Mirror
So many phone calls. Sunset was tired of them. Reliving the moment where she’d ponied up, grasping hold of her magic just one more time, and using it to hold shut the portal until Twilight had destroyed it, had given her resolve to get this over with as soon as she could. She called her friends, one by one, and told each of them in as even a voice as she could manage that she needed to talk to them. She saved Twilight for last.
When Twilight picked up the phone, and told her she’d been worried, Sunset broke down. She hung up and sent a text message apologizing, asking her to meet up with everyone else that night. Just like she expected, her friends showed up within an hour. There was no way they were going to wait for evening to come, not when their friend was so obviously distressed. When Sunset saw Twilight, she had to bite her tongue to prevent herself from breaking down in tears again. She tasted her own blood, but she didn’t care.
She took a few deep breaths to calm herself. Sunset wanted to look at her friends, but for some reason it felt like her gaze was magnetically drawn to particular piece of floor board. Fine. If that was how it had to be. With a dry throat, she began to talk.
Twilight sat in her throne. The remains of the mirror were still behind her, but she made every effort not to look at them every few seconds, lest she start crying again. She was anxiously awaiting the arrival of her friends. After going over everything that had happened once more had given her enough clarity to talk to her friends, or at least, that was what she hoped. Now, sitting so close to the monument of her own mistakes, she wasn’t so certain anymore.
But it was too late to back out. She’d asked Spike and Starlight to call everypony in. Normally, she would have done it herself, but she didn’t want to use magic right then, just like she hadn’t wanted to magically summon a thunderstorm before. When her friends entered the throne room, they were still having a conversation. When they saw Twilight, they instantly fell silent.
For a few moments, Twilight silently endured their questions, waiting for them to fall silent on their own. Eventually, they did. She could see their anxious faces. Her chest ached from the tension she was feeling, so she stood up and began pacing back and forth.
She could feel everypony’s eyes on her, but she remained quiet. Anger and sadness were battling for supremacy within her, but she didn’t want her friends to see either. She had to remain calm. Eventually, she stopped pacing. She looked at her friends and told them everything.
Evening had fallen again. Sunset was alone again. Her friends, predictably, had been shocked by what she had told them. That the portal was gone. That their magic was gone. That they wouldn’t see Princess Twilight ever again. By the end, all of them had been crying. Each and every one of them had offered to stay the night so Sunset didn’t have to be alone, but even though she appreciated the offer, being alone was what she needed right then. Talking to her friends had made her feel just a little bit better, but it hadn’t healed her pain. How could it? For all intents and purposes, she’d just lost her girlfriend. Not broken up, not dead…but lost just the same. And aside from that, her magic, her last remaining link to Equestria, was gone as well. She was stranded in this foreign world for the rest of her life.
It wasn’t in her nature to give up hope. Not really. But right now, she felt just about as hopeless as she had ever felt, and she wanted to be alone just for a little while longer. The pain was fresh, and she decided she was just going to let it hurt.
She glanced at her desk. The journal was on it, thrown there after the events at the portal. She sat down and opened the book, staring blankly at the page without really reading. She grabbed a pen.
The castle wasn’t as cold anymore, now that Twilight had told her friends everything. They’d been surprised, stunned by what had happened. They’d been horrified when they found out that Sunset was now forever trapped on the other side. Twilight winced when she thought of it as ‘the other side’. Even though their separation was so absolute Sunset might as well be in the afterlife, Twilight nonetheless felt a faint glow of happiness at the thought she was at least alive.
The ensuing conversation had been long, and emotional, but Twilight knew she’d made the right choice in telling her friends. Of course, she still wasn’t fine. She suspected it would be quite some time before she could begin to call herself fine again, but at least there were ponies she could talk to.
And aside from her friends, there was one more pony she needed to have a meeting with. Princess Celestia was the one pony in Equestria who knew what Twilight was going through, having gone through the exact same thing. She wondered how the Princess dealt with it. At the time, though she’d grasped the gravity of the situation intellectually, she didn’t have a clue how it would feel. Well, now she knew.
But all that was for the morning. Right now, she wanted to be alone. Everything hurt, and she’d read that repressing emotions wasn’t healthy, so she intended to just let it come. She looked at the shattered mirror and spotted the journal next to it. It wasn’t vibrating anymore, probably because the connection with its twin had been severed. She grabbed the journal with her muzzle, still refusing to use even the simplest spell for now, in an odd tribute to her now magic-less girlfriend trapped in another world, and placed it on the map table. She opened it to the last page, to finally look at the last message Sunset had sent her.
I love you.
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No jokes this time, simply because I think a last chapter needs a serious review.
Okay, so, you say this isn't part of your usual style. I haven't seen your other stories, so I can't judge this for myself, but I'd say it was a good first venture out of your comfort zone.
Telling the story without a single piece of actual dialogue is a decent idea, and can help you with description and flow.
However, the problem arises from the fact that this needs you to tell more than show. You mention a lot of events happening, when it could've helped to show these scenes instead. You don't even have to add dialogue, just add a silent scene taking place in the event mentioned.
But even then, that wouldn't stop this story from feeling... what's the word, incomplete? It feels like it skips a lot of story: the portal's malfunctioning, Sunset and Twilight becoming girlfriends, the consequences of Twilight and Sunset not seeing each other frequently.
Maybe you did explain it and I didn't see it, but still, it would've been nice if a bit more time had been spent on building up to the fateful destruction of the mirror.
Now, with all this in mind, remember that I'm just a newbie fanfiction writer whose opinion isn't automatically better than everybody else. If you think I'm right, fine, if you think I'm wrong, let me know in what I'm wrong, maybe in that way we can help both of us together.
But still, I'll congratulate you on getting the basic premise done: show how Sunset and Twilight felt at the destruction of the portal. Sure, a lot of buildup and exposition would've helped, but considering how most non-oneshot stories rarely, if ever, reach the point their premise is based on, that's something to congratulate in my opinion.
But enough blabbering! I say this was a nice little story. If you ever do another silent story like this, I'd be happy to give it a look.
Keep up the good work. :)
I enjoyed it very much.
Now rescue Sunset.
I'd really like to see more of this
9675265
In regards to Sombra; yes it was a comic storyline. I haven't read it myself; but you may be able to find it online
9675294
Thank you for the elaborate review!
When I began writing this story, I wanted it to be about Sunset and Twilight's states of mind more than the actual events. At the same time, I didn't want to leave people completely in the dark about what actually happened either, so I compromised by intentionally keeping things vague. I did that in part because I generally feel the need to explain every little thing and I want to be able to set that aside in favor of 'more important' things, so to speak.
The approach I had was basically to write the immediate aftermath, then mention that they were girlfriends rather than just good friends, then how things began to wrong, culminating in the mirror's destruction, and finally their next step. During all of that, I wanted it to come across a bit disjointed and vague, as if it was just the two of them remembering events in a not necessarily completely chronological order. I'm glad you mentioned that it feels incomplete, in a way, because that was what I was going for to a degree (though maybe it succeeded a bit too well).
I fully agree with you on the 'telling rather than showing' thing in the story. Usually, I would try to avoid breaking that guideline, but in this case, as I mentioned before, it was sort of part of my premise to have this thing feel like the characters are just remembering the events, in the (for a story) uncharacteristic way of not having perfect clarity, even more so because from their perspective, the portal was just sealed off and neither is exactly in her right mind at the time. That's also my justification for why Twilight would order the weather ponies to create storm, something I'm fairly certain she would never normally do.
Again, thank you very much for taking the time to review this. I greatly appreciate it!
9675704
No problem. Thank you for writing the story. :)
Muh
This was beautiful, especially since Sunset was able to get one last message before the portal was closed. "I love you." Thank you for not going with the trope of being about to say it, but it being cut off *cough*quiteright,too.andifit'smylastchancetosayit,RoseTyler...*cough*
Note, I pointed that out to contrast similarities and differences, both being a universe away, both a sacrifice, but both different as well.
My question is, what about the other portal from Spring Breakdown?
9680547
I did watch Spring Breakdown, and I honestly don't have an answer to that. Truth be told, that portal really messes with the whole 'mirror' theme I was going for here, so I'm basically disregarding its existence in this fic.
This is beautifully heartbreaking. I kinda love that there's no dialogue, i think it's really effective in this story like I could really feel how they want to be alone and it gives me that slowly creeping pain building in my heart as I read.
Great job! :)
Yeah. Nope. This falls flat with Equestria Girls canon showing the Mirror is fine and shows no sign of ever breaking or shutting down.
Works for an Alternate Universe though. Just not trying to insert it into the main timeline.
9836437
Canon also says that Twilight has a crush on Flash Sentry (and even if she didn't I don't think Hasbro would make this ship canon because EQG and FiM remain forcibly separated), so in the canon EQG universe this fic would never happen anyway. All of my fanfics are branched timelines in order to even exist the way they do just to support the shipping.
9837269
True. I still can't see the reasoning for doing this. And for once I didn't even care about the Sunlight shipping.
9837829
Wait, I'm kind of confused here. The reason for doing what? Writing a tragic style fanfic in which the portal is closed? Well...partially because occasionally it's fun to write a sad story, partially because I had the inspiration to write a fic without any dialog in it, and beyond that...the same reason I have for writing any fanfic at all: just because I like to write.
Or do you mean the reason I'm ignoring canon? That one's easy; it's because nothing I write is canon anyway, so I'll happily ignore it if it means I can tell the story I want to tell. For instance, in one of my other fics I'm ignoring everything that happened in Season 5 and later, because I started writing it after Season 4 concluded. Rewriting it to fit the new canon would be way too much of a hassle, so I simply declare everything after S4 non-canon with regards to my fic. In this case, I'm ignoring Spring Breakdown because, as you said, the story just doesn't work otherwise.
This sure ended sad
9836437
Pretty sure it is an AU.
"We Are Reviews, SP" is proud to unveil our newest product, a review for your story! It has been posted on Nailah's Reviewer Mansion: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/215274/nailahs-reviewer-mansion/thread/454309/review-for-broken-mirror-by-katonryu
10542214
Thank you very much for the kind and elaborate review! I really appreciate the time and effort you put into separating each facet of the story into its own category and judging them by their own merits, and I very much agree with your observations regarding the characters and pacing. And, of course, I'm happy you liked the story!
it cant end like this :<
Oh I want to see a sequel now with the MLP-EG Spring breakdown as a premise where she finds a different portal back to Equestria actually please make it🙏😂