors and a few spelling mistakes, particularly a huge lack of commas, which are really useful when one is reading to aid them with their pacing.

Just thought I'd let you know, even if this is extremely late feedback.