Still upset I can only upvote this once.

This is a tantalizing look on how different this is from standard cannon, and how close at the same time.

Protect the Princess from nightmares.

Not so easy without Luna.

9804809
Good point on the thoughts, thanks for pointing it out. Fixing.

Twilight has a goal... and when Twilight gets a goal nothing will stop her (or she goes crazy and something bad happens).
Thank you for another interesting chapter, it was great to lean more about Celestia and how she sees the world.

Not gonna lie, Twilight is actually unintelligent.

hmmmmmm...... a filly on a mission, this ought to be interesting.

And no worries though I am waiting with anticipation the next part.

9811986
Mind explaining your position? I am quite intrigued why you came to this conclusion

Once again, really great job on this chapter. I absolutely adored the work that went into it. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I especially liked the detail that went into Twilight's nightmare [particularly the bits of foreshadowing concerning the enemies Twilight and her future friends will be facing AFTER they get done with Nightmare Moon], as well as Celestia's admission of her OWN recurring nightmare, the reasoning for why moving the moon is harder than moving the sun, despite the former being much smaller and Twilight's determination to find a way to help out Celestia.

9811986
I agree, sort of.
There are forms of intelligence.
Also, consider it is a story. The characters that change and grow are much better than a character who doesn't. She's gonna be dumb/unintelligent at times.

Well, as studious as one could be when they were illiterate.

Who is this referring to? In the first chapter it is mentioned that Twilight’s father bought her several books and that she read the one on spells to study for her exam.

9812200
It's referring to Luna when she was a child.

I like this twilight. Such a nice relaxing change from most other cannon stories, though I'm also liking the tactic over power dynamic the princesses have. I can see Luna having a advantage over Celestia.

Anyone who says immortality is a blessing hasn't lived long enough to see the difference.

"Ah," said Celestia, not bothering to hold back the smile, eyes crinkling in delight. Every student asked, but normally not so soon. "Well Twilight, if you wish to be exact, it has a mass of 1.9 octillion tons. Give or take a few tons."

I'mma google this.

Yep. So Equestria's sun is the same weight as Earth's sun. Give or take a few tons.

9811765
Happy to see you're still enjoying this!

9811785
I'm glad you think so, working on this AU is a treat.

9811792
We shall see!

9811857
I'm glad you enjoyed the Celestia chapter, what do you think of her perspective?

9811986
An odd choice, what makes you think that?

9812036
Happy you liked it, shouldn't be a three-month wait this time.

9812048
Put a good bit of thought into that, there's more that goes into it beyond what has been said. Will be explored later! Happy you like the chapter.

9812269
Glad you like this AU. Could you explain what you mean by the tactic power dynamic?

9812378
Good to see you still reading. Yes, Immortality is something of a double-edged sword.

9812382
You know it was surprisingly hard to get the 'octillian' figure for it, but yes it is the same mass as Sol.

9812499
I found it hilarious that Celestia used the exact same terminology as the Google result, but I have a weird sense of humour that way.

'Very much like you, sister.' Celestia's mind strays to the scalding tea, then to Twilight's magical flare at the school. She takes advantage of her student's quiet awe to think, watching the small smile and wide eyes. 'And perhaps a bit too much like me as well.'

Foreshadowing to something? Implying she is similar to Celestia and Luna in personality could be implying she is more like the alicorn sisters in more ways than one.

'Although I am quite certain you would survive the process. It is in your blood, as such is the moon,' she added to herself, waiting for Twilight to continue.

More foreshadowing?

Whatever it was, Twilight would figure it out - and she would save her mentor from it. She nods to her self, mind focused to a razor's edge, intent on a singular goal; protect the Princess from nightmares.

If she is able to literally do that I feel it may just add more to this foreshadowing. So far this stories Twilight is shaping up to be both more fragile and more powerful than in the show which is definitely keeping my interest.

9811986
Mind explaining your position? Because I don't quite see what you mean.

Luna's mind is far superior to Celestia's strength. It is much like David and Goliath. I enjoy seeing Luna as the more superior sister in terms battle for a change. It's refreshing. Not enough stories give Luna her respect.

9812740

Not enough stories give Luna her respect.

?

...

!
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/207/234/you-must-be-new-here-willy-wonka.jpg

9813611
Let me refaze that for you. As far as a strategic and calculating Warrier overcoming Celestia? I think not.

The world is blinded with the First Sunrise. Then deafened by the wave of brilliant sunfire barreling down through the atmosphere.

Wait, if this sun and our sun have the same physical properties, then either this one paragraph took place over at least 8.5 minutes, or Celestia teleported a billion tons of plasma across a 150,000,000 km distance. I assume the answer is magic, but I’m curious what you had in mind here.

This is a hard story to like.

The aetherial, almost airy quality of the writing was interesting, but becomes both so dense, and so faerylike that its a struggle to even know what in the hell is going on at times. The frequent dips into unreality are becoming so constant (and abrupt) that they are no longer interesting, but rather a chore to pull apart and figure out. The same is true of the poetic waxing that has gotten to the point that I fear the majority of the words used on this story has been to state and restate something already made clear, rather then actually moving the story forward.

Most of these problems wouldnt be insignificant but the updates are so few and far between that I cant honestly remember (in any great detail) whats happened, leaving me even more dazed and confused then what I already was.

I'll probably hang on for another chapter or two, but the pacing here is glacial, and everything needs more grounding.

*edit The story also really doesn't even have a hook anymore, so I'm not even really interested in whats going to happen as it feels like this entire story is building up just to tell the same tale that dozens of others have told. Twilight is living the same life and feels like shes destined for the same thing, only this time the verbiage is going to be both dense and airy.

9812499
I liked it I think it was interesting and well done, the way the world seems to warp around her made a very believable and engaging waking nightmare, I wonder could she lose her self in one of these waking dreams completely for a time and if this warped reality could harm her with the amount of magic she has could she make them real? Could The nightmare? With Twilight ability to sense magic could she sense anything about them? So many questions, looking forward to seeing what else happens.

9812708
Foreshadowing!

9813866
It's not really a spoiler to explain, so here. My mental process surrounding the summoning of a pillar of Sunfire doesn't involve the literal summoning of anything from the Sun, other than raw power. Instead, Celestia uses the immense energy output to perform feats beyond anything other people would be capable of - like conjuring 'sunfire' in a pillar of heat and fire miles high. I'd say she could certainly teleport plasma to Equus, but the effects would be way more than mere heat (imagine the radiation, for one), and cause a host of other problems. Either way, it's a cinematic image I think. Some more in-depth explanations around using the Sun to do magic will come up in the story later on.

9813907
I understand your criticism, and take it seriously.

The aethereal style of my writing isn't something I really notice, and I am unsure of what you mean by that. If you could explain what you mean by that I can work on it, if it is unpleasant for people to read through. Looking back on the chapter I can get what you mean by breaks from reality, though. There were alot here, and perhaps drawn out. It wasn't my intent to go overboard, though, and flashbacks and dreams are something I want to try and use conservatively.

In terms of Poetic waxing, I suppose I can go a bit overboard. It can be fun to describe things for me, to try and add colour to a scene and be a bit abstract with it.

With pacing, it has been rather slow so far, I agree. I didn't really want this to be a fast-paced one, but that might be working against me here. The distance between updates is also a fault, given the sort of story I'm trying to write. I will endeavour to not leave people hanging for so long.

Addressing the hook issue is hard for me, but I can see what you mean by that. I'll have to comment on that another time once my thoughts are more clear on it.

9813946
I'm glad you're excited to see more!

Celestia takes a sharp turn, eyes still closed, and descends down a small set of steps and into the chilling rain. 'It wasn't cold,' she reminds herself, 'It wasn't cold.' She allows her eyes to open now, shadows and ghosts banished as she takes in her garden. The mallorn begins creaking out a greeting, wood groaning and leaves swaying in familiar patterns. Her pond laps at its edges, the carefully trimmed bushes shaking in steady stream of rain allowed to fall past the enchantments.

A moments hesitation between the two then they turn and leave, allowing Celestia a moment of alone. A replacement pair would arrive soon, and she does not begrudge them that. But on nights like this, a moment alone with her repressed nightmares was welcome. She steps forward, managing to pick up her suddenly leaden hooves and meander along the gravel path, the small rocks crunching under her steel-clad hooves.

Some small typos I thought I'd point out, I think you need to add an 'a' in between the words in and steady in the underlined sentence of the first paragraph. In the second paragraph, you need to add an apostrophe to "moment's" and I think you need to change the second underlined portion to either 'allowing Celestia to be alone' or perhaps 'allowing Celestia a moment of alone time'.

Mind you, these are just suggestions that you are by no means obligated to take but I enjoy this work and want it to be the best that it can be.

Loving the story so far, keep up the great work.

9814266

The aethereal style of my writing isn't something I really notice, and I am unsure of what you mean by that.

Generally its just how you seem to write alot, but say very little. You also describe alot of things but not how they relate to someone, or describe things like feelings, without describing stuff like how the stone feels beneath their hooves, or how it smells, its hard to connect to that kind of description as its very airy and ungrounded.

That being said its not bad, but so is salt, but you wouldnt pour salt on everything like you wouldnt describe everything in this manner.

Looking back on the chapter I can get what you mean by breaks from reality, though. There were alot here, and perhaps drawn out. It wasn't my intent to go overboard, though, and flashbacks and dreams are something I want to try and use conservatively.

I dont think it was super over used, but it was also jarring because there werent breaks in it. You can add a fancy page break to your story by writing [h r] <- remove the space between obviously which creates a physical seperation that makes the shift less jarring.

In terms of Poetic waxing, I suppose I can go a bit overboard. It can be fun to describe things for me, to try and add colour to a scene and be a bit abstract with it.

This is one thing I do alot as well, and one reason I like your writing, but it is also a little too much and like I said earlier, generally too airy and ungrounded. Try to remember to describe all senses, not just what it looked like because it will feel grounded, put your auidence in the characters shoes, and generally be more fun to describe in my opinion as it opens up new avenues.

With pacing, it has been rather slow so far, I agree. I didn't really want this to be a fast-paced one, but that might be working against me here. The distance between updates is also a fault, given the sort of story I'm trying to write. I will endeavour to not leave people hanging for so long.

There isnt too much wrong with this, its just really hard for a slow story to go without updates for awhile, even a month is borderline too much as a chapter where the characters sit and drink tea might be fine in the grand scheme of things when the story is written, for those of us keeping up with the story who may have put up with several slow chapters before that, well it might be a little too much. You do what you can though.

Addressing the hook issue is hard for me, but I can see what you mean by that. I'll have to comment on that another time once my thoughts are more clear on it.

I just want to reiterate my thoughts here, and that I basiclly feel like you've already completed the hook. Your story was "Twilight but shes damaged from a traumatic experience" And now that its more or less fixed, its just. "The regular story of my little pony only Twilight is slightly disturbed." And thats it, you dont seem to do anything I havent seen dozens, upon litteral dozens of stories also do. Deeper backstory, history, and lore? Great, still not enough to serve as a hook in its own right though.

I also just want to reiterate that I genuinely enjoy your writing, its just mainly ungrounded, slow and doesnt really have anything to keep me going. No mystery, no conspiracy, no antagonist, it doesn't even feel like an alternate universe, it's just the regular storyline but with more depth and a slightly different main character. All of which is good, but not enough to stand on their own.

This is the first fanfiction I've read on this sight - and I'm not disappointed! I love the contrast of Twilight being young and powerful and yet unstable. I can't wait until you get to her being a princess and her power gets to level up. Especially excited about her being more magically powerful than Starlight Glimmer! Good job!

"Antediscordian" is a fantastic word. I'm surprised I haven't seen it before in ponyfic.

A double-edged sword, sleep. One she had gone without for nine-hundred-and-eighty-eight years.

Great way to drive home how much the years have taken from Celestia, and how much she has to give.

'Although I am quite certain you would survive the process. It is in your blood, as such is the moon,' she added to herself, waiting for Twilight to continue.

Ah. Fascinating tidbit there. I'm sure it won't he relevant later on.

She nods to her self, mind focused to a razor's edge, intent on a singular goal; protect the Princess from nightmares.

And the Moon shudders without knowing why.

Nicely devastating work with both the flashback and its content. Even without her previous trauma, this would have terrified Twilight.
"Oh no, I broke the princess!"

My standard comment about blended tenses applies. Do try to watch your s's and d's. Aside from that, great stuff. Looking forward to more.

Glad to see that this hasn't been abandoned.

Seems everyone in this universe is facing some extreme mental duress.

9814408
Thanks! I appreciate the effort people go through to point stuff like this out to me. Will fix.

9815235
Whoa boy, thanks for the compliment but there are a quite a few other stories that take this concept and do it better. I'd reccomend checking out the OP Twilight group, or a few of the other Twilight groups if that is what you're looking for. They have some great stuff!

9815253
Glad you like Antediscordian. I was typing Antedeluvian when I figured 'well the Great Flood reference hardly means anything'. I'm sure it's popped up somewhere before, though.
I'm glad you like the flashbacks and mixed dream sequence. I was uncertain they would come out how I wanted them to.
As for the fascinating tidbit, well - of course it won't come up again :)

9816397
Nope! Not yet!

9817012
Well, not everyone.

9811986
9812065

Twilight is not unintelligent. She is a child, both immature and traumatized. If you want a story where Twilight talks and acts like an adult, find a story that stars an adult Twilight.

I'm intrigued to see where you're taking this.

You've gotten a hold of my heart.

We'll see how you'll break it soon...

9966882
Don’t you mean, “Intense Requisition Of Information”?

9811986
She's ten. Also traumatized by experiences and the oppressive realities of the world she lives in. Of course she's dumb. She's kid-dumb.

9966883
Ah well. Torture doesn't work anyway.
But it is fun if the target deserves it...

I hope this hasn't been forgotten. Any chance of a blog post update?

9967011
Not dead. A delay in writing turned into not touching it for some time. Working on the new chapter, though. Going to earn one of those tags.

9967172

Good to hear! Given thr su ject matter so far I suppose that means either SoL or Cadance, hmm? I look forward to the next chapter with baited breath

9967343
:)

9998733
But I hid it so well!!

'Although I am quite certain you would survive the process. It is in your blood, as such is the moon,' she added to herself, waiting for Twilight to continue.

Wait a second...this is the fourth or fifth thing I’ve noticed that references Twilight being more than what she is. Or rather, related to more than what everypony thinks and believes.

10000073
boy short of jumping up and screaming it out while hanging off the lightning pole attached to her tower i think its pretty figgin clear shes a luna descendant probably 4th or 5th generation

10552615
It's been almost a thousand years since Luna was in a position to have descendants.
It'd be more like 40-50 generations.

IMO, what is important is "How many lines of Lunar descent does she have?"
That is, "How many Lunar descendants are among her ancestors?"

10552615

Oh no. This is more than just Luna’s descendant. Celestia has been making references to being Twilight’s descendant as well.

This is turning into one complicated family tree.

9812378
Well, there is also a difference in character here. Give immortality to some Frieza or Crocodile and you will notice the difference. This Celestia is a special case, having withstood so much time without suffering any personality defects. Sociopaths cope with such trials much more easily.