Lochees
Joined 12th May, 2014 ·
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I read this and loved it. THE GRIT THE PASSION. I have always wanted to read a sunset revenge story that was complete you delivered!
The emotions you envoke in so few words were powerful.
The ending was poetic though I can not but help that given the way equestria works. Should I expect sunset to become a alicorn because of her ...passion?
I think both a sequal or snipit as investigate whom the assaulent is, would be marvelous even more so if. Cliche of cliches. Sunset comes back. Though with your evocative style. I can not help but think you would hit it out of the park. Either way. Awesome job! Thank you for such a great story!
Peace!
That was pretty good
Give me more
Oh.... I really want an epilog for this, from Celestia's POV.
One where she ask herself and reflects on how and why Sunset became as she did.
Did Celestia have any friends at all (before Luna's return)?
10374204
Thank you! That's actually a really good idea! I'll have to think about it because I was trying to keep it singularly in Sunset's perspective, complete with the glossing over details and lack of knowledge that we all go through in our own first person perspectives but I'll definitely consider it!
Personally I don't think she did, she may have had good acquaintances and such but my personal headcanon is that she was pretty lonely since she didnt want to get hurt again by having anypony close to her.
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Thank you!
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I'm glad you enjoyed it and at least sort of delivering a gritty and simple revenge fic!
Thanks, I tried to go very deep with first person perspective with this and I decided near the beginning that when a person gets that obsessed with something they tend to get tunnel vision (mentally at least) and long trains of thought or noticing details around you and stuff tend to get blurred out so I tried my best to kind of suck you in and hyper focus on the one thing to the exclusion of all else and thats why near the end the passion ramped up and irrelevant details kind of faded away.
I did toy around with the idea of having a series or something, like with Sunset coming out of Tartarus and doing some kind of serial killer terror campaign against Celestia but in the end I decided that with how obsessed and frankly insane she got that doing all that (while cool in my opinion) would be too much thinking and wasn't really who she was. In this story I decided that she would be so focused on getting her that she wouldnt get distracted by anything else and in the end thats why she made a mistake and ended up like she did in the last chapter.
Thanks again and I'm glad you enjoyed it! As much as I love long stories and would love to have a comeback and some epic showdown where she finally wins or something I did think the ending I currently have is very complete and poetic so I wouldn't expect it but who knows? maybe later down the line I'll change my mind but for now this is the complete ending.
I love it!
media1.tenor.com/images/0e29dc00c9c55db6b95677fa58013a4c/tenor.gif?itemid=8684464
I did enjoy this, especially Sunset's descent into mindless hatred and rage. However next time you post I recommend giving your works another proofread or two. I saw many grammatical errors, shifts from first to third person, and past to present tense. That, along with a look by a beta reader, would make a diamond in the rough like this into something spectacular.
Keep at it!
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I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the advice!
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Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks also for the idea to write an epilogue!
Damn, this is incredible.
To show how character will go all the way to their
goal and even death will be just a little nuisance... So few authors are not afraid to do that with villains/antagonists...
And I just impressed how you did Sunset so less pony and so much more than pony.
Sometimes, Celly, it's too late to say sorry.
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Thanks! I really wanted to have a villain story where they go beyond all the way so I'm glad you liked it!
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Things of from what I’ve learned from the story, who are we?
Are we the children of God or are we monsters of the damned?
I liked the story, however I have something to criticize, if I may:
-while I liked that this isn't some cliche story where the villain gets the protagonists in strange ways and brutally kills them, I felt that Sunset was a little overpowered;I get that she is filled with rage, but she is still a pony
-at some points, the story contradicts itself, because you said that you can't die in Tartarus, then, when Sunset destroyed the gates, you said that she can die;also the same with Equestria:you said that it was impossible to live in that state, yet she didn't die.And it wasn't like it was glossed over, you actually described her awful state
-now this I dunno if it's just you or Sunset, but it feels like someone doesn't like Celestia very much
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I'm glad you liked it and those are very valid criticisms, I will say I actually did some of these intentionally. My sort of goal when writing this was to stick to first person perspective as much as possible. With the being overpowered, yeah she is though i kinda just glossed over that since I wanted her to actually be rewarded for all of her effort. With her thinking she's going to die at the gates of Tartarus I decided that she thought she was going to die. Even though we as the reader know its impossible to die in there, and she knew it as well. Sometimes we don't think rationally and her mental state at that point in the story was degraded to the point that she forgot about not being able to die and THOUGHT she was going to if that makes sense.
With her not dying in Equestria, i should have implied it better with the conversation with the doctor but I was thinking that she would have died if she hadn't been rushed to the best hospital in Equestria. Hope that clears some things up but I'm glad you liked it!
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Check this out.
https://www.wattpad.com/story/280003655-twisted-metal-fires-of-retribution
10925415
Ooh I liked it! It seems a bit fast paced but other than that I liked it.
10964832
Thank you
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Maybe you can help me give ideas about the wishes my OC grants to the remaining heroes of Equestria, the other competitors, The Royal Sisters, and Starswirl on the story I made.
Like quote suggestions.
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Wishes? Like I know your oc is ridiculously OP but they have the ability to grant wishes like a genie? I'd love to help but I'm really bad at one liners/quotes and since i've never played any of the twisted metal games or anything i don't think I'd do a good job, sorry about that. If you need anything else though not related to my story please just sent it to me in a mail on this site, I don't want the comment section to get off topic.
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👌
10997912
New story inspired by yours, https://www.fimfiction.net/story/504629/let-there-be-carnage
11006657
Noice! When its finished I'll check it out. I don't really like reading things before they're complete but thanks for letting me know! looking forward to when its done.
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You’re welcome
10925415
11006691
You know, you could have made a second epilogue regarding about Celestia recovering but while she concealed herself away then consulted by Starawirl and she accuses him of all the wrong he had done to her and her sister and now the loss of her once beloved student.
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I could, though honestly I like where I ended it so I probably won't make more unless it's an entirely new story
11169704
Then make it as a whole new story. But don’t worry I won’t rush you, just take your time.
11170441
I might, lifes really busy though for me right now so I don't have any writing in the works right now but if I did make a new story about this whole thing it wouldn't have Star Swirl in it. He's not mentioned once in this whole story and he doesn't really have a place in this story. Honestly there isn't room for anyone but Sunset and Celestia in this story. It's all about these two if that makes sense. We'll see if i get to writing anything new but if its another revenge fic I'll make sure to let you know.
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👌