Genius. Prodigy. Magus. Powerhouse. Unbalanced. Crazy. All words used to describe Twilight Sparkle at some point through her life. This is the story of her life, and of those close to her.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Now this whole thing is just plain cool.
An interesting bit of history there with the subjugations, very, deliberate. What behooves such implacable conquest I wonder? Certainly, the sacking of Cloudsdale was no act of harmony, the death toll reaped in that campaign must have been catastrophic.
And it would seem that Rarity has arrived, though 'tis hardly the arrival she's always dreamed of. Poor Cadence may be out a destined partner at this rate...
10260332
Glad you think it's cool. Anything in particular stick out in that regard?
Been holding the Subjugations in for awhile, although I only recently solidified the name and exact order in my mind. Glad you think it's interesting!
As for Rarity... Yeah, she's having a not-so-good time, but it's not all bad yet. Always happy to see your comment!
10260336
Well I'm mainly just surprised that the sisters seemed to be so willing to apply bloody conquest as a first resort. And I'm even more surprised that it seems to have worked so well instead of spawning constant insurgencies. That Cloudsdale business in particular, how did that not fester into blood-feud?
Though I do note that constant imperialism makes for a dandy way to bleed off the hotheads, in the most literal of fashions...
Rule Equestria! Equestria rules the waves!
Okay, i have to admit, the history lesson was a bit of a slog, but these things have to happen at somepoint, and it was very interesting, and it helped establish what Twilight's gotta learn. But I can't say it was bad. And I did like how we circled back to SA + R at the end to help move things back up to speed. Overall, well done.
I do wonder about that 7th Subjugation, being a "partial success"... Changelings, maybe? Tho, the one with the sea ponies has me a touch confused, because unless I am mistaken about how you've decided to approach the lore, aren't those originally hippogriffs? They don't seem quite old enough for all of them to have forgotten entirely living on land and in the sky... (Though I do wonder about how they came across that pearl in the first place... perhaps there was a race of sea ponies that preceded the modern one, who are not actually sea ponies at all, at heart. Hm.)
The way you write Celestia's devotion to Luna makes me just a touch uncomfortable. I don't know whether it is your intention, but it gives off lowkey vibes of something, well, incestuous. I do know that some people write them that way, thinking that their advanced age somehow excuses it because their perspectives from living so long are very different from the average mortal's, but I don't feel like that makes it okay. Unless I'm just reading things the wrong way, which is entirely impossible. I do hope I haven't offended you if that's the case!
I don't like the background ponies going to war, but overall, this was a nice piece of worldbuilding.
10260580
Sigmund Freud wants to know your location
10260344
Who said the Subjugations were their first attempt to unite Equestria? As for festering hatred... I'd argue there undoubtedly was issues for a long time, but Equestria saw rulership by a duo of living deities capable of moving the Sun and Moon for a thousand years before anything seriously destabilizing struck - Luna's banishment. Two-thousand years is a long time to twist the perception of past events. You'll be seeing a POV in Cloudsdale sometime, so that will shed a bit more light on their mentality.
10260578
Thanks. I probably got a bit too into the history bit, could have shortened it up and had her doing something else. In hindsight I wish I had been a bit softer handed with it.
10260580
Yeah, I don't really like the history of Sea Ponies in the movie. I decided that if you're going to have ponies who live under the sea, down where it's wetter, why not just go all the way?
Actual Potential Spoilers: As for Celestia and Luna, everyone is entitled to their own opinion on incestuous pairings. I can tell you that I rarely drop hints unintentionally. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, but I love the potential drama and romance of the pairing.
10260682
Eh. Sometimes you have to just infodump to get it over and done. Really, the only other option you had was to feed it to us in small(er) pieces over time. But the problem with that is you have to A) have the proper place and time to drop such Nuggets of Knowledge and B) it would take A LONG TIME. So, I think you did fine. It really wasn't as bad as some of the things I've read in the past where it goes ON AND ON for pages and pages.
Personally, it went a long way to shoring up the worldbuilding that's going on.
Excellent job on the exchanges, characterizations, world building and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I DEFINITELY liked the reactions to the battleship's arrival, Sgt. Pie's chat with Shining (including which Princess he is descended from [WE know it's BOTH, from different branches of the family]), Twilight's reflecting on the history she is going to have to know about (including the assorted "Subjugations" and Celestia's efforts to respect the Thestrals' commitment toward Luna) and her desire to NOT let Celestia down, Celestia's reflections (even though I'm not much for the implied incest, I'm still mature enough to respect your right to your own beliefs) and Rarity's reflections on how things are going for her in the War Unicorns upon her first meeting with Shining. Yeah, between Shroud and Rarity, Cadance may have some pretty stiff competition.
VERY certainly looking forward to more of this.
10260682
Right then, time to fucking bail, if that's your stance on it. Incest is objectively wrong, no matter how you slice it; I don't particularly care about the "potential drama and romance" of it when they're literally sisters. Too many people pull this kind of stunt in this fandom, and I'm sick of it; healthy familial relationships exist, and do not have to inevitably end with them romantically and/or sexually involved; it's really incredibly gauche. And before anybody decides to go in on the "anti rhetoric" (which we all know is a bunch of crap used to excuse the actions of a bunch of impressionable idiots and very sick-minded people), fiction has an effect on reality, no matter if you believe it to or not.
10260811
I'm sorry you feel that way, but I feel like you're overreacting. I agree that healthy family relationships can exist and do not have to end in incest, as every other familial relationship in the story has been. I, personally, think a relationship between centuries-old goddesses is not so offensive, but I respect your opinion and that you have a line you don't wish to cross. I'm sad to see you go anyway, and with a poor opinion of the story. Your comments were always nice to receive.
This started out with terrible tensing (which I do hope will be gone over at some point and fixed to bring it up to the current level), but is nonetheless a very well done story. Enjoying a lot of the ideas in it as well, a few that are similar to my own in upcoming stories I'm writing but that's mainly because there's only so far you can go with Solar and Lunar themes, ha. It'll be interesting to see how things develop.
I do so enjoy dark themes in stories so I hope that this universe of Equestria holds some more disturbing levels to it, possibly some slavery in the untamed lands? Cannibalism or ritual sacrifice? Things have already started off rather strong beyond the school board of paedopillia rape ring central.
I really didn't mind the "history lesson" that Twilight went through. Well I don't think it will affect or advance the plot it still adds something to the universe you're trying to make. With that being said I'm probably going to forget most of it by the time the next chapter comes out.
I loved the history of the subjugations. It may just be the EaW in me but I love War-History for Equestria. It adds so much depth to the 'happy land' of Equestria by having such a past. Plus it really fleshes out what the Princesses went through over the years. Also. Rarity has arrived and I am HYPED.
I love all the effort you're pouring into this universe- I loved the history lesson and the warship.
God damn, every single chapter so far was amazing. The best thing is, this is all just a prologue. Exposition for the return of Diarchy. And even that is so excellently written. I just can't wait for more!
10260682
What's the purpose of having Celestia and Luna have that kind of relationship in this story? It doesn't really seem like there's much to gain from it, while that kind of relationship is sure to drive some readers away. There's already so much else going on, is there really a need to have that thrown in as well? You said you like the potential for drama and romance with the pairing. Why not just make a story dedicated to that instead of trying to fit it into this story with everything else already going on?
10261405
The purpose is that I want it to be a part of Celestia and Luna's character arcs going forward. Maybe, in the end, it won't affect the events overmuch, but it's a detail of the characters that I have pictured in my mind - an important one. In my thoughts, it fits what I am depicting here. As for the density of things occurring... Well, yeah. The story has a lot going on, but it's what I want to write. That's the crux of it, I suppose. I'm extremely grateful for the popularity of my fic, I never expected this many people to like it, but I don't want to sacrifice what I would like to write about in the story for better appeal. In any case, the story is ultimately about the characters within it, and this relationship is important to several of the main cast. Hope you enjoy the story, even if you aren't the biggest fan of that pairing,
10261443
I'll continue to give the story a chance, but I'm not hopeful if that's gonna be added, which is a shame because I've been enjoying everything else about the story. That kind of relationship is taboo for a reason and it's not a fetish I'm into. I'd just be careful about including something so divisive into a story that has been pretty popular. I honestly would not be surprised to see the popularity drop off a cliff if that kind of relationship is confirmed. It just seems... unnecessary to the story.
10260792
I'm glad you still like the story! I felt the chat with Basalt was a bit... Idk, awkward? But I thought it came out as well as it could with what I wanted and went in with.
10260986
It is a bit like the Unification Wars, I suppose - and is called the Unification Era. Glad you like the lore bits, though, and understand that the Pre-Equestria world was probably not a very nice place. You'll be finding out more about the Cloudsdale situation and Imperialist eventually.
10261013
Not sure how much darker I'm going to go with it, but we'll see. I'm happy to see you like it, and I do plan to eventually go back and try to edit the first few chapters up to standard.
10261155
Perfectly understandable to forget things. I might spend all day thinking about this fic, but I'm sure you guys don't. Some of it will be relevant to the characters, especially the Cloudsdale parts.
10261355
I, too, like War Equestrias, and this fic has it as the backdrop and catalyst of character alterations. Glad you like it!
10261374
I spend alot of time thinking about it!
10261396
You still make me blush my man! I'm glad you're liking the story. In a way it can all be viewed as a prologue, I suppose. I had intended for most of this information to be skipped over and looked back on later, at least when I originally thought up what I was going to write. Clearly that didn't go through, but I think it's turning out for the best. I hope.
Eesh. I don't mind the current war (Cadence made a dumb mistake and was going in over her head) and I'm willing to give Celestia and Luna a pass on the subjugations, but Cloudsdale's current state seems creepy as hell to me. I'm willing to buy past-Celestia going full imperialistic if diplomacy didn't work, but current Celestia keeping such a system in place is worrying and seems kinda off to the mostly canon-compliant Celestia she's been so far.
Also I didn't even notice the incestous hints for Celestia until I wondered why this comment section looked like a military document. Good job keeping it subtle I guess?
It also seems kinda weird that, last chapter, Shroud was very insistent that she not tell Shiny his heritage, and then he gets it explained to him one chapter later. Yeah, in character it makes sense, it was a Thestral tradition in the first place and Sargent Pie probably isn't the kind of pony to leave things to tradition, but it's weird from an out-of-character perspective to introduce a mystery in one chapter and then solve it immediately with little conflict.
Still, most of it was fine. The lore dump was inelegent but it could have been worse. And I, personally, cannot wait for this war to either traumatize Shiny so bad that he wants nothing to do with Cadence or it drives it into Rarity's arms. Cadence losing her canon husband to this would be peak irony.
My head canon if "defended from the princesses" is that Twilight's family represents a perfect intersection of the bloodlines leading to the just OP nature of Twilight and Shining's magic. Shining clearly has aspects you ascribe to Sunmane and Starmane ponies, being both would explain it.
10261493
Celestia's behaviour does have an explanation, one that will be delved into soon!
I dropped hints throughout the previous chapters, in particular the last seven. I think the most obvious was the letter in 'Dreams and Destiny,' but I could be wrong about how noticeable it is.
As for the setting up the mystery... That's a point of weakness, I admit. I'll try to avoid stuff like that in the future, but when im writing I tend to just focus on what characters would do rather than if what I'm writing sets up some false expectation out-of-character. Sorry if it was jarring.
10261527
This often dwells in my thoughts.
Honestly when you started these war chapters I worried that it would distract from the story but honestly... im loving every bit of them.
Twilight learning about the subjugation history was a good way to show what she is doing and inform us a bit of the history as well.
Like I said. I'm loving this story and I can hardly wait for the next chapter.
Show off
10260682
Yes! I agree! Finally someone who–
10261493
No! ShiningxShroud best ship! Don't test me or I will Reeeee at you!
I have many bad feelings about the magnitude of imperialism in this version of Equestria.
The history summary bit with Twilight could have been a dry info-dump, but you delivered it really well. Not wild about the Celestia, Luna thing but it's not a deal breaker. Shiny and his developing harem is holding my attention more than I thought it would. Still would like to see more Twilight though.
10262188
Glad you're liking the chapters. I was a bit worried about it myself, but it seems to be going well so far. Shouldn't have to wait too long for the next one!
10262227
Writer says; Definitely.
10262265
10262342
What sort of bad feelings? The 'Wow this is disturbing in an interesting way' kind, or the 'I don't like this' kind?
10263093
Yeah, I've been wanting to get back to her more as well. Glad you're willing to keep giving the story a chance!
10265492
somehow shiny is going to have to up the anti
10265492
The former. I love the story, but this isn't the Equestria I once knew.
This story is amazing, the depth of the world you created feels alive. I can’t wait for more.
Private, Corporal, and Sergeant are enlisted and are not addressed as "sir" but just their rank. A common response when a Sergeant is called sir is "Don't call me sir, I work for a living!"
The movie Full Metal Jacket really messed things up there, so most people make that mistake. If you say "Sir, yes sir!" and not "Yes, Drill Sergeant!" you can expect extra laps.
Shining being a Corporal also means that there are some extra hoops in front of him to become an officer, but there are a number of ways (if you're basing this of real life military).
Why was I depicting a flying Emperor class Titan while reading the description of the war mistress? XD
Attention all Military Personnel: your relationships are your thing and we won’t hinder you. But please do refrain from using official, for all readable, communications to give eachother shit. Nobody else needs to know about your lover‘s quarrel. We are all professionals here.
That said, I couldn’t help but pick up something about the big ships weapons.
7th Grade needs 80+ unicorns alongside the generator.
I think it is plausible that the ultimate 10th Grade weapon systems would be manned (ponied?) by entire regiments.
Which could equal the raw power of Princess Celestia.
In other words, Princesses are literal one-pony-armies.
10271352
Because both are massive, have guns that level cities and are utterly glorious?
Maybe it’s just the badass warhorn.
I have just started reading, as an Autistic person who has depression and does well in school I see so much of myself in Twilight. But that makes this incredibly hard to read because its like reading my own darkest most self hurting thoughts in a story. (which were far worse at 10 then now, like Twilight pre exam). I can't read past 1,000 words because I relate to much to the character. I'm going to take a wild guess, and I'm really sorry if I'm being rude but you made Twilight based on yourself correct?
Interesting evidence for the theory that the Equestrian War Machine exists on the scale it does due to the Nightmare’s influence.
As an aside, a quick trail of earlier comments hasn’t found any reference to Spike. What happened with the dragon egg?
Ok so I haven't caught up on the story yet, but I read some spoiler comments about the incest thing, and people's reactions to it, and I felt extremely obligated to say KEEP AT IT! No subject is too taboo to be written about and I genuinely admire authors who write fiction about dark subject matter in spite of potential backlash. also i promise to catch up as soon as my life gets less busy lol
I have always though that living for so long would do things to your mind, and that seeking solace and love from someone that will not die is perfectly reasonable, even if it causes someone to break some taboos.
Amazing story, can't wait for more!
10268305
Thanks! Having alot of problems with this most recent chapter, but I'm working on it!
10270803
Yeah, so I have a weird image in my head of Legion ranks, which are a confusing mess of archaic titles and newer modernised ranks - whilst the Royal Guard functions on a completely different standard. It's going to be put down in the story more later, but that 'Sir' thing was unintentional. I'll go back and fix it in a bit.
10271352
Good idea there, actually. A pony acting as Princeps? Hmmm...
10274247
That they are... That they are. Glad you find the weapons systems interesting!
10276484
Glad you understood that impression. It was a point of contention for myself when designing that, and for future chapters.
10280714
No need to be sorry. It was a bit, I suppose. My issues are not as severe as Twilights were, but I have similar ones. It was mostly a thought experiment on 'What if this happened to Twilight?' that grew to incorporate a lot of my AU ideas for Equestria.
10292232
Yeah. A few should be alright, just different. I think.
As for Spike's egg, he is being introduced relatively soonish - next few chapters I think, it's just taking longer to get to the point I want to introduce him than I anticipated.
10319208
Thanks. That's really appreciated, actually! Had a bit of self-doubt before and after I posted the chapter, but I'm fairly resolute about keeping on the path.
10320688
I agree fully! And thanks!